Saturday, October 13, 2018

Need and Security

Prior to beginning our wife led marriage, and prior to me even knowing such a thing existed, I would have told you a primary role of the male partner is to provide security for the woman in his life. It's what I was taught. It's what my father expected of himself as Mom's husband. It's the example I saw on TV as a boy growing up in the 60's. Boys were to grow up, get a job, get married and be responsible. They were to be the providers and caretakers of their family.

When I accepted the role of the submissive spouse and agreed to Katie's terms of submission, I became a non-entity in many respects. Although I know without question Katie loves me, I also know she expects me to trust her when it comes to financial decisions, relational decisions, and ones regarding my use of time when not at work. Although we discuss how I (we) will spend our time, I have no say when it comes to our finances. She does it all and I trust she is saving and spending earned money wisely.

Since becoming her sub, I believe my need for her as a source of security as also grown. Submission is all about dependency. It's about the man letting go. It's about him learning to trust and learning to obey. It's about the man stepping back. It's about him admiring his wife as she steps to the fore. It's about respecting and honoring her while she leads, decides and directs. It's about the man taking care of his wife but doing so from a position of dependency and obligation rather than doing so out of choice.

It's my contention that when a man submits, he experiences an increasing need for his spouse. I am certain I have become more needy. I have seen the change. Because I look to Katie for leadership, and because I am required to ask permission before doing most everything, my need (my dependency) has naturally grown. I now look to my wife as a primary source of personal security. I express that need by my increased affection. I express it by being physically close. I would much rather sit by her side, or at her feet than be apart. I want to hold her hand, lay my leg against her while in bed, have her lay on me at night, touch her while we drive, etc. I have a need to touch. I have a need to serve. I enjoy serving. I enjoy watching her smile when I do something for her. I have a need for her to verbally approve my efforts. I love when she affirms my service. I love simply being in her presence. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am her house boy, but in many ways I am - and in many ways I want to be that man in her life.

This need, this dependency, is a direct outcome of me letting go. Her control of money, her keeping me in chastity, her deciding when and how we make love, her telling me what chores I must complete, along with me generally caring for her well-being, has impacted how I view her. She is not only my wife, she is the head of our home. She is not only my love, she is the prominent authority figure in my life. I like to think of her as my mistress-wife (my boss-wife, if you don't like the term mistress). Regardless of terminology, she's the one in charge. I'm the one who looks to her for direction.

One of the unforeseen beauties of a female led relationship, is the mutual benefit it provides both. Generally speaking, a girl wants to be loved, she wants to feel safe, she wants to feel secure and she wants her husband to be her protector. My dad was that person for mom. Even though I am Katie's submissive and am required to lean on her for so much, she feels quite protected and secure. How ironic. How cool!

You would think the independence a woman in charge of a female led relationship feels would free her from the constraints of her husband. In some ways she probably does feel free. She is free to decide, free to do what she wants with her time, and free to spend as she pleases. But the irony of it all, at least in our marriage, is that Katie wants to be with me even more than before. Yes she is free to do and live and decide as she wishes, but she is still the same girl inside. She is still that girl who wants to be loved and protected, just as my mom wishes to feel loved and protected by dad.

If you were to ask Katie what she loves most about a FLR she will tell you, "I love that he takes care of me". How unsexy and unkinky is that? :) What she will tell you if you press her for clarity is, she loves to see and feel my affection. She loves me working on her behalf. She loves and admires my devotion. It's that affection aspect that I would term my 'neediness' and 'dependency'. In essence, she loves being in an intense love-relationship and not in a so-so marriage. Her independence doesn't result in her stepping away but rather toward me. She doesn't readily think, 'finally, I can do what I want' but rather, 'I love making decisions that will be best for us'. Her independence along with my dependence, bonds us. It's a two-way bond. It's not one where I am forced to be needy while she seeks freedom and independence apart from me. Not at all.

I don't know if Katie would completely agree, but since she has become the head of our home, she has been forced to become stronger. Because she is the decision maker, she has had to trust her gut more. Not only has she been pressed into leadership, she's also had to deal with me and my issues. She's had to confront me when I've disobeyed and instrucd me when she'd probably rather not. I believe that as roles change,so does our personality and our viewpoint on varying circumstances and situations. How I view something has her submissive might be quite different than how she views it as the governing mistress. I believe Katie has changed. She has become stronger, more confident, more decisive, she has the added role of being my security blanket as well.

I am certain she loves both. I'm certain she loves knowing I have a need to be with, and rely on, her. I'm also quite certain she loves the devotion my submission as promoted. I'm around more. I ask permission more. I affirm more. I depend more. All of this dependency has forced me to remain emotionally close and her feel safe. It's allowed her to be content, knowing my heart only yearns for hers. It's enabled us both to depend on one another in ways we never imagined.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Disagreeing the Right Way

I was listening to a psychologist talk to a middle age couple. The topic of arguing and handling disagreements arose. The psychologist made the following statement:

The goal to a disagreement is not to win. Rather, the goal of a disagreement is to let your partner understand how you feel and then be willing to leave it with them. What you don’t want to do is to win. Although winning feels good (and it is a natural desire), if you win then they end up feeling like a looser. Who wishes for them to feel this way. The goal is not victory. The goal is to be heard.

I’ve been thinking about these words for the past week or so. It’s an interesting and powerful thought. I've considered it from the mindset of a traditional marriage and one that is female led.

The difficulty with the above, is not presenting how you feel, although as a submissive, I find doing even that to be sometimes difficult. The difficulty is letting go. It is opening one's heart, expressing a desire and then leaving it with her. It's not knowing if that desire will ever really be considered. And if it is, it may never be granted. For me, the most difficult aspect of my submission to Katie is this. It's telling her what I'd like, what I'm feeling, what I'm worried about and then letting go. It's the vulnerability of being powerless.

I have had a continual internal battle of wanting things but not getting them. Those wants is what prompted the writer of the email in the last post to write. She could see I was heading back down the same rabbit-hole I’ve entered a hundred times before. It is one in which the only thing I will find is disappointment because I didn’t get what I hoped.

I just took a break from this post. Katie had been sitting nearby watching TV. We just had a brief talk. Once again, I shared my desire to submit. I shared how I would love to be broken as ‘her’ submissive. What I mean when I say 'broken' is to be at that point mentally where I truly live to serve; where my service no longer is a me-focus but a her-focus. Each morning I tell her as a part of my pledge, “I want to live my life in service to you” and yet there are so many times (too many times) when my emotions contradict that very statement. It's been so difficult to remove the 'me' from my submission.

Here’s a recent example. Just yesterday we left town on a day-trip. While driving, I mentioned how I missed saying my pledge. Katie was driving. She responded by telling me I could say it now. Hearing this caused me to feel exceptionally close and I wanted to express those feelings. I leaned her way. I stroked her shoulder and touched a little too close to her breasts for Katie's comfort.

“I don’t want you touching me there. People (in cars) might see you.”

Immediately I pulled away. Immediately I felt this ‘ugh’ feeling. Immediately I didn’t feel like pledging my submission. In many ways, I immediately made her remark all about me. My response was selfish and not one in which I put her first. To her credit she insisted I say my pledge which I did – but did so with a little less heartfelt desire than I should.

Tonight I reminded her of this 30 second blip in our life. Katie mentioned how she could feel me retreat emotionally.

“I don’t want to pull away," I said. "I want to live up to the words I tell you everyday. How can I get past this? What needs to happen for me to get beyond making some things about me and not you?”

We resolved the issue of our pledge. What I've yet to resolve is my selfish attitude. I took the advice of the good doctor. I expressed how I felt. I expressed my desire to be different. I expressed my need for her help, support or correction. And now I let go. I didn't insist we arrive at a solution. I left it all in her capable hands. I’m hoping she heard me. I hope she will speak to me more as we work through a problem we both realize exists and isn’t healthy to our relationship.

Living in a WLM is unique in many ways. In the realm of spousal conflict it's quite unique. The dominant maintains all of the power while the submissive has none. With most things, it is the woman who decides - or it is the woman who grants the husband the power to decide on her behalf when she cares not. In all cases, it is the dominant partner who retains all of the power. When we have an issue, Katie has every right to tell me, "Don't do this again" or "Add this to your list to do every Tuesday." I cannot, nor do I wish, to have that same freedom. It's the life we have both chosen. 

To dovetail female led disagreements with the example I presented, all I can do is express thoughts and feelings. I can hope she will consider but I cannot make her do anything. Had the situation been reversed, the way we'd go about handling it would have been quite different. Katie could have insisted I do things certain ways and I would have obeyed. My expectations when conflicts arise are quite different than my neighbor husband who lives in an egalitarian relationship. The neighbor spouses each hold power (or at least they believe they do :) whereas I've given all of mine to my wife.  Katie holds it all.

But isn't that how it should be in a WLM? When the husband has an issue, shouldn't he present it to his wife? Shouldn't he share how he feels? Shouldn't she listen and consider? And shouldn't she weigh the pros and cons of what he just said before deciding? And shouldn't the submissive wait patiently for her to do all of this, knowing she may rethink thoughts but then again, decide change is not what is best?  It's the great paradox between the sexes when living in a wife led marriage.

And so, I ask you: do you argue to win? Do you argue or disagree differently because you live within the framework of a female led relationship? If so, has this been helpful or burdensome? Good or bad? Love to hear your thoughts.

I'm Hers

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Writing on a lighter topic: Doing my age

A few years ago I got the idea of ‘doing my age’ in push-ups had having as my goal of reaching that number by the end of the year. I thought about the idea for a few weeks but tossed it aside. It seemed impossibly hard. The following year I had similar thoughts but quickly decided I didn’t want to try. After all, I have never been able to do that many push-ups – not even close to that many. Instead, I decided to sit back in a comfortable chair, break out a bag of potato chips and watch a ball game. Ah, the easy life. How sweet it was.

This year came and again I thought about taking on this same task. Of course, the number required went up by three since that first silly idea moment three years go. Since then my strength has continually deteriorated. And so, I did nothing – that is until June. I have no idea why, but one morning I got down on my hands and toes and grunted out 15 push-ups. They were hard. Too hard. I was disgusted at how weak I had become. It was game on. But I’m not a youngster anymore. I’m getting old and although I love challenges, I needed to be careful. I needed to allow time for my body to adapt to the new stressor. I also knew I had time – a little more than six months to add another 45 (or there about) push-ups to the initial 15.

And so I started by doing a set of 15 every day that first week. No more, no less. On the second week I added a second set. I intended to make this as easy as possible so I took at least 10 minutes between the first and second set. Often I rested much longer. I took my time. For example I would do a set at 10 that morning and wait until 2 in the afternoon to do the second. But I built up to three sets within a few weeks.

Every now and again I’d test my limits. Once I could do 20, I’d move the required reps up. Eventually I went from 15 to 20 to 25 and eventually to sets of 30.

With each progression it felt like I was at my limit (and I was) but as I kept at it, my body responded. Because I had no expectations, I didn’t stress when I failed. Some days I rested and allow my arms to recover. On other days I pushed a little harder. On some, when I felt kind of blah, I might do a set at my target number and then a few sets of five or ten repetitions less. It didn’t bother me not performing at my best every day. What I never lost focus was I kept at it.

What helped me to be consistent was my chore list. I put “exercise” on that list. Katie never asked much about it. At most, she’d ask if I exercised today. But every evening I had to either mark off my daily list as having done what I was set to do or not. There was no punishment when I failed but I would tell Katie if I felt a need to take a day off.

In September I was able to do sets of 35 and then just last week I texted Katie: “I just did 3 sets of 40! I feel so good!!!”

So yes, I am still a long way from my goal but I have 3 months to get there. In the back of my mind I’d like to get to 45 by November and sets of 50 by December, I think if I can get ‘there’ I might be able to grunt out the final repetitions to reach a goal that seemed so impossible just three months ago.

Recently I added pull ups to my routine…. Just a set or two each day. It was an easy addition since there is a bar at work that doubles well as a pull up bar – and no, it’s not a copper hot water pipe :)

So what’s my point ? I tell you this because I believe men thrive when setting goals. With that said, it can be difficult to set a goal on January 1 and expect to follow through until the end of the year. That’s a long time. However, starting in October and only having to go at something consistently for 90 days doesn’t sound nearly as daunting.

Here’s my suggestion: Pick something you would like to try. It may be walking your age in minutes. It may be walking your age in laps. It may be climbing your age in stairs. or devoting your age in minutes every day to your wife. It may be doing your age with any form of exercise. It may be limiting your TV time to no more than your age or losing your age in ounces. Whatever comes to mind, or whatever comes to your wife’s mind that she deems a good idea, give it a go. You may (in time) find you actually enjoy it.

As for me, I did 2 sets of push-ups this morning and now some seven hours later, I have one set still to do. I just mowed the lawn so I think I’ll wait a while longer before attempting one last set.

Enjoy your week.

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Violating Protocol

One of the wisest individuals I’ve had the opportunity to know once told me, “absolute consistency is a sign of a small mind”. He went on to explain: “if you refuse to change and adapt when necessary you will find yourself not always making the best choice. Sometimes you can’t do the same thing every time.”

And so I am violating protocol. I’m going to post this without allowing Katie to first read what I have to say. But in my defense, I have my reasons and I believe she would approve. So hear goes.

Last week I posted on the topic of a dominant wife’s need to fully take her husband in order for her to fully enjoy all he is able to give. I stand by my words. I believe that if a woman fully accepts her responsibility to dominate she (and he) will experience intimacy at a level unparalleled when compared to only giving lip-service to living in a wife led marriage. Many of you commented stating your agreement with my premise. Others suggested I not press on but instead drop the issue. Personally, I don’t want to drop the issue. I want to press on. I want her to come to the point where she has the confidence to do what she wants – and even, do what she wants to me – because she has the right to do so.

After writing, I received an email from a dominant woman. She sided with those of you who believed I should walk carefully. In part she said the following: “I am not at all suggesting that you be satisfied with the status quo, but you do need to exercise caution. In spite of all the benefits your Katie is reaping from this relationship, it is toxic to her if she feels that she is always falling short in your eyes. Few things will cause a woman to retreat from something as the ever-present reminder of failure. You will gain more ground if you can exercise patience, and for every one "suggestion" provide her with 10 compliments. Make her feel good about you doing more for her. Treat her like royalty without expecting her to treat you like a slave.”

Maybe it was the tone of this woman’s letter. Maybe it was my state of mind at the time I read her note. For whatever reason, her words touched my heart and in them I saw the flaw of me wanting (and pushing her for more) when instead I need to focus on giving. I need to let go. I must let go. I need to affirm. I need to pursue. I need to initiate. I need to love. I need to value. I need to be forever grateful for her accepting my submission and assuming leadership of our home.

And so I have decided to embrace all the gifts this woman I love currently gives me. Since that decision, it’s been a joy to kneel and pledge my love and submission each morning. Performing chores has become less burdensome. I don’t expect a ‘great job’ after completing one or many. I simply do them because I know that is what she wants from me. I do them because that is what a submissive husband does. He is not her equal. I am not her equal. I live to serve and that is what I must do.

I don’t want Katie to know the motivation for me acting more positive. All I want her to see is a different me. I want her to enjoy a husband who does all she asks and more without question. I want her to not be burdened with being the dominant partner. I don’t want her to have to deal with a husband who appears less than pleased but not know why. I want her to reflect on my efforts when I am away and feel good about all I do and feel good about my obedience and know she has has a husband she can’t help but please.

I am going to affirm, affirm, affirm. I want her to feel my unbridled love. Of course, my hope is she will want to someday be comfortable enough to more fully assert her dominance and take from me a little more. For now, I will be content to submit and submit only – and remain content doing so.

Love to hear your thoughts.

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Getting All Requires Demanding All

I think most of the mild to moderate dominant women in the world want enough of their husbands in order to feel their love, their attention, and their appreciation but I don’t believe they take the time to ponder how their husbands' mind work and how they can make that mind work to their benefit. They fail to realize that if they only assumed a more controlling/dominant/demanding posture, they would ironically meet so many of their husbands' submissive needs. By being that woman, they would draw out his love, allow him to be more affectionate, and gain his attention and heart in ways that might surprise her. In other words, by being more demanding she can get exactly what she wants. She’d get the love and attention and devotion she craves. But to get her needs met, she’ll need to act in a way that is outside of her comfort zone. She'll have to actually become the dominant wife she believes in her heart she is (but really isn't).

Does that make sense? Does it make sense that by being more of who she really says she is, but who she doesn't want to self-associate (e.g., the demanding wife), she will get to experience more of that 'good him' and eventually see less of that 'just ok’ side of him. She'll be able to relish in his doting love (that is hidden inside) and see less of that quiet, closed, aloof man that fails to open his heart the way she wishes. She'll have a husband who wishes to express his love, wishes to spend time with her, wishes to open up about his day and wishes to go above and beyond in his efforts to please.

But to experience that, she'll have to exert some effort. The question is: How much effort? Personally I don't think it takes much. Yes, it will probably require a little more for a few months but then most likely just a little. She'll need to reframe his worldview on who is most important. She'll have to make sure he understands if he doesn't step up his game, there will be a price to pay. She'll have to exert more control She'll have to pay attention to what he is and isn't doing and respond appropriately. She'll have to have the strength to tell him, "because you didn't do this, I'm taking this privilege away from you for a few days," and let him deal with the consequences of his inattentiveness.

I know If I were that woman, I think I'd think long and hard about the possibility of getting even more good out of the man I love most.

What women like Katie and other mild-dominants fail to recognize is that if they would only address their submissive-husband more firmly they would gain so much more. But in order to reap the benefits there needs to be a change in mindset. (The mindset would need to be or along the lines of actually embracing the fact that, he belongs to me; that, I deserve this; that, this is what he wants, that, how dare he think he can do less when I know he has the ability to do more; that, I can't believe he would give me less than his very best, and finally, that, I'm going to have to punish him so this doesn't happen again). You see, by creating distinct and real boundaries that he can see (like deadlines, chore lists, charts, time limits, etc.) and by having the guts to render a consequence when he chooses to disobey or not complete what you expect you not only teach him to not repeat the behavior, you SPEAK his love language in ways nothing else can. It's an ironic twist that strictness can be an expression of love but I know firsthand it absolutely is.

Earlier today I was reading through some notes I had formerly jotted down on this topic. Katie happened to be in the room and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was thinking about a post and then read her what I had written down. It was this: "if she doesn’t ever really take me she won’t ever really have me."

Her comment, which I assume was in defense of her belief that she really does own all of me was, "well I told you what things I want you to do today", She said this (with the belief that) if she merely told me what I was to do it would be enough. Inwardly I shook my head. That is our issue right there. How many times have we discussed it’s not JUST about her telling me what to do. It’s making sure that what she tells to do gets done and gets done on her time schedule. It's not about telling me to do these 10 things but rather telling me she wants these things done and me knowing that if I don't get her list complete there will be consequences rendered.). That's what ownership looks like.  As it is, if I don't get this and this done today, it's no big deal. And it's not that I typically ignore her but rather know that if I don't get to it, it's OK with her.  If she owned me. If she had the fortitude to render consequences, I think I would at least plead my case if I couldn't get something finished.

"Katie, can I work on this tomorrow. It's taking me longer than expected." Knowing she expects something and realizing I can't meet that expectation would force me to come to her (that's submission). It would cause me to ask for time (that's dependent submission). She would then have to deal with my plea (that's putting her into a position of power). She would have the option of granting me more time (about which I would be grateful). She would have the option to say no, get this done now (that's expressing dominance). She has the power to bargain: "OK, but I want this done by tomorrow evening as well" (that's expressing dominance and reminding me who owns who. 

And if I chose not to complete the task she can render a consequence to negatively reinforce poor behavior.
All that sounds like a lot of work on her part but it really requires very little effort. Less we forget, the work required is not what is important. What is important is the desired change. What isn’t as important is whatever inconvenience she (or me) experience while addressing said infraction. It's not about any one single incident but about enhancing our D/s relationship. Dealing with a small brush-fire is never really about the here and now, it's about the overall relationship. It establishes and reinforces roles. It creates a pattern that both soon acknowledge and accept. It reminds both parties of who they are, and in the case of the submissive, it ironically (and this is important) allows her to express 'dominant' love to him.  And ladies, if you don't get that you should talk with your husband and better understand how he responds to your tough love. It's that important - at least I believe it is.

As for me personally, it’s not that I want to disobey. I don’t. But I am sometimes lazy and I am sometimes forgetful, and I am sometimes selfish and I do put my needs ahead of hers at times. And all of that sometimes gets in the way of me serving her. All are expressions of my independence rather than expressions of expected dependence. I find a lack of oversight (on her part) to be frustrating and that frustration reveals itself by me NOT wanting to go over and above. And every time I behave this manner, there is no consequence - and that lack of consequence is a reinforcer. It's a reinforcer that verifies it is OK to behave this way. It is OK to put me before she. It encourages me to act this way again. And it is this behavior that stifles the love, attention, devotion and even husbandly worship she most cherishes.

For example, the other day we were about to leave the house. Katie is a stickler for leaving on a set time: 11 AM, 12:45 PM, etc. In this instance she wanted to leave by noon and she let me know, "We're leaving in 12 minutes," she told me at 11:48. And, as if on cue, she left the house at 11:59 AM and got into her car. I was about to follow but noticed there were dishes in the sink that need to be rinsed and put in the dishwasher. I knew she was out there but rather than leaving the dishes and hurrying out to open the car door for her as I knew I should, I decided to clean the dishes. It took a few minutes of work and I remember thinking," it won't matter that I keep her waiting". And so I did what I wanted (rather than what she wanted and did so without consequence). Now Katie didn't know of my poor attitude but she was aware I didn't drop everything to leave when she exited the house. She knew I wasn't there to open her car door. She knew I was inside doing who knows what while she impatiently waited for me to appear. There were quite a few indicators that I didn't measure up to her standard. I put my desires above hers. And what was the lesson learned? Because there was absolutely no consequence, I learned that it was OK to put my needs before hers again.

Because she doesn’t render a consequence for me being late; because she is OK with me not organizing her vitamins for the upcoming week when she wants; because I'm not held accountable whenever I don't vacuum the floor on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday as she told me to do, I am permitted to live my life as her semi-submissive and semi-selfish husband.  And to be honest I don't like being a semi-submissive. I want to be hers. I want to know I am hers. I want to feel her ownership. I hate being a honey-do guy who simply does chores to do chores. Submission isn't about chores. It's about knowing I'm owned. It's about being kept on the straight and narrow. It's about obeying her with the little things in order for her to know I will obey when it really matters. It's about her being willing to change my mindset from a 'me-first' thinking pattern to a 'her-first' way of looking at life. It's about her living as the queen in our home and expecting queen-like service.

Sadly, I am a husband that is kind-of a submissive but fully so. It's not the best place for a submissive to be. Hanging out in limbo-land does not fill my heart with feelings of love from my dominant wife. But I can't make myself owned. Until she decides to make owning me a higher priority than what it currently is, she will never get my very best - at least not consistently. She knows what my best looks like. She's seen it and felt it. She's also seen the so-so, moody side of me which isn't so desirable. She's had plenty of time to figure out the if/than response when exerting firm leadership and how positively I respond to it. She knows I have a need to be owned, controlled as well as a need to feel her dominance. She knows how much love I have to give. She knows there is this side of me that wants to worship, wants to kneel before her, wants to kiss her feet, wants to dote all over her and let her know without question, just how much I love her.

Because I know she loves the owned me, I don't understand why she won't really take all of me and do what it takes to make that happen - which is to step up her game and render consequences.

To do so, would mean not only saying thank you for something I've done well, but 'punishing' when I don't. Is trying this way of leading such a scary thought? Is experimenting with rendering consequences so fearful that it petrifies her to say "you’re not watching a football game this weekend because you didn’t do this and this and this like I told you". I mean is standing up to me and putting me in my place so bad? Is it so bad for her to say to me, "you’re staying locked tonight and tomorrow night because you didn’t get out of bed when I told you to get up and go make my coffee." I mean we’re not talking about me spending three months in prison. We’re talking about her training me like she said she would. We're talking about her reminding me I am to live in service to her. We're talking about her making it quite clear whenever I crossed a line I wasn't to cross that it will not be tolerated. We're talking about her addressing a specific behavior to limit its recurrence in the hope that by doing so, it will be less likely to happen again. We're talking about her expressing dominant-love in a way I crave. It's about me understanding that my list of chores isn't just a honey-do list, but rather, an expression of my submissive service to the woman I look up to with each and every chore I complete. It's about her demanding obedience and not tolerating semi-compliance.

I keep waiting for her to become this woman. I keep waiting for her to reinforce day after day we are not equals. I keep waiting for her to come to understand that by being demanding, it will push me to do better. It will cause me to love and respect her all the more. 

I'll say this once again: If she isn't willing to truly take all of me as her own, she won't ever really own all of me.
Can I be any clearer? Can others identify? Love to hear your thoughts. Love to have Katie change how she handles me when I don't do all she requires.

I'm Hers

Sunday, September 9, 2018

We are so different

Thanks to those who took the time to share your thoughts. They really were helpful. After reading from so many, I now feel a bit guilty for being so selfish by feeling as if I needed ya’lls validation. Rather than looking at the few comments that are written I need to remember there are many who come regularly to read and take what I say with them to consider or share with their spouse. That thought, more than any is what so many of you revealed. But please understand, your thoughts do help me to come up with general topics of discussion that result in posts unlike the one below (which is more along the line of an experiential post). One more thing, I added a google version of like buttons at the end of posts. If you want me to change them, all I need is your suggestions. Again, thanks to all!  Now onto the post……

If there is one area in our relationship in which I’ve truly submitted it is our sexual aspect. There isn’t, nor has there been for years me ‘talking her into sex’ or pushing my desire on her. She doesn’t mind my affection and I’m sure she knows my underlying wishes when I am a bit more ‘attentive’ to her body. Yet, we both know that unless she wants to it ain't going to happen and I have no say in changing her mind.

But today was a Saturday. Our morning was open. No responsibilities. No company. No pressing items to take care of. That opened the door to the possibility (not that a pressing, crazy day to come would change my mind as how to start it). And so when we woke I made a few advances. None of that gave me any indication they were working but she finally rolled my way and started touching me. Ahh, I had a chance. This behavior almost always with her telling me she wants to. I laid there and let her enjoy me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked eventually. I’m one of those kind of guys and she is one of those kind of women. I’m the ‘I’d love to get inside your head type’ and she’s the ‘I really don’t feel like telling you what’s going on inside mine’ type. Opposites really do attract. Nevertheless, I wanted to know what she was thinking. Surely she was feeling close to her husband. As she touched me she was thinking about how good I felt and loved what it was that was inside her grip. I mean, it was me and I do have an ego :) I waited a few seconds for her to tell me.

“I was wondering if I needed to text my daughter or if she was going to text me about what we are going to do later today.”

Inwardly I groaned. I mean, can we be any less romantic? Can she crush my male ego any harder? Can she dwell on something any more remote from her actions than that? Am I that inadequate as a man down there that it fascinates so little?

OK, two can play this game I considered as life retreated from a certain part of me. 

“So were you imagining yourself stroking her arm or something?” Katie loves soft touches on her arm so I thought making that analogy made for a nice jab considering what she was doing.

She started giggling and I soon followed. Cuddling in a little closer she resumed her touch and eventually we shared some time together a bit more intimately.

Once things came to an end she got up feeling satisfied and me left wanting. It’s how it ends every time except for when she’s feeling especially generous which isn’t very often. I expected her to tell me to ‘lock up and go down and make my coffee’ while she went into the bathroom. She left me without telling me anything but from the bathroom she called back, “We need to mow the lawn.”

Ugh! Who wants to mow the lawn on a hot southern Saturday morning? But the lawn got done and she ended up texting her daughter.

I don’t know about you but as a guy, I think so differently than her, especially when it comes to sex. There is nothing more important, nothing I’d rather be engaged in and nothing that touches me so deeply. I dread the day when things down there stop working and I’ve had that discussion with her. Her response was more along the lines of ‘oh well’ I’ll still love you. My response was sheer devastation at hearing such a nonplus statement.

Likewise, when I touch her, nothing else matters. Even thoughts of the NFL, March Madness, or who’s going to pitch in the upcoming World Series game vanishes from my thoughts. It’s all about her. It’s all about loving what I’m touching. It’s all about looking at her beauty. It’s all about wanting more. It’s never about me texting about some trivial question as it was for her.

Even though I’m getting older I still do not understand the mind of a female. They are truly mysterious (wonderfully mysterious) creatures. And as the Muppets once sang: Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them. There’s something irresisti-bullish about’em.”

Enjoy your week

I’m Hers

And if you want to smile : Watch this short vid:

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Considering calling it quits

I've been thinking about this for quite some time but in the spirit of transparency I felt a need to share why.  I've included a cut and paste from a page of the blog. This page allows me to see dates blogs were posted, how many views (reads) it received and the number of comments.  It's the comments section I'd like you to consider. As you can see they are all in the lower-single digits with about half of those comments coming from me responding to those who wrote.

For me, comments serve as the fuel to continue. They give me ideas. They connect me with you in small ways (and for those who have commented often, thank you).  One can only talk to themselves for so long without feeling as if their content is of little or no value to others.  I don't write much along the line of kinky sex and I'm sure there are those who come seeking such titillating material. Rather I tend to write more about our daily life and on general topics of FLR/WLM.

So, with that said, I am wondering if this blog as lived it's life.  I'm open to suggestions as to how to make it more pertinent to those who have an interest in it and am willing to listen.  As one who use to hand out evaluations to students at the end of a semester, the reviews that served absolutely no purpose in making a future class better were the ones that stated, "your the greatest, I'd change absolutely nothing in this class, bla, bla bla".  The ones that helped most were the ones that pointed out areas where I could improve or what was especially helpful for them.  Would love to hear from you.

Thanks for considering.

I'm Hers