Sunday, October 16, 2016

Need and Security

Some have said that we become the people we are partly because of the positions and roles we hold in life.  Our personalities change to some degree when we are asked to lead, follow, teach, help others during tragedies, comfort, etc.  I believe this happens with the partners engaged in a relationship. The personalities of both the wife and the husband change – at least somewhat - because of that agreed-upon dynamic. Those living in a vanilla relationship act differently than when single or when a part of a wife led marriage.

Prior to our wife led marriage I would have told you that my primary role-or one of my significant roles - was to provide security for Katie. I viewed her as a precious gift (and still do) and one in which it was my job to make sure she was protected and secure.

Since becoming her submissive and since giving up decision making power and becoming a non-decision making entity in our relationship my role to make her feel secure has changed somewhat. Yes she still wants me to take care of her and yes she loves when I make her feel safe but the perspective about which I am arriving at those same objectives has changed.  Before it was from a position of authority.

“Stand behind me and I’ll take care of this.”  “Katie, get in the car. I’ll handle this.”  Back then I protected her from the assumption that if I told her to do something she’d do it.  That was before. Now things are different.  Now there is an almost unspoken understanding that she is responsible for me. I do the chores she wishes not to do. I fetch things for her. I ask several times a day, “Is there anything I can get for you Sweetheart?” or,”Is there anything I can do for you Mistress?” As a result of living as her submissive – and what I mean by that is living for several years in a relationship in which we both know she’s the one who makes most of the household decisions – I have come to rely on her more she depends on me less.  Should situations arise where I need to protect Katie I’ll still say take the initiative to protect her but my words will reflect who I am to her. “Why don’t you let me take care of this,” or “Don’t you think I should handle this why you wait in the car?”

The results are the same but the attitude in which I am approaching the situation differs.  I will protect her but not because I’m the alpha. I protect because I am the ‘beta’ – the submissive - whose role it is to look out for and anticipate her needs. The outcome is the same but way I get there is now different.

I am certain that my need for Katie has grown over the years. I don’t see myself as being any weaker but rather more dependent. I see her as my source of security. I see her as the one who looks out for me. I never viewed her in that light prior to submitting. Because I have stepped back and relinquished leadership responsibilities I have become more dependent. I ask questions reflecting  that attitude.

I ask the “Do you mind if I …..” and the “Is it OK if I …..” or the  “May I ….. “ questions all the time.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked, “Do you mind if I throw a load of wash in before we head out? Can I turn on the dishwasher now? Do you think I should mow the lawn before putting down grass seed? Do I have time to straighten up before we go? What color shirt would you like me to wear?”

I could go on and on.  It all boils down to me being considerate.  I don’t want to put her out. I want to do things her way.  And after being this way for years, I have become more dependent on my wife. She decides. I usually don’t.
Maybe it is because she controls the finances. Maybe it’s because she decides how our sex life will play out. Maybe it’s because she tells me what chores need to be done this week. Maybe it’s because she tells me what she wants to eat in the week ahead before I plan the shopping list. Maybe it’s because all of this put together has caused our respective roles within our marriage to shift.

Our WLM marriage has also brought about a psychological shift as to how I view her. Although she continually tells me I make her feel safe and secure I would now contend she fills a security need for me that I didn’t have at the start of our relationship. The dependency created because I am her submissive has much to do with that.  Like I mentioned at the start of this post, we often assume a personality that fits the role we hold.

Maybe female lead relationships bring out a man's gentler side; or at least a more considerate side. Maybe it forces him to be more vulnerable. Maybe it compels him to wrestle with parts of his personality the average Joe can suppress. So much of our life goes into putting on differing facades when around others. We act ‘this way’ when with our parents and ‘that way’ when with our childhood friends and still ‘another way’ when in a group where we know no one. There is a reason why we change. We do so because we are insecure. We do so because we feel a need to conform. We do so because we don't want to stand out. We do so for a myriad of reasons.

I don't know if Katie would completely agree but since she has become the head of our home she has been forced to be a stronger, more confident, more decisive version of herself. Although she still wants to feel my strength and security she has the added role of being responsible for my security. It’s a role assumed by the head of the household. It’s what a leader does. She decides; she wrestles with my issues; she guides our relationship; she maintains my submission. The result of it all is twofold: I’ve become more dependent because I have to trust and depend more while she has assumed a more independent role as that leader.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 8, 2016

She Fell Asleep on Me

One of the cool things about having a dominant wife is that she has little concern for boundaries with respect to my body. She knows she rules the roost and has come to realize that her word is my command.  The other night I was quiet in bed and laying on my back.

“What are you thinking?” she asked.

Whatever I said made her feel as if I was being less than talkative.  A few seconds later she tells me, “I want to lay on you.”

“OK, you’re the mistress.”

“Do you mind?”

“Whether I mind or not is not the issue. I’m your sub. You’re my mistress. Do what you want.”

And so she did. She climbed on me while I lay supine, her legs splayed on either side of mine and her shoulder pressed up under my chin. While she laid her head on my pillow and net to mine that shoulder up and under my chin pretty much pinned me in place. She didn’t ask if I was comfortable. I assumed she thought I was and to be honest it wasn’t too bad having her laying right there. While she rested I instinctively did what I know she loves. I began touching her body. My hands could reach most of the way down the back of her thighs. I gently and silently stroked and scratched her skin. She lay on me for what seemed like forever, eventually falling asleep.

Here I was living my role as her submissive simply by the fact that I was here under her. I don’t think she intended to lay on me to perk me up from my quiet mood. I know she likes to do this every now and again but this was her longest stint lying on me ever.  Her presence on top was one of those unspoken reminders that I am here to serve her. In this case it was my body that she needed to lay on. It was my touch that wanted to relax her and eventually that touch caused her to fall asleep – on me.

I don’t know how long we laid like that but it was a long time – probably close to an hour. She slept and in time I fell asleep as well. She startled me when she finally slid off and turned away to get comfortable. 

“Is your back bothering you?” she asked. Her words startled me.


“Then snuggle me.”

I smiled and did as I was told. It was such a nice chain of events that led us to sleep that night.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Thoughts on the Last Few Posts

It's been more than 3 weeks since Katie allowed me that long awaited release. I've had lots of random thoughts and feelings to consider since that Saturday morning. Part of me has struggled with the thought that I might have manipulated her into allowing me that orgasm. I didn’t nor do I ever want to resort to this kind of tactic. I would much rather have her intuitively notice when my emotions or personality changes (when I get moody) and then talk with me. My hope would be that she will notice confront me so that we can talk – so that she can understand – and then use that information as a guide as to how to best handle the various situations that arise. And I’m not saying that every time I feel down that the solution is a release. Most often it’s not. It may be that I just need to air thoughts in a safe environment with my mistress. It may be that I need her attention or affirmation more than I need a release. It might be that a release is indeed best. That will be her decision, not mine.

I've also had thoughts about myself as her submissive. I’ve gone through these array of emotions many times. I periodically get these incontrovertible revelations where the realization that I am an owned man – that I belong to another - becomes so vividly real. I am still amazed when I take time to think about it that I actually professed vows in which I promised to remain Katie’s. And at times part of me still struggles with the freedoms I’ve given up since becoming her submissive. Having to face that certain choices are not mine to make anymore can sometimes be difficult. The saying "be careful what you wish for" rings true here. Don’t take what I’m saying out of context. I’m not even suggesting I regret submitting to my wife. I don't regret, not for even an instant, that decision. It is what I want. It is what I live for! Yet there are times when I have to admit there is a kind of a quiet angst every now and then to not being able to do what I want, when I want. The feelings are inevitably transient but they are reminders to what was and to what now is. Once I get past that (and at the heart of them is always my selfishness – or laziness) I come out a better man. In part, that angst is the realization that I’ve entrusted much of my right to choose to Katie’s discretion.

For example: I could have easily taken my release into my own hands. I could have made it happen. I could have. I was tempted to do just that but I knew I couldn't. I just couldn’t. It would have been wrong. And so I struggled with a loss of that freedom. It hasn't been the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last yet still the struggle remained.

On the flip side of this loss of freedom is the upside of all I’ve gained. I get to see a wife taking charge. I get to be married to a woman whose self confidence has steadily grown and I personally find her growing confidence so attractive. Too many women lack self esteem and I’m lucky enough to watch hers steadily grow. I love it! I also get to see a mistress wrestle with how to equitably handle difficult situations. I get to see her lead. I get to feel her dominance. I get to admire her intellect and wisdom. I get to trust in her judgment. I get to hear her remind me that she really is my mistress; the one who has decided she is will be the one guiding me (and us). I get to lean on her. I get to support her. And I love obeying her.

Since that day in which she permitted me that release I have not felt those same feelings about our lovemaking – those feelings of being somewhat left out. Who in the world knows why they even came to mind? Instead I have clear memories of this morning. We made love. It was the best. I never had an inkling of a feeling that she would grant me a release but then again, I didn’t want one either. Was our lovemaking one sided? In some ways it surely was. She was the one that initiated it. She was the only one who climaxed. I definitely didn’t. Katie enjoys sex. She enjoys being physically close. She enjoys orgasms. She enjoys sharing that intimacy with me. Our closeness is a reflection of the health of our marriage. As things turned out, she allowed me to treat her to several orgasms and in that way it was one sided. Yet there was nothing I wished other than the hope of repeating that very experience again and again and again. It was completely satisfying to the both of us. (Just in different ways.)

What made it rewarding to me was my perspective on our time together. For me, sex is so much more than the physical feeling of being stimulated down there. It's why it's sometimes called making love. It’s a chance for me to express my love, become vulnerable and give my all to her. The act is an extension of how I feel about her. In our marriage I know our lovemaking is primarily about pleasing Katie and I want it remain that way.

I find it interesting how my feelings change so easily. Certain things get under my craw and when they do I have a hard time letting them go if I don't get my way. I think that goes back to what it really means to be submissive. It’s not always easy being doing what she wants. However, most of time it’s wonderful. 99% of the time it’s wonderful. It’s that 99% of the time that makes me never ever change who I am as her husband. It’s that other 1% that I am still learning how to deal with.  And as so many of you have correctly pointed out, communication is the key to working through those 1%’s of life.  I thank you all for your input, criticisms and encouragements. You all richly add both to this blog and to my life. Your comments always make me think – and I always pass them along to my mistress to read. 
Have a wonderful week.

I'm hers

PS: On a completely different subject..... We were out shopping today. Katie saw this truck and commented, "does that guy have a small penis or what?"

Monday, September 26, 2016

So What happened?

Two weeks ago Katie let me experience an orgasm. Initially the plan was for me to go a year before the next one but a few factors influenced her modifying that time frame.  I think most that change in plan had to do with me feeling left out. Honestly I started to feel as if our lovemaking had become completely about her and not at all about me.  But as some of you reminded me, I got what I asked for.  I submitted. I gave up certain freedoms. I wanted this and there is no mistaking our marriage revolves primarily (but not solely) around her. She’s in charge and I’m there to support and be there for her.

But for whatever reason – and I really don’t know why – I began to feel depressed as the days mounted from 100 to 150 and beyond. I just wanted to be an active part of our lovemaking – and I didn’t want to wait an entire year for that to happen.

The other issue at play was my own prostate health. I started feeling these pangs, kind of an achy feeling down in that area and became concerned. We talked about that. It was that which started our sporadic discussion during the month prior to ‘the happening’.  I know I’ve written a post or two on the topic of long-term denial and prostate health. From all I’ve read I found nothing to indicate that more releases vs. fewer has any influence on how the prostate functions.  All I knew was I was feeling something that I hadn’t before experienced and I started to worry.

I have an app on my phone that keeps track of the number of days in denial. I title my little journey on that app “# of days since the last time”.  Sending her a screen shot at Day 176 I asked, “Are you really going to deny me a full year?”

I knew the answer. It’s always the same, “Maybe”.  But this time caught me by surprise. Her response came a few minutes later. “Probably.” Ouch. That one hurt. 

I told her about the aches down there and a week later sent her another screen shot. With the comment, “soooo long.”
This time she texted, “three more weeks.” 

Talk about giving a guy some hope! OMG!!! I couldn’t believe it. I entered that date into my calendar and I can tell you one thing, I looked at that date more than just a few times in the days that followed. I couldn’t wait.

Two weeks later I texted while at work: “I’m at 200 days!”

She texted, “one more day.”

It was another unexpected response. I knew I had another week until reaching the three-week date (but I somehow forgot to remind her of that fact). :)

That next day came and that next day went without anything happening. Oh, did I feel like crap. I was so hopeful but no, there was no hanky-panky to be had. I couldn’t believe she didn’t want to make love that morning. Later in the day I asked her why and learned she had a headache. The next morning came and things finally happened.  And that was really all there was to it. It wasn’t mind blowing. It wasn’t earth shattering. Rather it was nice. I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt as if she listened to what I had to say.

Upon reflection I understood the thought behind the “three more weeks” text.  It was an indication that she wasn’t about to change her mind just because. It was her saying “I hear you but I’m not going to just do something ASAP just because you tell me”. Yet at the same time it was her saying I really do care. I really am listening. I really am concerned and I want you to know I am thinking about you.

The happening took place two weeks ago.  What I don’t know is when the next time will be? She has given me no indication what her plan is. I don’t know if she will permit me releases monthly, bi monthly, have me wait another 200 days or keep me chaste for another year.

And to me that is my primary concern. I’ve asked her a couple of times to think through what it is she wants to do and why she is doing what she is. I hope she has a plan. I hope she does things for a reason rather than having no rationale for when she’ll next let me release. And until that next time, life will go on.

I’ve been locked every day since one since. It’s been 15 days and I love her for being the mistress she is and has been to me. 

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Does it get any Better?

This has been a good week! Let me recap the basics in a short and sweet post.  Here's the highlights:

A three day weekend last week due to the Labor Day holiday

A short week of work this week

Thursday night Football

The first of a LOT of Football with the start of the long awated NFL season (and the college games too!)

Snuggling with my honey

Knowing the heat of summer is finally showing signs of breaking

What more could a guy ask for?

Oh, and through in there the long awaited words, "You can cum today."

Nuff Said!!

Have a wonderful week!

I'm Hers

Friday, September 2, 2016

Buying In and Staying Bought In - Part 2

I wrote this post prior to putting up the previous one. I wanted to get my thoughts written down before having them influenced by the comments of the previous post. Last week I wrote something that triggered a thought in which I needed to give more thought. The previous post was generally about how exciting and wonderful and sexy and incredible and enticing and jealous and envious I was after reading about how another couple handles denial and release. The wife permits her husband to do so every few weeks and is put on "a schedule” of sorts. I loved the idea; probably because my 'schedule' is getting moldy. It's been that long between 'wowee' times for me.

As you know, Katie reads and approves all of what I post and that post was no exception. She read it but had little to say. When she finished proofing it she asked if I was lonely and I told her I did feel lonely. She didn't probe further. Two evenings later while we were in bed I pulled up the Bobby Vinton song "Mr. Lonely" on my phone and played it through my iHome speaker. The lights were out. I was laying on my side and she was wrapped around behind spooning. I felt her shudders as she began to silently giggle. When she grabbed my 'little soldier' and started wiggling it I knew she got my point. Ah, success makes for such sweet satisfaction! When the song was over I asked if she knew who sang that tune. When she guessed wrong I told her it was "Bobby Vinton and the Confined Sperms".  More silent giggles erupted. Another point driven adequately home for her to ponder further :) I slept well that night.

But, nothing, or rarely nothing in life is black and white. That was the case when I wrote that post.  I felt justified writing what I had until I wrote these two sentences: "Whatever choices a couple makes, in order for that relationship to remain healthy and thrive, both need to buy in on how they will live, interact and relate. It's not enough for one to say, this is how it will be and I don't give a sh#* what you think." After I did I wasn't so sure.

And then a day later I was looking at several post ideas I had in a file. I came across a line I had copied and pasted a post written a few months back from the "A Dominant Wife" blog. In that post she refers to a conversation she had with a younger woman who lives in her home. She states: "....The point about being in charge of your marriage is it is entirely your decision. As I have told you, there is only one sexuality in our marriage: mine. I do what I want, elliot does what he is told."

So there you have it. And all this makes things so "Uggghhh!" So confusing. So frustrating. 

I wrote last week about thoughts I had regarding me wondering if Katie is pushing me too far into denial. I wondered if only reaching an orgasm once a year was undoing some of the 'doing' she wants my denial to do for her (and for me).  I hoped it would have elicited a discussion but it didn't and because I'm her submissive, I let it be. We texted some days later and I learned she denies me for such long periods of time because it was me who told her how denial affects me mentally. And it has been me that has told her how being told 'no' actually makes me closer to her. And it does. But so does reaching a climax as long as she responds to it as a mistress should after that climax happens. It's not the climax per se that I love but how she handles it once it's over. (I'll leave it at that.)

Again, things come back to being more open, something we've a hard time doing when the topic pertains to her dominance and my submission and our WLM. Don't ask me why, it just is what it is.

Anyway, I felt guilty when I wrote, "it’s not enough for one to say this is how it will be and I don't give a hoot what you think." In the back of my mind I kept thinking, "Isn't that what dominance is all about? Isn't it about doing what she wants because she feels this is what is best for us?" In some ways I violated one of the key premises of my wife leading us. She needs to sometimes make hard decisions, regardless of how I feel. Sometimes she needs to tell me, "I want you to do this," or "I don't want you to ever do that again and don't question me. This is what I want and this is what you will do." There needs to be times when she stands on that island even when she knows her husband may not agree with what she has decided.

That's what A Dominant Wife referenced during her conversation with the young woman still learning about what it means to be dominant. She referenced it in regards to her sex life with her submissive husband. Basically she said, she does what she wants and he has no say in the matter. And that is so true. He shouldn't have a say. Not ultimately anyway.

Now I would hope that a loving mistress would talk and read and explore and learn so she can make wise decisions. It's her job to do that. She has the responsibility to lead and lead with the hope she is making the best decisions for both her and for him. I'm not saying that is always an easy thing to do but I do believe it's her responsibility regardless of how hard it might be. But she needn't do this alone. She can ask others. She can have her sub research and do the leg-work for her. She can read and learn. She can do lots of things but in the end, the decision remains hers to make. In effect she needs to sometimes tell her submissive that "this is how it will be and I DO give a sh$* what you think. (And even though you think it’s not the best choice, I believe it is best for me and for you and that's why I'm deciding as I am.)  It's why there can only be "one sexuality in the marriage". It is why she can do what she wants and why her submissive is required to do what he is told. But underlying the sometimes harsh outward expression of those decisions is the hope? The expectation? That she has chosen wisely for the benefit of the marriage, for the maintaining of her dominance, and for the cultivation of his submission.

And so I don't know what to think about the whole appeal of the ejaculation-schedule thingy-mi-bob. I like it but I love Katie even more. I looked at her the other day after she read that post and said mostly nothing. I looked at her and thought "I'm going to love this woman with all my heart even if she never lets me cum. I just am." I thought that because I know deep down she has me placed on such a high pedestal in her mind. I know she loves me. I know I am the apple of her eye. I know she wants nothing more than for me to love and cherish and adore her. And because I know all these things I know that even if nothing changes my love for her will remain where it is - focused only on her.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

I'm Hers

Friday, August 26, 2016

Buying In and Staying Bought In

I’ve served as my wife’s submissive for several years now. Our relationship has evolved over time. I’d say that in the past two years things have pretty much settled into a state of equilibrium. She knows her role and I know what is expected of me.

In the previous post I wrote as to how my mind constantly dwells on Katie’s beauty, her physical attributes and my appreciation of those attributes. My point was one I think must men can identify with. Men love sexual stimulation. We often think with our genitals and because we do it allows women to use ‘sex’ to their advantage especially in FLR/WLMs. Our sex drive is one of the most, if not the most, powerful drive we guys have. We love sex and for most, place that experience as something we seek more than anything else.

I wrote the last post knowing I was going to write this one. I did it to set the stage to address a more significant issue. Yes, I think about sex and Katie’s body quite a bit. In this post I want to focus the discussion of ‘sex’ around the topic of sex and denial. Most living in a FLR have experienced this. For many couples the dance plays out like this: the two of you make love. She experiences one or more orgasms but you don’t get to have one – and in the end she’s left satisfied but so are you – kind of. You’re left wanting and frustrated but you wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything.

When Katie and I first experimented with this we combined it with chastity. I think we both came to believe that this kind of lovemaking far superseded the 'old way'. Things didn't end when I released. Things didn't end because I was told to forego my orgasm. As a result our times spent making love lasted longer - sometimes quite long. As for me, the time between releases was maybe a week, but Katie quickly lengthened the time to two, three and then four weeks. Of course it was me who requested she do so. My asking had to do with my inherent desire to ‘see if I could do it'. It was a thing of pride. It became a challenge. "I lasted 56 days!" “I made it to 102 days!”  My period of denial ended up becoming something Katie liked and so what started out as a week or two grew to 30, 60 and 90 days and eventually to six months and then a year. Because they were all "first times" I pretty much remained on a high.

However, to be perfectly honest when the times got beyond a few months there were periods during those prolonged times of denial when I felt abandoned. Denial lost its appeal. I didn’t enjoy the position in which I found myself. It felt too long. I felt like I had somehow lost a part of me when we shared our most precious of times. Don't get me wrong, I loved being the one who served as the man that brought Katie to repeated climaxes. I came to love - and still love that part of our closeness but that sharing has become mostly one sided. I found the thrill I once experienced to be much diminished. My climax was not the focus and hasn’t been for many months. Yet this is what I asked for and this is what she gave me.  Presently I’m on my third venture to another year of being denied. I think I'm about to reach seven months since the last time but I don’t hardly keep track of the days anymore. Again I have been feeling those ‘I’m alone in all of this’ kinds of emotions. It's hard to explain but I simply miss sharing an orgasm with her, or simply climaxing because I can - and because she said I could this time.

It’s not that I don’t love making love. I do. I crave it. Since we've become a wife-led-marriage Katie has helped me learn that sex shouldn’t be about me and I'm glad she's allowed me to experience this.  I’ve learned to completely reframe our times of closeness. Before they were one-sided. Now they've become all about her and how I can serve as her source of those - sometimes quiet, sometimes not so quiet - internal explosions that she experiences when we are together. But our time really has become less about me and more about her and I miss that we don't share as we once did when my time in denial was for shorter periods of time.

I find that when we make love now that I don't experience those incredible ‘I’m about to explode' feelings that I once did. Instead I'm more subdued, more in control and less emotional. Maybe its age but I don't think it is. I think it's more like I know that I can't ever go there and so I've somehow learned how to keep my mind from experiencing those heightened emotions associated with a climax soon-to-be.

There have been a couple of posts put up recently that seemed to have been written just for me. One referenced an ejaculation-schedule a wife put her husband on. She denies him but allows him periodic releases after so many weeks or after he has treated her to a certain number of orgasms. When I read about the typical number of days she keeps him from experiencing a release I thought she was being too generous but the idea of knowing that on "this day" things would happen appealed to me. Gosh, it sounded like such a nice compromise. Denial for her, hope of a release for him. To know that denial had an end in sight before it would once more start again resonated with where I am. This wife presented a different philosophy than the one Katie subscribes to of limiting me to once a year (or once every 16 months as she suggested last week!).

Let me tell you, a year is a long time to remain without an ejaculation. It’s a really long time. The first time I went there was a time of exploration and I'm glad she permitted me that experience, but now that I know I can do it, it's not so much fun thinking things will only happen once a year (or even less). It's tough to emotionally adapt to that way of thinking. Maybe it's because it cuts to the very heart of who I am as a sexually active man.

There was a blog that is no more by a woman that called herself "Katie Christian". She believed the only reason for male ejaculation was for the purpose of procreation. That's fine for her to think that way but the more significant question from a marital happiness perspective is: 'is he willing to go there with you' for the remainder of his life? Is he willing to completely abandon a part of his masculinity that has been so central to his manliness?

Marriage is a union of two people. It takes two people to buy into how a couple will live. Some wouldn't even dream of living a life the way Katie and I do, others wouldn't ever consider committing to marriage. Others believe in 50/50 relationships. Every couple has different aspirations and viewpoints on how they feel they can best succeed as a couple. Whatever choices a couple makes, in order for that relationship to remain healthy and thrive, both need to buy in on how they will live, interact and relate. It's not enough for one to say, this is how it will be and I don't give a sh#* what you think. It does matter what the other thinks because you’re a couple and as a couple you will either sink or swim.

My point here is that for dominance to work, the submissive needs to buy into his submission and cater to his wife’s dominance. He needs to obey. He needs to respect. He needs to treat her with the honor she deserves. For submission to work, the same needs to be true. She need to treat him like the servant he is. She needs to reinforce that his job is to please her and to do whatever it is she expects of him. 

With regard to sex, it’s pretty clear that a man’s orgasm is associated with a reduction in that desire to perform sexually. Too many ejaculations seem to lead to a lazy man and one who can become selfish and self-centered. However, what happens when denial is taken to a point that is ‘too long’? Can it be taken too far? Is six months or a year or forever an expectation he should expect to agree to? Besides potential health risks (another matter entirely), can a wife deny her husband for too long a time?

I’m wondering about that very thought. The goal in denying me in the first place has always been to increase my desire, my responsiveness and my lust for Katie. She’s denied me to enable her to make love with me for more than 30 seconds. She’s taught me how to deny myself in order or allow us to remain sexually close for longer periods of time. She’s cultivated my submission by denying me the freedom she has enjoyed every time we do make love. She’s forced me to remain dependent. I need to ask permission. I need to not expect I will be granted permission. All of this reinforces her dominance and my submission.

Denying sex, or certain aspects of sex can serve as powerful reminders of who is dominant and who serves. But if the time becomes too long, if he loses his longing and doesn’t buy in the way he once did, might a lengthy denial-period work against what the wife wants from him? I think it might. I hope this post serves as food for thought for others. I know I’ve been giving this lots of thought as the time since ‘the last time’ seems like forever ago and the time til the next time still seems impossibly far away. I’m once more stuck in limbo land and it feels like a lonely place to be right now.

I’m Hers