Friday, March 18, 2011

The gift of Touch

Today I asked Katie if she enjoyed sex or massages better. She paused before she answered so I knew right then that the decision wasn't obvious.  I won't tell you what she said but I will say that she absolutely loves me giving her a massage and I know she expects one nightly.

To those that criticize the D/s lifestyle, this is one area where we submissives excel. Where outside of FLM and FLR and D/s relationships or whatever term you want to use, does a woman have the right to tell her lover that she'd like a massage and dictate how long it is given - and expect it every night?!! I think there are very few vanilla relationships in which this 'gift' is given so often and so freely. And besides, how many guys get to sit astride, or next to, their beautiful wife while she is laying completely naked and unashamed in a darkened warm bed and touch her body and visually soak in her beauty - and get to do it EVERY day of the week!  I'm salivating just thinking about that thought!

I  have a bit of a massage background and a pretty thorough understanding of the musculoskeletal anatomy so it's especially enjoyable to run my hands over her body and feel what is under my fingers, palms and forearms as I tend to her. Sometimes Katie even jokes and asks me if I'm thinking about the names and attachments of the muscles I'm touching. She can read my mind and probably tell when I get distracted from focusing on her to reviewing my anatomy. lol

The other day we got away for two nights and after spending some time in the hot-tub she told me to massage her. I remember starting it at 11:18 that night and I didn't finish until almost 12:30.  The following night I started around 10:30 and finished some 45 minutes later and she never even turned over to let me massage her front. The time just flies and now, I don't even wonder if I've done it 'long enough', rather I just am thankful that I can touch her until she is ready to sleep or until it comes to it's natural end for the evening.

I love our times each night. She lays stretched out on her back, side or stomach depending on what part of her beautiful body she wants me to focus and I try to work my magic by limbering and loosening any tense muscles but mostly just spend time touching her in the quiet of the night. Sometimes we talk, sometimes it's just silent. Often I'm the one talking as she relaxes and listens to the thoughts I share from my day that I've not told her. She loves the feel of my hands on her body. The power of touch cannot be under-estimated, and in a relationship, and every time I massage her, she can feel my love and devotion as I share this gift of touch in such an intimate way.

I don't know how you massage your dominant but her are a few techniques that I use:

1. Use a good lotion. I personally use Nutrogena's Sesame oil. It's light, doesn't absorb too quickly, leaves a pleasant odor and when I'm all done, she doesn't feel like she's coated in slime.  I'm sure there are other lotions out there but this is my favorite. I'd suggest you don't use a water-based lotion unless you want to stop often to keep applying it as it will evaporate quickly.

2. Make sure she is warm. Laying naked in a room that is chilly doesn't work so make sure the room is a comfortable temperature, and with that said, if she is self conscious about her body, make sure the room is dark.

3. Dim the lights and turn the radio/iPod down so it is background music and not front-ground noise.

4. Effleurage strokes that run from the toes to the hips or hands to the shoulders help to drain the body of fluids (lymph) and are great strokes to use. That doesn't mean you can't go the other way, it just means that massaging from away to near, should be a part of your massaging routine - especially before leaving that body area and moving on to another.

5. All muscles relax when pressure is applied. It's a principle that is universally true. Use that to your advantage. Massage is pressure, so in and of itself it is relaxing. But if you find knots - those ropey areas- take some time and apply firm pressure, work the muscles back and forth - to and fro - and see if you can soften those taut bands then apply those effleurage strokes that drain the tissues of wastes before you move to another area.

6. Most muscles run from ankle to hip and hand to shoulder. Massaging across the grain, spreads these fibers. A muscle that is tight, won't spread as it should so massaging perpendicular to the orientation of the muscle is a great way for helping it to relax by encouraging it to spread as it should.

7. Make use of long axis traction. Move up above her head and grasp it from behind and gently distract her head. Hold that traction for several minutes on end.  Consider applying pressure right where the spine starts, at the base of the head as you do.  Remember - stretching initiates a reflex contraction so apply it slowly and gently to get the lengthening of the tissues without the undesired mucle contractions that are counterproductive to what you desire. I took a course earlier this year and held a persons head for 20 minutes as I applied traction. It's a soothing stretch and you need to be patient and very comfortable yourself if you intend to give her a nice cervical stretch to milk away the stresses of life that can build in the upper neck.

You  can also apply long axis traction to the extremities.  Last night I was straddling her thighs while she was laying on her stomach and applying traction to her arms by  pulling them toward me as I held her wrist.  It's a great stretch and allows you to stretch the fascia - those nonelastic bands that tighten up as we age.  You need to be patient, hold it for a few minutes.... maybe  massage her arm with your other hand if you wish, but just lean back and let her tissues stretch. She won't feel the same stretch as when you stretch a muscle but it can be a very relaxing technique you can add to your arsonal and she will thank you for it later :)

8. Mix it up. Use your whole hand. Use just your finger tips. Use your entire forearm from elbow to knuckle (Katie's absolute favorite), trace random patterns with one finger-tip or your whole hand, let your right hand follow the path your left hand is traveling. start in the middle and move in opposite directions with both hands, go faster, go slower, go as light as you possibly can, massage her head, comb her hair; straddle her body and apply firm downward pressure along a leg, or back with a closed fist.  Vary your strokes and listen for a positive response. It may be a sigh, deeper breathing, a quieting of her body, a sense that she is softening within and store that in your memory. Come back to it often because you are on an area or using as stroke she especially loves. You have found a bit of magic. There are a million wonderful touches you can apply that she will just love. Experiment and find the onest she enjoyes most.

9. Massage the entire body. Rather than just focusing on an arm, then moving on to the back and then the legs, try sitting next to her and massaging an arm, and then her whole body, then concentrate on her back, and then go back to the arm and then the whole body again. Who says you have to follow an order? Do what you want and do what you feel she wants most.  It's kind of a let-down when being massaged and knowing that the masseuse is leaving that body area that felt so good and never coming back to it.   You have the chance to always come back and never leave an area - cause your can do whatever you want!

I could write and write on this topic. It's one of my favorite times of the day, and one she enjoys too.  If you haven't incorporated nightly massages into your day I encourage you to do so.  Your relationship will only benefit and she - and you - will both feel closer as a result.

Now go get some oil and tell her you have a gift for her tonight before she drifts off to sleep. It could be the start of something you both will love.
I'm Hers!


  1. Mr. IH,

    my wife read this post. She mentioned it to me last night while I was massaging her legs. She is in an exercise routine and often uses me to massage her.

    I too find dim lights helpful as well as lowering the air conditioning or shutting off vents as needed.

    I did not know about the ‘Effleurage’ strokes. Thank you. That is helpful. I will try it next time.

    As far as finding a knot, what do you suggest if there is pain when applying pressure? I find it a bit of a catch-22. Last night, my wife had one in her calf. I massaged her hips and calves for over two hours. The one knot in her calf never really went away. I couldn’t not apply enough pressure to get it to relax without her feeling pain.

    I like the idea of traction too. I will try that next time too.

    Some things I have found;

    If just massaging her feet, which I do often, a blindfold is helpful. I find when I do not have sight, I can sense her foot muscles better and it helps me to concentrate.

    A facial massage is surprisingly satisfying and enjoyable to her. Bridge of nose, forehead, cheeks, all seem to be very pleasurable.

    Again thank you for the wonderful information.


  2. SH,
    Thanks for taking the time to write. Before I answer your question, I found this helpful the other day. I massaged Katie's face for a few minutes and then went to an area on her face and said 'give me a number between 1-10 and tell me how this feels" - with 5 and less being not great. I learned those areas that were especially pleasurable and I learned a bit more about where to massage her face/neck in ways that she will enjoy most.

    As to your 'knot' question. Not all knots will leave right away. Here's a couple of things you can try.
    1. Try continual firm - uncomfortable pressure for a minute or two and just 'push' to see if that helps.
    2. Picture the knot as a small ball that you are tying to split in half and vary #1 and firmly go back and forth with your finger to see if you can separate the ball into two halves- again using firm pressure rather than just applying firm 'stationary' pressure.
    3. Go back to the perpendicular strokes, going across the grain from the orientation of the muscle - in this case side to side on her calf and just spend 5-10 minutes of comfortable, yet firm, massage on that and the surrounding area.
    4. Have her do conventional stretching after you are done to the calf - both with the knee straight, as well as bent, as there are two fairly large muscles in the lower leg that are stretched by those two variations.

    See what helps.... there are more aggressive techniques, but I'd start there and try that for a few days to see what happens.