Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Masculinity and Submissiveness


Katie and I read and then discussed a femdom 101 post that pertained to masculinity. The author commented that she felt football was so loved (by men) because it was the last bastion of masculinity in our culture.  I think I understand what Kathy was driving at - meaning that the NFL is a place where men can bang heads with other men. They can be warriors within a framework of basic rules that keep the game from getting out of hand.  However, neither Katie nor I agreed that this was what determined ones masculinity.
The questions I would ask are....  is masculinity defined by ones physical prowess? If a man has a white-collared job, does that make him less masculine than the football player, a steel worker or construction foreman?  Does status in ones job or position a reflection of one’s masculinity? What about income level?
I think the answer to all of those questions is - "those jobs, those factors, those questions have nothing to do with determining one's masculinity."  Masculinity is about being a male.  Do I believe that a quality of maleness is the enjoyment of 'rough-housing' that is characteristic of many sports? Sure I do. But I don't believe that physical prowess is intimately tied to masculinity. I believe masculinity is about embodying those traits that we often think of as being a man.  A list I obtained online contained a compilation of traits from US surveys and research regarding 'masculine'.  Here is how they described masculine:
  • More self-interested and competitive, needs less intimacy and less approval 
  • Very active and objective, independent and logical and often detached 
  • Strong drive for power & money, manipulative, and machine-oriented 
  • Very ambitious, talks mostly about things and takes things more literally 
  • Engages in put-downs, is a less responsive listener, is less apologetic and tends not to cry 
  • Less willing to seek help and less interested in the arts and religion 
  • Often intimidates others and seeks conflict. Thrives on getting rather than giving 
  • Is more polygamous, more sadistic and more sex-oriented 
  • Worries less about others is more aggressive and likely to Initiate war 
From the above list you will get a general picture of men, of maleness, of the definition of masculine. Not all men display all of these traits but the research found that men tend to be more this way than women.  The question I would pose to the football statement above is: Can you see these traits in a football player?  Sure. But can you see them in a custodian, a stay at-home dad, or an accountant?  Of course you would. Obviously not all men display all of these qualities. Variety is the rule and I would think that you’d find a vast variety of these traits in athletes, businessmen, educators, blue-collar workers and the unemployed man alike. Now I'm not saying that all of these qualities are desireble but it is who men are, by and large.
The feminist would be more likely to point out that these are undesirable traits.  I think they might change their mind when walking with their sub down an unfamiliar dark alley at night when she encounters a few locals from the hood.  At that moment, she might be quite pleased to see her sub suddenly display aggressive, active, competitive, territorial traits and defend the woman at her side from e dirt bags that just want to stir up trouble.
The inference that can easily be made is that submissiveness is associated with a loss of the above qualities.  I would counter ‘hum-bug’.  Submissiveness is nothing more than a power exchange and I would go so far as to state that it takes quite a secure, confident man to voluntarily relinquish power and desire to live under the authority of the woman in his life. Might a man give up masculine traits in the process? Yes, he may choose to embody his more feminine side if that is what his Domme wants but it doesn’t mean that he must.  I would say personally that Katie enjoys my masculine qualities. She actually gets sexually aroused when seeing me building, fixing and working with my hands.  I know she loves my aggressiveness. She equally enjoys controlling it and channeling my energies in ways that please her most.  I have found that I can be fully male and fully submissive at the same time and the reason the two can co-exist happily is because the two are NOT mutually exclusive qualities.

8 comments:

  1. You wrote: Submissiveness is nothing more than a power exchange and I would go so far as to state that it takes quite a secure, confident man to voluntarily relinquish power and desire to live under the authority of the woman in his life... I know she loves my aggressiveness. She equally enjoys controlling it and channeling my energies in ways that please her most. I have found that I can be fully male and fully submissive at the same time...

    Well said and I agree. I think that feminization or cuckolding or dominatrix and some femdom are sexual kinks or fantasies for the most part. I guess it can work for a minority but I don't think it's well suited for an heterosexual Long Term Relationship that respect both gender.

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  2. I think cuckholding specifically is a marriage breaker. I can see no way around it violating ones marriage vows. I agree that the others would be kinks, and if you are in chastity as I am, I would put that in that category as well. The question that I"d ask you as it relates to this post is: do any of these qualities reduce ones masculinity as society tells us is happening?

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  3. I agree that you can be both masculine and submissive (I have my problems with the expression "mutually exclusive", though - cf. my latest posting).
    For me, one of the best D/s visualizations is a strong, tall, masculine looking muscular man showing deference to a petite woman (or to another man that seems to have considerably less physical strength).

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  4. Tamara, I think that is a beautiful pic but I would doubt that most here fall into the category of being in great shape - especially since most that visit are over 40. But the irony, the beauty of yielding to a woman that is physically smaller is a beautiful picture indeed - and btw - it is how Katie is with me. Quite petite. I will read your post. Thanks for stopping by

    and btw, i put a pic of an ex football player/announcer that didn't look in his prime just to make a point that all football players don't always have that 'look' about them as you described in your post.

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  5. @Tamara: You wrote: I agree that you can be both masculine and submissive (I have my problems with the expression "mutually exclusive", though - cf. my latest posting).

    I agree with you that «not» must be missing.So maybe Im-Hers would explain or edit? I read your post and I'll follow your blog with pleasure. Your picture of best D/s visualizations is a nice one: mine is more the knight bending one knee in front of his Queen as it conveys the same image of strong and petite but without having to be a well built man.

    @Im-Hers: I believe a lot in gender roles and I like a man to be a man with specific qualities BUT not necessarily as described. I don't think that ones masculinity is reduced if these qualities are not as said. For example I find essential to be/show maleness to have some kind of agresiveness BUT seeking war is stupid. And much too often masculinity brings stupid results. As always it's not what you have that is the problem it's how you behave.

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  6. I heard an old fella who had been happily married for more than 50 years state...We get along so well because she runs everything inside the house...and I run everything outside. I guess I would be called an alpha male with all the good and bad that goes with it. The issue is striking a balance between being the person who your wife wants and liking yourself. Submission to your wife in certain parts of your life can create this balance.

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  7. Right on!! Once again you nailed it. I am all male. It's one of the main qualities my wife loves about me. She doesn't want me to be her little bitch. Even during acts of submission. She expects me to be a man 24/7. I see nothing emasculating about submitting to the one you love.

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  8. Right on!! Once again you nailed it. I am all male. It's one of the main qualities my wife loves about me. She doesn't want me to be her little bitch. Even during acts of submission. She expects me to be a man 24/7. I see nothing emasculating about submitting to the one you love.

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