Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Kneel, A Word and Denied

The other day Katie and I were shopping at Best Buy.  While in one of the main isles she stopped, extended her foot, and commented "my shoe is untied". Without a second thought I knelt and tended to her. I stood and we continued shopping as if nothing had happened. Sometime later I made a comment on what she had done and she simply stated, "Well, I didn't want to bend down to tie it and I knew you were there to do it for me."

When I call Katie now, her greeting has changed. For months and months, her response was 'Hey'. Now, it is more often than not, 'Hello sub'.

The other night I dare say we had some of the best sex we've ever had. She was on top . I was on top. She stood. She and I were both on our sides facing one another and then she facing away. I treated her to orals multiple times. We kissed and held. We tried new positions. This lasted for at least two hours and during that time I am sure she experienced twenty orgasms - and that is probably a conservative estimate. Me? Well I was permitted to get close on several occasions and I know she enjoyed hearing me near the end but that was as far as I got - close.  I was left wanting but that was how she wanted it apparently. 

Did I enjoy it? Oh yes. Like nothing I've ever experienced. Was my purpose to be her lover? Yes it was. Did she want me to enjoy her? Of course she did. But did she want to tease and deny? I think the answer to that is quite apparent.

Katie is changing. By nature she is a very mild-mannered, quiet, reserved woman (with a strong sex drive :). To all of her friends, and to me, she is still the same Katie I first met, yet with me she is different.  The change began when I asked her to become the dominant one, and the change in her attitude, confidence, and comfort level with being the dominant one continues to change as we venture along the D/s path.

I love these changes. I love seeing the confidence grow inside as she realizes more and more that she doesn't need to do mundane chores when I am there to do them for her. I love the simple "Hello sub" that reiterates to her and to me that we are not on equal grounds even though we relate that way to one another in so many aspects of our lives. I love that she can be completely comfortable when we are intimate to enjoy me and my body yet know that denying me, makes me a better lover and heightens my desire to please her.

More Relationship Thoughts

Katie has several girlfriends, all of whom are in their 40's and 50's. All are single and all are dating men that claim to have an attraction for them. I am amazed to see the sadness and anxst in each of their lives with respect to the men they date and have dated. In particular I am disturbed at how they are treated by these men as well as the attitudes of the men toward these women, which in my opinion have much to offer a man. They are beautiful women indeed - inside as well as out. One woman has been dating a man for over three years. Although he repeatedly tells her 'I love you' he refuses to marry because his own teenage daughter has manipulated him into chosing her over this woman. This woman wants to be married. She wants security. I believe she fears singleness and the prospect of being alone and so she puts up with the vascilation of his committment level as he strings her along month upon month. Yes they are good friends and share a relationship that is much deeper than a friendship but why won't he commit himself to this woman? Why is it so hard for him to just take that step of faith and become hers?
Another girlfriend has dated a few men since I've known her. One was never free because of work but when he was free he chose not to drive the hour to be with the woman that he said he enjoyed. Eventually their relationship ended when she said 'no more'. Now she has been dating another that wines her and dines her and then avoids her for periods of time. At times he treats her like he wants her more than anyone else and then he vanishes and refuses to text or spend time with her when he has time to spend. She wonders if he is two-timing but cant be sure. I watch the hurt and pain in her life when he acts distant. I see the hope and joy she expresses when he reaches out yet once again as she sees the wonderful qualities in him when he makes an effort to woo her. The ebbs and flows of their relationship is not healthy. This man tells her he adores her and that she is like no other woman he has ever met, but he too will not commit. She wants him and sees so much in him that attracks her but then there is this 'other side' that makes life so confusing. She has often said she is going to let go but then he comes back and she hopes yet one more time that this time he will stay true and be the man she knows he can be.
A third girlfriend has been dating a man for awhile. They get along just fine. They enjoy one another, spend time together, relate so well as a couple and she truly adores him. They seem to be a great match but she recently learned that  he made a pack with his brother to never marry again. He verbalized that to a group of friends while at a social outing not too long ago. Now she is wondering if he is really serious in this regard and has no intention of committing himself to her with the hope of marrying. She would love him to commit so that their relationship can deepen to the point where marriage is an option.  But she is left waiting and wondering if he will just be a good friend or if he is one with potential for a shared future together.
Committment. Respect. Admiration. Love. Dependency. Where are all of these traits in men with regard to the women they say they are committed? In the case of the three couples I mentioned above, they all enjoy the women they are with. They all seem like they want to be committed. But when asked by the women to make that committment they falter. They hesitate. They back off. They are unable to do what their words and body language says they intend.
I know that as you read this you might be thinking, why don't the women just dump these guys.  That is not my point. My point focuses on the attitudes of the men, not the responses we believe would be best for each of these three women.  I look at these three and see how cheap talk is.  I am learning, as I view each of these couples from afar, just how lucky I am to have made a committment to serve a woman. Katie and I sometimes comment that if each of these men were to act submissively to the woman they are dating, so many problems would be solved.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Relationship Thoughts

I have mentioned several times in previous blogs that the primary reason that I have entered into a D/s relationship is because I personally feel that this is THEE best way for me to love a woman. For those of you that are new to reading this blog, I was married once before and am now dating a woman that I love.  During the period after my previous marriage ended I contemplated why, asking myself many questions and wondered why and how do two people drift so far apart that they become irreconcilably separated.  I did a lot of self-examination and introspection during that time, not to blame fault on another, but to see where it was that I erred.  I read much. I explored the web reading and learning and it was during one of those web searching times that I stumbled onto dominance and submission as a way of life.

 The concept of D/s was completely foreign. I had never heard of it and it was only by chance that I happened on some credible websites that helped me along during those early months of learning and coming to grips with yielding my will, my mind, my everything to a woman.  As odd as this lifestyle seemed, the thought of living under the rule of a dominant woman appealed to me greatly.  I knew that I was controlling and was often accurately criticized by my x for being that way. I realized that I sometimes viewed sex as a way to get rather than give. I believed in helping others but knew that I sometimes had a sense of entitlement especially when I felt as if I had done enough and now deserved favors in return. Like many other men, I could be consumed by TV and computer time while sacrificing talk-time with others. Not all about me was good. I realized that I had issues that I needed to address. I didn’t want to be that kind of a person. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, and on many levels I realized that living selflessly, and giving up all control to another would go along way to rectifying many of the traits that I didn’t like. Eventually I broached the subject with Katie who also had never heard of dominance and submission. We talked. We discussed and ultimately I submitted.

My submission has come in steps. She and I learned along the way what it meant to live as Domme and sub. Other's helped us better understand what true submission entailed. I realized that it required effort on my part; that submission was a one-way road, devoid of her helping me in return unless she chose to do so. But for both of us this lifestyle unknowingly fit us perfectly. And for me, it has been the best choice I could have made and I encourage those that read  these kinds of blogs that are not in D/s relationships to strongly consider the positives of living this way. What I have found is the mental transformation that has occurred in the past year and a half has been dramatic.  No longer do I struggle with so many of the personal issues I mentioned above. No longer do I want to please myself without regard for her. My mental energies are all about how to make Katie happy. My life now revolves around her. She controls our bedroom. She tells me what she wants me to cook for her. I work while she relaxes. She controls the remote on the TV and decides what we watch and how long we watch. I have learned to give. I can say that I have learned to obey but I am still learning to keep my tongue in check and let her lead as she sees fit. I'm not there yet but I am going there and am so much more content and fulfilled than ever before. I give so much more than I ever did before but on so many levels I get so much more in return than I ever realized I would. My relationship with Katie has depth. It’s open. It’s honest. It's ever changing. She loves my commitment, my affection, my devotion, and the effort I put into making her feel loved, treasured, cherished – even worshipped. I am coming to view her not only as the woman I love but as the woman that will lead us and specifically me on our journey together. I have become a believer in service submission and best of all.....

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Frustrated yet Pleased

After having to work a half-day on Labor Day I traveled to see Katie. We enjoyed a few hours together before going to one of her girlfriends for one of their monthly dinner parties with several others in which we all bring a dish and enjoy a few hours together socializing. We left that party and headed to her place and watched a bit of TV. While watching I texted her "I'd sure love to massage that pretty body of yours" to which she responded by shutting the TV off and readied herself for bed. I finished folding the laundry, cleaning up vomit from the cat, straightening the kitchen and a completing few other small chores before joining her. Stripping naked I climbed in bed with her where I began one of the favorite parts of our day - massaging her body. Eventually she had enough and we watched a bit of TV while snuggled tightly together. During that time she caressed my chest, abs and genitals quickly getting me hard. This continued for many minutes. Even after the TV went off she continued to keep me aroused - causing me to twitch, sigh and pulling her in close as those feelings of arousal took over. I asked her if she enjoyed doing this to me and she replied "yes". I kept thinking to myself that this would soon culminate with her telling me to make love with her but eventually she turned away and went to sleep. Having kept me aroused for well over a half-hour she left me wanting.

What was so frustrating this time was that this was not her typical behavior. Usually when she touches me, we enjoy a deeper intimacy of making love at some point but this wasn't to be tonight. She was fully content to have enjoyed touching my body and having me massage her for nearly an hour prior. She fell asleep pleased and content while I was left aroused and wanting. I woke twice during the night - each time noticing I was erect. I don't know if I slept that way or if it was coincidental that my arousal returned just as I regained consciousness. By morning I was ready for more but she wasn't. Her stomach was somewhat unsettled but I found myself pursuing her sexually - wanting to cuddle, wanting to be close, wanting to touch her. She had turned on a switch within that I had a hard time controlling. I wanted her.
I left for work later that morning. Talking on the phone as I headed back, I told her what her touching did to me emotionally and mentally. I told her how much I enjoyed it but how frustrated if left me. She responded coyly mentioning that she didn't need to touch me if I didn't want to to which I adamently admitted I hoped she would continue this practice. What I experienced the evening before was new. She had never touched me like that - not for that length of time - not with the intent to have me reach orgasm - but rather just to enjoy the feel of my body in her hand and to know that she could control my emotions with such the flick of a finger or the squeeze of her hand. The touching she did was for her pleasure, not mine although it definitely felt wonderful.

I mentioned that this is what Rika spoke about regarding the woman's responsibility as a sub - to keep her man sexually tense. It really does work. That touch was wonderful yet it didnt' take me where I wanted to go. It got me going in 'that' direction but never to its final destination. And so I am left wanting more. I am left wanting her. I am left wondering when she will 'go there' again. I am left frustrated yet feeling so very pleased. It's one of the paradoxes of a D/s relationship that I love so very much and wanted to share with all.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Submission is Easy

A year or so ago I met a dominant woman that transformed my life.  I met her on Collarme and we conversed for a few weeks sending each other many notes in that short period of time.  What she taught me was that submission wasn't about me 'getting' but about me 'giving'. Furthermore she told me that I would experience satisfaction in giving even if it seemed like a foreign concept at the time- which it did.  How right she was.  Since that time I have become quite a content sub to the woman I love - Katie.  Helping me solidify those thoughts was the book Uniquely Rika which I highly recommend to those that are new to this lifestyle or considering it.  It reinforced the concepts and thinking of the domme with whom I conversed.

Last week I began to converse with another submissive that is considering this way of life.  We've not spoken much via email but I have been thinking about what to tell him since I know he feels that what Rika speaks about is 'too difficult'.  All I know about him as a submissive is that he has been with a pro-domme but never pledged himself to a woman to serve on a continual basis.

Living as a single guy one shops, feeds, launders, cleans, maintains, budgets, and does all of those things necessary to sustain oneself. Now that I am Katie's sub I do all of those same things.  I do all of the same 'chores' that I did when not with her.  So the question that keeps haunting me is "why is submission so hard?"  I mean, is it that much harder to cook a meal for two than for one?  Is making a bed that two sleep in harder than making it for one?  Is cleaning, laundering, vacuuming, etc really any harder or more time consuming when with someone than when alone?  I think not.  So what's the difference?

The difference is that I don't necessarily choose when I will do my chores. The difference is that I am often told what to prepare or what to clean rather than making that decision myself.  The difference too is that I get to please a woman who is thankful for the deads I do.  The difference is that I get to massage a woman's body and communicate with her intimately.  The difference is that my mind isn't now focused on me and what I want but on what would make her smile, what would make her happy, what would please her.  The positives are without end and the effort is not that much greater.  The difference is now that I am more selfless and less selfish. The benefit is that I am learning what real love is all about. The benefit is that I am learning how to give rather than receive and as parents will tell you at Christmas time - the joy they receive when they see a child open a gift they are truly pleased with is well worth the expence and effort just to see that smile or feel that hug of gratitude.

I hope I can convey these thoughts accurately and effectively to my newly discovered submissive friend. I hope too that he decides to venture into the unknown and decide to serve a loving Domme that can nurture and develop his submissive tendencies. I can only hope to spread the good news that a man's place is at the foot of a woman, ready and waiting to please her and hear her say 'well done'.