For the past few months Katie and I have been updating her home. We've redone two bathrooms, I've installed a bathroom counter, detached and reconnected the water and drain lines, painted four rooms, removed linoleum from the floors, spackled and prepped walls for painting, filled holes in walls, installed an interior door and probably a ton of other things. Now we are working on the kitchen with the intent of installing a new counter, tiling the floor, and replacing the existing backsplash with new tile that will complement the new counter and floor. When that's done the room will be painted - trim, walls and ceiling. It's a big job and one that we are about half-way done.
In my previous life, before Katie, I have done lots of house projects although I've never run water or gas lines, and really don't understand three-way and four-way- electrical outlets have minimal mechanical knowledge (automobile work) and am more than willing to call the appliance repair guy when there's trouble with kitchen and appliances. But with that said, I've done a fair amount of construction, roofing and interior refinishing. I love problem solving and enjoy ripping and tearing and then finishing off the project so that it looks fresh, clean and easy on the eyes.
But that was before Katie. She hasn't seen me do these things. Those are only stories that I've told her but not ones in which she has seen the final product of my work. In her past life, she never did these kinds of projects herself but called in painters, plumbers, electricians, and landscapers when things needed done around her home.
We come from two different pasts when it comes to home repair and upkeep. As we've been working together, she is apt to call and pay someone to do the work whereas I remind her 'I can do this'. After we chose floor tile she decided to have someone come in and lay the floor tile instead of having me do it. Stab me in the heart!! I told her I could do this as I've tiled several floors in the past. She decided to have another tile in my stead even after my offer. I've accepted this but asked if I could at least tear out the old flooring and install the Wonderboard (concrete board). I thought that was going to be ok until she spoke with the gentleman that will be laying the tile. He told her that if I layed the subfloor he couldn't guarantee his work. I was told by Katie again that I would not be doing that task. That news really bothered me. I don't like being told I can't do something. Those comments cut to the heart of who I am as a person. I interpret it as her telling me she doesn't trust me, or that I am inadequate.
Added to this news was more disappointing news when the dishwasher suddenly died. She purchased another but hired someone to install the new one. Again I reminded her that this was not a difficult task and only required connecting the new washer to a water and drain line and doing some simple wiring. But those words fell on deaf ears. Guys that deliver the new dishwasher will be doing that work. Stab me in the heart again!!!
I probably should be grateful that I don't have to do all of this but I hate to see her spending money when I could easily do this for her. I would have loved to have heard her tell the tile guy "well, I trust my sub to install the subfloor and know it will be fine for you to tile even if you won't stand behind your work if he does." That would have been music to my ears but maybe she will trust me enough in some future time.
So I'm frustrated. I've promised to obey her - and I will BUT I don't like her viewing me as inadequate. The hardest part for me is not bucking against her wishes too much. I know I am permitted to state my views but it's difficult to hold my tongue when she makes a decision that I don't agree with. I guess that is what submission is all about. Dealing with it is tough on me as a person. I feel less of a man when she asks other men to do what I could do. I feel inadequate and although I know she loves me it still hurts inside. And so I"m frustrated.
Maybe I should just grow up and move on. I'm trying but it's tough.