Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Camaraderie of Women

May and June are busy travel times for me and this year is no exception. Fortunately for me, Katie was able to join me on a nine-day venture to a part of the country she had never seen. Although I was busy teaching all day long, we shared lunch together and she joined me for the afternoon sessions. What a joy it was to have her with me. We relaxed each evening, walked desolate beaches, enjoying sunsets over crystal clear water, took drives into the country, met some really fun people and generally had a wonderful time.

What struck me during this time was Katie’s desire to maintain contact with her lady friends. I mentioned that I had an idea for another post and she asked what I would be titling it. I said ‘the camaraderie of women’. I told her my thoughts and she generally agreed.  What I noticed was her desire to let her closest girlfriends know of her arrival, of her return, and I found her generally texting or writing short emails periodically to them.  Maybe this is a ‘girl’ thing but during my time away I had no desire whatsoever to text any of my ‘guy’ friends. In fact, they never even entered my mind. My mind was focused on my responsibilities during the day and on Katie the rest of the time.
I read a post by Loving your wife and he spoke of his need to maintain good open communication with his wife. Communication is one of the most treasured and loved qualities women seek (in my opinion). It’s what they long for and it’s interesting to note, it is what typically is not that important to many men.  Take the examples above as an illustration - she greatly desired keeping in touch with her close friends where I had no desire at all.

I don’t know if dominant women harness that male independence, turning their energies and focus to meeting the needs they have, or if submissive males generally lack the close friendships (the ones in which feelings, emotions, worries and joys are expressed) but are able to truly open their hearts to the woman they serve and have pledged their submission.
I don’t know if either thought is correct but what I do know is that continuous open conversation between a husband and a wife is critical to cultivating a deep and growing relationship. It is for this reason that I believe one of the greatest gifts a man can give a woman is his submission where his focus is unidirectional; where his heart is keenly tuned to the needs of his dominant partner; and where the two can openly share from their hearts on a daily basis.  This is something that is not a natural tendency for me, yet it is one of the things I love most about my relationship with Katie. We talk lots. We text lots. We email lots. Generally we communicate all the time and it has helped us to grow ever closer.   I hope you too see the importance of this in your own lives.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Submissive's Vow

I posted this a few days ago but the blog site removed it. Posting it once more....

I've been playing around with marital vows and would love to get the opinion of others. Is this the vow of a submissive to his dominant:

I,_____, take you, ______, to be my lawfully wedded wife, my best friend, my faithful partner and my lover from this day forward. In the presence of God, , I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful husband, standing beside you, standing behind you, there to protect you and always to support, affirm, adore, and revere you, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you faithfully and unconditionally, to trust you and support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my deepest thoughts, to keep no secrets, and to forsake all others but love you faithfully regardless of the obstacles we may face together. Today I give myself completely to you: my body, my heart, my energy and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

Monday, May 9, 2011

ipod issues

Katie has an IPod. She also has ITunes. Katie got a newer computer as her older one has a bad hard drive. She loaded iTunes on her new computer. She has a problem. When she tries to sync her iPod with her new computer iTunes is telling her that this iPod is already registered with another computer. It says she can ‘click here’ to erase what is on her IPod but she obviously doesn’t want to do that.  What is on her new computer are those songs she has purchased from iTunes. What is on her IPod is all of those purchased songs as well as all of the music she uploaded into itunes from CDs that she imported into the iTunes of the old computer.

My question to the technical wizards out there is how can she get her iPod to sync with the new computer and have her new computer import the entire iPod file.  Any suggestions? Or does she manually have to upload the CD songs into the new computer? Ugh!!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Female Superiority – Katie’s Take

Last night I read parts one and two of the Female Superiority posts to Katie.  We went through these posts piece by piece. I asked lots of questions wanting to be sure I understood her thoughts and perspective on this topic. As I suspected, she agreed with the writer Beckie believing women superior to men but maybe not to the degree that Beckie believes they are.  For example Katie believes that women tend to do better in life when without a spouse whereas she feels men tend to 'scramble more' to find a replacement. She believes they are more secure and more self sufficient - on the whole. She believes they are better at running a home, child rearing, socializing, being in touch with their own feeling and emotions and better able to share those feelings. She believes they, on the whole, are more independent and she feels that in our situation, she is a better decision maker than I.  She is definitely less impulsive and can maintain better perspective in putting needs before wants. As to intellect, she feels there is no difference and concedes that men are obviously stronger physically. (My note: Beckie's comment on women being physically more complex is pretty weak as she totally ignores the strength/endurance/power aspect of the physical and focuses solely on one body system - the reproductive... WEAK!!!! :)

As I read through Beckie’s statements that had to do with the application of her belief I kept asking Katie if she too felt this way and if this was the way that we would be living once married – the way I would be living, to be more specific.  The answer she gave me to most all of my questions was a resounding yes. As I read Beckie’s posts I highlighted those areas where Katie specifically made comments as to how she felt. Here are her responses to Beckie’s statements.
Beckie writes: “But what woman wouldn’t want to have a marriage where what she said was final, where her husband would obey her and desire her?”
Katie agreed. That is what she wants as well. She told me something I already knew; that she obviously wants my unconditional love and affection but also expects that I will obey her every word; that I will view her word as final; that she will make all decisions that impact us and that I will abide by her decisions once they are made.
Beckie writes:  “What wife wouldn’t want a home where the housework, cleaning, laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, were her husband’s job, where she would be free to pursue more fulfilling interests?”
I asked if this was going to be my job as well. She told me no, that my job was first to earn an income but after I came home, I was to care for the home by doing all that Beckie has her husband doing: laundry, cleaning, cooking, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and generally maintaining the home. Katie told me she would very much like to not have to worry about those chores so that she would have free time and frankly because those were chores she didn’t enjoy. I knew this already but I also know that she helps me often with my chores. The difference lies in that the chores are mine. Although we often work side-by-side sharing them I am the one that is obligated at all times to make sure they are completed whereas she has the freedom to help or leave it all to me.
Beckie writes: “How many would enjoy those more fulfilling pursuits during the day while he is at work earning money for her to enjoy?”
Katie would prefer not to work. She would much rather be free to do what she wanted, to enjoy volunteering or socializing with other women. She would rather have the choice to sleep in and have time to exercise than have to work although she wouldn’t mind working if it was limited to part-time. To be fair in this description, I thoroughly love my job and really don’t look at it as ‘work’. Yes there are those times when I wish I could take a vacation but I never feel like I want to quit and do something else.
Beckie writes: “What wife wouldn’t love to have control of his paycheck and manage all the finances?”
I was told last evening that we will have but one checking account and it will be hers. That is a change in thinking from past thoughts. As Katie has had more time to process some of these D/s ways, I see her taking a more controlling approach. She told me I would have an allowance but she would take care of our budget and all bills and that I will arrange to have my employer deposit my weekly earnings into her account. She isn’t sure yet if she will allow me use of a debit card at this point should I have an emergency expense.
Beckie writes: “What female wouldn’t love to be worshiped as a goddess? If men only could understand that female superiority would be the ideal for them. Men are created for worship. Women are created to receive worship.”
Katie agreed wholeheartedly with this statement. I asked her specifically if men were made to worship women to which she agreed. I asked if women were created to worship men. To that statement she disagreed. For the sake of clarity I asked for her definition of worship. What does it mean for me to worship her? Her reply was it meant doing all those above things in this post. Specifically my worship to Katie is to include: cooking, cleaning, pampering, complimenting, showing affection, adoration and obedience. She expects me to do things that make her life easier and more pleasant. She expects me to obey her. She expects me to relinquish all sources of power (my will, my independence, my finances, my time, my sexual freedoms) and give them to her to control as she wishes BECAUSE she feels she can lead the two of us best and because she wants the power to decide all things pertinent to our daily lives together. She expects me to privately and publically exalt her, showing intentional and purposeful affection and courtesy. She expects me to adore her through the affection I show as well as the gifts she desires me to give as they express my love and appreciation to her as my wife and dominant partner. She expects me to treat her as my superior in all that I do, say, think and believe.
So the question that begs to be asked if you have read my take on Female Superiority (previous post) is how do we resolve our differing views? She believes in female superiority. I don’t. The answer to this is there is nothing to work out, not because we necessarily disagree but simply because I have pledged my submission to her authority. Therefore, what she says is what I do. What she expects now becomes the level to which I must perform. What she tells me is what I am to do. How she wants to be treated is how I will treat her. Whether or not she is superior to me or not is really not the issue. That she is the authority figure in our relationship is all that matters and from that one single fact the practical fall-out to how that will affect me and her follows that natural order, falling into place perfectly.
It’s analogous to driving down a highway and wondering if a police officer is around the next bend with her radar gun focused on each approaching car. Well if the driver is not speeding then it is irrelevant whether or not the officer is there looking for offenders. In the same way, although my view differs from hers, it doesn’t matter because my prime directives are service and obedience and unconditional love. It doesn’t matter that she feels one way and I the other. In my mind it’s really a matter of semantics.
I love Katie. I sincerely trust her in all she does and in the decisions she has and will make on our behalf. I see my life as becoming busier but it is what I have asked. Busy is just means that I have less personal time, less time for me but in marrying Katie I will pledge to love and put her first in my life. Katie only wants to insure that I do and by keeping me under her watchful eye, caring for her at all times, she insures that my vow remains true; that I continue to love, serve and remain obedient to her word. Maybe she really is the superior one. I don’t know. I just know that

Friday, May 6, 2011

Female Superiority – my take

I’ve been thinking about the phrase ‘female superiority’ for some time. Several blogs that I follow purposely affirm the superiority of women. Are women better than men? Tonight I read the complete two-part post in the Worshipping your Wife blog. If you have not read this I'd encourage you to do so. Here are the links to part one and part two. I found the letters by ‘Beckie’ interesting and stimulating but in the end she didn’t convince me that women are superior, although I do agree with many of her points as well as her views on men as they relate to caring for a woman. She puts forth the premise that women are not equal but superior to men intellectually, emotionally, physically, economically, academically, etc.
The question I keep asking myself is this: Is Katie my superior? If I were to follow Beckie’s logic I would need to replace the word ‘superior’ with words such as ‘stronger, smarter, wiser, more educated, more attractive, more mature, emotionally more stable, etc since those are the very things that Beckie advocates.
To me, the answers to those questions are irrelevant and here is an example why I believe that is so. I’m a professor; I am the ‘superior’ one in the classroom. My students do what I say, I’m the one that grades them, assesses them, and critiques them. According to Beckie, I am superior. Am I the smartest one in the classroom but am I the most gifted academically? No I am not. There are students that have a higher aptitude than I, although I know more about the subject matter for the course than they do. Am I the the strongest, the most emotionally stable, the one with the best verbal skills? The answer to that is most likely ‘no’ in all cases. I am one and they are many.  The difference lies in the fact that I have the power and they don’t. That mere fact makes all these other variables a nonentity. I make the rules. They do what I say. End of discussion. That fact makes me ‘superior’ even though I am not superior to my students when singling out individual talents, abilities and skills
When I bring the topic back to Katie and I, there is but one variable: power, and Katie has it all. I gave it to her. She’s the ‘professor’. She judges me; assesses me; makes the rules; gives me the syllabus with all the requirements needed to ‘pass her course’. She is the final judge. Does that make her superior? I don’t know and it really doesn’t matter. I am not in love with Katie because she is superior and I am inferior to her in every way. If that were true, why would she ever be attracted to me? Don’t you think that she would want a man that is stimulating, challenging, emotionally mature, her equal intellectually, able to converse deeply, share honestly, having outgrown those adolescent insecurities? I do. I find that Katie fits that bill for me and I think if you asked her, she’d say the same about me.
Is she wise? She sure is. Does she have a perspective on things that amazes me time and again? Absolutely. Is she the more attractive one? I say she sure is and I hate to see other men’s eyes checking her out (makes me want to go up and deck them J), is she smarter than I? In some areas yes, in other areas no. Is she more talented than I? Again, yes and no, depending on what talent to which we are referring.  I could go on and on but the point remains, all this is mute because it’s not about what Beckie says it’s about a power exchange.
And one more thing…. Beckie points out the best of the best but what if we are talking about those girls that didn’t graduate 1st but 100th? What if we refer to those girls that only go to a community college and not on to get their PhD? What if we are talking about….. Can you see where I am going with this? Dominance and submission has all to do with power and nothing to do with a comparison of talents, intelligence and other such qualities.
I’m done my rant and need to go take care of Katie. She’s calling me to massage her rhomboids and longissimus muscles. Oh my, Katie doesn’t even know those muscles even exist, but look who it is that is enjoys being the massaged nightly; the one who holds the power, not the more knowledgeable one in anatomy. Why, because she holds the power. Shes my Domma and me, well,….

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Being Bad

Katie and I have been a part for the past week. However, the day after I returned to my apartment she told me that she would let me masturbate to 'near orgasm' for about 10 minutes a day. It was a wonderful surprise since she typically tells me I am not to touch myself at any time. Even though she was giving me a wonderful gift I must say that it was quite hard to stop when the clock hit the 10 minute mark or whatever amount of minutes she told me each day that I had to pleasure myself. But I was good and abided by her rules.

Last night she surprised me again telling me I could sleep without being in chastity, another great gift as I didn't have to deal with morning erections waking me up.  In the morning I texted her asking if I could stroke myself before getting my shower and locking myself back up.

The text I received said "5 min".

At the end of the 5 minutes I texted her back, "Please can I have another 5? I'm begging you. Please"

The answer came back "No."

I responded "You told me I had 10 coming to me. I want my other 5 now!"

She replied, "Fine! But no time tonight."

I had won the battle of wills and enjoyed another 5 minutes of pleasure.

So what is one to make of me 'topping from the bottom'? What do other Dommes suggest for the consequences for doing what I did? Later in the day I sent her an apology but the fact remains - I was bad.  I got what I wanted. I successfully manipulated the woman I love and said I would obey - by disobeying her initial command of 'no'.

Have you as submissive men done the same? Where you successful? Remorseful? Punished?
As dominant women, how did you handle the situation when you caved to your sub?  I could justify that I only asked again and it was Katie that caved, and although she did give into me, that I really didn't disobey at all and.... well, we could go round and round with that line of thought.

I'd love to hear yours.
Humbly I sign off here

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Fear isn’t all Bad

I recently attended a banquet for graduating seniors in a major with which I am involved. As a part of that gathering, the instructors all take time to express our thanks and share memories after which the seniors do the same.  When it came time to hear what the student that was to talk about me had to say I knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth. It’s what they say ever year. She commented how scared her peers were of having me assess them, especially when it came to one-on-one exam formats.  Her specific comment was “we don’t get that nervous about the exam we are about to take, but we get really scared that we will be assigned to him as our evaluator.” Her comment made me smile. Katie thinks I’m a pushover but to them, I present with quite a different air. Maybe I’m living out my bipolar life as a Dom while out of Katie’s reach! Lol.
The sequel to the student’s comment was that when they finally became seniors they realized that I’m not really that scary after all. It’s fun to watch the sophomores in the audience hear that comment because they aren’t yet living that reality. They are still in ‘awe mode’ and that’s perfectly fine with me.
The point I want to make is this: the fear they inevitably express year after year comes from the fact that I push them. I make them think. I force them to interact with me and I interact with them from the position that they are to remember those things they have been taught. I don’t let them get away with answers like ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Those answers won’t work once they enter the workforce so I don’t let them get away with it now. If they don’t remember, I ask them find answers and when they do, I applaud them for a job well done.  I remind them as underclassmen just how much they need to learn but compliment them when they rise up to expectations, telling them how proud I am when they do.
Tonight I was watching TV - Dancing with the Stars - and one of the contestants commented, “I learn the most from those that are hardest on me.” Amen to that!
So how does all this play into the D/s lifestyle? Well I think the answer is quite obvious. Dommes need to hold the line on what their submissives are to do and us submissives need to recognize that our dominant’s unyielding expectations are in fact, acts of love, given to us to help us grow both in our ability to care for them as well as help us realize that we can do better in the tasks and responsibilities given to us.
I hope that Katie continues to love me in ever deeper ways but I also hope she gives me the gift of expectation and is free to express both her affirmation as well as her disappointment as she evaluates my performance. She deserves perfection from me and I know that I, like those I hold to task, can deliver that perfection. I love her smile. I love that kiss thanking me for a job well done. I love that hug or squeeze of my cock when she compliments me, but I also love her sternness, her correction, even her punishment. Pain and pleasure are both powerful motivators. When I do well, it is easy for her to express those feelings. When I don’t it’s more difficult but she needs to not tolerate my mediocrity when it rears its ugly head. I hope she realizes that as we walk this journey together.
Until next time,

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

I’m So Excited

I knew ever since the first of the year that I would be taking a business trip for a week later this month. I had extended Katie an open invitation to join me but circumstances seemed to not allow her to come. We looked into her flying out to join me partway through my stay but even that wasn’t working out due to the remote area I would be located and the expenses it would incur.  I had offered to pick her up this weekend and bring her back to spend a week with me before I left the following week but that would mean too many days away from home, leaving too many responsibilities in the hands of others. So I did what any good sub would do. I offered to drive several hours in the opposite direction to pick her up the day before I would need to turn around and drive many hours in a different direction to my destination.
And you know what? She said ‘yes’! Yes changes everything. It makes a drive of 400 miles to see her seem like nothing. I love making that trip when I know that my beautiful Katie is waiting for me at the end of my drive. It makes the next day’s drive so much fun knowing that she will now be in the seat beside me. She changes my world. She changes my perspective. Making the sacrifice to pick her up is really no sacrifice at all, rather it is a blessing.
What I thought was going to be a typical nine-day work trip is now a special one. What I thought was going to be solitary nights alone will now be evenings spent with her. What I thought would be sleeping in a room alone will be anything but. And the icing cake is that our location will allow us to walk with our toes in the sand and watch the sun set for many a night. How romantic is that? I sure hope the weather cooperates.
Until then, do I even need to say it….