Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I have mentioned several times in previous blogs that the primary reason that I have entered into a D/s relationship is because I personally feel that this is THEE best way for me to love a woman. For those of you that are new to reading this blog, I was married once before and am now dating a woman that I love. During the period after my previous marriage ended I contemplated why, asking myself many questions and wondered why and how do two people drift so far apart that they become irreconcilably separated. I did a lot of self-examination and introspection during that time, not to blame fault on another, but to see where it was that I erred. I read much. I explored the web reading and learning and it was during one of those web searching times that I stumbled onto dominance and submission as a way of life.
The concept of D/s was completely foreign. I had never heard of it and it was only by chance that I happened on some credible websites that helped me along during those early months of learning and coming to grips with yielding my will, my mind, my everything to a woman. As odd as this lifestyle seemed, the thought of living under the rule of a dominant woman appealed to me greatly. I knew that I was controlling and was often accurately criticized by my x for being that way. I realized that I sometimes viewed sex as a way to get rather than give. I believed in helping others but knew that I sometimes had a sense of entitlement especially when I felt as if I had done enough and now deserved favors in return. Like many other men, I could be consumed by TV and computer time while sacrificing talk-time with others. Not all about me was good. I realized that I had issues that I needed to address. I didn’t want to be that kind of a person. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, and on many levels I realized that living selflessly, and giving up all control to another would go along way to rectifying many of the traits that I didn’t like. Eventually I broached the subject with Katie who also had never heard of dominance and submission. We talked. We discussed and ultimately I submitted.
My submission has come in steps. She and I learned along the way what it meant to live as Domme and sub. Other's helped us better understand what true submission entailed. I realized that it required effort on my part; that submission was a one-way road, devoid of her helping me in return unless she chose to do so. But for both of us this lifestyle unknowingly fit us perfectly. And for me, it has been the best choice I could have made and I encourage those that read these kinds of blogs that are not in D/s relationships to strongly consider the positives of living this way. What I have found is the mental transformation that has occurred in the past year and a half has been dramatic. No longer do I struggle with so many of the personal issues I mentioned above. No longer do I want to please myself without regard for her. My mental energies are all about how to make Katie happy. My life now revolves around her. She controls our bedroom. She tells me what she wants me to cook for her. I work while she relaxes. She controls the remote on the TV and decides what we watch and how long we watch. I have learned to give. I can say that I have learned to obey but I am still learning to keep my tongue in check and let her lead as she sees fit. I'm not there yet but I am going there and am so much more content and fulfilled than ever before. I give so much more than I ever did before but on so many levels I get so much more in return than I ever realized I would. My relationship with Katie has depth. It’s open. It’s honest. It's ever changing. She loves my commitment, my affection, my devotion, and the effort I put into making her feel loved, treasured, cherished – even worshipped. I am coming to view her not only as the woman I love but as the woman that will lead us and specifically me on our journey together. I have become a believer in service submission and best of all.....