- More self-interested and competitive, needs less intimacy and less approval
- Very active and objective, independent and logical and often detached
- Strong drive for power & money, manipulative, and machine-oriented
- Very ambitious, talks mostly about things and takes things more literally
- Engages in put-downs, is a less responsive listener, is less apologetic and tends not to cry
- Less willing to seek help and less interested in the arts and religion
- Often intimidates others and seeks conflict. Thrives on getting rather than giving
- Is more polygamous, more sadistic and more sex-oriented
- Worries less about others is more aggressive and likely to Initiate war
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Masculinity and Submissiveness
Katie and I read and then discussed a femdom 101 post that pertained to masculinity. The author commented that she felt football was so loved (by men) because it was the last bastion of masculinity in our culture. I think I understand what Kathy was driving at - meaning that the NFL is a place where men can bang heads with other men. They can be warriors within a framework of basic rules that keep the game from getting out of hand. However, neither Katie nor I agreed that this was what determined ones masculinity.
The questions I would ask are.... is masculinity defined by ones physical prowess? If a man has a white-collared job, does that make him less masculine than the football player, a steel worker or construction foreman? Does status in ones job or position a reflection of one’s masculinity? What about income level?
I think the answer to all of those questions is - "those jobs, those factors, those questions have nothing to do with determining one's masculinity." Masculinity is about being a male. Do I believe that a quality of maleness is the enjoyment of 'rough-housing' that is characteristic of many sports? Sure I do. But I don't believe that physical prowess is intimately tied to masculinity. I believe masculinity is about embodying those traits that we often think of as being a man. A list I obtained online contained a compilation of traits from US surveys and research regarding 'masculine'. Here is how they described masculine:
From the above list you will get a general picture of men, of maleness, of the definition of masculine. Not all men display all of these traits but the research found that men tend to be more this way than women. The question I would pose to the football statement above is: Can you see these traits in a football player? Sure. But can you see them in a custodian, a stay at-home dad, or an accountant? Of course you would. Obviously not all men display all of these qualities. Variety is the rule and I would think that you’d find a vast variety of these traits in athletes, businessmen, educators, blue-collar workers and the unemployed man alike. Now I'm not saying that all of these qualities are desireble but it is who men are, by and large.
The feminist would be more likely to point out that these are undesirable traits. I think they might change their mind when walking with their sub down an unfamiliar dark alley at night when she encounters a few locals from the hood. At that moment, she might be quite pleased to see her sub suddenly display aggressive, active, competitive, territorial traits and defend the woman at her side from e dirt bags that just want to stir up trouble.
The inference that can easily be made is that submissiveness is associated with a loss of the above qualities. I would counter ‘hum-bug’. Submissiveness is nothing more than a power exchange and I would go so far as to state that it takes quite a secure, confident man to voluntarily relinquish power and desire to live under the authority of the woman in his life. Might a man give up masculine traits in the process? Yes, he may choose to embody his more feminine side if that is what his Domme wants but it doesn’t mean that he must. I would say personally that Katie enjoys my masculine qualities. She actually gets sexually aroused when seeing me building, fixing and working with my hands. I know she loves my aggressiveness. She equally enjoys controlling it and channeling my energies in ways that please her most. I have found that I can be fully male and fully submissive at the same time and the reason the two can co-exist happily is because the two are NOT mutually exclusive qualities.