Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Gift of Openness
Submissive: I am completely open, I am honest, I am free to share, I carry no secrets, my heart is bright, there are no dark corners that are known only by me, I speak no lies, no half-truths, I have no inhibitions when sharing, I share all and trust her completely.
Domme: I know all his thoughts, I trust him fully, I can see through him completely, he reveals what it is that I am sensing, when my intuition tells me his is hiding and I ask what it is he tells all, he speaks freely, he shares from his heart, his words speak truth and our communication is characterized by openness. That openness fosters deep discussions, valuable discussions and our relationship benefits. I become more dominant and he both trusts me and in trusting me I can reinforce his desire to submit.
Doesn’t this sound wonderful? I’ve been thinking about this ever since I was told one morning that I was to never hide another thought. The evening before we shared intimately. I gave and pleased her for several hours. It was a wonderful time but I was feeling insecure. I didn’t get what I hoped and so I quietly pouted. She sensed that I was hiding something but I told her I was fine. The next morning I confessed and we had a great talk. Out of that conversation came a directive – the expectation that this would be the last time I kept secrets from her. “No more” was I to intentionally keep my mind from her. I promised to obey her wishes and I was told to write her a text message indicating that. I did knowing that that message is locked in her phone and will be sent as a reminder should she think I am not being completely open.
That evening, I wanted to tell her how I felt but I just couldn’t. By morning I could see just how selfish and self seeking my thoughts were (but that’s another topic. My point here is that I held back and didn’t answer her honestly. I kept a secret. I kept a feeling to myself. I disobeyed her. No, she didn’t know it at the time, and yes, she sensed something was up, but I kept an important thought to myself. I was wrong.
Katie wants openness. She can be so gentle, so seemingly unobtrusive when she interacts with me, but inside there is a woman that has expectations. They just usually come across quietly and without force most of the time. This time was different. It was direct. I was told on no uncertain terms that I was to tell all when asked in the future. I was never to hide a thought; never to lie to her by not speaking truthfully. It was clear what she now expected.
Although I still hesitate to share honestly when feeling insecure, frustrated, or disappointed, I realize the wisdom of her requirement. Honesty keeps me from keeping secrets; from allowing grudges to build and animosity from festering. I love her wisdom. What I love equally is her dominance that requires me to live up to her wishes. This forced submission, (this directive I spoke about in my last post) is what makes it all work. It’s one of the beautiful and natural outcomes of a D/s relationship. A vanilla relationship opens the door to allowing me to hide thoughts and feelings but our D/s relationship doesn’t. It’s amazing to consider the wisdom and power of ‘obedience’ when given from one that loves, cares, and uses it judiciously and wisely.
She is my Domme, and because I love and trust her, I no longer have that choice. My wants become secondary to hers. What a wonderful gift she has given – the freedom to be completely open. It truly is a gift of love and we will both benefit from this. It will deepen our relationship and build complete trust. I will learn to rely on her at all times and she will know that I hide nothing and that my soul is completely open to her.