Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Fear isn’t all Bad

I recently attended a banquet for graduating seniors in a major with which I am involved. As a part of that gathering, the instructors all take time to express our thanks and share memories after which the seniors do the same.  When it came time to hear what the student that was to talk about me had to say I knew what was coming before she even opened her mouth. It’s what they say ever year. She commented how scared her peers were of having me assess them, especially when it came to one-on-one exam formats.  Her specific comment was “we don’t get that nervous about the exam we are about to take, but we get really scared that we will be assigned to him as our evaluator.” Her comment made me smile. Katie thinks I’m a pushover but to them, I present with quite a different air. Maybe I’m living out my bipolar life as a Dom while out of Katie’s reach! Lol.
The sequel to the student’s comment was that when they finally became seniors they realized that I’m not really that scary after all. It’s fun to watch the sophomores in the audience hear that comment because they aren’t yet living that reality. They are still in ‘awe mode’ and that’s perfectly fine with me.
The point I want to make is this: the fear they inevitably express year after year comes from the fact that I push them. I make them think. I force them to interact with me and I interact with them from the position that they are to remember those things they have been taught. I don’t let them get away with answers like ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Those answers won’t work once they enter the workforce so I don’t let them get away with it now. If they don’t remember, I ask them find answers and when they do, I applaud them for a job well done.  I remind them as underclassmen just how much they need to learn but compliment them when they rise up to expectations, telling them how proud I am when they do.
Tonight I was watching TV - Dancing with the Stars - and one of the contestants commented, “I learn the most from those that are hardest on me.” Amen to that!
So how does all this play into the D/s lifestyle? Well I think the answer is quite obvious. Dommes need to hold the line on what their submissives are to do and us submissives need to recognize that our dominant’s unyielding expectations are in fact, acts of love, given to us to help us grow both in our ability to care for them as well as help us realize that we can do better in the tasks and responsibilities given to us.
I hope that Katie continues to love me in ever deeper ways but I also hope she gives me the gift of expectation and is free to express both her affirmation as well as her disappointment as she evaluates my performance. She deserves perfection from me and I know that I, like those I hold to task, can deliver that perfection. I love her smile. I love that kiss thanking me for a job well done. I love that hug or squeeze of my cock when she compliments me, but I also love her sternness, her correction, even her punishment. Pain and pleasure are both powerful motivators. When I do well, it is easy for her to express those feelings. When I don’t it’s more difficult but she needs to not tolerate my mediocrity when it rears its ugly head. I hope she realizes that as we walk this journey together.
Until next time,


  1. What about the "fear" that one's wife my choose not to adopt the FLR lifestyle, now that is fear with long term implications and something that I am currently dealing with, although I remain somewhat optimistic.

    I hope things continue for you and Katie to your mutual satisfaction! I can't agree more with your point that you hope "she gives you the GIFT of expectation" as you have given her your gift of submission. It can be so much more fulfilling when you are being held to standards, I think it is more about the participation of both parties in the relationship. You strive to do you best and Katie ensure you do keeping things alive and dynamic. You two are very fortunate. Please continue to keep us updated, I enjoy reading your blog.

    Wishing you both the best!

  2. Love your wife,
    I stand corrected - that is real fear - maybe more like incredible disappointment. You know, I ask Katie at times if she enjoys being the dominant one and she says again and again, "why wouldn't every woman want to be the Domme? They get to have everything they want and their husbands are always expected to be on their best behavior."

    When I hear her say those words or words similar to those I can see why she feels as she does. The life of the submissive is burdensome to a degree but when she reaches out and affirms my submission, when she takes control and tells me what she wants in the bedroom, when she tells me "the next time we go out, I want you to kiss me more" well those qualities make my work all worth it.

    I sure do hope that your wife comes around to see the gift that you are giving her and the wonderful gift you are offering. Thanks for the compliment on the blog. It's nice to hear words of encouragement. Take care friend.

  3. Mr. IH,

    I agree that a domme could hardly find a path that is too harsh. Most often, it is the sub wishing for more. I rare see the converse.

    My wife too was awakened to my work life and how my peers view me. When she went for the interview last week, there were several people there who commented to her how much they are dependent on me and she could tell it was sincere. At home I am submissvly docile to her leadership. At work, I am a lynch pin of the organization and apply my skills in senior status.

    I think realizing we enjoy being submissive to a woman who we love to be a personality trait that does not really have any effect on our lives outside of the dynamic. It is just the interactions in the D/s relationship that change.

    thank you for the post.