Friday, December 16, 2011

A Note to Domme's

This morning Katie and I made love.  She had let me orgasm about a week ago and it has taken until yesterday for me to begin feeling, what I call 'the ache' that makes me want to touch, kiss, hold, cuddle, submit and serve with increasing levels or desire.  It's a great feeling and one that I am hoping she will let remain for a long long time.  While I was in the throes of being brought to the edge, I once again felt that same feeling of submissive 'ownership' emotions building.  It wasn't as intense as what I wrote about a few posts ago but nevertheless it was an intense satisfaction of knowing that I am owned by her. As we made love I told Katie how much I loved her and reminded her that I was indeed hers.  I wanted her to know the obvious: that she owns me and that my desire is to please and serve her. I wondered too what she was thinking. Katie doesn't express those inner thoughts lots unless I draw them out.  Yes she tells me often how much she loves me. Yes she smiles at me with a smile that melts me and conveys just how pleased she is with me. Yes I can tell that she enjoys my service of doing those things that I have agreed to do as her sub.  I know she is content with me as I have asked her if there is more that I can do or if I am doing all that she expects.  But  she is not very verbal when we are intimate and so I wondered this morning as I was filled with passion, lust and desire what it was that she was feeling. Was she just enjoying the moment? Was she feeling pleased that she could tell me 'no' when I begged her to let me cum? Was she thinking she just wanted me to enjoy her body. Was she feeling as dominant and pleased with my sexual service? Was she relishing the moment of listening to me trying my best to bring her to orgasm while keeping myself from cumming in the process?  I wondered what it was that she was thinking but never did ask.
 
I left for work with that thought on my mind.  She left me wanting with desire and I kept going back to that time of being close and sharing intimately with her.  I caved and texted her a thought: "I have a fantasy"
"What is it" was her reply
"That you climb on me. We make love and you bring me close to coming - like you did today - then you look me in the eye with your hand grasping my hair to maintain eye contact and tell me you own me while looking down at me. That I'm yours. That I WILL serve you forever - and that I won't be cumming for a long time. Then you use me to orgasm again by climbing on my face to lick you...... it's the talking, the stating what we both know, when I'm feeling vulnerable that I'd love you to express now and then"
 
Yes it was a long text. But it was how I felt.  So my note to Domme's, as I titled this post, is this: It is important that you express openly who you are to your submissive. It's important that you remind them that you own them and that they belong to you. It's important that you do this because I am pretty certain that they do this for you all the time.
 
After I sent that text my cell rang. It was Katie. Her first words after I said hello was, "so is that what you want?"  I told her it was. I told her I'd love to hear her assert herself while we made love. We talked and I told her that I felt like it was important that we express verbally to one another the obvious - that I am hers, that she is the boss, that her word is final, that I will serve her, that she will lead us, that she owns me, that she will do as she pleases with me.  Those kinds of things are important to express. It's important to not just assume something is understood but to state the obvious. It's important to state the obvious for two reasons - it keeps the submissive submissive and it keeps the dominant dominant. It seems overly simple but there is a powerful truth when we have the strength to share outwardly 'who we are' to another.  For example, it's one thing to obey her and make love the way she wants to and know that she can enjoy me as her submissive lover but it is even more important that I tell her how much I love her being able to enjoy me and that I love watching her use me, or that I love being there for her to enjoy, or one of a hundred other thoughts that convey how I feel as her submissive.
 
I left a job when I was in my early thirties to take another position in I really wanted.  I left after working there eleven years.  I distinctly remember many employees telling me in those final days there just how much they enjoyed working with me, how much they would miss me, how much the company I was at was going to miss me, etc.  I still remember thinking how nice it would have been if those people would have expressed those thoughts WHILE I was there and not when I was about to leave.  I truly felt appreciated and uplifted.  The same principle applies to relationships.  Telling Katie I want to serve her is just, if not more important than serving.  Telling her I love her dominating me is just as important as quietly relingquishing my will to hers and letting her lead. 
 
Sharing these kinds of thought can be done casually as well as during those moments of passion like the fantasy that I texted her. How I would love her to really exert her influence by bringing me to the brink of an orgasm and then telling me how much I am going to submit and how much she is going to use and enjoy me, how much she loves me both as her lover and as her sub that she intends to use to make her life more enjoyable. She doesn't need to say those things for me to know who is in charge. I know she is. She reminds me of that when she climbs on me. She asserts her dominance and puts me in a position of submission as the one that is serving her. She reminds me when she tells me we are done making love, she affirms it when she tells me I am not to cum. All of these acts demonstrate in nonverbal ways who is in charge - but when she takes the initiative to add to the act by speaking her mind a gigantic component of dominance is added to the moment. That is what I believe is so important for both the sub and Domme to be aware of.  
 
Communication is so important. Telling her how I feel can not be under stated. I think about her all the time. I've been thinking about her and our time together this morning all day long.  I've been thinking about her as I've spent the last hour or so writing this post. I've been thinking about how much I love her every time I feel my cock inside the Jailbird chastity cage she locked me in this morning. But thinking about how much I love her is not enough because Katie is unaware of all of those thoughts. I need to express what I am feeling by calling, texting while at work, or sharing with her how I feel when I get home this evening. And Katie needs to do the same. She needs to speak her mind.  In doing so she affirms her dominance, she becomes more comfortable speaking her mind about her dominance. She becomes more confident in her position. By expressing her thoughts, she encourages me to trust her more, respect her more, love her more, pamper her more, yield to her more.  It's important that she expresses dominant thoughts casually as when affirming me when I do well, instructively when I need to do better and sexually reminding me when we are close who she is to me as well as who I am to her. The latter can have a powerful impact on my psyche as a submissive since so much of her power is tied to her teasing and denying me as a means of increasing my personal attention to her needs.  I hope we will both feel more comfortable sharing in this way.

6 comments:

  1. Communication is indeed so important. And your remark about people not saying before how they appreciated you is what happen most the time. Maybe there's a kind of shyness. But two things comes to mind: first if we do something ourselves, people will tend to replicate and second others might act more than they talk.

    As for when making love I know that my wife doesn't like to talk because she's pull out of her buble. And even if she agrees to dominate my orgasms she don't want to be agressive in bed. Maybe there's a difference between erotic games and Making love as the latter is connecting soul to soul and it's tricky to request something that she might not resent. I'm not saying it's the case for you. It is for me. My wife doesn't feel to talk or say words that are not what she's thinking at that moment.

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  2. I thought that was so beautiful. It is so honest and true. For all relationships it is a necessity to share emotions through our words. And it is easy to forget to express the feelings we share that seem so obvious. I believe that it is truly important to send these reminders of love and love of being owned or owning. And unintentionally, it is easy to take those powers and feelings for granted.

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  3. IH,

    Excellent post. Very well expressed. I feel very much the same way.

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  4. Ric C,
    I completely understand what you say when you refer to your wife as not being aggresive in bed. I think most women are that way - meaning they are quiet. But, when the do something aggressive as when telling their sub they can't orgasm, or while teasing them I think it is entirely appropriate for them to confidently verbalize their dominance - that you are there's, that this is mine, etc. I tried to qualify my statement about verbalizing these kinds of statements as occurring every now and then but not always or they would lose their potency. I think it is wonderful for two people to be quiet and tenderly make love just as it can be wonderful for that same couple to pick up the intensity and enjoy more 'aggressive sex' both physically and verbally. Thanks for commenting.

    Mistress Velma,
    Welcome to this blog and thank you for taking the time to comment and for the kind words. I see that you understand what it is that I am referring when you comment that it is important to send those 'reminders of love and love of being owned or owning'. That is exactly what it is that I believe is so healthy for a D/s couple - just as I think it is even more important for that same couple to remind one another that they are loved just for being who they are (apart from Domme or sub). Hope you stop by often. Have a Merry Christmas!

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  5. What a great post. :)
    Love how you told Katie how you felt.... reminds me I need to be even more open with my Wife.
    Thanks for talking about your past job... you must have been a great boss.

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  6. Thanks SS,
    I recently read a similar posting by Mistress Ivy within the last few weeks on the topic of communication. It really is one of the key ingredients to a healthy friendship, relationship, marriage.

    As to my past, wish I was a boss but was really just a cog in the wheel of a big educational business. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post

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