Monday, December 5, 2011

A Moment of Revelation

Have you ever had one of those moments where, even though you know the answer at some level, the reality of the answer really hits-home in a profound way at a later point in time?  I had one of those moments last weekend. 

Katie and I had spent several days together.  Our relationship is and always has been wonderful but during the past few days we've been especially close physically and emotionally.  We've made love once, often twice, a day. She's kept me in denial for over a month and has teased me constantly during those times. My emotions have been on edge as a result - meaning - I feel very close to her. I want to be intimate, I want to touch her, be affectionate and pamper her however I can.  I also have a near-continuous ache in my groin from the teasing and prolonged denial. All of this has made me feel especially close to her.

We shared a morning of intimacy on Sunday.  She had lubricated my cock with olive oil and brought me to the edge of an orgasm more than once. She had me make love with her after and I was once again brought to the edge several more times as she herself reached her own climax more than once. She was nearing another and I wanted so bad to let her reach this one as well, but I couldn't. I was so close to one myself that I just couldn't take her 'there' without ejaculating - something she told I was not to do 'today'.  At that moment with a thousand feelings going on inside, I begged her if I could finish her orally but she told me 'no'. I asked if I could finish her manually but received the same answer.  I asked if I could withdraw but again was told 'no' once more. She held me tight, not letting me pull out, not letting me please her as I wanted, and all the while I felt like I was going to cum at any moment.  I don't know what happened but it was in that moment - with me on the very edge of an orgasm that I was not permitted to have for the umteenth time in the last several days; it was me now five weeks into being continually teased and denied; it was the two of us, breathing hard, our bodies intertwined, both at the edge of an orgasm, but with me not daring to cum but with no place to go to seek release that I lost it.

I don't know what came over me but I just started to sob. It was a tearless sob, but a sob nevertheless. It was a sob of realization - a joyful realization - that Katie really did own me. I saw her dominance and my submissiveness in a new light at that moment.  I felt owned! The reality of the pledge I had given her over 18 months ago just revealed itself to me with a new level of reality.  I really had made the choice to give myself to her. I really had decided to bow to her will and power.  I really was owned.  It was that word: owned, that kept pulsing through my head.  I was an owned man - it was of my own free will yes, but still, I was in the arms and now lived under the wish of my owner.

Although we have a healthy relationship in which we discuss, laugh, share and communicate about all things, all the time, she is indeed the alpha. She controls me. She owns me. She, not me, makes the critical decisions that impacts the two of us.  I am her submissive, not just in that moment where I wanted to cum but couldn't, wanted to make her cum but couldn't, and wanted to withdraw my cock from her but couldn't, but completely.  I really had yielded my will to her. I really had decided to obey and serve as her inferior.

As I sobbed for that minute or two she said nothing but held me tight as we lay side-by-side still in the act of making love. I kissed her face and neck repeatedly while pulling her body as close to me as I could.  The emotions passed but the reality of her owning me remained.  I told her I loved her. I told her I was hers. We kissed and made love again. I felt so close to her. I wanted nothing else but to be known as hers.

I am aware, in some forms of therapy that they speak of 'emotional releases' - those times when a patient suddenly cries out, yells, or experiences some form of significant emotional response when a truth or repressed emotion is finally identified and acknowledged.  I believe I had one of those same experiences. Yet I knew that I was her sub, that she was the dominant partner, that I was there to care for, love and submit to her. Yet something significant happened that brought all of that out into the light that was different.  I don't quite know what to make of it but it was a noteworthy moment for me as her submissive that I wanted to share with you. 

I wish you well as you read and would love to hear your thoughts.

11 comments:

  1. Sounds wonderful and I can relate.

    To me it is the acknowledgement of my true inner self which though a tremendous amount of difficult self discovery and then subsequent courage to express verbally combined to form a knot of emotions. When I am subsequently acknowledged as being accepted as I am and am used openly as a submissive I feel the elation you describe. This feeling is a driving force for me and really all I need. Sexual denial, financial dominance, domestic servitude, all are easy trade offs for this one elation (submissive pleasure) I seek and am given in moments as such.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience.

    appy

    ReplyDelete
  3. A very powerful and touching posting. It's an overused word lately, but what you experienced was a classic epiphany, complete with the oft overlooked sense of overwhelming joy whan such a state is reached. Such revelatory joy can easily be accompanied by tears (or sobs), as was the case with you. Tears of joy are a very pure indication of the strength of your feelings, and a very good sign that your submissive state has now been permanently etched in your psyche.

    I hope Katie understands the importance of such a moment and doesn't mistakenly think it's a "sad" thing, or that she's done something wrong by bringing you to this point. It should give her as much joy as it has given you to realize that you are truly hers now in every sense of the word.

    As far as I'm concerned, congratulations are in order.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think what you describe is not so much your accpetance and acknowledgment that you are Katie's submissive but the joyous recognition and feeling that she has now truly become your dominant partner, or are they both the same feeling.

    I know that I can experience something very similar when I am with Jane, but what I crave above all else is to truly feel that Jane wants, is, and enjoys being the dominant partner, to feel that Jane is getting as much pleasure from teasing and dominating me as I get from submitting to her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow. This sounds like something very special.
    RenĂ© and I haven’t experienced anything like that yet, but I hope that one day we will.

    I wonder if this revelation will have a permanent impact on you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lady Grey,
    Epiphany was the word that alluded me when I tried to describe this feeling. But you are exactly correct. I find your comment - in particular - your conclusion - that this event is "a very good sign that your submissive state has now been permanently etched in your psyche." Now that is a powerful statement. I hope it is true as I want my service to Katie to come from my heart and in no way be artificial or forced. Like SH who posted earlier, I desire to be one who is content servicing her and being known as being owned by her.

    I know that Katie didn't feel bad but I don't know that she knew how to react to my sudden emotional outburst. She is quiet with her dominance and although I would love to hear her tell me that I am hers, that I am owned, that 'yes, I am her sub' I will take what she gives me knowing that in her heart she indeed feels this way. Thanks so much for commenting.

    AAT, I agree with you. As I mentioned the word 'owned' kept coming across my mind so I do think it helped me to feel both submissive, but even more so, understand that she really is the dominant one.

    SH, As Lady Grey and AAT wrote similarly to your comment, I do think this emotional response was an acknowledgement of my true inner self. At times I find it odd when looking at myself from outside that I am indeed a submissive man whose role it is to please and serve another woman, yet I want to tell my story. I want to be known as hers. I want to help others find this path, which can have its kinks but can also be just a way a man can relate to a woman and express the kind of love, respect and honor that she deserves.

    Tamara,
    I don't know if it will or not but it just came out of the blue. I wonder if Lady Grey was onto something when she wrote about it 'etching' my submissiveness to Katie in a more permanent way. I didn't know what to make of my response/reaction but I felt it important enough to write about in the hopes that others might be able to make more sense of it than I. Thanks for your input.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi I-H -

    Nice articles, and well written.

    Can you drop me an email at your convenience?

    taomlin at gmail dot com?

    ReplyDelete
  8. A beautiful account. The emotional power that bonded you with your wife is a fantastic reward of your path.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ric C,
    Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. That morning was indeed significant. I look back on it as a special moment with her that I will remember for quite some time. Hope you feel free to share your thoughts often both here and at other sites.

    ReplyDelete
  10. i have felt what u felt and it happend pretty early into our FLR. it happened when my Goddess really caned me the first time. i mean she had done it before but that time it was true, she did it with a purpose because i had done something wrong and not just as a play.
    my helplessness and my desire to be controlled by her or should i say "owned" by her were coming true. i was elated.i cried tears and sobs.
    it hasnt happened again and our relation has seen some fluctuation since then.
    that perticular feeling is the best thing that i have ever felt, the love that flows out during the period following that incident is uncontrollable. u feel like giving ur all then and there.
    i really hope ur Goddess know how to lead the realtion deeper now that u have had this beautifully deep feeling of submissiveness.
    that was not the case with me as our relation was just starting out, my Goddess was still learning the ropes of this type of lifestyle at that time. i was still topping from the bottom and couldnt explain to HER what i felt and what i wanted so that moment got lost.
    i am still waiting for it to happen again. it is the best feeling a submissive can ever feel.

    ReplyDelete
  11. enslave meh,
    Thanks for sharing your similar story. I do feel that what I experienced was a bonding moment as you did while your dominant disciplined you. You know, I don't know that I expect to have that same experience again. It may but I think that those kinds of moments come only when a series events come together. Would I like it to happen again? I think so as it made me feel exceedingly close to Katie.

    I don't know about you but in the day or two that followed I felt quite at peace with myself. It may have just been a period of recovering after releasing a lot of emotional energy - I don't know but I can only say that I felt very content with myself, my submission and with Her.

    Thanks for taking the time to write.

    ReplyDelete