Saturday, August 20, 2016

ADIDAS!

When I was a horny and immature teenager I remember someone telling me about what the letters ADIDAS stood for. It had nothing to do with the athletic shoe company. Rather I was told ADIDAS was an acronym for All Day I Dream About Sex. Of course I giggled when I first heard this because it was a bit 'dirty' as well as funny - for a 14 year old boy.

Now some 40+ years later, that acronym still holds significance because it still remains true. I do dream about sex all day long. However I dream, dwell and focus on more than just sex. I lust after my wife. I think about her all the time. I find her hot, sexy and incredibly passionate when she feels like being so. Let me expound on my thinking to drive this point home more fully.

Yesterday she stood from the sofa and bent forward to pick up something from the coffee table. I was sitting next to her. My eyes didn’t go move to what she was getting, rather it moved to her butt. I love looking at her butt! I love looking at it, touching it and grabbing it (when I'm permitted to do so.)

Whenever she’s driving I can’t help but look at the graceful curve of her breast. I don't know what it is about a woman's figure but they were made to appeal to a mans' eye and Katie's appeals to me all the time.

When she stands and wears a short top, I love seeing the front of it hang loosely and away from her abdomen, knowing her ample chest is pushing it forward and letting it fall in that sexy way.

When she walks ahead of me, upstairs, or for that matter most anywhere when she takes the lead, I limit my viewing area to her legs, her figure and the the sway of her gait. There's not another person I'd rather let my senses absorb than her.

When sitting next to her, I’ll often kiss her on the neck and bury my head into her hair. I love the way it feels to have her hair cover my face and I love smelling that perfume that reminds me of Katie.

“Rub my back,” she will often say nightly. “My pleasure!” I’ll think. I get to touch her body; feel her small frame and tight muscles and sometimes even get to hear her moan as my fingers and hands perform their magic.

I love the feel of her small wrists, her petite fingers and body in general.

Everything about her is sexualized to some degree. I dream about her. I think about her. I want to be near her. I want to touch her. I want to snuggle behind every night and wrap my arms around her or turn away just so I can feel her do the same to me. 

I don’t know what she is thinking but I know exactly what I’m thinking and what I want. More! I’m always looking for more!

We made love this morning. Later we were downstairs watching the Olympics and sipping coffee. She was stroking my leg. “Do you want to go back upstairs and make love again?”

“I just want to touch you,” she responded.

“She was content doing what she was doing. Me, I was being “ADIDAS”! I was hoping I could get more.
Luckily she doesn’t mind me pawing over her. She enjoys me appreciating her for who she is and how she looks. I think it makes her feel completely secure knowing her husband is fulfilled by her. And I am. But I still dream about those times when small things lead to other things – to ADIDAS kinds of things.

I’m Hers

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Saturday thoughts

God I love it when she actually leads! In a few minutes she is about to head out with a friend for a few hours and is upstairs getting ready. Just before she did she went through a short list of things she wanted me to do. “And do you want me to mow the back yard too?”

I was told not to because it’s so darn hot outside today.  Anyway, when she came down she said, “you are not to do stuff outside until after I get home.”

I know it’s just a small thing but I can’t get enough of her when she is direct. I mean what’s there to be afraid of? She’s looking out for my best interests and knows I’ll go out and sweat and work if left to my own desires. I guess that’s not going to happen today.

On the flipside I had a long week of work last week – like up at 6 and not home until 10 or 11 at night. As was our pattern up until June, I’d lock and stay locked until bedtime. Then summer came and for whatever reason she allowed me to put the appliance away for a few months. At first it was a wonderful change but I soon missed it. It was as if she was denying me the ability to sacrifice on her behalf. It felt as if the leash had become too lax and her attention much diminished. Yet after I had asked more than once if she wanted me to lock and after I was told me she’d tell me when I was to put it on again, I let it be and stopped asking. Her response didn’t change how I felt. I still missed it. I still wished she would have told me to lock up if for no other reason than for me to have the thought that I am kept only for her firmly embedded in my mind.

I know I’m writing a post that has used the pronoun “I” quite a bit. It’s not that I want our WLM to be about me. I don’t. However I do want her to feel completely free to own me in an overt way that leaves no doubt that I belong to her.

Last week with my earlier than usual start times I left for work with her still asleep. I knew the routine had been to lock the week before but I thought I’d leave it to her to tell me what she wanted. On Monday while we talked on the phone midday she mentioned, “You didn’t put your appliance on.”
“I know,” I answered, and left it at that. Why she didn’t say the needed one more sentence of “make sure you don’t do it again” or “I didn’t appreciate finding this here and not on you and expect you to lock every morning,” I can’t say. But those words were never spoken and so on Tuesday I again went to work free and easy. The pattern continued through Friday and so when I awoke today (Saturday) and she was awake I texted, “lock?”

“Yes.”

“LOL, Yea right” I answered.

Her response: “Lock it up.”

Ahh, finally!!! Directness. And so I’m secure and she’s involved in my submission and has expressed her dominance once again. Now if she will only do so without prompting when the next 100 opportunities arise I’ll be a happy submissive.

I’m Hers

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Caring Enough to Confront

This post is directed to the heads of households – those leading wife led marriages/female led relationships.

I don’t know if you’re like me but I hate conflict. I’m such a wimp when it comes to confronting peers. I just hate doing it. I don’t mind handing issues with those I don’t have a vested interest but when it comes to Katie, my friends, children and extended family, I’d rather keep my frustrations to myself than voice them and potentially make trouble.

Do you feel this way? For many addressing conflicts can be tough. At one level ‘something’ took place between two parties that caused a rift. Someone was offended. Someone noticed something very wrong that disturbed them. Someone didn’t appreciate what was said or implied. Someone started acting more aloof and you have no idea why. That’s how the conflict came to be and in most all cases.

Conflict is often difficult to resolve with peers because of the feelings they have for one another. This person is your friend. You have a history with them. You might even love them.
When you recognize the wrong and if you decide to address it, there may be harsh words exchanged. There may be tears. The relationship m ay be irreversibly altered. There is a risk assumed when considering if and when to address the issue at hand.

It’s that fear of the unknown; that worry with regard to what if things don’t go well that often keeps conflicts from being addressed. But if they aren’t addressed; if they aren’t resolved; the relationship is altered simply because the problem remains. It needs to be dealt with.

All of the above leads me to how this plays out within a wife led relationship. When the wife witnesses something she doesn’t approve, the responsibility falls upon her as the head of the home to address the issue. If she chooses to ignore the problem, she implicitly has addressed it. She has given her blessing for the attitude or action to continue because she has chosen to ignore the problem. If she decides to intercede she is placed in the position of being the ‘bad person’ by bringing the problem up for discussion.

As the woman in charge of your marriage, this task falls to you. However how things play out “should” - and that’s the key word, “should” - be far different than if you were the wife in a vanilla relationship. In a WLM/FLR you hold all the power. Your husband has pledged his obedience. He has pledged to embrace your decisions. He has pledged to support you and abide by your wishes. He has pledged to obey.

The mistress must take it upon herself to discuss the problem. She really has no choice. Failure to discuss or address this is an omission of her responsibility. It’s why she is called Miss, Mistress, Queen or whatever term of endearment the husband uses to show respect. The beauty of this situation within a WLM is that when she does bring the topic up she should expect is zero resistance on the part of her mate. It’s his duty to listen, to be open and honest. It is his responsibility to disclose any secrets he may be hiding or the root cause of feelings he has. It’s his job to explain himself adequately, answer questions truthfully and accept whatever consequences incurred. It’s his job to change. All the Mistress needs to do is address it to her satisfaction.

If the submissive lives his role there should be little to know stress placed on his mistress when she pulls him aside to address her concern. Oh, I’m sure she’ll feel uncomfortable the first few times but as her confidence improves those feeling should become a thing of the past. She should expect no backtalk; there should be no buts; there should be nothing other than an honest open confession or explanation. There should be nothing more than an ‘I’m sorry and will do better”; there should be nothing more than accepting the consequences his mistress believes is necessary to prevent the occurrence from happening again.

If the submissive is truly submissive it should be easy for the wife to confront. There should be no stress as there often is when confronting friends, peers or others. It should be even easier than when confronting a teenage child.

For me, this is but another beauty to living under Katie’s rule. Her rule is law but that law only extends as far as the rules she is willing to insist I abide by. If she sees something awry, she needs to confront me. Failure to do so serves as an indication to me that my behavior is OK to repeat.  However when she does address a problem she should have the confidence to know I won’t question her authority and I will fess-up as needed.


I’m Hers

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Leading by doing nothing?

Is it possible to lead by doing nothing? I think it is. Here is one example. The other day we invited several people join us for dinner. The day before, Katie told me what we would be serving and had me create a list of what needed to be gathered.  When that was done she sent me to see which of the items we already had and what needed to be purchased.  Later that day we went shopping but of course, I needed to go out the following day to get one food item I thought we had but as it turned out, needed more.

That evening Katie asked how long it would take me to get everything ready. Informing me she wanted to eat at 6 I decided 5PM would be a good starting point to begin making final preparations. So on the following day at 5 I headed to the kitchen and as planned had it ready by 6. Guests started arriving a little before 5 with the last showing up right before the meal was set out.  During my hour of craziness Katie pretty much remained out of sight, letting me do the cooking while she spent time with our guests. We all enjoyed the time hanging out and eating and after eating I began gathering the dirty plates and utensils. While I cleaned the group mostly hung out in the kitchen area talking. I listened but remained busy restoring the room to its pre ‘non-messy state’.

I know I was being watched while I cooked and set out the food. I knew others noticed that I was the one doing all of the cleanup. No one sad a thing and Katie pretty much let me take care of most everything. There was the recognition that I was alone at getting everything ready and cleaning it all after. When everyone was through, I was paid the best of compliments.  They thanked ME for dinner – not Katie. And I loved it.

So did Katie lead while together with friends? It was pretty clear to me she did. Other than tell me in front of a few guests “OK you can start getting things ready,” no other remark was made to indicate she was in charge. She didn’t come to check on me to see how I was coming with the meal prep; she didn’t tell me to clean up; she didn’t tell me to put things away. It all just happened. I simply followed the same routine I usually do after dinner – clean.  Yet by spending, what?, a few minutes telling me what we would be serving and going over things with me for a short time, and later making sure we had everything needed and making certain she understood how long it would take me to put it all together, she effectively led. In doing so she asserted herself as the dominant partner and allowed her submissive to make her life a little easier and a whole lot less stressful. (She hates hosting.) Like I commented in the previous post, leaders think and plan, followers execute.  She did that to a T this time and I did likewise, following her directives.

I wanted to write about this little event in our life to illustrate that leadership sometimes doesn’t require lots of time and effort on the part of the wife. However it needs to be intentional. Katie needed to make the decision that I’d be doing the work. She needed to place her trust in me to make it all happen. However she felt it necessary to go over things with me to insure I wouldn’t mess up or forget things. She wanted the time with friends to go off as if she had done the work – meaning, she wanted it done her way. Once she set things in motion, she pretty much stepped back and let me run with it as her submissive.

Leading takes practice. Leading needs to be a part of who the woman in charge is. I understand it’s not something that comes easily for most women. I wish it did. But with practice, that which was at one time foreign becomes familiar and given time and repetition eventually becomes natural.  Katie has become a natural leader in many aspects of our marriage – not all, but increasingly more.  And as she does, my love for her grows ever deeper. I admire her more. I see in her a confident woman. I see someone who has the strength to make things happen by telling me what to do. I see a woman that understands my need for leadership and is willing to give that gift of direction to me. For that I am thankful.


I’m Hers

Friday, July 1, 2016

Snippets From Life

I have nothing profound to say here. During the past few days Katie and I have been able to spend time together. I’m on vacation and it feels so good to be with her every day and not have work interrupt ‘life’.  We’ve worked outside in the yard together. We’ve baby sat together. We’ve spent time with friends at a concert. We’ve slept in! We’ve taken day trips to places we enjoy. We had fun and we bonded. Gosh it makes me ache for retirement. Katie keeps telling me, “If we could only win the lottery”. Yea, right! But I understand where she’s coming from. I wish we could afford to do so as well. Anyway, here are four snapshots from our life that had something to do with living a Wife Led Marriage.  Enjoy.

…………………………..

Some days ago Katie was playing a game of spider solitaire on the computer. I watched her slowly get destroyed as one rotten hand after another presented itself on her screen. She was unsuccessful in her ability to unjumble the mess. Finally with one hand to go I said, “I’ll help you with this. If we end up winning, I promise to be your slave forever.” Now slave is not a term I hardly ever use and one she never uses. Every once in a while she will call me ‘sub’ or ‘my sub’ but ‘slave’? Never. 

Anyway, without looking at me she answered, “You’re already my slave forever.”

I about wanted to shout hallelujah but curbed the response and simply smiled. Nevertheless, I loved hearing her response and have thought and re-thought about her words in the days since. It takes so little to feed my submission – just a little reminder in a profound way that I belong to hers is all I need. I’m glad she sees me as her ‘slave’. What a yummy thought!

………………………………………….

Some nights ago we were lying in bed talking. The lights were out and Katie was on her side, snuggled in tight against me. One hand lightly touched my body and eventually it made its way south – down there. While she fondled me I asked, “What are you looking for down there?”

“Gold.”

I laughed. “You’re looking in the wrong place. There’s no gold there.”

“I found gold nuggets,” she replied

“Ahh, well you got ripped off if that’s what you wanted from me. I’m sure you could have found someone with bigger nuggets than that.”

We laughed and then she grabbed a hold of me. “I found the gold bar.”

I was quite limp when she first took hold. “Well then you really got ripped off.”

As I started to grow she counted out, “one-thousand dollars, two thousand dollars, three thousand dollars,…..”.

“Dang, you did find a gold mine!” I exclaimed.

“Yep, and I might as well put it to good use while it’s worth a lot. Put on some lubricant.”

“Yes Ma’am!”

So ends that story. You don’t need to know the rest :) but I’ll let you imagine.

……………………………….

On another evening while in bed, Katie asked me where (geographically) something was.  Because it was dark I drew a sketch on her belly. As I moved my hands up between her breasts she exclaimed, “Wo, you’re all the way up in the Adirondacks now!” (to those not from around here, they are a mountain range quite a way north – much further than the town I was describing that was nowhere near Upstate New York.)

………………………………………..

A few days ago Katie opened the mail. She left one piece on the counter. Just before leaving the room she called, “There’s something for you there.”

As I read it I realized it was one of those solicitations from the local car dealer telling me just how much they ‘needed’ my car. The letter stressed just how important it was for me to come see them because there were others apparently “dying to buy my used car”. Basically this was a glorified ploy to get me to trade in my vehicle for another new car but they dressed the disguise up well enough for me to read it in its entirety. The letter stated they even had a check in the amount of $xxx waiting for me. All I needed to do was bring my vehicle to their dealership. It would be that easy. At the bottom of the typed letter was a hand written note in cursive. “We hope to see you soon. Please don’t delay.” Then, at the very bottom was another line in cursive in a slightly different colored ink that read “And your wife is HOT!”

I giggled knowing Katie had written that last line. I called to her. I knew she was in the other room waiting for my response.  “That dealer sure has good taste in women! He says you are hot, Katie.”
I’ve since reminded her several times about the car-dealers’ comment regarding how hot she is. She smiles every time I do.

……………………………

Earlier this week I climbed in bed and gave Katie a kiss. “You’re beautiful!” I said enthusiastically and hugged her.

“Do you really mean that?”

Her question was sincere. “Oh Katie. I do! You are so beautiful. I love you!”

She kissed me. It was one of those nice long kisses. The kind I really like.

…….…

You know, before we started our WLM relationship I’d often compliment her, telling her how pretty, how beautiful and how nice she looks. Often her response amounted so something in the line of “if you think so” or “if you say so.”  I could never figure out why a woman as attractive and sexy as her would question her appearance for she is beautiful indeed.

I’ve been relentless in affirming her ever since we first met. I’ve repeatedly told her in various ways that she’s beautiful. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell her so several times. “Katie, you are beautiful.” “Katie, I love you.” “Katie, you look great.” “Katie, that top looks great on you.” “Katie, I love seeing your smile.” “You have such pretty hair; I love brushing it for you.”

I tell her in all kinds of ways. Sometimes I’ll call home and when she answers with a hello, I’ll ask, “Am I talking to the beautiful Mistress Katie?” or “Is this my beautiful wife?” or “Is there a mistress at the other end of this line with whom I can speak?” Now she will answer by affirming she is ‘the beautiful Miss Katie’, that ‘you are speaking to your beautiful wife’, and ‘you are talking to a mistress’.  

I don’t hear the ‘if you say so’ comments anymore. I haven’t heard them for months and I hope I never hear them again.

The changes in perception from her responding to my “your beautiful” with an “if you say so” to one where she now answers the phone and tells me she is my beautiful mistress or now playfully writes on a piece of junk mail “your wife is hot” was a slow process but it is one that has been so fun to see evolve.

I like writing about our life. I hope examples like these encourage you as a submissive man to continue adoring, having fun and affirming your wife for the beautiful woman she is. If you are a woman, I hope examples like these can provide you a sense of assurance if you struggle with fully embracing your beauty and your status as head of your home. To you, I invite you to put your inhibitions aside. Be the mistress you are. Take control. Have fun with the mutual roles you and your man share. Be yourself. Know your submissive loves you and wants nothing more than to see you express your confidence readily.

I’m Hers


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

A Separation of Wife and Husband

I made the point in the last post regarding qualities I consider a woman should have if leading a WLM. One such trait was my belief that she should separate herself in some way from the man to whom she is responsible. My rationale for this is because I believe it is important for her to present herself as being more important, of a higher status, above him, superior, etc. since she is the marital authority figure.

It is my contention that by doing so she will maintain a greater (or complete) level of authority, exert more influence over him, and control him as the matriarchal leader to which he depends on for guidance. Separating herself will also fortify control by making sure her husband remains obedient and compliant to her wishes.  I suggested the analogy of a teacher and how she relates to her students. One is in charge while the other follows.  The same can be said for a parent/child or employer/employee, coach/athlete, and other similar relationship paring. In each situation one party subjects itself to the other. In each of these relations, if they remain healthy, there is no formation of animosity. In fact, the exact opposite occurs. The child loves his parent; the coach and teacher make indelible impressions on their athletes and students that last a life time. If this hierarchy is not maintained, the relationship will falter. From an athletic perspective, it is why it is so difficult to be a player-coach. That fine line is almost impossible to walk effectively.

A frequent commenter to this blog made a comment that “it would be sad to allow our wives to feel lonely and disconnected while they assume the burden of leadership”. I concur. What woman wants to remain married to a man that is emotionally distant from her. What good is it to enjoy the privileges of less work, more freedom, have a husband who remains at her beckon but is unable to connect with him at a deep and intimate level? After all, isn’t marriage about relationship at its very core? 

Since writing the post last week and thinking about the above comment I’ve observed how Katie has led me. Because I’ve been at home last week I’ve been with her continuously.  I’ve never felt emotionally closer and yet she has maintained her control by telling me what she wants simply by making statements that have been devoid of negative emotion. “Go get the mail.” “The trash needs to go out.” “I’m hungry; it’s time to make breakfast.” “Put this in your calendar.” “I want to leave by 4:10; make sure you are ready by then.” “It’s time to stop. Let’s quit.” “Call the mechanic tomorrow morning.”  Pointing to a plant in the yard: “That plant needs water. Lying together in bed: “Put on some lubricant.” “I’ll need to get up at 7 and I’ll be leaving by 8. I want breakfast before I go.”

I could go on and on but the gist of the above examples point out that I’m led not by coercion but by her stating her mind. Of course, this dynamic only works if I take her commands seriously. Otherwise she is forced to ask again (which she has to do sometimes) or discipline (which she simply doesn’t do and because I don’t intentionally ignore her).  However, stating clearly what she wants and expects, in a straightforward way, as one might instruct a child – (go clean your room. Go make your bed. Let’s go. It’s time to leave, etc.,) she has been able to effectively get me to do what she wants without emotionally pushing me away.

Leading doesn’t need to be difficult. At least in this respect, all the woman needs to do is verbalize her thoughts clearly. My suggestion is she do so in a declarative statement rather than in question form. “It’s time for you to make me breakfast” is a better choice than “aren’t you hungry?” The latter question begs another question …. “Are you trying to tell me you want me to make you breakfast?” Ladies, why complicate things. Just tell him what you want. If you want him to take a shower, tell him. If you want him to let out the dog, tell him. And if he doesn’t move, get his attention and then tell him again. Use the word ‘now’ so he knows you are serious.

I believe there needs to be a separation between dominant and submissive. It’s part of the relational dynamic. How can the wife be viewed as the one in command if her spouse views her as one of the gang. She isn’t one of the gang. She is his wife and his Mistress-Wife at that. The couple may not want to view things like this but she is the more important party from a status perspective. That doesn’t lessen who he is. He is just as important, but in a different way. His role is to serve. Her role is to lead. 

The trick she needs to successfully negotiate is controlling/ruling/leading him without damaging his emotional ego. She needs to lead without alienating herself from her mate. And that can be easily done. I mean what guy doesn’t respond to her showing him a little casual sex every now and again. What I mean is, “Go mow the yard,” and squeeze his butt while saying “Mmmm, I love your butt.” (He’ll go mow the yard and think about that one comment for the next 45 minutes!) Of course you could squeeze other parts too (and he’ll think about that even longer) but you get the intent of what I’m saying.  Giving him an appreciative thank you every now and again or telling him how much you enjoy all he does for you, giving him a nice long kiss, touching or fondling him are simple quick and effective ways of letting him know you love him and care about him. One of Katie’s favorite tricks when I come behind and give her a hug is for her to press her sweet bottom into my groin and wiggle it. I love it!!!! Remember, we boys have a very fragile ego. We need to be handled with care :) That little wiggle strokes my ego perfectly.

…………………

By no means am I the authority on this. I had to give this comment additional thought and would appreciate your thoughts and insights as well.


I’m Hers

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Leadership

Female LED Relationship. Wife LED Marriage. The keywords here are gender, role and depth of relationship. For a woman to successfully have the life she wants and mold her man into the guy she only dreamed might be possible requires her to assume the role as leader in the home. Success, happiness and contentment in relationships don’t come without work by both parties. In a female led relationship it only comes when he follows her lead.  It means she has to lead. She just cant’ assume that because he’s submitting that she doesn't have to change. She has to change to but in ways that are far different from him.

In the case of a female led home, the very words imply she is in charge and he isn’t. But just because someone has decided “we are going to be engaged in a female-led-relationship” or “I want to submit to you” doesn’t equate with her being a good leader nor him being the follower she wants. She needs to exhibit certain qualities. Here are some that I, as a submissive, believe are important ones:

(1) She needs convey authority. There should be no if, ands, or buts as to who is running the show, who is in charge, who makes the decisions, and who goes to who when asking for permission, etc. The rub comes when ‘he’ decides to buck the system and in those situations she needs to somehow assert her authority, reminding him that doing whatever he just did, isn’t his call to make.

Authority within a female led relationship is an odd dynamic.  Over the past weeks I’ve read from Mistress Kaylee who commented how her increasing authority draws her husband into an even more submissive state. Several men have recently commented the need they have their wives be more firm then they have been. Cathy commented in a recent post various ways to quell alpha moments. Sandra commented in that post how she addresses those times when her husband wants to assert himself. She provided examples, all of which provide visual demonstrations of who was in charge and who must submit to who. I continually remind Katie that asserting her authority is an expression of love to me at its deepest level. I love it as it pulls me to her in ways nothing else can.

Men need a strong leader. Telling your husband, “do you think it’s time to get dinner ready” conveys something different than saying “it’s time for you to make me dinner.” There needn’t be meanness in your words but there needs to be a conveyance of your authority and his need to obey.

(2) She needs to separate himself from him in some way.  One of the things I always kept in mind while teaching was that even though I wanted to connect with my students, I didn’t want to become too close to them. I wasn’t their friend (even though I came to love and respect them over the years). My role was to instruct them, to help them, to lead them to gain the expertise they needed to enter their chosen profession.  To do that required me to sometimes do things to remind them that I was in charge. I failed them on tests and quizzes if they didn’t measure up. I corrected them when they didn’t do something properly. I corrected them when I thought they could have made a better choice. By separating myself in these ways they understood I wasn’t a peer, but they could come to me for help and advice.  As a female leader, the wife needs to do the same, but do so in such a way that lets her husband know without question, he is deeply loved and cherished. I think that is a difficult road to tow but a necessary one.

(3) She needs to have a vision as to what she wants for both herself and for her man. This might mean her giving him things to do or telling him of things he won’t be doing from now on. In my situation it meant me becoming the cook. It also meant I wouldn’t be going hunting anymore. Sometimes it means me giving up things I might enjoy in lieu of her wants. It’s part of the deal. Katie has her reasons and I understand that.

Vision implies what kind of man she wants her husband to become, not just today but in the future. Reaching, or failing to reach that goal probably depends on how much/little authority she maintains. Vision requires having a plan. What I have learned as Katie’s submissive is that I do more time consuming things like cooking, cleaning and completing the various chores she has me do around the house. However it’s up to her to come up with the plan for the day, for the week, for us, for me. She is the one who must assess if I am doing what she wants and doing it the way she wants. Although she doesn’t need to do the actual work, she needs to make sure its done properly.

Leaders spend time in meetings. Workers execute whatever comes out of those meetings. It’s why we sometimes refer to a leader as a white-collar and workers as a blue-collar. One thinks and plans, the other follows the will of the other. Both must work but their work should be different. I recently read a post on the Conquer Him website on the #1 reason women ruin female led relationships. Her take was women cave to the man; they are too easy. Women feel sorry for the guy. I would agree. It goes back to being a leader. It goes back to separating oneself from the husband in the same way a teacher must separate himself from a student or a parent from a child. It goes back to a mindset that you are "above" him. Yes, you are more important. He is inferior (in some respects). As a result you just can't bear his load. You can't let him slack off. You have to stay on  course. Why? Why? Because if you don't it undermines your ultimate goal of maintaining your leadership and keeping him in check. To cave is to show weak leadership traits.

(4) She needs to have a plan for when he acts up. No man is perfect – not even me! :) Men rebel. Men slack off. Men cut corners. Men assert themselves in ways they shouldn’t. All such actions are displays (some more overt than others) of his unwillingness to fully submit.  When he does go off the track, what should a leader do? If a student starts challenging the teacher, what should the teacher do? If an employee stops doing everything and only does 80% what should the boss do? If your husband no longer keeps the kitchen spotless or leaves things hanging around the house that should be put away, what should you do? If he dallies when you tell him to do something rather than doing it immediately, what is your response? You need to have a plan and that plan should have the goal to stop the unwanted behavior.  Some call this discipline and in a way it is. Some might call it behavior modification and it is that too. 

The goal is obedience. The goal is obedience with an attitude of knowing you are in charge. Trust me ladies, your man wants to know you are in charge. He craves seeing and feeling your authority. Don’t be afraid to lead. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down. Don’t be afraid to take real charge of your man. If you do you will speak his love language and he will yield to your will. I can promise that. If you aren’t sure, just try it and see what happens. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

I’m Hers