Saturday, April 28, 2012

Submissive Habit: Chastity

I don't know how many men in the world walk around with their penis encased in some type of plastic or steel container. I can't imagine there are many.  When Katie first had me locked it changed my life when it came to feeling submissive. I couldn't pee standing. I couldn't shower after working out in the gym or other public showering facility.  I had to be careful about how tight I wore my pants knowing my 'package' might show.  I took more care in making sure I didn't bump into others with my groin. I didn't dare go into Federal buildings, through airport security or large sporting events that used metal detectors. That one small item that was  secured around my cock and balls made me so aware of my surroundings and placed several limitations on my life now that the woman I loved hat taken ownership of my genitals.

Beyond the behavioral modifications chastity brought to my life, there was the increased sensation of feeling that ring around the base of my genitals. There was pressure I felt every time I got any type of arousal. There was the discomfort caused by an extended erection;there were the 5 am wake up reminders every time I got hard inside that cage; there was the realization that I was locked and not able to be free; there was the understanding that Katie fully was in control of my cock.

If there was one thing that she did to remind me that I was not her equal it was when she decided to use chastity as part of our relational dynamic.  Just the fact that I was now encased in plastic, and later in steel made it quite clear that I was her submissive.  At times I wanted to be out but she was the one that now determined that. 

If you've never been locked by your wife or girlfriend, you are truly missing an exciting part of being a submissive male.  It is the best and I can say without hesitation that you will think of her more often than you ever realized you would. Why? Because you will feel the cage that contains you all the time and each time you feel that, you will realize you belong to another.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Submissive Habits: Shaving

I have been thinking about the constants that have become a part of my life and how these habits have helped me become a more submissive man. There is a verse in the Bible that says where you mind is, that is where your heart will be also. It's a true statement. In that same light I once heard a sports psychologist speak at a seminar on the 'act as if' principle. He talked about how to become a champion by 'acting as if' you were a champion. He drew the parallel to that of getting good grades by 'acting' as if you were an A student. 'A' students take good notes, ask good questions, pay attention, sit toward the front of the class, keep up on their homework, study hard, etc. His point was that if we act as if the person that is we too will be come more successful. In a way he was restating in practical ways what that Bible verse says. He was telling how our minds work; that if we focus on becoming and live accordingly, we will indeed 'become' that which we strive to be.

Since I first asked Katie to assume leadership she has required specific things of me. Today I want to focus on her expectation that I shave my genitals and buttocks daily. She is a woman that doesn't enjoy lots of body hair, at least down there and told me soon after I became her sub that she wanted me to shave, first my balls and then all of hair around my penis, soon after she told me that she wanted all the hair on my ass shaved as well.

Now when I shower I spend more time tending to that small area of my body than any other. I strive to make my skin perfectly smooth. When I massage her body and sit naked on the back of her legs she doesn't want to feel the prickly hairs that should have been removed earlier. When she touches me each night she wants to feel smoothness, not stubble.

The act of deliberately taking pride in keeping my skin completely hairless has helped me to realize that my genitals are for her. I am doing this for her. I am shaving and making my body, or at least this part of my body a pleasant and pleasing offering for her to enjoy. I was thinking about this the other day when I was showering. I would have never taken up this aspect of personal hygiene had she not demanded I do so. Nor would I have taken pride in shaving, not only to meet a requirement of hers, but also to shave with the intent to please. It's that aspect of the process that promotes submissiveness. Checking my skin to ensure I removed all body hair BECAUSE I know she will enjoy the feel is a conscious effort on my part to please the woman whose word I now obey.

Now, I love shaving. I enjoy the look and feel of my genitals. Her values have become my values and that is at the heart of what she wants. She wants me not only to obey but to embrace her values, to see her ways, to willingly follow and obey because I want to do all I can to please her.

Tomorrow morning I will repeat the process but for now, I will go to bed knowing that her hands will be all over me and when she enjoys the feel of my genitals it is because I took pride in preparing properly. Later when she tells me to massage her, she will only feel the smooth skin of my buttocks against her shaven legs. She won't comment. She probably won't notice. And that is good because not noticing means I have done my duty by not having razor stubble that would otherwise disturb and be counter productive to my goal of helping her relax and fall asleep to the touch of my hands. I love 'acting as if' because I want to please and receive the approval of a job well done.

I'm Hers.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Missing Those Dominating Words

I wrote a post a week ago mentioning that when I do chores I don’t get submissive feelings. I just do them. It's not that I don't enjoy feeling submissive. In fact I love when she makes me feel that way. I yearn for those moments. They make my day. So, after thinking about that post as well as the way that Katie and I have been interacting as of late, I began to sulk. Why? Because I miss ‘feeling’her dominance. I miss ‘feeling’submissive. I don’t feel submissive when I cook a meal, vacuum the floor, fold the laundry, or fix a broken item in the home. But I could feel that way if I was told to do those items or made to do something rather than given the choice.  

Here's what I'm talking about: This morning we were getting up and Katie told me to move the cars so someone else could get in the drive and not block us.  I happened to be making the bed and although I know that they would soon arrive, I continued to finish my chore.  Katie could have intervened at that moment and told me to stop what I was doing and do what she had told me to do.  That one missing sentence would have cemented her dominance as I was disregarding the immediecy of her request in lieu of my own wants.  That's what I miss.

Here are some other examples to clarify what I seek:

“Sub, fix me my coffee. I’ll be out on the deck waiting for it.”
While driving in the car… “I expect you to cook me x, y, and z tonight and serve me as you always do. Do you understand?”
Before or just as we begin to make love…. “You know you won’t be cumming tonight so don’t even bother asking. I want you to make me feel good for as long as you can.”
As we pull in the drive after shopping….. “Take everything inside and make sure it gets all put away. I love having you here to do this for me.” --Smile---, as she leaves me to work.
When we wake in the morning….. “Go turn the shower on for me and tell me when the water is warm. Then make the bed and do your morning chores before I get out.”
When out walking together ….. “I love you. I love having you as my sub. You make me feel so good when you work for me.”
In the morning before she showers “I’m locking you today so make sure you have that thing on before you come downstairs.”
At night when we’ve just gone to bed ….. “Are you tired?”
“Yes,” I reply.
“Well I want a back rub anyway so get the oil rub my body. I want a nice long massage.”

All of the above are ways that she can, with a five second statement change a chore into a submissive ‘feeling’ chore. It doesn't take much effort. She can add an emphasis by squeezing my cock or giving me a kiss of appreciation but it's the words that initiate those feelings. In the process she affirms her own dominance, something I would hope she would enjoy doing. The statements are just that, a confirmation of who we are, Domme and sub. We are lovers. We are best friends but my role is to bring pleasure. Her role is to make sure that I don’t slack in my duties. I know of no better way to reaffirm that disparity in our relationship than for her to make statements a few times a day to clarify my role as her sub. Simple declarative statements, not meant to hurt, but rather to remind both parties fuel the D/s dynamic, at least in my mind.

I miss those statements. I miss her dominance. Katie dominates so sweetly. She smiles, she asks, she thinks about me and if I would do 'this' or 'that' rather than just telling me to do 'this' or 'that'. She won’t ask for a massage if she knows I am tired. She asks if I’d like to do this, rather than telling me what we will be doing. She doesn’t try to make me feel like I am her submissive. Rather she knows that I am and enjoys the chores I do for her without the use D/s ‘words’to reaffirm that she’s the boss and I am her servant (even though I am also her best friend and lover). The two really can go together and I think they make for greater intimacy in our love relationship. I find that I am drawn to her when she reminds me that I am her sub. I get aroused when she asserts herself. I love it when she takes advantage of my mind, body, energy, and effort to off-load work on her. I love 'feeling' submissive. It makes me want to please er more; touch her more; kiss her more; cuddle up to her more. Those words make me feel so much more dependent on her and that, I guess, is at the heart of what I hope for us - me being dependent on her and her feeling independent to do as she wants.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and/or stories on this topic as well.
I'm Hers

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Back in Chastity Again

I had a week off of work last week and spent the entire time with Katie. That meant I could put the Jailbird in the dresser drawer and enjoy a week free from chastity.  What a week it was. We must have made love six or seven times and it was the best. There is nothing like the way that Katie makes love, the way she expresses her passion, the ease with which she tells me I can't cum, the feel of her small muscular body and smell of her perfume are truly intoxicating.  It's like nothing I've ever experienced and our intimacy draws me ever so close to her emotionally.  Our times reinforce just what a special treasure she is and how privileged I am to be her sub.

But the weekend ended and work returned. With work, so did my time away from Katie and the return of the Jailbird returning me once more to live within the steel cage.  I both enjoy and dislike that thing.  The feel of it is a constant reminder that I am hers, that all other women are off-limits,  that I am a submissive and live a life that is different than most men, and that I am under the control of a woman that controls my sexual activity and even the ability to touch my genitals. Yet it is a hassle. I need to urinate sitting.  I have to be careful that I don't accidently bump or brush into another person when quarters are close and it's uncomfortable to run with it on.  I would prefer to sleep without it on but that is a choice not for me to make. And so it is on once more and will remain so until I see her later this week.

On another note I am now at day 23 since I was last permitted an orgasm.  I did have one self-ruined one when we made love a week ago but for those that have experienced a ruined orgasm, there is no pleasure with the leakage, only a feeling of 'I shouldn't have let myself get that close to the edge'.  I feel guilty and disappointed in myself that I lacked the discipline to withdraw when I was so close.

But now that I've been down this road before, 23 days doesn't seem like a big deal.  I've made it past the 100 day mark previously and so 23 really doesn't seem that long of a time to go without anymore. Yes, I am horny especially after she uses our lovemaking times as a tease. I want her badly. I want her body. I want her to invite me back inside her again.  I find that the day or so after she denies me my desire for his increased significantly. I can't get enough of her. I want to be with her, wait on her, take care of her, please her. I want to touch, kiss, fondle and be close to her.  I love being that way. She loves me being that way as well and now knows the power that tease along with denial has on my psyche. It seems to bring out those qualities she enjoys most in me - my passion as well as my submissive servitude.

I hope other Domme's see the value of denying their sub and would encourage submissives to request that your Domme take and put the key away for a good long time. Both of you will benefit from it...... that is, if teasing is part of the day.

I'm Hers

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thoughts on Feelings

A comment by Tamara from the "Tamara in Trouble" blog and subsequent post that you can read here got me thinking about feeling submissive when completing my duties as Katie's sub.  If you read the comments on Tamara’s post on chores you will notice a lot of reference to ‘feelings’ by those that responded.  Additionally she posted earlier that she wished her husband would take walks with her but he didn’t enjoy doing that….. again, a reference to ‘bad’ feelings on his part.
I don’t want my comments to be perceived as arrogant as that is not my intention.  Rather I want to express my own thoughts on the commitment that I made with Katie to submit.  The commitment I made was in essence a promise, a contract that I agreed to and she accepted.  The major service components to my submission revolve around deferring to her authority when decisions must be made and to doing chores around the home, specifically cooking, cleaning and laundry. 
Tonight we needed food for dinner. I went shopping and then prepared a meal. I didn’t get one feeling of submission during that entire process. Rather I did what needed to be done and what I knew was expected of me – cook a dinner and clean up after.
Last night I worked until 1:45 am on a project. When I came to bed, Katie was awake and after chatting and cuddling for a few minutes she told me to give her a massage.  I did so until 2:45 when I asked if I could stop and go to sleep. She gave me the OK and I was in dreamland within a few minutes.  During that time of serving her I didn’t feel submissive. I didn’t get subspace feelings. I just did what I was told to do – something that I am usually told to do on most nights and although was quite tired, I did enjoy helping her to relax and enjoy the touch of my hands on her body.
I took a shower yesterday and noticed dark stains building on the tile grout. I spent several minutes scrubbing to clean the grout.  I did it because it needed to be done. I didn’t’ feel submissive but I knew that Katie would be pleased when I told her of my effort to improve the shower tile appearance.
Katie has a list of to-do items she wants me to complete this week.  One was to do some work on the yard.  I spent an hour working on a project she wanted done. Again, no submissive feelings while working or when I told her I wanted to get that work done.  I just did what was needed and crossed that chore off of my list.
My point to the above examples is that most times I don’t feel submissive when I do chores.  Should Katie tell me she ‘loves her sub’ or that she is glad that ‘I’m hers’ I do get those feelings. When she dominates me sexually or denies me when close to an orgasm I get those feelings and recognize that my role is to please her.  However, the majority of our interactions are as two people who have responsibilities, and jobs and interests and friends.  We just so happen to be two people in love and two people that have a D/s aspect to our love relationship.
When Tamara commented that Rene didn’t enjoy taking walks it surprised me because I saw it as an opportunity for him to spend time alone with his wife.  Beside the alone time together where the two of them could walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm and talk about their day I thought that any sub would relish the chance to please his Dominant partner. In my mind I would have thought that he would have put his own likes or dislikes aside in lieu of his wife's desire to have him be with her.
Isn’t submission about making that partner smile?  Isn’t it about finding ways to make their day more enjoyable? Isn’t it about being intentional in expressing appreciation, devotion and love in lots of small ways?  To me that’s the best part about being a sub.  I get to focus on ‘her’. I have an entire day to do small things to make her smile and help her feel good about the man that cares for her so much.  And when the next day dawns I get to repeat that process all over. What sub wouldn’t want that life? What sub needs to have his service conjure up submissive feelings in order to do what he knows inside she loves?  Submission is about service and commitment and putting her needs above one’s own first. If one also feels submissive when meeting the needs of the one he serves, well that is an additional bonus but I don't believe it should be the primary reason a sub serves. As we serve and defer to our dominant partner we become better men, better lovers, better husbands – and become recipients to the best sex a satisfied woman has to offer – and there ain’t nothing better than that!
I’m Hers

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Position Reversal

When Katie and I make love it is the best. When it happens it’s on her cue. When it happens it is done to her liking. When we do it lasts until she is ready to stop and not a moment before. She is in total control of our time and has been for some time, but one thing has changed over the months. I’d say that more times than not when we first started on this D/s venture she was on the bottom and I on the top.  But I’ve noticed changes, specifically that she is no longer in the passive bottom position.  For several months she’s enjoyed making love side by side, a position that I find very stimulating and the most difficult in maintaining self control when we make love for extended periods.  Within the last month or so she's moved to enjoy life at the top. She’s been mounting me and laying on my chest with both her knees and hips flexed or in a traditional ‘reverse’ missionary position. It's her position of preference, followed by side lying and then missionary.  But regardless of how we make love there has always been one constant. She expects me to be the one moving and pleasuring her.  If she moves, well, that's up to her but she expects me to move and often remains relatively still and enjoys the feelings of me moving inside her.  It is an incredible experience, like none I've ever had before. I can feel her weight. I can hear her every breath as her face is buried next to mine. I have complete access to touch her delicious body. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The position in which we make love is not the issue nor the concern as it is always a time of incredible intimacy and satisfaction – even while being denied.  What I love watching the evolution of a quiet traditional woman’s confidence in bedroom blossom. She knows what she wants and now she gets what she wants. When she wants me she tells me so. When she wants to deny me she does so without hesitation. When I ask if I can orgasm she has no problem in telling me what she wants at the moment.  When she wants me locked she expresses her thoughts.  So much has changed and in the area of controlling our sex life and my orgasms she has become quite comfortable.  I am finding this pattern now the norm and it’s one of the appealing qualities of our D/s relationship that draws me close to her.