Thursday, January 24, 2019

A glimpse into the mind of my wife

I received a text today from my wife.  There were no words. Just the below picture. This is so typical of the kind of thing that makes her laugh. It's this 'farside' stupid humor stuff (that I love too). 
Enjoy. 
PS. I'm still in a writing funk so until I get back in the mood and have ideas worth sharing, these shorties will have to do.

As an aside. I appreciated all who took the time to share their opinions, thoughts, and experiences in an attempt to help the writer of the email from the previous post.  I'm sure she appreciated all of your ideas.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Help Wanted

I received an email from a woman. I love when women involve themselves in a female-led-relationship and lead actively. She wrote, as you can read below, asking for advice. I’m sure she would appreciate candid responses. There may be a solution to this but then again, there may not. Thanks to all for reading and taking the time to respond.

I'm Hers
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"I would love your advice on a problem we’re having. I am also fine with you writing about this and soliciting feedback from your readers. It’s a challenge to find answers on the internet about this because there’s an overwhelming amount of advertising and kink associated with it. I just want some solutions from people like us who practice denial."

"So my question is this, how do you have intercourse without having a ruined orgasm or orgasm?"

"This was never a problem before denial, he could last a reasonable amount of time. Now that he is denied, there’s a 50/50 chance he’s going to have an accident as soon as he enters me. Now, this isn’t necessary for us to have a great sex life but it sure would be nice! The worst is that it makes him feel like a failure."

"He wants so much to please me and he feels like a complete disappointment when this happens. We have experimented with ruined orgasms to help him last but there really seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. Last year, he had 6 orgasms and 25 ruined. The year before, it was 4 orgasms and 55 ruined. I’ve also tried various forms punishment as a means of discouraging him ejaculating. I saw no improvement. What his body is doing really seems to be out of his control."

"In a perfect world, he doesn’t want to have any ruined orgasms. Prior to denial, our routine was that I would orgasm with him inside me. That’s never possible now. Now just entering me puts him over the edge. Would love advice from you and your readers."
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I'm sure this mistress-wife would love to hear from you if you have possible solutions to suggest. Thank you.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Today

I'm not really in a writing mood but that doesn't mean our life is a normal one. I'm still hers although I've given thought to rename the blog: Femdom Without the Kink. Or, Practical Female Dominance, or, Her Service Submissive, or some other title in that vein of thinking.

Today we went out for lunch (her decision). The restaurant we went to (her choice of venue) is a favorite of ours. The waitress introduced herself and asked if we'd like something to drink. Katie told her we'd like two ice teas with lemon. Her phone rang just as we finished eating. Recognizing the call she took it. I paid the bill and waited. She talked for several minutes. When done she told me who it was. 

"She is sending us a newsletter and wanted to know who the head of the house is. I told her it was me. She said, "Oh yeah, I like that. I told her so did I." Katie smiled. I returned a smile and acknowledged the truth of her statement

After lunch, we ran a few errands. She drove. She wanted to go to a chain store in the neighboring town we were currently driving through. "Program your phone to get us there." I did. When halfway there she told me we'd be going to the same store that was closer to our home.  

An hour later we were in the parking lot of a supermarket. She walked past two women. I was still at the car getting shopping bags out of the car. On her way inside she overheard the two ladies talking. One indicated she left her lights on and her battery was dead. "I'll see if my husband has jumper cables in our car," she told the elderly woman. Katie came back to tell me what's up. We had cables. While I drove our car closer Katie informed the lady I'd be taking care of her. "I'm going to shop in 'that' store," she told me. "After you get her car started, do the food shopping." (I keep what we need in a note app on my phone.)

I got the lady's car running. As I was about to disconnect everything she asked about where she could purchase jumper cables and how I did what I did. 
"Do you want to see how to jump a car?" 
She did and so I explained the red-to-red and black-to-black concept - the absolute limits of my mechanical knowledge.  

I had pulled in the open handicapped slot facing her car. Rather than have her push her shopping cart back to where the others were I offered to take it and gave her a quarter in exchange. (Can you figure where we went? :)  Deciding on my own (big mistake) to leave our car in the handicapped spot I went in to shop. I was in for all but three minutes when the phone rang. 

"Where are you?" 

"Inside shopping" 

"You left the car in the handicapped spot." (irritation in her voice). 

"I know, but I'm only going to be in here for a few minutes." 

"No, I don't want to get a ticket." 

By now, Katie is at the car. She pulls on the driver's side handle (I'm still inside and can't see her.) "You left the car unlocked! (more irritation).  

I appeared at the entrance. Katie walked toward me. "Where's your shopping cart?"

She left to take care of the car while she went in to do what I was supposed to do.

Once inside, I found her pushing a cart.  (NOTE: it's evening at the time of this writing. Katie just looked at me writing. "Coffee", she says. I'll be back. OK, I have her sitting once more content.)  So where was I? Oh yes, inside I found her pushing the cart. Without speaking she gave it a little shove but remained stationary. It was my cue to take over and push it. On the way out, she paid. 

Once home, and after stopping at four places, Katie walked in, through the kitchen and flipped on the TV. I unloaded the car, threw another load of wash in, grabbed the dried clothes out of the dryer I had put in there earlier, and spent the next half hour putting food away, in the fridge, freezer, the chest freezer, the pantry, etc.

All this to say: even though I haven't shared much with you in recent weeks, it hasn't negated my daily service to her. Service just happens. Although Katie has been very generous with allowing me free time to do as I wish during the few days off around Christmas she's never relinquished control. She never has and never will. We have an 'understanding'. She leads and I do as I'm told and live as I know she expects of me. We don't have kink. It's not her style. It's not who she is or what she wants. She just wants me. She loves me. She aches for me to retire to spend my every day with her. She wants certain things. She expects me to ask permission before acting. She wants to decide and wants my opinion when she asks.

It's who my wife is - and I love her.

Just wanted to share a bit about our 'today'.

I'm Hers

Friday, December 14, 2018

New Blog

I am so excited to let all of you know of this blog that is now available. Please, please, please give it a look.
Welcome back Katie Christian!

https://heismychastehubby.blogspot.com/?m=1

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Priorities

While driving to work I was enjoying my phone's ability to talk to me by reading the text from a blog page. The blog had nothing to do with femdom, wife-led-marriages, or female led relationships but did address relationships.  One person made the following comment:

"Wow, I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog. We have so much in common that at times I had to remind myself that I didn’t write it. Your comment about how your spouse is basically a perfectionist with regards to everything but their efforts towards your marriage was a summary of my chief marriage complaint (but was written far more eloquently than I could have stated it myself)"

That comment made me think about an object lesson I once heard. It also made me think about the upcoming Christmas holiday and all that surrounds it.  First to the object lesson.

A professor once stood up before his class with a large empty mayonnaise jar. He filled the jar to the top with large rocks and asked his students if the jar was full. The students said that yes, the jar was indeed full. He then added small pebbles to the jar, and gave the jar a bit of a shake so the pebbles could disperse themselves among the larger rocks. Then he asked again, “Is the jar full?”
The students agreed that the jar was indeed full. The professor then poured sand into the jar to fill up any remaining empty space. The students then agreed that the jar was completely full. The professor went on to explain that the jar represents everything that is in one's life. The rocks represent the BIG things in your life - what you will value at the end of your life - your family, your partner, your health, fulfilling hopes and dreams. If the pebbles and the sand were lost, the jar would still be full and your life would still have meaning.
The pebbles give meaning to your life. Things such as your job, house, hobbies and friendships while the sand represents the little things that often occupy much of our time: watching TV, playing video games, running errands. While the pebbles can certainly give your life meaning they are not critical for you to have a meaningful life. The sands of life mean little and often are fillers to life simply to waste time or complete tasks.

The metaphor here is that if you live life by spending time mostly with the sand and pebbles of life - the insignificant things of life you won't have room in life for those aspects that are truly important. 

In order to have a more effective and efficient life, pay attention to the rocks. They are critical to your long-term well-being.

Now to Christmas shopping.  Some may be reading this in places other than the USA. Some may not celebrate Christmas as we do but I think you can make the application to your own holiday traditions.

Once December arrives, many think about what gift they want to give to this person or that person. Often the list of persons can be quite long. And so to find that perfect gift, we drive to a shopping mall or large department store where, there must be at least a half-million items within the confines of that building/mall.  We walk up and down the aisles. We go in and out of store after store. We often shop for a day without coming up with a gift idea for Grand mom or Uncle Harry.

What does that tell you about the person at the receiving end of the gift? What does it tell you about the giver of the gift? 

If you look in my closet you will find many items of clothing. If you look in my tool boxes (plural) you will find all kinds of tools. If you look all through my home, you will find more things there than you might imagine. But yet, my family wants to give me yet another shirt, another sweater, another wrench. Why? Why do they keep doing this? Why do they insist I need more stuff? Why will fret and worry (year after year) that it's just the right gift, the right color, the right size, the right material. Why?

The answer is because I am important to them. But in the end, the insanity of spending a good part of their free time in December running around shopping, buying, decorating, buying stuff, shopping online, buying more stuff and then - when Christmas rolls around and the frenzy of opening gifts and eating until we are ungodly obese comes to an end -  we are left wondering, what all did we miss out on?

In my mind holidays are about family and loved ones not shirts and wrenches. How easy it is to ignore the analogy of the rocks and forgo spending time with the ones we love, the ones we cherish, all because we have to get this or that, or spend hours in the kitchen preparing and missing out on the socialization that is so valued.

How easy it is to think about the stuff of life that clutters our homes and minds and tempt us to ignore our spouse, our marriage, (and even ourselves).  As the Christmas season nears, keep in mind the analogy of the rocks.  Make certain the treasured aspects of your life, and those treasured people in your life, aren't pushed aside just so you can go shop for hours at a time, or hide away in some dark room and watch some 'bowl' game between two college teams you don’t even follow. 

And when the holiday season is over, take a good look at your spouse. That is the largest of all rocks in your life. Think before you turn on an NBA game or TV show. What is more important, sand or rock? Have you spent the time needed to keep your marriage healthy? Do you think you spouse sitting over 'there' would rather stare for the next hour at the ever-changing flat-screen or might she love for you to bring her a glass of wine and ask, “Want to sit and talk?”  Life is all about the choices we make.

Have a wonderful holiday enjoying time with those you love most.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

A Pledge From Katie

Last weekend I was seated writing a post I've yet to finish. Katie sat nearby watching a program on TV. On a whim, I wrote a short pledge, took a screen shot of it, and sent it to her. I watched her read it.

You will obey me.
I will ensure you do what I expect.
I will do what is necessary to make sure you remain submissive.
I will monitor your behavior and performance.
I will address lapses in your behavior.
I will lead in the way I feel is best.

"I like this," she said with a smile.

"Do you like it enough to say it, after I pledge my submission to you each morning?"

"I do."

And so she has. It's not long but it says quite a bit. As the leader of our home, the lines that mean most to me are the ones in the middle: lines 3,4,and 5. They speak to the missing pieces of our wife-led marriage. They address the single issue in our relationship - her active participation as the head of household. More than anything, I wish to serve my wife. I love being her submissive. I really do. I especially love it when I not only know she appreciates my efforts but is willing to be involved. I need that involvement. I need her oversight. I need her correction. I want her to talk about us - as dominant and submissive.I need those things because it keeps me in check. It keeps me in my place. It keeps me submissive. It keeps me content. It keeps my mind on her and above all it instills a healthy fear of my wife. 

How can I submit if I can't respect? We went through another mini-meltdown the other week. I continued to say my pledge but the enthusiasm with which I did was less than commendable.  We talked and Katie assured me she'd become more involved as my dominant wife. That was all it took. All it took was for her to say, "I'm willing to try." Of course, if she does and ends up doing what is necessary to make sure I remain submissive and if she monitors me and addresses any lapses - all of which demonstrate evidence of her leadership/dominance, then i will continue to be the compliant 'puppy' who wants to serve and live at her feet.

This post came on the heels of posts by Ms Kaylee and Kathy. They were on the topic of punishment. I sent both to Katie and she read each one. As you know, my wife isn't into punishment and I reassured her I'm not either. I don't want to be punished. I'm not into pain. I'm not into screwing up. But I am into knowing my wife is willing to address issues. There is this need for knowing she 'could' if she wanted. From my vantage point in the relationship, if she has leverage, she has nothing over me. There's nothing that really makes her dominant and there is nothing that really illustrates in a concrete way, my submission to her will.  We agreed. What (I believe) she isn't sure of is: what to do when I mess up (or for that matter when I forget, or inconvenience her).  That's the essence of lines 3,4 and 5.

As an aside, last night we were laying in bed. I asked how I did serving her today.
"You left the door to the laundry room open, just now." (It's a door she wants kept shut.)
Now, I had just gone outside to put garbage into the trash container and noticed it wast't shut. I never gave it a second thought.
"I didn't go into the laundry room," I replied. "I went outside and took out the trash."
Katie started laughing. "Oh, I guess it was me who forgot! Well, at least I brought up something."
"Next time I'll tell you it was me who forgot, so you don't look so bad." I answered.

I'm Hers  

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Positive Fruits of Submission

I'm writing on a somewhat religious topic but for a good reason. There is a passage in the New Testament that describes the changes a person who follows Jesus will experience. The changes were coined by the Apostle Paul and have become known as the fruits of the Spirit. Here's the verse:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Paul professes is that when a believer of God becomes a slave to him, meaning, he/she devotes his life to living according to his teaches, that person will experience change and that change will be positive. The change will be one in which the person moves from the natural mindset of selfishness ("me first) to one of selflessness ("God first") - thus the fruits of the (Holy) Spirit.

I was thinking about the changes in me that have taken place over the better part of the last decade since I've submitted. And there have been changes. There still needs to be more but the ones I've noticed are the consequences of submitting to my wife.  Male submission to a dominant woman changes a man. The more dominant the wife, the greater (or at least more quickly) will change take place. Of course the weaker the dominance, the greater the chance those changes will be limited in scope.

The changes are ones of personality and result from living a life centered on her. As a result it's a life of giving, waiting, anticipating and service. Submission is a lifestyle in which the focus becomes her-centered rather than self-centered.  It's a life of learning to live as she wishes (rather than a life of living how the submissive wishes). It's a life of learning, and eventually conforming to her aspirations.

There is much that rings true with the fruits of the fruits of the spirit passage in Galatians and that of the life of a submissive husband. The Apostle Paul spoke of the changes taking place when a person following Jesus decides to live according to the principle of what would Jesus do. 

When submission takes place, change ultimately follows. Although the change spoken of by Paul is spirit generated, one can ague that the change when a man (religious or not) submits to his wife, he too experiences a spiritual awakening of sorts. It may not be God-centered, but it is indeed an awakening. 

I remember it not taking me very long to realize life would be forever different once Katie began expecting me to assume responsibility for certain aspects of our home - ones she previously took care of.  Preeminent was the realization she was her no longer doing anything in the kitchen.  For me personally, knowing I would be the sole meal provider, kitchen keeper, dish washer and menu preparer was a sobering one. It's a thankless job and one that never ends.

When I submitted I became, albeit mildly, a slave to my wife. That realization I would forever serve Katie, began that process of change. Knowing her wishes were to be my first concern, knowing it was my role to listen and OBEY (gosh, that was a biggie), understanding I was to live according to her standard rather than my own served as the impetus for the positive changes that are surprisingly similar to those listed by Paul.

I recently wrote how I believe submission causes a man to experience an increasing need for his wife as a security figure. One takeaway point from that post, is that submission changes a man.  The point of this post, is that the changes taking place are positive ones. Submitting to another forces one to learn to be more loving, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and exhibit self control. As Paul went on to state, there is no law against exhibiting any of these traits because they are all virtuous qualities.  

When I asked to submit to my wife, I never expected this type of thing to happen. I submitted, in part, because I wanted to experience sexual stimulation. I submitted because I wanted to be controlled by my wife. I submitted because I found a confident, controlling woman attractive and sexy.  What I didn't anticipate were these other refinements in my personality and behavior.

Maybe one of the real benefits to submission isn't the sex or the tease or the denial but the positive character changes that take place when a husband learns what it really means to treat his wife in the same way a knight would honor is queen.

I'm Hers