Sunday, May 8, 2011

Female Superiority – Katie’s Take

Last night I read parts one and two of the Female Superiority posts to Katie.  We went through these posts piece by piece. I asked lots of questions wanting to be sure I understood her thoughts and perspective on this topic. As I suspected, she agreed with the writer Beckie believing women superior to men but maybe not to the degree that Beckie believes they are.  For example Katie believes that women tend to do better in life when without a spouse whereas she feels men tend to 'scramble more' to find a replacement. She believes they are more secure and more self sufficient - on the whole. She believes they are better at running a home, child rearing, socializing, being in touch with their own feeling and emotions and better able to share those feelings. She believes they, on the whole, are more independent and she feels that in our situation, she is a better decision maker than I.  She is definitely less impulsive and can maintain better perspective in putting needs before wants. As to intellect, she feels there is no difference and concedes that men are obviously stronger physically. (My note: Beckie's comment on women being physically more complex is pretty weak as she totally ignores the strength/endurance/power aspect of the physical and focuses solely on one body system - the reproductive... WEAK!!!! :)

As I read through Beckie’s statements that had to do with the application of her belief I kept asking Katie if she too felt this way and if this was the way that we would be living once married – the way I would be living, to be more specific.  The answer she gave me to most all of my questions was a resounding yes. As I read Beckie’s posts I highlighted those areas where Katie specifically made comments as to how she felt. Here are her responses to Beckie’s statements.
Beckie writes: “But what woman wouldn’t want to have a marriage where what she said was final, where her husband would obey her and desire her?”
Katie agreed. That is what she wants as well. She told me something I already knew; that she obviously wants my unconditional love and affection but also expects that I will obey her every word; that I will view her word as final; that she will make all decisions that impact us and that I will abide by her decisions once they are made.
Beckie writes:  “What wife wouldn’t want a home where the housework, cleaning, laundry, washing dishes, scrubbing the bathroom, were her husband’s job, where she would be free to pursue more fulfilling interests?”
I asked if this was going to be my job as well. She told me no, that my job was first to earn an income but after I came home, I was to care for the home by doing all that Beckie has her husband doing: laundry, cleaning, cooking, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and generally maintaining the home. Katie told me she would very much like to not have to worry about those chores so that she would have free time and frankly because those were chores she didn’t enjoy. I knew this already but I also know that she helps me often with my chores. The difference lies in that the chores are mine. Although we often work side-by-side sharing them I am the one that is obligated at all times to make sure they are completed whereas she has the freedom to help or leave it all to me.
Beckie writes: “How many would enjoy those more fulfilling pursuits during the day while he is at work earning money for her to enjoy?”
Katie would prefer not to work. She would much rather be free to do what she wanted, to enjoy volunteering or socializing with other women. She would rather have the choice to sleep in and have time to exercise than have to work although she wouldn’t mind working if it was limited to part-time. To be fair in this description, I thoroughly love my job and really don’t look at it as ‘work’. Yes there are those times when I wish I could take a vacation but I never feel like I want to quit and do something else.
Beckie writes: “What wife wouldn’t love to have control of his paycheck and manage all the finances?”
I was told last evening that we will have but one checking account and it will be hers. That is a change in thinking from past thoughts. As Katie has had more time to process some of these D/s ways, I see her taking a more controlling approach. She told me I would have an allowance but she would take care of our budget and all bills and that I will arrange to have my employer deposit my weekly earnings into her account. She isn’t sure yet if she will allow me use of a debit card at this point should I have an emergency expense.
Beckie writes: “What female wouldn’t love to be worshiped as a goddess? If men only could understand that female superiority would be the ideal for them. Men are created for worship. Women are created to receive worship.”
Katie agreed wholeheartedly with this statement. I asked her specifically if men were made to worship women to which she agreed. I asked if women were created to worship men. To that statement she disagreed. For the sake of clarity I asked for her definition of worship. What does it mean for me to worship her? Her reply was it meant doing all those above things in this post. Specifically my worship to Katie is to include: cooking, cleaning, pampering, complimenting, showing affection, adoration and obedience. She expects me to do things that make her life easier and more pleasant. She expects me to obey her. She expects me to relinquish all sources of power (my will, my independence, my finances, my time, my sexual freedoms) and give them to her to control as she wishes BECAUSE she feels she can lead the two of us best and because she wants the power to decide all things pertinent to our daily lives together. She expects me to privately and publically exalt her, showing intentional and purposeful affection and courtesy. She expects me to adore her through the affection I show as well as the gifts she desires me to give as they express my love and appreciation to her as my wife and dominant partner. She expects me to treat her as my superior in all that I do, say, think and believe.
So the question that begs to be asked if you have read my take on Female Superiority (previous post) is how do we resolve our differing views? She believes in female superiority. I don’t. The answer to this is there is nothing to work out, not because we necessarily disagree but simply because I have pledged my submission to her authority. Therefore, what she says is what I do. What she expects now becomes the level to which I must perform. What she tells me is what I am to do. How she wants to be treated is how I will treat her. Whether or not she is superior to me or not is really not the issue. That she is the authority figure in our relationship is all that matters and from that one single fact the practical fall-out to how that will affect me and her follows that natural order, falling into place perfectly.
It’s analogous to driving down a highway and wondering if a police officer is around the next bend with her radar gun focused on each approaching car. Well if the driver is not speeding then it is irrelevant whether or not the officer is there looking for offenders. In the same way, although my view differs from hers, it doesn’t matter because my prime directives are service and obedience and unconditional love. It doesn’t matter that she feels one way and I the other. In my mind it’s really a matter of semantics.
I love Katie. I sincerely trust her in all she does and in the decisions she has and will make on our behalf. I see my life as becoming busier but it is what I have asked. Busy is just means that I have less personal time, less time for me but in marrying Katie I will pledge to love and put her first in my life. Katie only wants to insure that I do and by keeping me under her watchful eye, caring for her at all times, she insures that my vow remains true; that I continue to love, serve and remain obedient to her word. Maybe she really is the superior one. I don’t know. I just know that


  1. IH, thanks for conveying Katies view.

    Well, as much as I think that you and I are comparable (I don't dare to say 'similar') in many aspects, Katie and Tamara certainly are very different - not just in their approval or disapproval of the idea of female aupremacy in general, but also in very many of those blow-by-blow aspects you named in your post.

    I don't know, whether my lady will read and comment herself here, but since you invited me to stop by and share my thoughts, I, at least, wanted to do leave some lines.

    From what I wrote about my/our take on female supremacy in my comments to your posts and on our blog, it should be clear that I don't have got any problem with a couple, where one of the partners feels the wish to submit to the other one. And as long as the other one is fine with taking over the position of the one in charge in this special relationship, this can lead to a highly enjoyable and fulfilling life. But when it comes to generalize something, which can work so well for two people in a certain relationship, stating that it should be the rule for more or less all other to follow, too, because it is "superior" to other ways of having a relationship, this is just ridiculous in my view.

    If Katie wishes to take the role of a leading figure in your relationship, and you are willing to fulfill the role of her servant, than I wish you both all the best on your journey and I'm sure, you will are a great couple.

    But, according to my opinions, this is a thing which can only be decided between the two people in every single relationship, regardless all others. To say, woman are "superior" in general, an that's why a relationship should be ruled by the woman, is contrary to my view. And, if I may, I'd say it lacks realism, because it is founded on the assumption that every woman would *want* to take over the leading role - something that isn't true at all, because most women are just vanillas and don't have the wish to be the decisionmakers, but rather want to have a man of equal level, not to speak of the many female submissives ... and, let's face it: the overwhelming majority of 'subs' in the BDSM society are female! They want to submit to a man with the same heartfelt devotion as we submissive men want to submit to our female partners. And what about homosexual couples? ...

    Well, as said, the topic of female supremacy was fascinating to me for a quite long time, but I lost interest in it. One of the main reason for this is, that it is completely without any relation to the relationship I have with my lady. We both don't believe in the inborn "superiority" of one of the genders in general, and the whole concept is nothing but irrelavant in our own relationship (D/s or else).

    So, thanks again for the post. I wish you all the best and hope that the two of you will really be able to 'neglect' the discrepancy in your opinions as something, that doesn't matter to you.

    Have a nice day,

  2. Katie is the leader of the relationship. She should be free to order things how she likes and come to expect you to follow suit.

    I have found, when my ideas and opinions are contrary to my wife’s if I concede to her view, I quickly see she was right and her view superior to mine. It is an exercise in empathy that takes time though. Developing empathy for your domme is, IMHO, a principle skill needing to be developed by a new sub, as it is applied often through the day-to-day activities and a skill which only comes with effort. A departure of years of egalitarianism does not cede influence over night.

    Best wishes.

  3. SH,
    I'm learning to do that but it is a slow process. It's tough to keep my mouth shut and just do what she says. Rather, if she wants to do something that I disagree with, the patter is for me to say something to the effect of 'you sure?' and if she stays the course, then I do what she wants. I'm not saying i agree with it, but I am saying that I will abide by her decision because I'm her sub and have pledged my submission to her.

  4. Rene,
    I hope I can put your mind at ease with respect to katie and I. You know, prior to reading the Worshiping your Wife's posts on Female superiority, this was never ever an issue with us. So although she has opinions about women being better in certain areas that is fine with me. And if I were to turn the questions to you would you agree that:
    1. Women are better at running the house (generally)?
    2. That they are better at raising kids (generally)?
    3, That they are more in touch with their emotions?
    4 That they tend to express feelings better then men?

    I'd agree with all of those. The first two because more women still live at home and still raise the children. The latter two because guys typically don't talk about feelings. They talk about things, events, the weather, the car, sports, etc - eg. things that have to do with things outside themselves and not within.

    So, when the rubber meets the road with us, she is still my sweetheart. I love her dearly. I respect her and want to be the best man I can be for her. I want to love her unconditionally and if she has some beliefs that tend toward the superiority/inferiority arm of the scale, so be it.

    Just before I posted her take on superiority, she made me take out a phrase about me being inferior to her. She told me I wasn't. I am her sub however and there is a big difference between the two.

    Thanks for taking the time to comment Rene. Enjoy your week.

  5. Whether the assertions are valid or not isn't really the issue here. The issue is that your thoughts and philosophy are at odds with hers. You have the option to either keep it that way or submit yourself to her way of thinking.

    Yes, it can be difficult to change the way you view the whole female superiority issue, but imagine how happy she will be to see that you've converted to see things as she does.
    [And I apologize about the username. It use to work okay, but about two months ago, it just started giving me a long series of numbers as my name. I don't know why. OpenID is weird.]

  6. I'm Hers - It's kind of overwhelming to think that something I posted, wanting to share Beckie's thoughts on female superiority with a wider readership, might actually influence wives and about-to-be wives to go and do likewise, in regard to taking complete financial control, decision-making, etc. But I'm sure that without my offering her the guest forum, she would have aired her forthright views. My wife is quite unlike Beckie, an incorrigible egalitarian, as I've said, and yet I doubt not that she would probably give the same answers to the Beckie poll as Katie. In other words, I think SHE thinks that women are superior, exceptions and quibbles and demurrals notwithstanding.
    I predict a blissful wife-led marriage for you, sir!