Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Christianity, Female Dominance, and Male Submission

Some time ago I read an interesting post as well as some thought-provoking comments regarding Domme's leading their submissive husbands and relating it to their faith as a Christian woman.  If you are interested you can read the post and attached comments at this link and I'd encourage you to do so.

As a Christian man, I too have wrestled with the thought of becoming a submissive and how it impacted me as a believer in God and follower of Jesus.  What I personally found so thought-provoking, and wondered as I read the above posts and similar posts from other bloggers during the past months, is the basis for such statements I read that included: 'it's my christian duty' and that the 'woman has a right and obligation (before God) to discipline her husband' (paraphrased). I wondered what the foundation for such statements was.

Of course, this post brought forth the radical right response of one anonymous poster who commented several times but it also brought forth a more 'leftist' post as well. One commented that "Christianity allows for husband's and wives to do as they enjoy".  I think I understand the intent of the latter post but there are limits there as well. For example, I don't believe cuckholding within a marriage has a biblical basis (eg. Sodom and Gomorrah story).

I will explain my position at some point as I have thought about this long and hard.  In fact, I refused to ask Katie to be my dominant until I first felt as if I, as a submissive male could live the life as both a Christian and as a submissive under Katie's loving guidance. I also didn't want to put her into position by asking her to be the dominant one in our relationship if would also compromise her faith as a Christian woman and wife that wanted to live in harmony with scriptural teachings.  But that, I will save for another time.  Until then, I would welcome the thoughts of others on this topic.
Until then,

Friday, March 25, 2011

Delicious Words

One evening last week, Katie and I were lying in bed cuddling and kissing. After some time she uttered those magical words, "Lick me."

As I repositioned myself between her legs and asked if I could put the pillow that we keep next to the bed under her hips, I proceeded to lick her to one orgasm after another.  I don't know about you but ordered 'there' - knowing that I am giving her the ultimate gift of pleasure is like nothing else. To just 'play' with her senses using nothing more than my tongue is the best! To be able to be that close to her most intimate part - her sex - is what I live for. Pleasing her orally is as wonderful as, if not better than sex itself.

I watched her, fondled her breasts as I ran my tongue over her clit and in and around her vagina, held her hips as she undulated and later bucked them as her orgasm neared, watched her body from beneath soaking in the beauty of her soft breasts and thoroughly enjoyed the moment as she lay - eyes closed - enjoying every bit of the attention I gave her.

Finally I was commanded once more, "Come up here."

I knew those words were coming. I didn't know when, but I knew they would come eventually. Those words meant intercourse.  Next to the bed on my nightstand are two bottles - one contains massage oil, and the other olive oil that I use to lubricate my penis before penetration.

As I was oiling, I asked, "Can I make a request?"


"Would you be on top this time?"

"Yes," she whispered.

She took full control, lowering herself on me, rocking and moving as she as she used my body for her own pleasure. As we made love and as things heated up, Katie exercised her true dominance as she leaned over me, stationary, her hips just above mine, her eyes riveted on me as she forced me with unspoken words to penetrate and please her as I knew she liked best. 

The words she next spoke came breathy, whispered, and sensuous as another orgasm approached, "I want you to cum inside me and then I'm going to crawl up over your face and you're going to open your mouth. I'm going to watch your cum drip from my pussy into your mouth and then you're going to eat it," she gasped.  We came together as one successive wave of ecstasy after another drenched our bodies. We became one.

The sex was fantastic but to hear those words - those directives that I spoke about in a previous post, that is what I live for. There's nothing like hearing those words.  Yes, consuming my ejaculate is what she expects of me every time I cum but to be told to do so added an entirely new dimension of submissiveness to the task. I read another blog recently posed by Subservient Husband in which he too described the pleasure of being forced to submit. Knowing that 'she' has the power to do anything she wants with me is a gift I love and when that gift has sexual pinnings it is special indeed.

After I licked her and she moved off me, we cuddled once more. She kissed and savored the remnants of what I had consumed. I heard her moan with delight as she shared with me. Her moans of pleasure were another gift she gave me. Kissing, hugging we shared intimately - our bodies intertwined and incredibly close.

The night was heavenly and ended with me massaging her for another hour before we finally went to bed. To serve her in so many ways, knowing that I made her feel loved, adored, special was such a treat. To the outsider it would appear that I was the one that 'gave' and she was the one that 'took', and in some ways she did 'take', but she also gave me so much in return. She filled me emotionally in so many ways. She not only allowed me release but she gave me the privilege of enjoying her, of pleasing her, of submitting to her. Even more than all of that, I could sense her enjoyment as she touched, used and pleasured herself - using me - using my body - as the source of that pleasure.  We both fell asleep fully and completely content, each having addressed the deepest wants and desires of the other.

I can't wait to hear those same delicious words again - hopefully sooner rather than later.

Til next time,

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Surprising Conversation

As soon as Katie closed said goodbye to our dear friends that had come over for dinner last weekend she turned to me and exclaimed, “Now there is something you can write about in your blog!”
We had just spent the evening enjoying a great dinner and socializing with Audrey and Mike.  I had cooked the dinner while the other three chatted nearby on the patio. As Katie and Audrey spread the crisp, white linen tablecloth over the table, Audrey commented, “The queens need to sit at the heads of the table.”
“I think that sounds like a good idea to me,” replied Katie.
Nothing more was said on this topic until partway through dinner when Mike commented how he was in ‘knight-mode’. I asked what that meant and he told me how his wife Audrey was now in ‘queen-mode’.  He went on to explain that knight-mode meant serving the queen, and although he could ask for permission to be in king-mode, the queen had the option to tell him ‘no’ or inform him he was done living in king-mode.  What he was really talking about was dominance and submission.
Katie and I looked at one another and smiled as the conversation continued. Mostly we just listened to their thoughts on this subject and I kept asking Mike questions to keep him talking about his thoughts.  I learned that Audrey, who is a writer wanted to write her next book on this topic; that things seemed to go much smoother for the two of them when the queen was in charge; and that the reason why the queen ruled was because she was better suited for it and Mike presented several reasons to support his premise.
Katie and I often joke about telling our friends about our way of life but never really gave much thought that we may indeed already have friends that also share a similar relational style. Audrey and Mike were not true dominants and submissives since they shift in and out of those roles, but they do tend to profess to the idea of the queen being the dominant more often than not. For me this was an eye-opening conversation as it implied that the D/s lifestyle is most likely much more prevalent than I had ever imagined.

Friday, March 18, 2011

The gift of Touch

Today I asked Katie if she enjoyed sex or massages better. She paused before she answered so I knew right then that the decision wasn't obvious.  I won't tell you what she said but I will say that she absolutely loves me giving her a massage and I know she expects one nightly.

To those that criticize the D/s lifestyle, this is one area where we submissives excel. Where outside of FLM and FLR and D/s relationships or whatever term you want to use, does a woman have the right to tell her lover that she'd like a massage and dictate how long it is given - and expect it every night?!! I think there are very few vanilla relationships in which this 'gift' is given so often and so freely. And besides, how many guys get to sit astride, or next to, their beautiful wife while she is laying completely naked and unashamed in a darkened warm bed and touch her body and visually soak in her beauty - and get to do it EVERY day of the week!  I'm salivating just thinking about that thought!

I  have a bit of a massage background and a pretty thorough understanding of the musculoskeletal anatomy so it's especially enjoyable to run my hands over her body and feel what is under my fingers, palms and forearms as I tend to her. Sometimes Katie even jokes and asks me if I'm thinking about the names and attachments of the muscles I'm touching. She can read my mind and probably tell when I get distracted from focusing on her to reviewing my anatomy. lol

The other day we got away for two nights and after spending some time in the hot-tub she told me to massage her. I remember starting it at 11:18 that night and I didn't finish until almost 12:30.  The following night I started around 10:30 and finished some 45 minutes later and she never even turned over to let me massage her front. The time just flies and now, I don't even wonder if I've done it 'long enough', rather I just am thankful that I can touch her until she is ready to sleep or until it comes to it's natural end for the evening.

I love our times each night. She lays stretched out on her back, side or stomach depending on what part of her beautiful body she wants me to focus and I try to work my magic by limbering and loosening any tense muscles but mostly just spend time touching her in the quiet of the night. Sometimes we talk, sometimes it's just silent. Often I'm the one talking as she relaxes and listens to the thoughts I share from my day that I've not told her. She loves the feel of my hands on her body. The power of touch cannot be under-estimated, and in a relationship, and every time I massage her, she can feel my love and devotion as I share this gift of touch in such an intimate way.

I don't know how you massage your dominant but her are a few techniques that I use:

1. Use a good lotion. I personally use Nutrogena's Sesame oil. It's light, doesn't absorb too quickly, leaves a pleasant odor and when I'm all done, she doesn't feel like she's coated in slime.  I'm sure there are other lotions out there but this is my favorite. I'd suggest you don't use a water-based lotion unless you want to stop often to keep applying it as it will evaporate quickly.

2. Make sure she is warm. Laying naked in a room that is chilly doesn't work so make sure the room is a comfortable temperature, and with that said, if she is self conscious about her body, make sure the room is dark.

3. Dim the lights and turn the radio/iPod down so it is background music and not front-ground noise.

4. Effleurage strokes that run from the toes to the hips or hands to the shoulders help to drain the body of fluids (lymph) and are great strokes to use. That doesn't mean you can't go the other way, it just means that massaging from away to near, should be a part of your massaging routine - especially before leaving that body area and moving on to another.

5. All muscles relax when pressure is applied. It's a principle that is universally true. Use that to your advantage. Massage is pressure, so in and of itself it is relaxing. But if you find knots - those ropey areas- take some time and apply firm pressure, work the muscles back and forth - to and fro - and see if you can soften those taut bands then apply those effleurage strokes that drain the tissues of wastes before you move to another area.

6. Most muscles run from ankle to hip and hand to shoulder. Massaging across the grain, spreads these fibers. A muscle that is tight, won't spread as it should so massaging perpendicular to the orientation of the muscle is a great way for helping it to relax by encouraging it to spread as it should.

7. Make use of long axis traction. Move up above her head and grasp it from behind and gently distract her head. Hold that traction for several minutes on end.  Consider applying pressure right where the spine starts, at the base of the head as you do.  Remember - stretching initiates a reflex contraction so apply it slowly and gently to get the lengthening of the tissues without the undesired mucle contractions that are counterproductive to what you desire. I took a course earlier this year and held a persons head for 20 minutes as I applied traction. It's a soothing stretch and you need to be patient and very comfortable yourself if you intend to give her a nice cervical stretch to milk away the stresses of life that can build in the upper neck.

You  can also apply long axis traction to the extremities.  Last night I was straddling her thighs while she was laying on her stomach and applying traction to her arms by  pulling them toward me as I held her wrist.  It's a great stretch and allows you to stretch the fascia - those nonelastic bands that tighten up as we age.  You need to be patient, hold it for a few minutes.... maybe  massage her arm with your other hand if you wish, but just lean back and let her tissues stretch. She won't feel the same stretch as when you stretch a muscle but it can be a very relaxing technique you can add to your arsonal and she will thank you for it later :)

8. Mix it up. Use your whole hand. Use just your finger tips. Use your entire forearm from elbow to knuckle (Katie's absolute favorite), trace random patterns with one finger-tip or your whole hand, let your right hand follow the path your left hand is traveling. start in the middle and move in opposite directions with both hands, go faster, go slower, go as light as you possibly can, massage her head, comb her hair; straddle her body and apply firm downward pressure along a leg, or back with a closed fist.  Vary your strokes and listen for a positive response. It may be a sigh, deeper breathing, a quieting of her body, a sense that she is softening within and store that in your memory. Come back to it often because you are on an area or using as stroke she especially loves. You have found a bit of magic. There are a million wonderful touches you can apply that she will just love. Experiment and find the onest she enjoyes most.

9. Massage the entire body. Rather than just focusing on an arm, then moving on to the back and then the legs, try sitting next to her and massaging an arm, and then her whole body, then concentrate on her back, and then go back to the arm and then the whole body again. Who says you have to follow an order? Do what you want and do what you feel she wants most.  It's kind of a let-down when being massaged and knowing that the masseuse is leaving that body area that felt so good and never coming back to it.   You have the chance to always come back and never leave an area - cause your can do whatever you want!

I could write and write on this topic. It's one of my favorite times of the day, and one she enjoys too.  If you haven't incorporated nightly massages into your day I encourage you to do so.  Your relationship will only benefit and she - and you - will both feel closer as a result.

Now go get some oil and tell her you have a gift for her tonight before she drifts off to sleep. It could be the start of something you both will love.
I'm Hers!

Friday, March 11, 2011

What makes her dominant

I am the submissive one, or at least that is who I am with Katie. I've been wondering ever since I read the post of Miss Lilly (I Lead Him) that spoke of her submissive husband who is a police officer. I don't think of police officers as submissive guys - but Mr. Lilly is. I wonder why?  As for me I work in post secondary education and those that work under me would say without a doubt that I run the show. But why is my love-life with Katie the polar-opposite of my life outside the home?

I'm fairly certain it has has little or nothing to do with educational level, income earning potential, athletic prowess, intellectual ability or a myriad of other factors.  At least I don't think so. So, why do we as men, so much more so than woman, seek positions of submission when our professional lives are often the opposite?

Furthermore, I think the answer to this puzzle of dominance and submission has nothing to do with superiority of the female gender and inferiority of the male.  It's quite evident that both men and women have incredible gifts and abilities. It’s not like one is better than the other across the board. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. D/s isn’t so much about who has got more brains or brawn – at least in my mind.  My view of dominance and submission is about me loving Katie – period. It’s that simple. That is why I want to be her sub. 

For me, dominance and submission is really about the two of us finding the best way we can grow and maintain a love-relationship in which we maximize our strengths and sustain our closeness, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. In that light, I believe our relationship functions best when she assumes the head and leads.  It’s not about superiority or educational level or who is making the most money. We both have strengths and weaknesses. She loves my strengths just as I love hers but I know my weakness can be one of self-seeking, of being selfish. I know that. I’ve come to realize, that by submitting to her authority and committing to serving her, I can bypass that stumbling block. I can learn what real love is all about – giving of oneself to another! It’s taken me many years to realize that focusing outwardly on her is what best allows me to love her to the best of my ability.

What we both learned as we entered into this experiment is that she is a natural leader. She is direct, focused, committed, uncompromising, goal oriented and not afraid of letting me know how I can best serve her. She loves being in charge, while I love deferring to her. We soon realized that what we do outside of the home – professionally wasn’t what worked best for us relationally. I have leadership responsibilities at work but I desire to defer to her when at home. It’s not a sign of weakness but recognition that serving will best grow our love.  Furthermore, she loves when I lavish attention as it happens to be one of her love-languages.  By adding a D/s dynamic to our relationship we can better maximize our gifts and abilities.

As I submitted, leadership on her part became natural; a natural extension of her personality. All it took was for her to know that I was hers – there to please; there at her beckon; there because that’s where I wanted to be; just waiting for her to assume control. It took some time but knowing that enabled her to lead with almost no effort. All I needed was direction. When I didn’t perform to the level she wanted she just told me how I needed to improve. There was no need to spank or stand me in a corner or do other silly antics; rather she just tells me where I need to do better, or in what ways I’m lacking and we discuss it as mature adults. She doesn’t need to treat me like I’m a child to make her point. In fact doing so would most likely work against what we both desire – mutual respect.

She’s not better than I and I’m not better than her. Rather, she is the love of my life and the object of my pleasure.  I know that I am hers – the one that she treasures more than anyone else and it is me from which she feels love, security and devotion. Why would anyone want to treat the one they love most with disrespect?

So what is it that makes a man submit? Can a man in a leadership role professionally submit just as one that isn’t? I think so, and I think it has little to do with how smart, strong or wise one is. I’m sure it’s a complex and multidimensional decision and I'm certaint that I am only looking at this superficially - but don’t service-subs submit because they want nothing more than to express love to their wives? Don’t women dominate their men because they too want to be loved by maintaining this control as well as knowing that they are secure in the man at their side that is committed to love, protect and serve them? Isn’t their domination, their acceptance of his submission, really a gift to him?  I think so. I believe any woman can be dominant if her man gives her his complete trust and devotes himself to loving and caring for her. Katie reminds me all the time, “why would I ever want to not be a Domme?” She knows what she has: my undivided love, devotion and affection. She knows I show this by serving her practically in ways that make her life easier. She knows that I have given myself to her – mind, body and soul. She knows I am committed completely to her.  I have a myriad of ways that I can now show that love – from the time I set my foot out of bed each morning until she falls asleep while I massage her beautiful body at night.  This is such an incredible dynamic and we both love where we are. I hope you do as well in the respective role that life finds you leading now with the partner you love so dearly.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Gift of Openness

Submissive: I am completely open, I am honest, I am free to share, I carry no secrets, my heart is bright, there are no dark corners that are known only by me, I speak no lies, no half-truths, I have no inhibitions when sharing, I share all and trust her completely.
Domme: I know all his thoughts, I trust him fully, I can see through him completely, he reveals what it is that I am sensing, when my intuition tells me his is hiding and I ask what it is he tells all, he speaks freely, he shares from his heart, his words speak truth and our communication is characterized by openness. That openness fosters deep discussions, valuable discussions and our relationship benefits. I become more dominant and he both trusts me and in trusting me I can reinforce his desire to submit.
Doesn’t this sound wonderful?  I’ve been thinking about this ever since I was told one morning that I was to never hide another thought. The evening before we shared intimately. I gave and pleased her for several hours. It was a wonderful time but I was feeling insecure. I didn’t get what I hoped and so I quietly pouted. She sensed that I was hiding something but I told her I was fine. The next morning I confessed and we had a great talk. Out of that conversation came a directive – the expectation that this would be the last time I kept secrets from her. “No more” was I to intentionally keep my mind from her.  I promised to obey her wishes and I was told to write her a text message indicating that. I did knowing that that message is locked in her phone and will be sent as a reminder should she think I am not being completely open.
That evening, I wanted to tell her how I felt but I just couldn’t. By morning I could see just how selfish and self seeking my thoughts were (but that’s another topic. My point here is that I held back and didn’t answer her honestly. I kept a secret. I kept a feeling to myself. I disobeyed her. No, she didn’t know it at the time, and yes, she sensed something was up, but I kept an important thought to myself. I was wrong.
Katie wants openness. She can be so gentle, so seemingly unobtrusive when she interacts with me, but inside there is a woman that has expectations. They just usually come across quietly and without force most of the time. This time was different. It was direct. I was told on no uncertain terms that I was to tell all when asked in the future. I was never to hide a thought; never to lie to her by not speaking truthfully. It was clear what she now expected.
Although I still hesitate to share honestly when feeling insecure, frustrated, or disappointed, I realize the wisdom of her requirement.  Honesty keeps me from keeping secrets; from allowing grudges to build and animosity from festering. I love her wisdom. What I love equally is her dominance that requires me to live up to her wishes. This forced submission, (this directive I spoke about in my last post) is what makes it all work. It’s one of the beautiful and natural outcomes of a D/s relationship. A vanilla relationship opens the door to allowing me to hide thoughts and feelings but our D/s relationship doesn’t. It’s amazing to consider the wisdom and power of ‘obedience’ when given from one that loves, cares, and uses it judiciously and wisely. 
She is my Domme, and because I love and trust her, I no longer have that choice. My wants become secondary to hers. What a wonderful gift she has given – the freedom to be completely open. It truly is a gift of love and we will both benefit from this. It will deepen our relationship and build complete trust. I will learn to rely on her at all times and she will know that I hide nothing and that my soul is completely open to her.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Thoughts on Dominance

Let me start off by saying that I love Katie. She means the world to me. Beyond the fact that she and I relate so well on so many levels and enjoy many common interests I love the fact that I can voluntarily submit to her authority and that she has accepted my submission. Furthermore, she enjoys being the dominant partner. Just last night we were talking about this and she commented how she could never be a submissive. The thought of having to do things at the whim of a dominants' wish just isn't her thing.  I told her exactly the opposite - that I would never want to be a Dom. Jokingly though I expressed that I could sure have fun with asserting myself on another if I was given that power.  We both laughed but the underlying motives we each expressed were very different.

She likes being pleased. She likes me catering to her every need. She enjoys my attention and service, knowing that I 'give' and she 'gets'.  Me, well, I love being the one that is the pleaser, caterer, server, and attention giver.  We are a great match because we each get what we want. She desires being on top and receiving those benefits and she has those needs and wants met. I desire being under her authority and giving to her  - and I even get hard thinking about that as I write. Ah, my submission is showing through even while alone at my computer :)

Now are we perfect?  No I don't think so. She commented how she is still feeling her way with how to show her dominance and me, well I wish she would just assert herself a bit more.  By asserting I don't mean being mean or demeaning. Rather I wish at times she would just remind me that she indeed is in-charge.  Let me explain: There is a difference between asking me, "aren't you tired? Don't you think you should go to bed now?" and saying, "Go to bed". The first is, what I would call a feeler question, while the later is a directive. The first is a probing question, wondering if I want to go to bed while the other states her wishes perfectly. The former leaves room for me to say 'no', while the later simply states a command that I must obey. I love Katie's directives. I love her taking charge. Her directives clearly convey her wishes. The directive about going to bed needn't be said with an air of superiority to get her need met. Rather it just needs to be stated flatly. Simply. Directly and in doing so her desire is met for me to get to bed so that I get enough sleep or because she wants me there when she goes to bed. But most importantly to me, she communicates in no uncertain terms, that she is in charge.

I love when she directs me in this way.  I haven't figured out why I love the feeling of submission to the degree that I do, but its that feeling that separates the two of us. It's that feeling that makes her so resistant to ever becoming a submissive, but it's that same feeling that draws me to her and strokes the submissive man within. It's  that emotion generated when she takes charge that keeps me were I am - submissive, owned, and one whose purpose is making her life more pleasant. Ah, it's that same feeling of knowing I am being controled that makes me feel so good and makes me almost hurt with desire to please her.

Can you identify with me with respect to where you are?  Does the 'power' that I refer to when a directive is given empower you as either a Domme or as a sub to remain as you are?  I'd love to get your feedback. Have a great weekend.