Friday, April 29, 2011

Extending Her Influence

Last night Katie finally gave me the "to-do" list she said was coming.  This list is different than the one I wrote about in an earlier post. That one dealt with my duties while at her home.  This one has to do with what she expects of me while I am at my apartment - and some distance from her.

Katie told me to write down what her expectations were and as I began I thought, "this isn't so bad". But as our conversation continued I slowly realized where all this was all headed, and where my life in general is headed - a journey deeper into service-submission; one in which her life will be pretty much free from the daily duties of life and mine quite busy taking care of our home and her once we marry.

Prior to last night's discussion. I mentioned that I thought her list would be most beneficial to me if it dealt not only with chores she felt I should do but also developed those habits and attitudes she wanted to cultivate in me in preparation for our life together as a married couple. What she came up with is a good start in achieving those objectives. What I am also coming to realize is the emotional impact that her style of submission is likely to have. Underlying the overt expectations she wants me to perform is the bigger issue of focus. She wants me thinking about her - all the time and wherever I am.

For example, as we discussed the chore of cleaning up after dinner she initially said she wanted the kitchen clean before bed. I asked if that was going to be the expectation when married. Without hesitation she said 'no', but noted that her hesitation had to do with her feelings for me; that she knew there would be times when I might want to watch a ballgame or rush in and rush out to an event.  In the end, she decided that sacrificing my wants in order to meet her expectations was for a greater good as well as a good reminder that we a re indeed in a D/s love-relationship. I asked if I could call her to ask permission to clean up in lieu of doing something else. She agreed to that but said that would be the exception rather than the rule.

So, here is the list. I anticipate it will grow over time as the other one has. I'm always interested in your comments and criticisms so feel free to address anything here.
  • Each day I am to shower and shave (face and genitals), make the bed and reattach the CB6000 that I removed to shave. 
  • I am to rise early enough to get breakfast - something I tend not to do as I typically am fine just with a nice cup of coffee.  I can leave those dishes rinsed and in the sink to be washed when returning home after work.
  • I am to call her every morning while driving to work, regardless of time.
  • I am to keep the apartment clean and presentable at all times by doing the following:
    • Whenever I change I am to put all clothes on hangers, in the dresser or laundry.
    • I am to clean the kitchen immediately after dinner. This includes cleaning the counter top and stove, sweeping the floor and washing, drying and putting away all dishes.
    • On a weekly basis I am to clean the following: 
      • Bathroom (toilet, sink, shower and floor)
      • Vacuum carpets
      • Dust all furniture and any areas where dust may gather with a damp cloth
      • Clean the microwave.
    • Monthly I am to clean the refrigerator.
  • Three times a week I am to lift weights to maintain my fitness.
  • I am to go to bed as soon as she tells me regardless of what I am doing.
  • I am to read Bible passages to her and discuss them.
  • I am to get a plant and maintain it beginning this fall once my summer travel schedule comes to an end.
When comparing this list to the other one that applies when in her home, I can see where my life is headed - keeping our home clean, cooking and keeping the kitchen spotless, and tending to her personally morning, noon and night. My life, although quite new as a submissive to her dominance, is taking shape. I am now denied for longer periods of time. I am in chastity pretty much all the time now. My list of tasks is ever growing. She now has a significant hand in how I lead my life while we are apart. She is teaching me her style with respect to what, how and when I am to clean the home. She is becoming more comfortable telling me what she wants; more comfortable putting me between her legs to tend to her orally or enjoying my body sexually; she is becoming more comfortable correcting me in public when I fail to follow an expectation. She is indeed becoming a Domme- my Domme.

We have yet to delve into financial discussions, which I am certain she will have an opinion on but that is for a later time in our lives and I still have much freedom to do what needs to be done while at work and during weekends. However, I can see other duties and attitudes on the horizon but will wait for her to inform me of what they will be and when they will be instituted.  Till then, I'm so hers! - and loving every moment of my submission to her loving dominance.

I wonder what your feelings are as you compare your life to mine (or hers). Love to hear your thoughts.
Til next time,


  1. I personally find the issue of chores something that is often over stated. For instance, there are just so many single parents out there. They do chores to keep their household going. No one ever makes a big deal about their plight. Yes, as service submissives we do the chores, but it is not the chore we crave or enjoy. It is the feel of our domme's authority. The chore is just a way to feel it.

    anyway. thx for the post and glad you two had a discussion. Sounds like it turned out well for you both.

    As to your chastity, has Katie given indication as to your cycle duration?

    I am at three and a half months. No end in sight. For me, it is the right medicine. Once you two are living together, I do recommend you try a three month trial. It is a wonderful experience.

  2. In some ways I tend to agree with S-H that the issue with chores is often over stated. Yes, a man needs to be trained. A man needs to learn what his future wife expects of him, and your lady is apparently doing a fine job of this.
    However, the basic list of chores, is something that a man enjoys doing for the lady in his life. This is what makes a femdom marraige so wondrful for both the husband and the wife.
    The wife enjoys having a husband who is attentive and caring in ways that most men are not. The husband in turn loves the life of service.

    A well trained husband who has learned to please his wife is a happy man. Love, Kathy

  3. SH,
    I agree with what you are saying in that the chores serve as a method for having the dominant push us unto submission. However, what if they just let you go? What if they say nothing but just let you do your thing? That is what Katie tends to do. I either accept to do what she asks, or offer her services and once agreed upon, that is the end of it. She will say thank you but she typically doesn't play the role of the dominant and say "now I want this and this done and I want it done now!" I agree that would be great to hear but that isn't what we're about is it? Arent we about serving and making her life easier as you mentioned in your recent post when you said your wife has little to no free time?

    Kathy, As a Domme I think you would consider me as a sub in training. Katie needs to train me and yes she is beginning to do so. As to my attitude, I do enjoy knowing that I am doing what she wants to make her life easier. Not to do so really is an act of pride since someone has to do these things. What makes me feel as if I'm too good to do the dishes or sweep the floor? That's what a sub is - one who does the lesser so she can enjoy the greater.

    SH, I read your post to her regarding chastity and her comment was... "why should I suffer too" :) She loves the sex and I know that so I said - well you don't have to let me orgasm - to which she said, but I like you doing that - just not every time.

    Don't know if you have thoughts that would provoke her think otherwise but if so make a list knowing that what she wants is freedom to use me whenever - and typically that is more often than less - like several times a week.

  4. Mr. IH,

    Thx for the chance to comment.

    As to chores, if you are suggesting Katie need keep you motivated, I respectfully suggest that is your responsibility. If this causes discontent, that is what we as submissives signed up for. Our lives are ones of burden and discontent. The life of the Domme is one of liberties and unencomberence. Suggesting Katie need ‘do something’ to keep you content and motivated by acting in a given way I think is placing an unfair burden on her.

    This is a debated subject in D/s circles. Ms. Rika does a wonderful job explaining that if the submissive is demanding that the domme act in a given way or they will pout until they get what they want, then really the domme is following the leadership of the submissive and the D/s dynamic turns into something else.

    A domme does need to give their submissive ‘treats’ and ‘gifts’ according to Ms. Rika. These are ‘male centric’ events the domme may not enjoy herself, but does so as a treat because she knows her submissive man enjoys it. What she allows as a gift or treat is her choice. Ms. Rika suggests the submissive man come up with a list and present it to her domme. She then decides if any of the items she is comfortable doing. For instance, my wife allows me to kiss her feet sometimes after I take off her shoes. She does not subject me cuckold teasing. She does keep me in extended chastity. She does not spank or hit me. There are many other decisions she has mad, but the things she does and does not do are her choice. It is my role as the submissive to learn to enjoy living in the bounds my domme has created. If I feel discontent (i.e. submissive yearnings), then I should see the lack of what I desire as a form of my domme’s authority and I should be able to enjoy it.



  5. Mr. IH,

    As to extended chastity and intercourse, that is a wonderful point. My wife is mostly clitorally stimulated. She gets very little pleasure from vaginal stimulation. Not all women are the same. If your wife is more vaginally stimulated, extended chastity is probably not for her. My wife is fine without intercourse and is completely sexually satisfied via orgasms from my giving her oral sex. I have gotten quite good at it, but it has taken a while to learn. I can now sense her body building closer to orgasm and know techniques she responded well to. Sometime it takes a good twenty minutes for her to reach orgasm, but when she does, I feel an immense amount of pleasure. In chastity, I get my sexual satisfaction through hers. I can’t really explain it. Last time, just as she was reaching her orgasm, I had to break away because the position cut off my breath. She could not recover and we ended without her having one. We both enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as when she does have an orgasm. I do not fully understand the connection, but the pleasure I feel from her orgasm is definitely real. I seek it almost all the time, but she only enjoys me going down on her pretty infrequently. Perhaps twice a month is about the duration. I do know other women enjoy a higher frequency then others. Generally though, this is the method of a woman enjoying herself sexually while keeping her man in extended chastity. If this is not for Katie, as she is more vaginally stimulated, there are dildos and vibrators (my wife does not like either), but absent those, extended chastity of you is probably not in her best interest.

    Hope this helps. It is just my view on the matter and nothing that should be taken as anything other then simply my opinion.

    Take care.


  6. I'm-Hers, maybe you should have a look at The Naked Husband's blog:

    I think, he writes quite compellingly in favour of long term chastity AND sex (intercourse).

  7. Tamara,
    May I ask you... what is your philosophy regarding denying Rene? Katie thoroughly enjoys vaginal sex but also enjoys me reaching orgasm as well. I think she loves knowing she can bring me there. What advice would you give her - do you think when Rene reaches orgasm that it changes is 'thoughtfulness' toward you? I'm curious to know. I will read the blog link when I have time - may not be for a few days as life is pretty hectic right now.

  8. SH,
    I agree with you totally. Maybe I misunderstood what you said in the 1st of your posts on this blog post. I was questioning your perspective as it sounded like you were just talking about your feelings and how you felt. I agree that we as submissives have the harder row to hoe and I personally am glad that I can be that person for Katie as I am sure you are for your wife. Any news on the jobfront?

  9. My life is pretty hectic right now, too, so please excuse me for not answering exhaustively.
    Since you don't seem to like reading links, I'll just copy a piece of text from one of my postings on my blog, hoping that this provides you at least with a partial answer:

    [From: Orgasms and Submissive Motivation (March 6, 2011)]
    Many femdom/FLR couples seem to have made the experience that after an orgasm the submissive man’s motivation to please his Lady decreases and that he needs several days or weeks until he is in his desired service-oriented state again.
    Bearing that in mind, I, too, have experimented with withholding René’s orgasms, for times up to 2 weeks. If there were any changes in his submissive behaviour towards me at all, then rather to the worse.

    I think, his desire to serve and please me has more to do with how much stress he has at work and with the overall state of our FLR relationship. And, indirectly, maybe with his orgasms. He likes to have orgasms, so orgasms make him happy and willing to serve.
    Anyway. He had 2 orgasms on Friday and 1 today, and he was very willing to oblige and please me. He got a lot of things done, and he even wanted to organize a very nice evening for me yesterday, which, unfortunately could not take place in the end, due to a series of unfortunate circumstances.
    But today, right after his orgasm (ok, approx. 5 to 10 minutes afterwards) he started to do an unpleasant task that I had scheduled (without any visible reluctance due to his orgasm). And later in the afternoon, he surprised me by completing another task I had not mentioned at all.

    So, I am growing increasingly convinced that it is not the orgasms or lack of orgasms per se that makes submissive men more receptive to their dominants’ needs and desires but their overall happiness. And since many submissive men want to be denied, denial makes them better submissives. For submissives who have no desire to be denied, however, denial will not have this effect.