Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Do I have the Guts to Ask?

I concluded a recent post with a rhetorical question regarding long-term orgasm denial - something different from long-term chastity. Katie has no desire, at least currently, to keep me locked 24/7, and frankly, I am appreciative of that.  She does have a desire to enjoy me inside her as well as the feel of me inside the grip of her hand, and I am oh so thankful for that.  The latter - the touch, the use of me for her enjoyment, the tease of tormenting me is what I crave. To be left wanting for days at a time is something I'm just starting to experience. I like it. I hate it yet I love it, and I think I want it. But to ask to be denied for three, four, six months? That's a long time. Call me a wimp but I don't know where that road leads.

At this point, now a month into denial I wonder just how enjoyable it could be to be denied for two or three times as long as she intends to deny me this round. I know she is loving this and loving how her teasing has changed me. And it has brought about changes. The seemingly constant reminder from being erect so much more makes me want her. I am now more sensitive to her touch; more likely to twitch sooner rather than later when she does stimulate me, even for short periods of time. I know I find myself wanting to touch her, outside of the bedroom, and definitely want to cuddle with her while in bed - all the time, all night long - something I know she really loves when we sleep together. Mentally my mind is on her more. My thoughts revolve around sex more. While under lock and key, when we are apart, the subtle constraint below is a constant reminder that I belong to her. I love the feeling of being owned, of being under her power, there to serve , and generally be one whose role it is to wait and please her however I can.

There are so many positives to long-term denial that I am beginning to see.  The key for me (and I think for her as well) is the tease. If the goal of denial is just completing the time or being her toy to use in that way, I have no interest.  But to be denied and left wanting because she has taken the time to stimulate me and bring to surface the frustration of being so close yet never coming, well that is different. That type of attention is what I believe is producing all of these feelings of emotional and psychological closeness along with all of the physiological changes that make me want her so bad. If she can be that woman, and I do believe she is, well then maybe denial is where we should go. The key as I see it is that there needs to be a playfulness to all this. Katie needs to want to enjoy teasing and tormenting me. She's never really spent an inordinate amount of time teasing, to the point that she makes me beg but she is bending more that way since we've first began this journey.

 I see the value the tease and denial in building closeness. I see the value of it developing intimacy. I see the value of it in molding a man to want to cater to a woman. I see the value of it in teaching me discipline, devotion, patience and viewing her as the dominant one in our relationship. I see it as building so many virtues.  Yet I ache to orgasm. I ache for that momentary release that feels oh so good even though I've read from many who say living the life of T & D is so much better. I want the very thing I don't want and at times it messes with my head. The unknown of living a life this way is a scary thought but I wonder if I will ask for her to consider this. Do I have the guts to do so? If I do ask, do we decide on how long together or do I just leave it up to her? What if I want out of this 'game' before she's ready? I think I know what I want. I think.

Tonight I'm going to spend an evening with her. Maybe we will discuss this more openly. My hunch is that she won't make any commitments as she enjoys me orgasming as well and I wonder how she will feel not letting me do so for months at a time.  For her I guess the question will be how much does she enjoy the orgasm and pleasure associated with me coming vs. the denial and the benefits she receives by denying me and having that type of emotional control over me.
If you were in my shoes, what would you suggest I do?


  1. I completely understand this dilemma. I am in my longest cycle thus far, and was actually talking to my wife today about my growing desire to have longer periods of denial, and how I think the desire grows to remain chaste when we have a lot of intimacy (as we have the past 10+ days). My wife J, perhaps similar to Katie, truly enjoys my orgasms. She seemed to indicate she wasn't really sure she would want to deny me a month or more. While I'm not yet sure if I would want 2-3 months of denial, I do think with a high level of intimacy I might. Right now I think I am ready for only 1-2 orgasms per month. Even if I did want longer term denial, I don't think it would work if it wasn't what J wanted. I want to accept what she wants. This is something you and I will need to figure out with our ladies as the journey continues.

  2. I think you have to leave it in her hands (pun intended). She will decide what is best for you and for her two. You submit to her. You obey her. You serve her. She will decide how long your orgasm denial will be but I think it is fair that you tell her what you are interested in and then tell her it is up to her to decide and you will submit to her wishes.


  3. LH,
    I hear you and I agree with you. It's really not about what you and I want but rather what J and Katie desire. Now at week 5 it's getting hard psychologically as I now ask each day if today will be the day. What I have found is that when I am with her at home, my desire to be close to her is much stronger than while we are apart. The feelings and thoughts remain but the intensity of those feelings and emotions are less. I'd love to chat with you more freely but this format doesn't allow us to do so. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feelings and find out a bit more about your story. Take care friend and enjoy the ride.

  4. Florida Dom,
    I agree and I know that I will ultimately do what she wants and is comfortable with. We had a great talk last evening so I have at least a general feeling as to what it is she is wanting. Like you, I agree with your thinking - it's all about her - and I would want it no other way. Thanks for commenting. Welcome!