Friday, March 4, 2011

Thoughts on Dominance

Let me start off by saying that I love Katie. She means the world to me. Beyond the fact that she and I relate so well on so many levels and enjoy many common interests I love the fact that I can voluntarily submit to her authority and that she has accepted my submission. Furthermore, she enjoys being the dominant partner. Just last night we were talking about this and she commented how she could never be a submissive. The thought of having to do things at the whim of a dominants' wish just isn't her thing.  I told her exactly the opposite - that I would never want to be a Dom. Jokingly though I expressed that I could sure have fun with asserting myself on another if I was given that power.  We both laughed but the underlying motives we each expressed were very different.

She likes being pleased. She likes me catering to her every need. She enjoys my attention and service, knowing that I 'give' and she 'gets'.  Me, well, I love being the one that is the pleaser, caterer, server, and attention giver.  We are a great match because we each get what we want. She desires being on top and receiving those benefits and she has those needs and wants met. I desire being under her authority and giving to her  - and I even get hard thinking about that as I write. Ah, my submission is showing through even while alone at my computer :)

Now are we perfect?  No I don't think so. She commented how she is still feeling her way with how to show her dominance and me, well I wish she would just assert herself a bit more.  By asserting I don't mean being mean or demeaning. Rather I wish at times she would just remind me that she indeed is in-charge.  Let me explain: There is a difference between asking me, "aren't you tired? Don't you think you should go to bed now?" and saying, "Go to bed". The first is, what I would call a feeler question, while the later is a directive. The first is a probing question, wondering if I want to go to bed while the other states her wishes perfectly. The former leaves room for me to say 'no', while the later simply states a command that I must obey. I love Katie's directives. I love her taking charge. Her directives clearly convey her wishes. The directive about going to bed needn't be said with an air of superiority to get her need met. Rather it just needs to be stated flatly. Simply. Directly and in doing so her desire is met for me to get to bed so that I get enough sleep or because she wants me there when she goes to bed. But most importantly to me, she communicates in no uncertain terms, that she is in charge.

I love when she directs me in this way.  I haven't figured out why I love the feeling of submission to the degree that I do, but its that feeling that separates the two of us. It's that feeling that makes her so resistant to ever becoming a submissive, but it's that same feeling that draws me to her and strokes the submissive man within. It's  that emotion generated when she takes charge that keeps me were I am - submissive, owned, and one whose purpose is making her life more pleasant. Ah, it's that same feeling of knowing I am being controled that makes me feel so good and makes me almost hurt with desire to please her.

Can you identify with me with respect to where you are?  Does the 'power' that I refer to when a directive is given empower you as either a Domme or as a sub to remain as you are?  I'd love to get your feedback. Have a great weekend.


  1. It is hard to say why, but some men do better in life when they are under the thumb of a women. For many of these men there is a sense of deep profound satisfaction that comes with serving the women in their life. If you have read my blog, you know that my husband is one of these men.

    As far as I am concerned service submissive men are a blessing from God. They should be collared, leashed, and trained. They should also be cherished and loved.


  2. I'm-Hers:
    I echo your sentiments exactly, and often wish my wife would issue directives to me instead of making requests. However, I am also mindful of the advice of my former mentor, fdhdousehusband (Mistress Kathy, who posted above, also corresponded with him). On this matter he once wrote to me:

    'i also learned that Females speak in a diferent language. When They want something done, They don't come out and say it. In the early days, my Wife would say something like, "My carpooler went home early so I'll be taking the bus home today." i just accepted that like She was giving me a bit of information. What She really was saying was "I need you to pick me up from work." Once i understood the Female language, i learned to respond by saying things like "May i pick You up from work today?" i found that She really responded to these "offers" to do things for Her which She in fact had prompted with subtle "requests." i also think that it showed Her that i was really listening to everything She was saying.
    i guess the key thing i learned in all those years was not to think about "changing my Wife" but rather about changing myself to accommodate Her needs, wants and desires. i started to focus on all the little positive acts of dominance in our daily lives and be grateful for those rather than dwelling on how She didn't meet my preconceived notions of a Dominant Womyn.'

  3. I'm-Hers:
    Given time, maybe your wife will grow more comfortable with her dominant role and start giving you explicit directives more often, but, more likely than not, as Mark Remond said, you will have to settle for less (or different) dominance from her side than you had hoped for. You may very well continue to only get subtle invitations to make an offer, like in Mark Remond’s example with the carpooler.
    The very subtle request his wife may have made there (it could also have been simply the information he first thought it was) could just as well have been made in a relationship based on equal terms. It could even have been made by the submissive in a D/s relationship. It is just a very, very tentative way of asking for a favour. If I had any feeling that I was entitled to my husband picking me up, I would say it differently. Maybe still very polite, but I would make a direct request.

    So, yes, you can use such statements as a guidance of how to please your wife even more, but they are certainly not a way in which she expresses her dominance over you.

  4. Kathy,
    Thanks for commenting. I have not read any of your reflections but plan on doing so over the next several days. It is evident that your desire with your husband is the same as Katie's - to lovingly dominate the man in their life. Thanks for sharing and for pointing me to your site where I am sure there is a wealth of information. Thanks again

  5. Mark and Tamara,
    Thanks for commenting. Mark I hear what you are saying and know that a true submissive would indeed adapt in every way since the goal of the service submissive is to to exactly that - serve. It's hard to adapt and be completely content when I know that I still have preconceived notions as to how I want to be dominated.

    Your point Kathy, the one in your last sentence, is so true. Subtle statements may convey a woman's desires but they are not 'directives' and she is not declaring her dominance when she speaks in this way. Personally, I have seen a pattern in Katie and I do believe that she will move to a more dominant role as her comfort level continues to grow as the dominant partner. Although a quiet woman publicly she can be quite direct with me when she wants. I anticipate more of that over time as our D/s relationship matures.

  6. I'm Hers - Just a footnote re the subtle request by fd's wife on being picked up at work -- as fd continued to treat his wife's subtle requests as explicit directives, she did indeed grow more comfortable with her dominance and to rely on his immediate compliance. As the months and years passed, he was (and certainly still is) the recipient of many imperatively voiced commands.