Thursday, April 7, 2011

Digging my own grave

If you haven't followed my blog you may not know that Katie and I are still living apart. We see each other often - sometimes almost weekly but there are still periods were we are a part for 10-15 days at time.  Whenever I post, she checks my blog posting to be certain she approves and whenever I comment on other blogs I send her a copy of what it is that was posted along with my specific response.  That way, she keeps abreast of my webbrowsing and what it is that I am writing others.  I enjoy the fact that she is both interested in what I write as well as keeping a watchful eye on my every move.

The other day I commented to a blogger-couple that live similar to us - apart.I noted that the Dominant woman could still assert her control on her submissive even though she is not with him 24/7. I stated the following:

"Distance aside, you can still make him develop good habits even while apart. For example, you could have him do the dishes within a specific period of time after he eats his meals, you could have him vacuum on specific days, clean the bathroom when you tell him to, make the bed and straighten the room - even if no one uses it but him. I think that there are many things you could institute as the underlying premise of the submissive is service and that requires both discipline and a regiment to do those daily chores that are apart of ones' life. What will you want him doing once your married? Can't he begin the process now?"

After I sent the post, I blocked and copied the blog and my response and sent it off to Katie.  She liked it and now has told me she will be developing a list of items I am to do.  "Ugh!!"  "Yes!!!" Those were my responses, almost symultaneously.  I both love her control and yet know that she is taking more 'freedoms' - the freedom of 'my' time - away from me.  Yet I know that what I said to the blogger is true - that the submissive life is one of discipline and thinking of one's Domme ahead of oneself.

What I enjoy in being apart is also what I hate. I love my freedom yet hate that I cant be there to tend to Katie.  I love being able to actually hold the remote and watch what I want on TV yet hate the fact that she isn't there to take it away as that was one of the things I've promised her I would no longer do (control the TV).  I enjoy eating what I want, yet miss her telling me what she wants me to fix. I love shopping where I want but so miss her company or her telling me what to buy.

It's an interesting dynamic within and one that I am still coming to grips with.  Yet I can't wait to be a full-time submissive. I can't wait for her to develop into the dominant woman that I see glimpses of that totally turn me on. She will say things that make me ache inside and those words will have nothing to do with 'sex'. (For example, I just got a text that read: "I love MY sub!) Its how she says things. It's the confidence in knowing I am hers and she is in control of me that is the turn-on.  It's the reminders of whose in charge. Its knowing that I am her 'property' and that I have no freedoms, no rights, no choices, unless she grants them. It's knowing that she may change her mind at any moment and I will adapt to her will, her schedule, her likes.  That dependence is incredibly sexy and one I crave.

In the meantime I wait, and now I wait for the 'list' to arrive in my inbox at some point telling me what and when I am to do the things that I now control.  I wonder how restrictive or regimented that list will be. Ugh!!  Yes!!
Until then,


  1. good job. You are doing well from my view and sounds like you are enjoying.

  2. Thanks SH,
    This is all new and she is not nearly as confident in telling me what she wants as your wife is. I'm also impatient and wish she would write the list just so I know what it is that she has in store for me. But for now I wait. I don't know if I am waiting because she plain forgot or because she isn't so concerned about getting me squared away or just because she knows that I tend to be impatient and impulsive.

  3. An approach taken by a service-oriented domme is to have her sub make the list and present it to her for her to add to, cross things off, and/or add. That way, it is less work for her and the sub is involved in thinking about what needs to be done.

  4. Mr. IH,

    just read your comment on the OB blog. If I may, I personally found through trial and error that beyond 3-wks, a chastity device an unfortunate necessity to maintain my chastity commitments. It was several months of torment.

    take care.


    P.S.- SB has a great idea. Ms. Rika suggest that too.

  5. Mr. IH,

    Thx for the comment and glad you feel comfortable being honest. For me the several months of torment at failing with my longer chastity commitments was only ended with the use of a chastity device. The sexual frustration of life wearing one, for me, is the right medicine.

    As to your question, Ms. Rika in her book, Uniquely Rika, suggest the service submissive compile a list of service to provide to his domme. That way the domme is free from the ‘burden’ of coming up with things for him to do for her. She need only approve or not what he recommends. A domme should live a life free of burden and the submissive should be the one enjoying the burden the domme places on him. Her book is good and my wife recommends it, as she found it helpful.

    Concerning the CB-6k, I wear the CB-6ks which is the ‘short’ model. Morning erections are even worse in the short tube. However, this only lasted about a month or two. The ache from erections was just part of it. Let's face it. If you are wearing a chastity device, you have to be okay with a little pain anyway. Submissve often are. I no longer feel pain from morning erections. The only effect my morning erections have are preventing me from being able to pee until it goes away. I would suggest the cable-tie idea as a preventive measure against future seam splits. I have two cable ties on my tube right next to each other. I have been wearing it non-stop since January and no sign of a seam split. Without them I am sure I would have by now. I document what to do with a cable tie on my blog in the resource section ‘using the cb-6000’ link.

    If you are self locking I found a place out of the house best. For instance, keeping the key under a rock down the street worked. If Katie would be willing, you could mail it to her also. In an emergency, you could always cut the locking pin with a pair of wire snips. Otherwise the key is out of your control and she could mail it back when she felt you needed it. Anyway, just an idea

    Best wishes.


  6. I think I like it better when you dig your grave, and not mine. :P Elle has decided that it would be amusing if I make my bed and take a picture for her. Not something I'm accustomed to doing.

  7. Mr Elle,
    Nice to have you commenting on my blog!!! Welcome. And hey, I didn't mean to trash you by saying "who is dominanting who" when I 'lashed' out on you shirking your duties. lol.

    I am yet to receive my list from Katie although I know it will be forthcoming at some point. And may I add - I think you should be ever so thankful for Ms Elle, as she seems to be on the right track with respect to HOW she dominates you. What I mean by that is that she appears to be a sensible domme - one who has expectations but one who isn't into all of the kink stuff that so many dommes seem to get off on.

    When I get my list, I'll let you know what my duties are (and btw, don't go taking 10 pics of your bed from different angles to send to her on 10 consecutive days when you really only made the bed once :)
    Take care.