Thursday, April 12, 2012
Thoughts on Feelings
A comment by Tamara from the "Tamara in Trouble" blog and subsequent post that you can read here got me thinking about feeling submissive when completing my duties as Katie's sub. If you read the comments on Tamara’s post on chores you will notice a lot of reference to ‘feelings’ by those that responded. Additionally she posted earlier that she wished her husband would take walks with her but he didn’t enjoy doing that….. again, a reference to ‘bad’ feelings on his part.
I don’t want my comments to be perceived as arrogant as that is not my intention. Rather I want to express my own thoughts on the commitment that I made with Katie to submit. The commitment I made was in essence a promise, a contract that I agreed to and she accepted. The major service components to my submission revolve around deferring to her authority when decisions must be made and to doing chores around the home, specifically cooking, cleaning and laundry.
Tonight we needed food for dinner. I went shopping and then prepared a meal. I didn’t get one feeling of submission during that entire process. Rather I did what needed to be done and what I knew was expected of me – cook a dinner and clean up after.
Last night I worked until 1:45 am on a project. When I came to bed, Katie was awake and after chatting and cuddling for a few minutes she told me to give her a massage. I did so until 2:45 when I asked if I could stop and go to sleep. She gave me the OK and I was in dreamland within a few minutes. During that time of serving her I didn’t feel submissive. I didn’t get subspace feelings. I just did what I was told to do – something that I am usually told to do on most nights and although was quite tired, I did enjoy helping her to relax and enjoy the touch of my hands on her body.
I took a shower yesterday and noticed dark stains building on the tile grout. I spent several minutes scrubbing to clean the grout. I did it because it needed to be done. I didn’t’ feel submissive but I knew that Katie would be pleased when I told her of my effort to improve the shower tile appearance.
Katie has a list of to-do items she wants me to complete this week. One was to do some work on the yard. I spent an hour working on a project she wanted done. Again, no submissive feelings while working or when I told her I wanted to get that work done. I just did what was needed and crossed that chore off of my list.
My point to the above examples is that most times I don’t feel submissive when I do chores. Should Katie tell me she ‘loves her sub’ or that she is glad that ‘I’m hers’ I do get those feelings. When she dominates me sexually or denies me when close to an orgasm I get those feelings and recognize that my role is to please her. However, the majority of our interactions are as two people who have responsibilities, and jobs and interests and friends. We just so happen to be two people in love and two people that have a D/s aspect to our love relationship.
When Tamara commented that Rene didn’t enjoy taking walks it surprised me because I saw it as an opportunity for him to spend time alone with his wife. Beside the alone time together where the two of them could walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm and talk about their day I thought that any sub would relish the chance to please his Dominant partner. In my mind I would have thought that he would have put his own likes or dislikes aside in lieu of his wife's desire to have him be with her.
Isn’t submission about making that partner smile? Isn’t it about finding ways to make their day more enjoyable? Isn’t it about being intentional in expressing appreciation, devotion and love in lots of small ways? To me that’s the best part about being a sub. I get to focus on ‘her’. I have an entire day to do small things to make her smile and help her feel good about the man that cares for her so much. And when the next day dawns I get to repeat that process all over. What sub wouldn’t want that life? What sub needs to have his service conjure up submissive feelings in order to do what he knows inside she loves? Submission is about service and commitment and putting her needs above one’s own first. If one also feels submissive when meeting the needs of the one he serves, well that is an additional bonus but I don't believe it should be the primary reason a sub serves. As we serve and defer to our dominant partner we become better men, better lovers, better husbands – and become recipients to the best sex a satisfied woman has to offer – and there ain’t nothing better than that!