Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Art of Falling in Love

In a recent post I talked about making love and really spoke more about the need for bonding more than the act itself.  I wanted to follow up on that thought a bit more as it relates to an interview I heard a few months ago regarding how couples fall in love.  The one interviewed spoke of  it as a series of steps with the first step being the attraction of a woman to a man and vice-versa.  The attraction had four parts: physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual.  What caught my attention was the difference between one-night stand attractions and the deeper commitment attraction. He cited studies that revealed that initial attraction for men is usually physical while for women it is multidimensional (to include the other three aspects listed above).  However, women wanting a man for sex only looks only to the superficial - the physical as the primary 'quality' that they desire.  Looks, hair, general appearance, build, their package become the primary interest.  He noted that most all men are strongly stimulated by the visual and I am no exception to that. Personally I love a pretty face, a nice shape, sexy legs, a petite build, and know that a woman works out to keep herself fit - even as she ages.
Added to the physical is the intellectual - or the appreciation of one’s interests, intellect, and ability to converse intelligently with others.  Whether we realize it at the conscious level or not, we form opinions and draw conclusions when others speak.  I find an intelligent woman sexy. Sometimes I find them intimidating at first but once breaking through the 'their unapproachable barrier' I get to know them as the person they are and enjoy conversation that goes beyond the weather and how their car is running.  Katie was one of those women.  Her beauty intimidated me but once I was able to get past that I found the real jewel - her mind. She thinks deep thoughts and yet she can be as fun and silly as a young girl.  She and I are kindred spirits intellectually and it is a favorite quality of hers. She has insight, intuition, and her thoughts time run deep - much deeper than I thought.

Emotional connection is the sense that one receives when another makes them feel good.  Can you think of people that you just enjoy being around, not because of what they look like or how smart they are but just because of how they make you feel?  That's the emotional attraction that is needed for two to bond. It's that comfort level that one feels that just gives you that 'aaah, this is nice' feeling.

Finally attraction depends on a spiritual attraction. Spiritual in this case referring to the others values, morals and views on those big issues. Spiritual may include religious views but extends beyond that.  For example, Katie has a real heart for animals. She hates to see animals in pain. She is not a hunter and has told me that I have gone on my last deer hunt when I became her sub. I love her sensitivity for life as it reveals a bit of insight into her compassionate heart.  Those big topics make up the spiritual connection needed for two to become one.

After the attraction phase bonding can only deepen when one is accepted.  Acceptance knows that the other desires you just because of who you are faults and all.  To be accepted makes or breaks so many relationships.  A beautiful woman that is career minded may be a turn on or turn off for a man. A handsome intelligent man that needs to be in charge may make a woman feel secure or scare them away once that trait is revealed.  To be accepted is to know that your mate appreciates and loves you for the person that you are.

Over time and after many experiences shared together a couple will commit or break up.  It is this attachment that builds on the attraction and acceptance that preceeds the bonding process.  Engagement, marriage, desire to submit or dominate, are all forms of attachment that meld one to another.  I have found it so significant that in the D/s lifestyle there is a multilevel of attachment that differs from vanilla relationships.  I fell in love with Katie. I was attracted to her, felt completely at home when with her and told her I wanted to live with her forever. Only later did we discover D/s and as we worked through the jungle of finding our way relationally, I can say without question that it has deepened our intimacy.  It has shown us both what it means to commit, to lead, to follow, to accept, to obey, and to care.  Our relationship as grown not because Katie runs our home with an iron hand but because we share, discuss, express as other couples do. But in the end Katie bears the responsibility of making a decision and I the one that agrees to abide by that decision and embrace both her and her choices as if they were mine as well.  Katie has told me how much she appreciates knowing that I will always be there supporting her and I have found her increasingly attractive as I see my lover express that confident leadership I find so appealing.

Attachment is not a once and done act.  For two to remain attached they must make a conscious effort to attach or commit daily.  If not their bonds will weaken.  Today I asked Katie to tell me via text what she expects of me. I locked her response as a way to remind myself of the expectations she has for me and the obligation I have to support her as a woman, as the head of our home, and as the most important person in my life.  Some re-attach' when they re-confirm their marriage vows. That is a wonderful tradition but attachment can take place every night when a tired man is told that his Domme would like a back rub, or every morning when she is handed a cup of coffee while still in bed. The ongoing process of commitment is needed for the other bonding qualities to remain strong (attraction and acceptance).

The final component, and one that MOST never reach, is the ability to aspire. Katie wants to travel. I want to teach. Katie wants to spend time with her girl friends. I want to watch sporting events. Katie wants to go birding. I want to go backpacking and camping. Katie wants to workout. I want to read. Katie wants me to cook, clean and maintain her home.  I want to please Katie and see that smile that I love so much daily.   But how do couples reach compromises to allow the personal interests of the other become reality?  If I was required to clean for endless hours after work, how would she be able to travel or take me with her on social outings?  The ability to allow our partners to aspire to those goals, those bucket-list desires of life, is what aspiring is all about.  Unfortunately, most never consciously focus on this and get stuck in the daily grind of life where one just deals with the events that make their own lives so busy.

Again, in a D/s relationship that should free up time for the dominant partner to escape the hectic pace of life, it allows the Domme time to think, plan and lead. It gives them the ability to aspire to those things that bring them the most joy.  It also allows them time to decide how their sub is able to aspire to his desires.  If a couple consciously focuses on this aspect of their relationship their bond will tighten. They will become inseparable and it will reflect itself in how they live as lovers, as a couple and as Domme and sub if this is part of their lifestyle commitment.

Sadly, the process of breaking up is a reverse of the above.  Commitment fails, acceptance diminishes and attraction is diminished. When it's too much of a bother to get that morning coffee, when one sees faults in the other that bother them, when disputes break out about stupid things, when one looks on the other as unattractive, unintelligent, etc it is a reflection of the breaking of the bond that was formed.  Divorce is the culmination of this separation. The two most sited reasons for divorce is feeling disrespected and feeling unloved.

I trust that as you look at your partner you too will evaluate the depth of attraction, acceptance, commitment and desire to help them aspire to their dreams. As a sub, are you doing all that you can to make those things happen with your Domme? Dommes, do you find your sub inticingly attractive? Do you accept him as he his, see his commitment to you and will you allow him to aspire to the heights of his dreams as well?  I sure hope Katie will do that for me. Iknow I want that for her.

I'm Hers!

Monday, March 26, 2012

A Coming out?

Katie is having some work done on her home and hired Steve to do the work.  I had met him several times during the past few weeks as the three of us talked about what we needed, what I could do to ready the home for him, etc.  He is a good guy and one that loves to chat and speak his mind.

This afternoon he came to begin work and he worked until almost 9pm.  At about 5pm Katie wondered aloud to me if he was going to quit shortly since she was getting hungry.  "Do you want me to start dinner?" I asked.  She gave me the OK and off I went.  Steve happened to be working in the adjacent room and was in and out several times.  At one point he asked, "So you are the 'chef eh?"

"Yes I am," I replied as I smiled at his comment.

He watched as I put the meal together, offered Katie some wine while I was preparing our meal and watched me walk with plates in hand into the other room to eat.  I'm sure he couldn't help but wonder why Katie sat in the adjacent room watching TV while I worked for 30-40 minutes alone in the kitchen.  He didn't make any comments to us about that, but I'm certain he noticed.

Later, as I was washing the pots and pans he commented again, "you do it all now there, don't you?"
"I sure do," I responded once more smiling.

About an hour later I needed to get something in the dryer but the dryer was full so I stood in front of it and folded the clothes.  Steve happened to walk by and commented once again, "You know, if I knew you did wash, I would have brought my clothes over for you to do."

I laughed and made some smart remark but inside I couldn't help but think what he thought about the way Katie and I interacted.

He has several more days of work here and I am sure he will be asking more questions about what he had seen or what he may see when with us again.

I didn't come out. I didn't tell him I was Katie's sub.  I didn't need to.  However I was pleased that Steve noticed. It implied that this is not the way he and his wife interact at home - and that is OK.  I was glad that Steve saw that I do things for Katie and that Katie had no problem enjoying a glass of wine or some time relaxing in front of the TV while I did what was necessary at the time.

Steve is not the first person to notice we do things differently and I'm sure he is not the last.  What seems to be the trend are the comments made by the men and women.  Men make comments that indicate their surprise that I do housework and run the kitchen whereas women make comments indicating how lucky Katie is to have a man that treats her as I do and actually does cook and clean. One of these days a woman is going to start asking questions and my hope is that one of those conversations leads another wife to take charge of her man and assume the dominant figure.

I'm Hers

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Better Man

As a couple that has both lived the majority of our lives in vanilla marriages but now committed our own relationship to live in a D/s love relationship, I think back on the old days and wonder at times ‘what is so different between these two lifestyles’.  I can’t answer the question from the perspective of a Domme but I can say that my view on this as Katie’s submissive is that there are many parallels between our two relational styles but I have the additional obligation to follow through with the promise I made to submit as well as obeying her word always.
I will say this for the umpteenth time: the reason I asked Katie to assume the dominant role in our relationship was to keep my mental, physical, and emotional focus entirely on her.  It’s how I wanted to live. My reason was simple.  I felt that if my body mind and soul revolved around Katie it would allow me to love her as I’ve always wanted to love a woman – with my entire being.  I have found this to be true.  Some may say that this causes me to become her slave and her to become a self seeking arrogant woman. I disagree. Isn’t love about giving? Isn’t love about going the extra mile? Isn’t love about desiring what is best for the other above one’s own wants? Isn’t love sacrificial? Doesn’t love want to please? I think in this way the D/s and vanilla relational styles are identical. What is different is the degree to which the man makes the effort to give to his partner – who in a D/s or FLR happens to also be his superior.

I love Katie. But to be honest, when we first ventured into this way of living it was hard. I didn’t want to cook and clean after every meal. I didn’t want to make the bed and straighten the room after her every morning. I didn’t want to feed the dog while she stayed in bed and I especially didn’t want to do it when she told me to as opposed to asking. I struggled with being less important and still do at times. I wanted to be equally yoked when I felt like it. I wanted her to do some of this ‘work’ even though I promised to obey and serve; even when I asked her to be the head of our home.
A month or so after I asked Katie if I could submit the light went on. I understood my situation clearly. It clarified to me just how selfish and lazy I was feeling and acting. Let me explain. When I lived as a bachelor for a period of time I did all of this work every day, all the time, and without any help from others. I cooked, cleaned, maintained the home, shopped for food, did the laundry, maintained the car, kept a budget, cared for the lawn, etc.  I did it all and never thought twice about it.  And it wasn’t something I hated doing. So why now? What’s the big deal about having to do this now?  That thought alone made me realize that what I was doing for her was nothing more than what I had been doing for myself when I lived alone. That thought changed the way I looked at my life as a sub.  I realized in a moment that what I promised, and what she now expects of me was nothing more than what I had grown accustomed to then. When that reality finally resonated within I became a sub at peace.  I became one that didn’t harbor negative regretful thoughts. I didn’t struggle so much with being her equal. I realized then that I wasn’t.  I realized that to submit meant to relinquish power and I became more at peace with being second fiddle.

Furthermore I became a submissive man that embraced treating the woman of my life differently than most men do. I treated her as the valued, precious treasure that she truly is. By doing all of these things I demonstrated my love for her.  By constantly thinking about her needs first I showed her just how much I loved her. I loved her more deeply. I loved her more selflessly. When she told me to do something I did it – and she loved it. When I worked while she relaxed, I didn’t do it begrudgingly. I did it and welcomed the chance to give her a break. I still struggle with being told what to do at times because I struggle with my own sense of self-worth but those feelings are less frequent. I am more comfortable being the predominant worker bee in our home. I am getting more use to the fact that Katie is really more powerful, significant, and worthy of my respect than when we first started down this path.  But what I get in return for my efforts is so worthwhile. I get to experience what it really means to treasure one above self. I get to see just what it’s like to care for another with the intent of pleasing them in every act I perform. I get to experience Katie’s love in its fullest and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I am a loved man. And she, by enforcing me to live by my promise to submit is teaching me what it really means to love another as love was meant to be lived out pragmatically.
I made a promise to obey. I made a promise to submit to her authority. I made a promise to put her ahead of myself. I made a promise to pamper her however she wished. I made a promise to let her be in charge of our (and my) sex life. I made a promise to make her life more enjoyable by doing those things she doesn’t enjoy doing which happen to be cooking laundry and keeping the house tidy. I made a lot of promises. Talk is cheap, as the saying goes, but I did make those promises. Katie gave me a ring as a symbol of my submission. That ring is a reminder not only that I am owned but that I have freely relinquished whatever power and independence I had and placed myself under her rule and guidance. The promise to serve seemed so easy at the time but in reality it takes effort. It takes discipline. It takes determination. The promises I made were to submit and to obey. Now when Katie tells me what she wants for dinner, I obey and make the meal she wishes me to put together. When she tells me to lock up for the day, I obey without questioning. When she tells me to stop vacuuming and do something else that is what I do. Not because that is what I want, but because that is what she wants. It’s all about her now and it’s a wonderful way to live with the one I love.

When I made those promises back when we first started off as Domme and sub I thought that the promises made where about me and what I wanted to do for her but I later learned that submission isn’t at all about me. It’s all about obedience and about serving. I learned that submission is about looking out for her needs than my own. I realize now that the promises made are and will always be about Katie and how I can serve, please and love her. And that’s the way it should be.

But in getting back to my initial question which asked how different the D/s life is from a vanilla life, I tend to think it’s not really that much. Yes there is more work done on the part of the submissive. We are not equally yoked.  I know I am equally respected and loved unconditionally yet I know that I am not fully her equal. If I was, I wouldn’t be a submissive man. I love her just as I would in a non D/s power exchange. I protect and care for her just the same.  What the D/s assures, at least in the way that we have our relationship designed, is that I am expected to demonstrate unending devotion, adoration, honor and love.

They say that if you do something long enough it will change you. It will no longer become a chore but a habit.  I have found that to be true. What was once awkward to make the dinner meal is now second nature. When she first asked me to massage her nightly it was difficult to make myself remain awake and attentive. Now I wish for no other way to end our day than to massage her body for an hour or so and talk in the dark of the bedroom or massage in silence in the hope that I can massage her to sleep.  I use to challenge her when we disagreed. Now I voice my opinion and wait for her to decide. All of this submission stuff seemed different then. It was new but now it is the norm. Why? Because I have obeyed her long enough now that this way of life is just who I am. I am a changed man. I believe I am a better man.

I’m Hers!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

She let me Cum!

I had it all wrong. She told me she had a date in her head when my period of denial would end a few weeks ago. Easter?  Couldn't be.....  Mothers Day?  Naw, that's for moms and kids and husbands to honor her. The anniversary of when we met?  That was it. It had to be. But I was wrong.  For some reason it was the first day of spring; a date she told me she picked for some reason a few months ago. I was informed an hour before we went to bed. And when we did slide between the sheets on a stormy night we made love. And I came. It was, well, it was nice.  OK, it was great!  And then I did what I always must do. I slid down between her legs and licked her to several more orgasms and consumed the ejaculate I had left behind.  I have no choice as it's what she expects. I have not had that taste in my mouth for some time and can't say if that is a good or bad thing :) 

It was 101 days since I last came on December 9. I never thought I'd write that number down.  I wonder what is in store next.  I know that Katie loves me cumming inside her. She loves it lots!  But does she love denying me more?  Only time will tell.
I'm Hers

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I Screwed Up

Sometimes I do the most stupid things and this time I really screwed up.  Let me explain. Katie has permitted me to use her profile on another website to converse with other Dommes and/or subs on occasion.  I have enjoyed the connection and have met some really nice people in the process. I write them explaining that I am seeking a friends-only relationship. Mostly the conversations revolve around our lives as it pertains to being either a sub or Domme.  A few weeks ago I met a Domme and we began to chat off and on for about a month. I told Katie about this person and kept her in the loop the entire time. She and I seemed to connect at some level. I enjoyed writing her and she responded in kind, writing more than just a sentence or two.  She actually seemed like a nice woman – and I am sure she is that in real life. 

 Last week, I was talking on the phone with Katie and near midnight told her I was tired and wanted to go to bed (we were apart that night). I happened to check my IM and noticed that this Domme was online and so I wrote her.  Well, one thing led to another and we ended up conversing for the next couple of hours. During our conversation I overstepped my bounds and said some things that I shouldn’t have said.  It was my error not hers. I made some personal comments that had to do with sexual topics that I should have kept to myself.

The following day I told Katie of my conversation. She wasn’t pleased that I had stayed up so late to talk when I was ‘supposedly’ tired. She became increasingly upset when she read our conversation and saw the comments that I made. It ignited her fuse and justifiably so.  She called to tell me that she would be closing ‘our’ account at this other D/s site and informed me that I would not be conversing with this woman any more.

To be perfectly honest I completely understood, but I was also disappointed as this person had become a friend and I had caused whatever friendship we had to come to a sudden end.  It was me that was in the wrong and it was me that was going to pay the price for my actions.  Katie told me to tell her that I was no longer permitted to talk. I sent her a short email doing that.  What I should have done when I wrote was to also mention the reason I was no longer permitted to talk. I told her only that Katie had decided that I was not to write her any more. What I didn’t mention was why. 

Katie acted to protect her property – me.  She told me that she wasn’t pleased. She confronted me on what I said and wanted to know why I had said such things.  She pointed out matter-of-factly that she was upset at what I wrote and asked if I would be pleased if she had said those kinds of things to a man.  I saw her point.  I felt terrible. I deserved to be put in my place and knew that the limits she instituted were for my own good. 

I reassured Katie several times that what I said was wrong but that my love for her was just as strong as ever.  The entire time, from the first conversation I had until my last, I never had any desire to be anything more than a friend with this woman.  I never had any feelings for this person. She was simply a nice woman that shared her desires to find love. She knew that I was committed. She knew that I was taken – owned in fact – by Katie. 

Katie believed that and understood this. Her issue was with me not going to bed when I told her I was going. Her issue was with the subject matter of our conversation, specifically what I had said.  I crossed Katie’s line and as a result the consequences were the loss of a friend.

It’s been a week and as I write I am still remorseful for my actions.  I wish I could have just kept our chat at a G or PG rating level and not gone further.  I wished I would have listened more and written less. I wish I had kept Katie at the forefront of my mind while IMing her and not allowed my written thoughts to move from acceptable to unacceptable. I wish I had just simply obeyed Katie. If I had done that all of this would have never happened.  But I didn’t obey. I made a choice behind her back.

The evening when Katie confronted me was awkward. She was no longer Katie, my best friend and lover. Well she was, but she also let me know that she was the head of our home and that as her sub she expected me to follow through with what I say. When I tell her I am going to go to bed, she expects that I do exactly that. She expects me to recognize that she is the dominant partner even if she relates to me as a peer. She is not my peer. Not completely. She is more than that. She is the dominant. When she confronted me that evening I realized just how little power I had. She truly is the greater and I the lesser.  I realized that the promise I made to submit to her authority has teeth and there are times like this one where I have no option but to yield to that authority.  The ring I wear acknowledging my submission is a commitment that she expects me to abide by at all times. It is a promise as strong as a marriage vow.

I felt a bit like I was a child and she the adult when first confronted. I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt like I was being punished and was being punished by someone that was above me or more significant than I. And I was. Yet her desire was not to punish. Her desire was to head off any potential threat to our relationship. Her desire was to make sure that nothing came between us that could derail all of the good that we have. Her desire was to look out for me – for us. I didn’t like being told what to do. I didn’t like having to write and say goodbye to an online friend but did as I was told because Katie was looking at a bigger picture. She was making sure that I remained completely committed to her and simply removed a potential distraction from my life.

Katie, I am so sorry.

I’m Hers

Friday, March 9, 2012

Life after Three Months of Denial

I sent the following picture text to Katie today: NO stroking. NO fondling. Just showered, shaved and locked. Today marks the THREE month period of being denied. I love YOU.

I am away from her but today marks the three month mark since I last was permitted an orgasm. I have spent the majority of my time locked in the Jailbird pictured to the right. Life has been spent in and out per Katie's request. My life is that of a service sub. I asked Katie if I could live this life because this is the life that I want to live and she quickly realized it is what pleases her most as well. I derive so much pleasure from taking care of her. It truly is a privilege to cook, clean, launder, and pamper her as she desires. It's what I want. It's want I need.

On so many levels we live a vanilla life. I am first and foremost her best friend, her lover, her companion, her man. We interact as peers, we laugh, we joke, we share life events, and we interact with friends. Yet in all of our life, there is an understanding that Katie is the head of our home. She expects the services I have contracted so many months ago to deliver. She loves my input with respect to our finances yet she decides. When something around the house needs to be fixed, she tells me if she wants me to make the repair or if she will be hiring out. When we go to bed, the Jailbird comes off. During the night she often tells me to massage her. Whenever she reaches for my cock, I always make it available. If she wants to make love she tells me how she wants me. It's a choice she makes and one I will never initiate. When we finally rest, I always cuddle up behind her and pull her in tight against me, cupping her breast as she loves me doing. When we wake up, she always showers first and I follow. I always find her sitting before the mirror dressed and about to put her make-up on. I towel dry where she can see me in the mirror and then dry her hair naked. After kissing her and cleaning the bedroom and bath, I relock for the day while she tends to other duties. It's a life with a bit of kink but with so much love.

What has made this period of denial so difficult at times is the number of times we've made love. Katie loves sex and has a powerful sex-drive. In the 90 days of denial, we've made love probably half that number and I am almost certain that I have brought her to multiple orgasms on most days even if we haven't made love. Yet I am not permitted to cum while inside her. She loves long passionate love-making and although she loves the orgasms she experiences yet I am not to experience what she does. I have found this most difficult. It is a true act of discipline to bring her to desire, to feel one's one desire mounting but to not ever take myself beyond that edge - that at the time - I so want to leep over. I have given myself a few ruined orgasms during this period. There were times when I leaked but did so without that pleasurable feeling associated with ejaculation. Now don't get me wrong. Every time we make love it is to experience the most pleasureable tease one could enjoy. To come so close to the edge is the best feeling a guy can feel, and to remain at that edge for several minutes at a time is an exercise what I call a pre-ejaculatory frustration. It's the best and worse feeling all wrapped up in one. When we finish our love-making she is left satisfied and I am left.... well wanting, horny, satisfied (almost) and rock hard. It is this concoction of emotions and desire that Katie loves and I think it is what keeps her prolonging my period of denial. And I have to admit that although I would love to feel that momentary rush of feelings when cumming, I do love feeling the heightened feelings of passion and eroticism that come when I am denied.

And so I press on. I have no idea when the day will come. But it's making me a better man and a better sub.

I'm Hers!


Monday, March 5, 2012

When Domme's give orally....

The title of that post is incorrect. It should be something more along the line of "when Dommes enjoy their subs" or something similar.  I just posted on the topic of why I love to please Katie orally and am expecting comments along the line of 'well if this is true of you, then is the same true when the Domme gives the sub a BJ'. 

Katie and I discussed this and I agree with her.  Katie owns my body.  Anything she does with it is because she wants to enjoy it. If she wants to stroke my cock it's because that is her perrogative. If she wants to run her hand over my body I know it is because she enjoys the feel of me. If she wants to go down on me, she does so because she enjoys it.  Yes, she may want to give me a BJ just to make me feel good. She may want to do so because she wants to feel me in her mouth or just enjoy that part of me orally. 

The difference has to do with perspective or mindset.  I know that I am hers. I would never force myself on her. I would never be overly aggressive and take advantage of the woman I serve. I am hers. That was and is my promise - to be hers.  Katie made a promise as well. She made a promise to take care of me as her submissive. When she made that promise she let it be known that she would enjoy me however she wished - but always with a desire to make us closer.  My body is hers to enjoy just as her body is mine to please and serve.

I love it when she goes down on me.  The feelings she generates within are wonderful; the sight of her enjoying me is so hot.  To see the playful deviousness in her eyes as she takes me to where ever she wants me to go emotionally is the best.  If she wants to bring me to an orgasm, that is up to her. If she wants to take me to the edge and use this as a tease, well that is her choice, not mine.

Katie has told me she will never be my sub. She doesn't even want to reverse roles just for the evening.  She is my Domme and will always be the woman that is in charge of me, of us. Because that is her outlook on our relationship, anytime she decides to enjoy my cock it is because that is her perrogative and not because she is submitting. 


I'm Hers

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Pleasing a Woman Orally

I love when Katie tells me to go down on her.  I love it when I am aggressive and push her down and lick her until she has had so many orgasms she can't take another. I think it is so hot when she mounts my face and tells me to lick her.  Yes, I love oral sex. I mean I just love it. Tonight for some reason I was thinking about this and began to ask myself ‘why’.  Why is it that men love to please a woman orally? I mean, it’s not like the tongue is a sensitive body part like a man’s penis. There is no sensation derived with licking the vagina of a woman. The pleasure is one-way, meaning; she is receiving all of the pleasure. That’s why women enjoy the attention of a man. He makes her feel good.  I know that but why is it that I love going down on her?

To me the answer is simple. Its about giving. It's about wanting to please her. It's about wanting so bad to satisfy her. It is similar to the act of bringing her to orgasm by stimulating her with a finger. It's about love. I believe (for me) that it's because I am a submissive man and this is an extension of who I am as a submissive. I would go so far to say that all men that enjoy licking a woman’s pussy have these same submissive qualities, at least to some degree.  Giving orally is a submissive act. The very position the man beneath or under a woman is that of a submissive expression. When a man is ordered, or offers to please a woman in this manner, he expresses those submissive inner traits. 
I love licking Katie because I receive pleasure  but not in the same way that she is experiencing. The pleasure that I feel is multifaceted. Being between her legs and surrounded by her body elicits a feeling of safety. I am surrounded by my Domme and that is a comforting place to be. Being between her legs is a place of visual pleasure; it's a place where I can watch her enjoy the gift of my tongue. Most importantly being there is one of the most precious gifts I can give her; something that she truly treasures - my complete devotion and affection. It’s a place where I can adore and look at the beautiful body before me and that gives me much pleasure. I love the taste of Katie as much as I love the feel of her soft skin against my tongue.  It’s a place where I can gently or aggressively lick her most intimate parts. It’s a place where I can feel her passion. It’s a place where I can wrap my arms around her legs and hold her close as I touch her in ways that stimulate her to feel feelings of intimacy that are truly tender, and are only shared by the two of us. She gives me so much in return for the simple gift I give her.
Oral sex is such a special part of our relationship. It’s one of the most intimate ways that a couple can share. I wish that Katie would have me please her in this way all the time but she chooses to do so often for some days and then not at all for other days. My role, which I am learning to accept increasingly more is to comply with her wishes. My life is one of giving and in doing so I receive so much more. There is a great dichotomy in the submissive lifestyle in which it often appears to the person observing from the outside that the pleasure is all one-way, when in fact it is very much a two-way gift that each gives to one another.  Giving to her orally is one such paradox. It looks one-sided yet it is very much a gift that she gives me while I give to her.

I’m Hers