Tuesday, August 16, 2011
A Weekend of Fun but a Regretful Mistake
To those that enjoy interacting via comments know that my blog site is not allowing me to make comments on my own site. I cant figure out the problem but wanted you to know that I was not ignoring those that took the time to comment. Now on to the post.
I spent an enjoyable yet busy weekend with Katie. Sunday was our busy day as we went out for a brunch with her friends and then attended another couples wedding reception that afternoon, followed by more socializing at another girlfriends home once the reception ended. As usual, Katie looked fantastic and I was able to meet still more of her girlfriends at the reception. It's different being in this position as her submissive as she expects me to dote on her, showing appropriate affection, and physical contact while out together. My old life of just thinking about me is no more and I am a better man for the change to which she has insisted. What I love is her telling me about the comments her girlfriends make. They notice that I touch, hold, smile, compliment and express my love to Katie. They see the affection I show her. They notice when I refill their glasses of wine, pick up the napkin that fell on the floor, help with a coat or sweater, or other acts of gratitude. Being conscious of my position as Katie's submissive in social situations is one of the things I love most as those times are all about her and others do indeed notice.
However, not all was peaches and roses last weekend. On Friday evening we made love and as I got close I asked her to tell me to stop, which she did. However I waited to long before asking. I withdrew but orgasmed as soon as I was out. Feeling bad I ruined it but did so in a way that she was unaware. She left to use the bathroom while I used another and discarded my release. What bothered me all the next day was that I did not tell her what I had done. The fact that I orgasmed was not the issue. The fact that I didn't confess I did because I didn't want her to tell me to consume it did. Consuming is what is expected of me and I knew it. I wimped out and hid my mistake from her until the following day when I finally confessed. But confession doesn't fully make up for doing what I should have done in the first place - to tell her the truth immediately and then let her decide how to handle the situation.
I kept a secret from Katie and that was wrong. Hiding thoughts and actions is one habit I want to completely remove from my life with her, yet I failed miserably this time. Honesty and openess has been one of the cornerstones of our relationship. It has lead to a depth of love I've never experiencedl. I do not want secrets - especially because I want to avoid a consequence - to creep into our relationship. I need to be stronger with respect to honesty and openess with her.
Katie graciously forgave me but I wondered what other dominants might have done if they were in her place. During the course of the weekend I brought her to several orgasms on each of the three days I was there but was not permitted to orgasm once. I almost asked if I could on Sunday evening before she drifted off to sleep but knew the request was inappropriate. I love satisfying her. Love that I can last as long as she needs me inside her (usually) and that I find such enjoyment hearing her respond to my cock, touch or attention. My psyche has changed over time. A year ago I would have been left pouting because she climaxed and I didn't. Now I find emotional fulfillment when she does and usually (not always) am content knowing that I am here for her and not vice versa with respect to sexual fulfillment. I wonder if this change will continue to mature over the years ahead as my heart becomes increasingly more intune and dependent on her as the source of my satisfaction.
Ahh, the life of a sub - it's the best cause,
PS. I was informed late this afternoon that I am to be back in the CB6000. She is cracking down on me now that my life is settling down now that I am getting use to my new job and unpacked in a new apartment. Just when I was enjoying my freedom. Now this :)