Monday, November 28, 2011

'Steel' and Living Under Her Control

The Jailbird from Mature Metal arrived the day after Thanksgiving at Katie's mailbox. After opening it she let me try it on for size briefly but other than that I was to wait until Monday before she put me in it long-term.  I was itching to see how it felt after being locked for several hours in comparison to what I was use to but in typical Katie style, that was not her interest, rather she wanted me out and accessible while with her. It wasn't until I was off to work today and gone for two days that she had me lock up after showering.

My initial feelings are that it's way more comfortable than my old CB6000 for a couple of reasons. First, the retaining ring is thinner and constructed with an oval shape and just feels as if it isn't even around your genitals than the thicker plastic 6000 retaining-ring.  Second is the size of the 'tube'.  Although I'm about 7" erect, I ordered a 2" tube, following the advice of a webpage by pansy tart.  Sitting with such a small tube creates almost no tug from underneath when compared to the 3.5" 6000 tube which tended to push me up and stretch the sensitive skin at the base of the cock. The shorter tube all but eliminates this tug.   So initial impressions are good although Katie doesn't like the size of the lock that seems to jut out and is not aesthetically pleasing to her eye so I"m going to have to make some modifications with that or send it back and have a security screw installed to keep her happy. I don't particularly care for the rub of the lock against my thigh when sleeping either. The lock of the CB6000 stayed centered while the lock on the JB lays off to one side. It's a small issue but one I'd fix if I was building it. My biggest difficulty with any chastity tube is night erections. Last night I had discomfort from 5am til 8am.  I'm not sure if I was erect the entire time but it sure did feel that way. There is no way around this so it's just something I need to deal with and learn to sleep through.

A major positive aspect of the Jailbird is that Katie likes seeing me in it. I put it on right after I showered and noticed her watching me towel dry and shave while naked.  While on the road later that morning I texted her and told her the snugness of it was making me horny. She commented that the sight of it on me had the same effect on her.  Now that is good news! 

I"m wondering now if she will be taking my key away - something she's always permitted me to have so I could remove the 6000 for showering and shaving purposes or in the case of some emergency.  I have a feeling if I mention it she will have me give it to her as I've noticed lots of little things changing that leads me to believe she enjoys pushing me into positions in which I am without power and under her jurisdiction as the dominant figure in our relationship.

For example, she has been spending more time stroking me and then just stopping for no reason after she gets me really worked up.  The other night she stroked me slowly and sporadically for at least a half hour while we cuddled. She said nothing but her intent was obvious. I was about to tell her to stop as I was afraid I might orgasm when she suddenly stopped. It was as if she read my mind but seconds later I heard her breathing deepen and realized she had fallen asleep!!  Ugh! I was dying for more but couldn't even move knowing I might wake her. We must be getting old!!

Another change is with our sex life. She's more recently been enjoying my body when we make love but she has changed her routine to suddenly telling me to stop or suddenly lifting off me when mounting me and making comments like, "we need to get up" or "I need to use the bathroom".  Now I'm not saying I am not thoroughly enjoying myself but I am left feeling like getting up or using the toilet are the last things I want to do at the time. , I'm left aching for more although I know my role is service and in that regard know that I've been able to satisfy her several times while being left on the edge myself. It amazes me how easily she can push me aside psychologically, and move on with her day. What a difference it is to please a Domme, to hear the pleasure I am producing but being left wanting, knowing full well that I am not permitted to feel the same degree of pleasure that she is as her sub.

A third change is with our foreplay. She has also been allowing me to stimulate her manually to several orgasms morning and/or evening but has not permitted me to do so orally.  I know that both are pleasurable to her, but if I had my druthers, I'd much rather please her orally to satisfy my own submissive desires of being between her legs rather than hold her tightly against my body while touching her through her panties.  Touching her while cuddling tight allows us to be more intimate physically but it is not nearly as erotic (for me) as being between her legs. I am not even able to feel her wetness as she makes sure my fingers remain on the outside of her panties while stimulating her.

These are just the latest changes in how she is permitting me to serve her. I don't even know if she means it or if it's just happening by chance but the sex, both vaginal and oral have changed in ways that encourage selflessness on my part rather than selfish enjoyment. I know she loves seeing me left wanting. I can see it in her smile of satisfaction when she leaves to use the bathroom or gets up to shower. I can see the devious look in her eye at times too. That look that indicates she knows exactly what she's doing by leaving me wanting , horny and craving her body long after we leave the bedroom. She is amazingly sexy and has been leaving me aching for so much more. It's been a month now since I've orgasmed. I'm loving where I am. I almost don't want the feelings to end but don't dare tell her so - at least not yet. Funny thing is, is that since this first prolonged denial, I think about wanting to go 'without' for a much longer time.  I don't know if I have the guts to ask or if she will have the courage to just make me. I love being under her control. I love having to please without having that climactic feeling myself. I love the the ache, as much as I hate it. So many paradoxical emotions. Having her make the choice would be so erotic. I wonder if she will. I wonder if I will truly become one of the 'denied' - to serve a Real Mistress?


  1. Congrats on the steel device! Wow, we really are living parallel lives, aren't we?!?! It seems the stages in our female led relationships are fairly similar. Nice to see Katie is becoming more dominant over you. Such an intense feeling, isn't it!?! I recently decided to ask my wife for a longer denial period. Though I don't want to "top from the bottom", I felt that I needed to let her know my desire for a longer cycle. She agreed, and if all goes according to plan, I will finally break my 9 day record. She agreed to 10 days, though I am hoping for longer. I am craving the more submissive feelings I know I will feel beyond 9-10 days. Of course, the last thing I want is to deny her of the pleasure she enjoys when bringing me to orgasm, so it is her decision. I do think she is enjoying my increasingly subby ways, so hope that may make her want to keep me chaste longer.

    I do look forward to your posts!

  2. Come now. When you say "These are just the latest changes in how she is permitting me to serve her. I don't even know if she means it or if it's just happening by chance ...." do you really think it's just "by chance"? Just read what you've written about all the little ways that she's teasing and then denying you. I think it speaks for itself that she knows exactly what she's doing.

    Get ready. Unless I'm completely mis-reading little Katie, the fun is just beginning. T and D are going to be your new best friends:)

  3. LH,
    I am no expert by far but I was just telling Katie today that during the past few days the intensity of my feelings towards her as well as the sexual "tension" that I feel have grown. What I think is happening is that my time between orgasms have reach some type of trigger to cause these feelings. I wrote about them in an earlier post at a time when I was about 2 weeks into being denied. I had an oops and came around the 15th of the month and those feelings subsided. What a bummer that was. But now they are returning once more.

    I don't know if you will experience similar feelings of sexual tension - especially is she teases you or brings you closer to your peak without bringing you all the way over but my suspiciion is that you will find your sexual desire for her will heighten significantly at about the two week point.

    Enjoy the increased time in denial. Wouldn't it be nice if she didn't tell you how many days you will have next time? Leave you wondering if it's two or twenty days before she lets you release. Now that would be fun. I'm kind of hoping for the same from Katie with regard to the Christmas date that is approaching in less then four weeks. Cant wait to see what she decides.

    Lady Gray, I will respond to your comment later when I can address it properly...

  4. The thing is that once you have experienced denial and it's effects, it's a bit like a drug, you want more, to go longer, to feel the feelings that you feel being kept under her control longer.

    For me at least it's not the orgasms that I miss, it's the being denied, having them purposley witheld by Jane, that is the real turn on.

  5. Mistress Grey, How nice to see you stopping by again. You know, I have this hunch by the way you comment that I think is true. I think you are gently surprised, or maybe a better way to put it is that you are pleasantly enjoying Miss Katie's progression as a Domme. As an aside, so I am I. :) As to what she is doing, all I can say is this: her love language is touch. She loves to touch and be touched. With that said I just wonder if she is touching me merely because she just enjoys the feel of my body or if she is touching me because she is really trying to quietly tease me. As to the way that our sex life has changed, well I know she loves sex and I know she has no intention to have me climax so she gets what she wants and then leaves me aching for more. That I know she enjoys but the touching and then falling asleep, well, it just made me wonder if she was focusing on the touch, or just 'enjoying touch' for the sake of touch as she relaxed and eventually dosed off to sleep.

    I do hope you are right about the T & D becoming my best friend. I'm sure you know more about this than I do having done this with your hubby but just writing you and dwelling on this topic is a form of tease, let alone the more intentional stuff Katie does.
    I hope you have a wonderful week. I enjoy your comments as they make me think.

    AAT, Your statement is true but the difference with us submissives is that we have no say in how long the drug will last since we have no say in the control of our orgasm cycle. That unknown is a drug as well in my mind. It's a loss of power and it seems that one of the 'drugs' of a submissive is being powerless, or enslaved as some are. If you jump back to the first months of my blog you will notice that Katie rarely denied me, which is why I wouldn't lose hope that Jane too will also mve ahead with you in your denial. She may yet jump on board and enjoy 'lovingly-teasing you in this way - or so I hope.