Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Vibrant Women

 I've been wanting to write this post for some time and hope I can do the topic justice. The topic has to do with women "being" as there is nothing quite like watching females interact amongst themselves.  I've worked with the young adult population for over thirty years.  My involvement with this age group has been in the realm of education and athletics. For several years I coached college women and spent many hours each week with them. I love seeing a woman smile. There is just something special about seeing 'her' joy.

One of the most enjoyable and beautiful sights is watching girls being girls.  Look the pictures below.  Don't they just just ooze with joy?  Can't you see life flowing from their smiles, their eyes, their body language?  When I observed the girls I coached during a practice or at an all-day event talking, laughing and interacting - free from the stresses of their lives their joy was noticeably profound. It's how a woman should feel.  It's how they should act.  They were born to socialize and interact and express.  Now I'm not saying that boys shouldn't have those same feelings because they should but what makes them laugh is different (typically) than what triggers those expressions of joy and fulfillment in a woman. Guys talk about things - sports, weather, cars, music, stuff.  Girls do that too (boys, dresses, dances, etc) but I believe they are more in tune with their feelings and emotions than guys and so they talk about those 'deeper' feelings and thoughts then most men do and express themselves accordingly. How they behaved and what they talked about was different than when the conversation was co-ed. Their joy seemed more genuine, their giggles more frequent, their serious deeper when discussing heavier topics. Their attitudes were just different and it's difficult for me to describe.

When I see girls smiling it makes me happy. When I hear my own daughters laughing in the other room I can feel their joy. It's one of those simple, and often seen sights that make my day no matter where I am or what I am doing.  However did you ever see a middle aged or older couple eating at a restaurant and say almost nothing the entire time?  Have you ever walked into a room and felt the tension from an argument of a couple that just happened.  Have you ever watched the expressions of a typical housewife or working mom? A brief look at those women don't conjure up the same feelings as what I described above.  Those sights make me feel sad.  I see a lack of vibrancy. I see life being sucked out of once joyful girl that that deserves to be happy.  I see frustration, sadness or anger when there should be joy, and glee.

Enter the D/s dynamic.  I've mentioned in former posts that I am a product of a broken marriage. During that highly emotional time after separation I spent many hours in self examination wondering what went wrong, if things could be fixed, and what, if anything I could do to prevent a recurrence of the mistakes that were made over the years should I ever fall in love again.  It was only by chance that I happened upon femdom, wife-led marriages, and female-led relationship websites.  What grabbed my attention, almost jumping from some the the pages I read was the attitude of the male toward his partner. He wasn't husband that I was. He wasn't the dad that I grew up under. He didn't come to the dinner table when called by his wife. He didn't make the financial, vacation, social decisions that impacted His family. He didn't tell his wife that the baby's diaper was soiled and needed changing or stay in bed while his wife looked after a sick child in the middle of the night.

It was the complete opposite. I read about the woman, doing being the 'man' in the home. She made the decisions, instructing her husband what needed to be done while he, in doing her bidding, made her life less chaotic, less stressful, and more meaningful. What hit me like a ton-of-bricks was that the attitude and work-ethic of this submissive male actually worked to make his wife more happy, more joyful. His efforts off-loaded the stresses of her life onto himself.  Even more significant was that in this kind of relationship she always had his attentive ear.  She didn't have a man glued to the TV while half-listening to his wife pour out her heart about her day.  That attitude vanished once the man agreed to submit to her will and authority. The weeks in which I read educated me as a man in relating to a woman like nothing I had ever considered before - and it made total sense.

Could there be a better solution to a couple's happiness?  Aren't men born to be providers and care for the women they worked so hard to woo when they dated? Aren't men expected to protect and serve the tender woman that has agreed to open her heart to him?  A couple that has agreed to living with the woman in charge gains all of the benefits of a healthy relationship (commitment, interaction, companionship, communication, etc). She is also more likely to love her husband more intimately. She is more likely to have opportunities to relax while being  cared for. Her leisure time is greater. She as the opportunity to just be a girl - to spend time around with her girlfriends sharing and enjoying other female companionship as they were meant to be.  Yet, unlike the old days where this women socialized while working from sunrise til sunset, dominant women can socialize while relaxing without other distractions or stresses being part of their 'women-to-women' time.

As I write, Katie is out with two of her girlfriends having a drink after work and now that I'm rewriting this draft a few days later, she is out again with her same friend. She even called to tell me to text another woman and invite her to join them.  I love that she can socialize in this way. I love hearing about their conversations. I know this group of women. They are fun. They laugh. They smile, they share. They interact and in doing so, they recharge their batteries. Katie comes home energized and content. Her interaction with her friends is important and I encourage her to take the time see them often.

As her sub, caring for her when together is important but just as important are the decisions she makes to step outside of our relationship and enjoy the company of others.  And to add icing on the cake is allowing her to do that while I remain at home working knowing she will come home pleased to see that I was able to work or complete a project she had wanted finished - and she needn't lay a hand in order for it to be done - because she had a sub to do it for her.  Hmmmm. It doesn't get any better than that!


  1. This is a great post that made me think about my own WLM. My wife has complained about the infrequent interaction with her girlfriends. Your post has made me realize that I need to encourage her to make time for this. It is important to her, yet I've never really encouraged her to go out with them. I could be wrong, but I suspect if I push her to go and enjoy herself more often, she very well might do that.

  2. LH, I would encourage you to follow your instinct and get her involved with her girlfriends. I think that getting out and seeing others adds freshness to our lives, allows relationships to breathe, brings new thoughts and energy back into those relationships and generally adds joy to ones life. I hope she does indeed take up your offer and get out to see others she enjoys being with - even if just for an hour or two.

  3. Great post, well written. Jane to enjoys the company of her female friends and goes out regularly with them socially. I quite enjoy being left at home, used as their chauffeur, and to take pleasure from hearing them happy and a little tipsy, especially if they appreciate their driver.

  4. AAT, That is exactly what I was talking about. Women enjoying women. I believe there needs to be more time taken (generally) for women to socialize with others of like mind.

  5. Excellent post!

    Undocumented Follower

  6. Very well said. I think many women who are reluctant to engage in a WLM completely miss the potential joy that both they and their husband can derive from such a relationship. Freeing your wife to interact with other women by taking care of the chores that she otherwise would have to do is a win/win for both of you, and many women simply feel guilty or uncomfortable about accepting such a situation.

    Your posting should be required reading for the confused vanilla wife who doesn't understand the potential joys of being in charge, and doesn't "get it" that a willingly submissive husband is being rewarded by seeing her happiness come about as a result of his desire to serve her in any way he can.

  7. We've had some ups and downs with this. My wife is part of a group of women that periodically get together to unwind. Some of them are pretty hard core partiers. We played a bit of a game where I was locked up in chastity when she would go out and then we would play when she got back - sometimes she'd unlock me, sometimes she wouldn't. But she would always get pleasured. It was fun.

    I would typically put the kids to bed, and would clean up a bit while she partied. On occasion, I would mix them cocktails as a pre-party drink. Being the bartender was submissive fun.

    There came a time when she would go out TOO much and she frankly tends to overdue it. A six o'clock dinner ends up going till midnight. I think a two hour coffee is fine, but four hours? Too much, IMO. I think there needs to be some balance. I became resentful, since she seemed more willing to go out with her friends than me.

    I hear what you're saying. But I think there needs to be some balance with just about everything.