The host noted that John eventually retired after years in the NFL “because he wanted to spend more time with family”. He left broadcasting but soon realized his wife had a life of her own. So did his kids. He commented that soon he found himself alone in front of the TV with only the dog present. Other’s had since moved on from him.
I shared this story with Katie and then commented, “and that’s the benefit of our dominant/submissive relationship.”
I believe that. It is my contention that our relationship promotes ‘relationship. Even though we are apart for a good portion of our weekdays, we are intentional when it comes to spending time together while we are together. Even though at least one day of my weekend is spent performing several hours of chores, there is a sense of belonging I share with the woman I love – even if she is in the other room watching TV or working around the house or out in the yard.
What John Madden experienced is what most do. He found value in his football interest. Within that interest, he developed friendships, formed relationships, and, in time, formed a routine he found enjoyable. Little did he realize the love of his life had done the same. Little did he see (because he was hardly ever at home) was his kids had grown up without dad being around.
What a sad picture. I may be stepping on toes here but if you step back and look at your life (whether you are a man or a woman) can’t you see how you’ve fallen into the same trap? I know I can. Even with a mistress wife who oversees much of what I do, we still spend too much time apart. I spend most of my day without Katie. She spends most of her day separated from me. It only makes sense that we form habits and routines that make us feel comfortable without our spouse present.
The best part of my day is when I pledge. I look forward to it more than any other part. Why? Because it is that time when I kneel before my wife. I look her in the eye. We kiss, I usually kiss her in that special place – even though she is dressed – and I admit my submission. I reveal to her my dependency. I make promises to serve. I affirm her for the leader and wonderful girl she is. And when I’m through I tell her I love her. We kiss. Hopefully, she won’t get a sudden hot-flash. :) If so, we will embrace.
Our day will continue but that little 3-minute timeout from life is significant. It bonds us. I think about the words I spoke at times during our time apart. I often wish we took more time like this at the end of our day – time away from the TV where she would have me come and kneel again; a time when we can talk about the day we’ve had but do so while I from a physically kneel before my wife as a show of my submission to the woman I've placed in charge of me and our home.
It is the intentionality of life that keeps a couple together. It is the purposeful decisions we make which keep us close or slowly drive us apart. Too often it is what we don’t consider that proves to be the ‘intentional’ decision we make by default.
I encourage you to avoid the Madden curse. Ladies, you’re the one in charge. Insist that he spends quality time with you. Reinforce his submission simply by having him kneel while interacting. Do what is necessary to maintain your love. And guys, be open. Be honest. Ask for her time. It’s what a woman wants. She loves feeling wanted and appreciated. Act on your inner voice. Keep her as your best and most treasured friend.