Monday, May 28, 2012

Desiring Domination

Katie and I live a very typical life. We are two people that are in love and that is reflected in how we view one another as well as in how we interact. We love being together and when we aren’t we communicate often. I love to call her to talk. I text her often. I think of her constantly. When with her we are a couple that is obviously in love. I think we are a perfect match emotionally, sexually, intellectually, etc.

But we are not your typical couple. I am a submissive and owned man. The other day Katie grabbed my cock and squeezed it saying ‘this is mine.’ What a nice thought. Yes, I am hers in every way. My life is now an open book to her. In many ways I have given up control and now trust her to decide on my behalf. When she tells me it’s bed time I go to bed. When she tells me she’s hungry, we eat. When she tells me she wants to paint the hallway, I paint the hallway. I am hers.
But I am human and so is she. What I mean by that is that given the choice I will migrate to the easy way out. I will do less than more. A few weeks ago while driving and listening to the radio I pulled over and sent myself this text “when u decide 2 lower your standards people will give u less, not more”.
How true that statement is. We live up to the expectations dictated to us and don’t give a hair more. It’s true with respect to how students perform at school, how much an athlete will put out, and in the realm of D/s. If I am honest I don’t give Katie my all because she doesn’t expect my all. She doesn’t’ expect my total obedience. She doesn’t ever really dominate me and I think if she did every now and then she would get so much more out of me because she would instill in me (at a more conscious level) that I am an owned man there to love, please, and serve her. I think if she took a few hours once a month or once every other month to really make me serve her, really humble me, really make me see that I am so much less than her (with respect to power and status) that it would both be arousing for the both of us as well as helpful in moving us forward in our relationship.
Now I am going to send this draft to Katie for approval but I can be almost certain that a question going through her mind upon reading this is ‘how can I do that?’ How would you help her in formulating fun, devious, teachable things to do that will help instill both her dominance and my submission.? Love to hear your ideas.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

What's the Difference?

“Billy, go to your room and clean it! If you don’t you will not be playing with Jimmy later today.”
“George, I told you to wash the dishes an hour ago! Now get them done or you can forget about watching that ballgame tomorrow.”
An area of submission that I am struggling with is the very essence of what makes up a sub – the giving up of one’s rights. I understand the first illustration with the expectation a mother has with a child in trying to teach them discipline but why is it that the grown man, in the second example gives up status, equality and respect to the woman to whom he is married?
Are submissive men insecure? I think deep down they must be. Why else would they want to be ruled, disciplined, and made to be ‘the lesser’ especially when married. I mean, we hear about people marrying someone 15 years their elder and we sometimes say ‘well they are looking for their mother (or father)’. Is there any difference when a man dates or marries a woman significantly older or when a man asks if his wife will become the leader of their home?
Does submission somehow go back to a boy’s childhood and his relationship with his mother? I can say that (right or wrong) my mother raised me in such a way as to associate obedience with pleasing her. When I was good, she liked me. She smiled. I got freedom to do those things I wanted to do. But when I disobeyed her, not only did I do wrong, I was bad. That last phrase is significant because now I too associate disappointment with being bad. Mom punished me. She scolded me. She also didn’t like me – or so I felt. Did that type of reward/punishment affect me as I grew into a man? I think it did. I have a desire to serve and please. I do not like disappointing others – especially Katie. I can’t help but feel bad and feel that she not only is disappointed with my actions but also with me as a person. Because of this, I desire to please her.
And so my question to those Domme’s and subs that read this blog, if you look underneath the surface, do you feel that submission is born and raised in childhood or is it due to some other aspect of life that doesn’t have to do with the mother/son relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m Hers

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Love Languages

The other day I read A Queen and her Knights blog and decided to take the same quiz that Angelique referred to.  I asked Katie if she would do the same. Here are our love language scores.

Love Language Scores:
                            Katie’s Results           My Results
Words of Affirmation              6               8  
Quality Time                           5               8 
Receiving Gifts                        1               3 
Acts of Service                       8               0 
Physical Touch                      10              11

I find our results interesting.  We seek the same thing – almost. 

We both want each other to tell how much we are loved and appreciated. 

We want to spend time with each other. However, the need on my part for both having her tell me she loves and appreciates me as well as my need to be with her is greater.  I wonder if I am a bit more insecure than she. I have a sense that is the case. I do need her. I do need to be with her. I do need to touch her. I do need to hear that she appreciates my work. I ache to be with her. I am pretty certain that I view her as my rock and security as well as the dominant woman I so love.  

We both love physical touch which makes our desire to hug, kiss, cuddle, sit close to one another, massage (me giving and her receiving) something we both enjoy and don't tire of.

Neither of us has our love kindled primarily when we buy each other gifts.  

But Katie loves to be pampered whileI don’t find that a way to feel loved.  I find that one discrepancy interesting.  She loves my acts of service.  Yes, she loves having a sub that is there to love her and do those chores and duties that she cares not to do. She loves to be served.  And here am I, her sub, and there to meet that need of hers

Her desire is to serve. My desire is to be with her. Both of our desires is to be touched and to communicate. I love how we mesh as a couple. I think we have wonderfully complimentary personalities to Dominate and submit. 

If you are interested in seeing how you scored click here and see how you score.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Approaching Two Months of Denial

Sometime next week will mark eight weeks since I was last permitted an intentional release. Athough sex is a common part of our relationship, being permitted a purposeful orgasm is not. Katie now loves denying me. She loves that my cock gets hard the instant she touches me. She loves that her teasing without orgasm makes me want her. She loves making love with me with her on top. She loves asserting her dominance in this way every time we have fantastic sex. And so my denial continues.

I really couldn't care less at this point when she next allows me release. I'd never thought that I'd say that until I experienced an orgasm after having been denied for three months. It just wasn't all it was made up to be. It was nice. I enjoyed it. But it didn't 'wow' me. It just felt nice. Making love and being denied feels just as nice. I've had a few ruined orgasms that were oop'ses on my part while making love but I came without those feelings of a powerful orgasm. I just oozed ejaculate without feeling euphoric in the process.

I wonder if others that have been denied for prolonged periods feel as I do. There is nothing like feeling so close and then having to exert the will to not cum while pleasing her. I love it. I hate it. But in the end I'd wish for nothing else.

And so the days continue to mount. Will I reach 100 again. 200? It all depends on Katie's wants and desires.

I'm Hers

Friday, May 11, 2012

Watching a sub be born

I've been reading with interest the blog, 'A queen and her knight'.  The story is that of a dominant woman and her husband as they work through the process of living life as a married couple with children.  The woman, Angelique, found out long ago that she was dominant, or at least had dominant tendencies.  She has a strong will. She likes things done her way. She expects.  But I don't know that she would have called herself dominant if asked months ago but rather would have noted that she had these tendencies.  Her husband on the other hand had submissive tendencies.  He found that he functioned best when being led, but according to Angelique he wouldn't call himself a submissive.  As an outsider reading her blog I thought it was quite evident that he possessed lots of submissive qualities and traits.  The two of them embraced a form of D/s as a way to make their struggling marriage work and indeed it did.  In fact, it thrived when Angelique led and her Knight followed. 

During the previous months Angelique went through a learning process in part by assuming leadership in her home as well as from reading other D/s blogs and much time spent thinking and processing all she read as it pertained to her, her husband, and her marriage.  In the end, she reveals that she enjoys leading, enjoys making the decisions in her home and knows that her husband too functions best when he submits to her leadership.  All of this came to a climax recently when they discussed D/s and making their relationship more intentional; making it one in which she would rule permanently and he would follow by submitting to her authority. She writes a beautiful post describing the event in which she presents her Knight a ring to remind him of that very fact. He willingly accepted it and symbolically knelt before her embracing her with his head on her chest that this too is what he wanted.

I've been reading this blog which is really a love story. It is one that slowly unfolded over the past months as Angelique penned her thoughts on life with her husband as she viewed it.  I am so happy for her Knight because he is married to a woman that is actively involved in leading and dominating. He will be submitting to a woman that wants to dominate rather than one that is the head of the home because the husband has made the choice not to be. The difference between these two forms of leadership is significant.  I am glad for him him because I believe he will receive so much from her leadership, from her desire to dominate him both in the bedroom, as well as when life happens throughout his day. 

There is nothing more sexy and attractive than watching a woman reach her potential as one who is confident and in charge of both her life as well as her husband.  Her Knight should relish his position beneath her.  I hope he appreciates all that he has, just as much Angelique should appreciate this man that is now hers to mold into the loving husband she has dreamed of her Knight becoming.

Knight, welcome to the submissive fraternity.  I hope you find as much security and love in it as so many of us have already experienced.  I wish you and your lovely Domme well.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Submissive Change: Obedience - it supersedes all

During the past few posts I've been writing about changes that have occurred in my life since I acknowledged to Katie that I had submissive needs and asked her to become the dominant partner in our relationship.  I wrote about changes that both she wanted of me and of ways I could practically show my submission to her.  I debated incorporating all into a single post on obedience but decided to break down the various changes I underwent into more specific categories.  However, all can be summed up by the word obedience.
Since I've submitted to Katie I've come to realize that the life of a submissive is about obedience.  Yes there is, or can be, kink and fun, and discipline, and all of the other stereotypical aspects to D/s but even they revolve around the concept of obedience.  When a woman decides to paddle, discipline, demand, expect, or otherwise lead, it can only occur if her submissive partner complies with her wishes.  Complying means to obey. The sub willingly lets the woman tell him what to do or lets her use him in whatever way she deems appropriate at the time.  It can only work if he obeys her wishes. 
I've learned how to better obey Katie.  I am not perfect by any means.  I still can be lazy. I can still be selfish. I still want to do what I want at times. I still have that 'old life tendency' of wanting to be a couch potato and be served rather than serve, but so much of me has changed.  I look at life different.  I expect different. I want different.  It's that last sentence that is so profound.  I actually want to be told what to do. How odd is that?  I have kidded with Katie in the past about her asking rather than telling me what she wants by responding to her question sarcastically with, "Is that a question?"  Meaning, are you asking or telling me you want this or that? In reality, I want to be told so that I can obey.
Obedience is the hallmark characteristic of D/s relationships that work.  Read any blog written by a dominant woman. It oozes with the expectation that their sub will obey. The bigger question and one that I feel a need to address at some point is ‘why do grown men want to be told what to do’?  Just today on a morning TV show Wendy Williams had actress Jennifer Love Hewitt on.  Jennifer commented that she felt like she was becoming more of a bitch with guys because 'guys seem to like being told what to do'.  I found the comment fascinating.  Men, the leaders of society now want to be led.  Why is that? 
I love learning to obey. I don't always love the work expected of me but even in that aspect I am learning to enjoy it more BECAUSE I am obeying the woman that loves me like no other.  I find the paradox so fascinating - being the stronger of the two sexes and yet wanting 'weakness', wanting discipline, wanting to be told and ordered and used.  Do you find this same trait in the one you dominate or if you are a submissive, do you see this in you?  I'd love to hear your 'why' thoughts as to why you believe this is becoming such a prevalent quality in men today.
I'm Hers

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Submissive reminder: Chores

If you have not read the previous few posts I’d encourage you to do so. I’ve been writing on the topic of those things that I believe have an impact in reminding me that I am not equal with Katie – that I am her sub. The topics of shaving (ass and genitals) chastity, denial and deference, were already discussed. Today’s topic is chores.

Chores do not make me ‘feel’ submissive for the most part. Every once in a while they do but that is only if Katie decides to play around and make the task that I am about to do for her a play time in which she demands that I do something ‘because I am her sub’.  That rarely happens and so the work that I do doesn’t give me that ‘submissive feeling’. What doing chores does is remind me constantly that I am her sub and that I am not her equal. My day is filled with work. Here is a sampling of what I typically do:

· Make sure any used towels and wash cloths are put in the hamper and a clean toweland cloth is hung over the shower door.
· Make the bed, tidy the bedroom, check her email, and feed the dog while she’s showering
· After I shower I blow-dry her hair naked while she puts on her make-up
· Clean the cat litter, add more litter as needed
· Put away any of her clothes or shoes that are not in their proper place
· Make her breakfast and clean the dishes after
· Make her lunch and clean up after
· Empty the dishwasher if the dishes were washed yesterday
· Do the laundry, fold clothes, and put them away
· Fix dinner and clean up after
· Fetch wine if she wants some in the evening
· Perform whatever chores she wants done during the day which may be anything from planting flowers, to mowing the lawn, to vacuuming the floors, to cleaning the garage, to pruning bushes, etc.
· Massage her body at night – usually for 30-60 minutes depending on her mood
I took the time to write the above list to illustrate that doing chores is simply that, it’s work. It is work and it is work that is predominately my job. I do the grunt work and menial items that she doesn’t particularly care for. Katie takes care of the bills. She makes appointments to see the doctor, get the car repaired, etc. She calls the cable company when the web is down. She returns emails and phone calls. She plans our day if we are going to go out for the evening. She catches up with her friends on the phone. She plans what work I am do to for her that is on her ‘to-do’ list. I simply do those daily items that I am expected to do and she adds to them depending on those ‘other’ things she wants me to take care of.
For some, I am sure that chores makes a man feel submissive. For me, it’s just the reminder that I am her sub, that she is my superior, that I am hers, that I am owned and there to be used as she wants. Gladly I am not used as her slave. At least I don’t feel like her slave. We spend most of our ‘home time’ together with the exception of meal prep. I try to get my work done while she is busy doing other things to minimize my time away from her.
I am not at all resentful about what is expected of me. After all, I was the one that brought her a list, way back when, offering to do most of the items I now do. She simply accepted my offer. Yes, it’s a bit different now. Now she adds to that list by telling me ‘I want you to do this for me today’. Or, ‘today we are going to get this done’.
I love Katie. I would do anything for her. Really I would. Serving her by offering my energy is such a simple gift that I can give her. I am not a great cook but I can make a few meals quite well and I want to learn to make even more things that please her palate. What I love most is knowing that she appreciates my efforts. When I serve her and see her smile in appreciation it makes the work well worth it. When I see her watch me fold and cart off a load of clothes, I know she loves that I am doing this and she doesn’t need to worry about it. When I walk in to the bedroom later in the day and see a well kept room it even makes me feel good now. I now take pride in pleasing Katie and I take pride in keeping up on the work that she has me do. It’s amazing how my mind has changed. I don’t begrudge doing work like this anymore and that is an incredible change. The reason is simple – I am doing it for the one I love and not just because it needs doing. I am doing it because I want to be her sub. I want her to lead. I want to make her smile. I want to do more so she can enjoy doing less. It’s as simple as that.
I’m Hers

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Submissive habit: Denial and Deference

I was going to write about the imbalance in chores and other duties I had but after a weekend with Katie in which we made love three times and I was denied each time, I thought this would be a more appropriate topic.
One of the behaviors that Katie as altered is my willingness to take charge when in her presence.  In the work place I have always been an alpha. I am not an alpha by nature. I’ve always felt that one of my best attributes is when others give me a job to do and then let me do it, yet for many years I’ve had to lead others as a part of my work responsibilities.  I tended to carry that trait over when at home and can be one that tells rather than waits to receive instruction.  I can be controlling as that was what was expected of me while at work.
Control and submission are not two synonymous qualities of a sub. After submitting to Katie and the conversations that we had on this topic both before and after my submission, it became quite evident that things had to change. She wanted to make the decisions. She wanted the control. She expected me to step back and wait for her to decide. She wanted me to keep quiet and defer to her for the decisions that we were to make. Yet, she continually asks for my input but rarely do I ever make a final decision anymore. I have changed. She has changed me. My how my life has changed when I think about how I acted when we first met.
She is the boss. She is the decision maker. During the last few months she has told me (rather than ask) so many things she wants done. Her behavior as the head of our home has become so much more solidified as has my role to defer to her will. The bedroom is just one area. Our lovemaking is special. I know she loves me pleasing her. I now she loves hearing me so close to the edge. Yet, I know she loves me being denied – not because she doesn’t enjoy seeing and feeling me when I do orgasm, but because she knows the chemical changes within promote more devotion and attention to her both in and out of the bedroom. She wants me sexually charged. She wants my affection and touch throughout the day. She wants to know that I get hard often. And so I am denied.
Denial is a small part of a bigger picture. Deferring, yielding,  and acknowledging her as the head of our home is what she wants and expects of me. We are in love. We are a D/s couple because it promotes greater intimacy in our relationship. She has molded me to bend to her will, to submit to her way, and to look to her for leadership and guidance in the large and small decisions that we encounter daily. 
Katie is the one in charge. I am there to support and love her. She wants my input. She loves my intellect. She wants most for me to step back, to kneel symbolically to her as I let her lead. I am her submissive man. My role is look to her for guidance. To text, call, and converse at all times to make sure she is both aware and approves my actions.  Deference is new to me. It came slow. It is still difficult to yield at times. But I am much more comfortable and content as a man when I let her lead and I follow.  I sometimes remind her how glad I am to be her sub when she is wrestling with a decision. Leadership is tough but it is something she is good at. I am so glad that I can rest in her care. I love the fact that she is a woman in charge. It turns me on. It’s sexy. It’s appealing.  I love knowing that this dominant, confident, classy woman is my Domme. I arouses me just writing about her.
I’m Hers