Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Upsetting life’s Routines – when a Domme loses her dominance

I mentioned in my previous posts about the value of routines in helping to establish efficiency and effectiveness in my own life as a submissive. In my last post I noted that our lives have been anything but routine due to job changes and moving. In that post I mentioned how we each regressed away from our submissive and dominant roles while we were each feeling the stresses associated with significant change.  I was thinking today just how Katie has changed as my dominant during the past few weeks while she has been a part of a move from one home to another.  Here are some examples:

·         Last night we were watching TV. A show was on that I know she usually doesn’t watch. She asked me about half way through, “are you interested in watching the rest of this?” Normally she’d just tell me, “let’s go to bed,” and shut the TV off.

·         Since she has moved into her new home she has got up every morning, fed the pets, and then gone back to bed.  Normally she’d tell me to feed them and remain warm and cozy under the covers while I did her bidding.

·         The other day we made love and I withdrew as I was getting too close to orgasm.  I didn’t withdraw soon enough and ejaculated on her stomach. I expected her to tell me to clean up my mess or at least feed me my ejaculate with her fingers. She did neither and told me she needed to use the bathroom where she cleaned up my mess herself.

·         During the past few weeks the number of times we’ve had sex has diminished by at least 50%.

·         Yesterday after finishing dinner, she took her dishes and utensils to the sink rather than giving them to me or leaving them for me to take care of.

·         The hallway and stairs had gotten dirty from all of our walking in and out of the house as we carried items to different rooms. While I was making dinner, she ran the vacuum rather than tell me to vacuum after dinner.

Why all the changes? Why the regressions back to vanilla ways of life?  I believe that it goes back to the thoughts I mentioned in my last post with regard to the instincts we all have of having certain needs met and not worrying about those lesser needs until the more important ones are adequately in place. The needs, as I see it are listed from most to least important:

First tier: food, shelter, clothing. She has these but the shelter part is consuming all of her time right now as she is moving and creating a new nest.

Second tier:  the desire for meaningful relationships and the need to feel loved and secure. She has these as well but she really has a need to feel loved given the stresses in her life. I can see how much she needs affirmation, how much she desires a listening ear and how important it is to have one that will empathize and give her assistance as she needs it.

Third tier: a D/s relationship. Right now she doesn’t have the energy or mental desire to engage in this as much as she normally would due to the energy she is expending on level one with her. Yet some aspects of our D/s relationship remain intact. What remains are those jobs that I do that meet tiers one and two. I find this interesting as I know that once Katie is moved in, she will become the Domme I so love. So how does she want me to submit? She wants me to obey her when she tells me to do things for her. She doesn’t do this as often yet it’s still part of who she is. She still expects me to prepare all meals and clean after. She still tells me to do the laundry. She still expects when we make love for it to be all about her. She still tells me to give her nightly massages and what has been particularly enjoyable for me in this area is that she has fallen asleep to those massages the last two nights. I loved knowing she could relax to that degree and I’m sure she felt so exhausted from long days of working that my touches allowed her to relax and eventually fall asleep knowing she was loved and that I was there to care and tend to her.

I know that this business will soon pass and life will settle and order will slowly be restored to her life.  What I’ve learned is how important it is for the submissive to support his Domme when she experiences stresses that affect their D/s relationship and put it on hold temporarily. What I’ve learned is that she still needs me to serve her in many other ways outside of the sexual aspect. And when you look at that from afar you realize that those aspects – companionship, care, devotion, support – are the foundational blocks necessary before a successful D/s relationship can be built anyway.

For the next few weeks what I hope is that she can rest in my support knowing I am there to uphold and serve her. I want more than anything for her to always know that,
I’m Hers


  1. Beautifully written and so true. although we are not shifting but with handling 2 kids there are days when my Goddess acts in the same manner and during these times i dont feel dominated and start to think about the relation not moving forward. just wait a few day my friend and you will be in for a very good suprise. that is what happens with me. after every lull the awakening of dominance is so strong that i just love it. she breaks all the limits that she had achieved before the stalemate. i think even u are in for a very good time pretty soon. best of luck. and thank u for making me realize that what is happening is only normal. and that i just have to be there for her and support her.

  2. Enslave Meh, I can only imagine the difficulty at times maintaining a D/s relationship having young kids in the mix. I never had that opportunity during those years of my life, having lived in a vanilla relationship while my kids were young. You and your wife have the opportunity to pass on these traits. I do too but my kids are grown so it's a bit harder task to accomplish. Your comment about Katie is so true. I wrote my next comment with your thoughts (an the change I experienced) in mind. Thanks for taking the time to post.