Saturday, October 8, 2011
Upsetting lifes' Routines
In life, nothing is really black and white but rather it is a world filled with shades of gray. I wrote my last post on the value of routines and how, at least in my life, they help me to perform more duties for my Domme by allowing me to become more efficient. This summer has been a summer where my life and Katie’s life has been anything but routine. I lost a job and had to find another. In the process I had to move some distance. Katie had been living in a home that she recently sold and is just now moving to another home close to her.
What I realized is that as much as the D/s relationship is important and is a wonderful blessing in her life as well as mine, it is definitely not essential to life. Issues such as food, shelter and clothing are primary needs that must be met first. Relationship issues, the need for friends and the desire to love and be love fall beneath those primary life needs. D/s relationship falls even further away from the primary needs and secondary needs upon which life is comprised but indeed is important to those desiring such a relationship style.
I, like many other subs am kept in chastity. I find that as I am denied my desire for Katie increases, especially with her teasing, flirting and affection. However, after I lost my job chastity became a secondary issue. I found that I lost those desires, those wants to orgasm, to paw at her, and to give her my undivided attention the way I know she loves. Rather, I became obsessed with finding work and those submissive impulses dramatically diminished even though I remained locked. Rather, I spent hours and hours filling out job applications, writing cover letters, and searching the web in the hopes of becoming employed once again. Two months later I finally found a job and my stress levels dramatically decreased. But all was not as it was just a few months prior.
I moved. I readjusted to life in a different locale. I began work with different people and life became preoccupied with learning how things were to be done ‘here’ rather than where I formerly worked. The D/s relationship was still on the back burner but started to become more of my focus as my security increased and as I fell into more familiar routines – like how to get to and from work, where to shop, where to bank, and learning the lay of the land in general. I began wanting Katie more. I wanted to feel her dominance once again. The old me returned but only after I had satisfied those basic life needs. Just as life began to settle for me, it turned upside down for Katie.
Katie is now where I was. She is in the midst of moving; moving a house filled with her belongings from one home to another. She is dealing with buyers, realtors, auctioneers, bankers, attorneys and what seems like a never ending list of things that keep finding themselves on her to-do list. She has become preoccupied with handling the stresses of moving and as a result there have been times when she, like me, when I was in crisis, has seemed a bit distant and definitely not into being a Domme that I know she can be.
Yet I fully understand why she feels as she does. She is in a mode of finding a new nest – filling one of those primary needs. She wants me, but not so much as a sub as a companion and one that she can rely on to ease her stresses. She still keeps me locked. She still knows that she’s the one that is the head of our home; she still knows that I am hers, there to please her and make her life more comfortable but she isn’t focusing on all of that right now with the intensity that she did prior to the sale of her home.
Life is filled with twists and turns and although bloggers sometimes write as if they are composing those annual Christmas letters, you know, those ‘brag sheets' that portray a family that appears perfect, with perfect kids that get straight A’s and succeed in every extracurricular event they are participating. The ones that portray a family to envy but in fact make the reader sometimes feel like they want to vomit because their life is all peachy (a bit of sarcasm showing through there), even though we all know it is probably far from it. Well, when those unexpected events happen in life, they upset routines. They refocus life back to handling those basic issues and at times put D/s relationships on hold.
For me, I am out of sync with respect to my routines right now. Katie lives in a new home. Things aren’t as they once were. I need to learn what is in each cupboard. I need to learn where she wants things put now when I do the laundry, or put away the dishes. My efficiency level is not where it needs to be. And Katie is still in ‘moving mode’. Her focus is torn away from me to some degree as a result. As a result, my role has changed. She needs my companionship. She needs my support. She needs my muscle to help her move and that has become my focus much more than doting, adoring and expecting to be teased and denied.
Those aspects of our D/s relationship will return but they will take some time to do so. Katie needs to get settled. She needs to feel secure in her new surroundings. Once that happens I am sure I will feel her dominance to greater degrees and life will once again be one in which I’ll write you one of those Christmas D/s letters recapping our year together, portraying a perfect relationship that we ‘have’ and you ‘don’t’ just to make you wish you had what we have. LOL. It will be all mushy and gooshy but then, you’ll probably do the same thing too (and I’ll gag reading what you write as well:).