I am away from her but today marks the three month mark since I last was permitted an orgasm. I have spent the majority of my time locked in the Jailbird pictured to the right. Life has been spent in and out per Katie's request. My life is that of a service sub. I asked Katie if I could live this life because this is the life that I want to live and she quickly realized it is what pleases her most as well. I derive so much pleasure from taking care of her. It truly is a privilege to cook, clean, launder, and pamper her as she desires. It's what I want. It's want I need.
On so many levels we live a vanilla life. I am first and foremost her best friend, her lover, her companion, her man. We interact as peers, we laugh, we joke, we share life events, and we interact with friends. Yet in all of our life, there is an understanding that Katie is the head of our home. She expects the services I have contracted so many months ago to deliver. She loves my input with respect to our finances yet she decides. When something around the house needs to be fixed, she tells me if she wants me to make the repair or if she will be hiring out. When we go to bed, the Jailbird comes off. During the night she often tells me to massage her. Whenever she reaches for my cock, I always make it available. If she wants to make love she tells me how she wants me. It's a choice she makes and one I will never initiate. When we finally rest, I always cuddle up behind her and pull her in tight against me, cupping her breast as she loves me doing. When we wake up, she always showers first and I follow. I always find her sitting before the mirror dressed and about to put her make-up on. I towel dry where she can see me in the mirror and then dry her hair naked. After kissing her and cleaning the bedroom and bath, I relock for the day while she tends to other duties. It's a life with a bit of kink but with so much love.
What has made this period of denial so difficult at times is the number of times we've made love. Katie loves sex and has a powerful sex-drive. In the 90 days of denial, we've made love probably half that number and I am almost certain that I have brought her to multiple orgasms on most days even if we haven't made love. Yet I am not permitted to cum while inside her. She loves long passionate love-making and although she loves the orgasms she experiences yet I am not to experience what she does. I have found this most difficult. It is a true act of discipline to bring her to desire, to feel one's one desire mounting but to not ever take myself beyond that edge - that at the time - I so want to leep over. I have given myself a few ruined orgasms during this period. There were times when I leaked but did so without that pleasurable feeling associated with ejaculation. Now don't get me wrong. Every time we make love it is to experience the most pleasureable tease one could enjoy. To come so close to the edge is the best feeling a guy can feel, and to remain at that edge for several minutes at a time is an exercise what I call a pre-ejaculatory frustration. It's the best and worse feeling all wrapped up in one. When we finish our love-making she is left satisfied and I am left.... well wanting, horny, satisfied (almost) and rock hard. It is this concoction of emotions and desire that Katie loves and I think it is what keeps her prolonging my period of denial. And I have to admit that although I would love to feel that momentary rush of feelings when cumming, I do love feeling the heightened feelings of passion and eroticism that come when I am denied.
And so I press on. I have no idea when the day will come. But it's making me a better man and a better sub.