For one that says he has given up control there are a lot of 'wants' in the sentences above. But as a submissive, the truth is, what I want and what I get may be two totally different things. When I reflect back to where we started, our D/s was based initially on what I would now call play time - specifically sexual play time. I acted the part of a submissive based upon what I had read on the web and tried to make Katie into the Domme based on those same perceptions. Over time we realized that play was just that - play - and that if we really wanted to do this right, I needed to drastically change my view of what it meant to be submissive. I did, and when I did things got so much better. Harder but better. More to do, but better. More to think about, but better.
The submissive life is a paradox. It goes against what one would think any man would want, yet the benefits of being loved and being able to demonstrate love daily to a woman that I look UP to make it worth it all. For me, my daily acts of submission are constant reminders that I am submitting out of love for the woman I care so deeply; they are deeds - gifts, if you will - that remind me that I am doing this (or not doing this) because she is worthy of my time, effort and respect. I ask permission, look out for her, take care of her, defer to her, attend to her all because I view her as the most precious person I will ever have the joy of loving. In a way, it is as if I am trying to get the girl I really like to pay attention to me. As a result I do all of these 'things' and act in this 'way' day after day, month after month, in the hope that she actually will pay attention - even smile and acknowledge that she is pleased with my efforts and will tolerate me at least a little longer. It's what most all men do while they court and sadly it's what most all men stop doing once the prize has been bagged and the girl is theirs. It is that attitude - that she has been bagged and is now mine - that I don't want to creep into my mind ever because I know the path that attitude will lead me down - an attitude of complacency.
It is why I seek Katie's dominance. We were talking last night and I was expressing how much I think the assertion of her control is healthy for us. I relayed the children's story in which a character in the Chronicles of Narnia tale commented that Aslan is not a tame lion. I explained that I would hope my perception of her would be that she too is not a tame wife - that she remains unpredictable, that she is not one to take for granted, that although she is approachable and loveable she is one that reminds me to never cross her, never take her for granted, never think she isn't always in absolute control of 'us', that in any given moment she may respond in very unpredictable, 'scary' ways, reminding me that she and I are not, and never will be, on equal footing. 'That girl' is incredibly attractive. She is so sexy. That personality is so inticing. It draws me into her web as if I've been drugged. That unpredicableness is powerful. Furthermore, she can be that way at anytime.
For me, it is a real turn on. The not-knowing, not-able-to-predict, not being able to relax, but being kept off balance is what I love. It's like a game in some ways, yet it is filled with love, respect and admiration for one so competent and confident. It may be viewed as work on her part, but in reality it is merely her being free to be herself and feeling free to change what she wants or doesnt' want at any time. Yes she can intentionally change her mind just to play with mine (yummy!) but mostly it's that she is free to express her thoughts and feelings and do what she wants when she wants, knowing I will embrace her decisions and views wholeheartedly (and even if I disagree and express that, I will still abide by her wishes.) It's a complete win-win for her and symultaneously develops her sense of self worth as well as her ability to lead.
Personally I find that woman incredibly sexy. In fact it makes me want to submit because I see so many qualities I love that make me feel that "I love being with this girl". That woman makes me proud. That woman causes me to slow affection publically when we are out shopping, at a restaurant, or in the company of others. That person makes me want to let her lead. That person is one I love submitting to, love deferring decisions to, love knowing that she is the head of our home - to the degree of letting others know that I am hers.
Ladies, if you are reading this and struggling with your feelings of dominance, know that men like myself that love their dominant partner crave your dominance; that when you express your loving (assertive/firm/controlling) dominance we respond like puppets on strings that you control. We feel loved and you reap so many benefits!
OK, enough writing. I know most readers, including myself, have a bit of blogger-ADHD so I'll stop and write more about this later. Hope you enjoyed my thoughts. Have a fantastic day dominating and submitting - for all the right reasons! :)