Monday, May 28, 2012

Desiring Domination

Katie and I live a very typical life. We are two people that are in love and that is reflected in how we view one another as well as in how we interact. We love being together and when we aren’t we communicate often. I love to call her to talk. I text her often. I think of her constantly. When with her we are a couple that is obviously in love. I think we are a perfect match emotionally, sexually, intellectually, etc.

But we are not your typical couple. I am a submissive and owned man. The other day Katie grabbed my cock and squeezed it saying ‘this is mine.’ What a nice thought. Yes, I am hers in every way. My life is now an open book to her. In many ways I have given up control and now trust her to decide on my behalf. When she tells me it’s bed time I go to bed. When she tells me she’s hungry, we eat. When she tells me she wants to paint the hallway, I paint the hallway. I am hers.
But I am human and so is she. What I mean by that is that given the choice I will migrate to the easy way out. I will do less than more. A few weeks ago while driving and listening to the radio I pulled over and sent myself this text “when u decide 2 lower your standards people will give u less, not more”.
How true that statement is. We live up to the expectations dictated to us and don’t give a hair more. It’s true with respect to how students perform at school, how much an athlete will put out, and in the realm of D/s. If I am honest I don’t give Katie my all because she doesn’t expect my all. She doesn’t’ expect my total obedience. She doesn’t ever really dominate me and I think if she did every now and then she would get so much more out of me because she would instill in me (at a more conscious level) that I am an owned man there to love, please, and serve her. I think if she took a few hours once a month or once every other month to really make me serve her, really humble me, really make me see that I am so much less than her (with respect to power and status) that it would both be arousing for the both of us as well as helpful in moving us forward in our relationship.
Now I am going to send this draft to Katie for approval but I can be almost certain that a question going through her mind upon reading this is ‘how can I do that?’ How would you help her in formulating fun, devious, teachable things to do that will help instill both her dominance and my submission.? Love to hear your ideas.



  1. Mr. IH,

    Your post raises a subject I have dichotomized quite a bit in the past. The question is whether or not a BDSM scene is of value or a detriment. Some F/m relationships are almost entirely scene based with the D/s ending at the end of the scene. Others are a mix and still others are only ever 24/7 real life D/s of varying degrees w/o ever conceding a scene.

    In my work, I find a team meeting to be counter productive. The reason being the team members tend to hold their thoughts and opinions until the next meeting. We can replace team members here with the couple and the meeting with the next BDSM scene. I personally find the absence of team meetings helps foster a healthy team communication atmosphere since the team members openly share ideas and questions at the time they arise instead of waiting for the next team meeting. This is just my opinion though.

    I guess your concept could be considered instead of a team meeting, a periodic team building exercise. I just think it may also lead to some bottling up until the next scheduled event too with the interim leading to a much more bottled up then would otherwise be.



  2. Wish I had some advice for you, but I do not. Communicate I suppose. My wife is a willing but reluctant mistress to my fetish desires. I think I spend more time topping from the bottom to get what I want.

  3. SH and Tim,
    Wanting to be dominated needed be centered around sex. It could be lots of things - anything from being more direct to sex play to checking chores, etc.

    Tim, your comment about your wife's attitude regarding being a Domme is not uncommon. I think it is more the norm than the exception.

    Guys, thanks for commenting

  4. Don't think "scene" think "session" - same people different rules.

    1. Could you elaborate on that? I always thought that what we call a "Session" in German was called a "scene" in English. Obviously there is both. So, what's the difference between the two?

  5. I'm-Hers,
    You ask:
    "How would you help her in formulating fun, devious, teachable things to do that will help instill both her dominance and my submission.?"
    I wonder:
    Do you have any ideas yourself that you don't want to publish here because Katie could read them and you don't want to be topping from the bottom? - If so, I would appreciate if you sent them to me per e-mail (you can find my adress in my profile).

    Another thing I wonder about is whether Katie is interested in any direct exchange on the D/s topic with other people. She doesn't have a blog of her own, does she? And while I think I remember reading some comments by her on your blog, that must have been about a year ago.

  6. For us D/s is a way of life. It is not a game to be played on certain days of the week. Kathy may not be telling me what to do 24 hours a day, but she is always the authority person in my life. When a question is asked of us as a couple, i look in Kathy's direction for the answer. Like you i am owned.
    i wear a locked collar that serves as a reminder that i am property of another. In a strange way this idea of being owned gives me a sense of self worth that was not present in my former life. As a couple we are past the age where sexual activity is a driving force in our daily life. What makes me happy is that Kathy enjoys being my Mistress. She likes the idea that much of my life is devoted to pleasing her. She beleives in femdom as a viable, healty way of life for many coples. It is not really about games, or constant sessions. It is about the simple idea that the wife is 'head of house, and her husband's mistress'. In different families this idea can be palyed out in various way. What is important to Mistress and i is the strength of the relationship. As one man to another I can look you in the eye and tell you that i am proud of being Kathy's slave. It is what gives value to my life.

  7. John, I assume you are writing on behalf of Kathy. I couldn't agree with your post more. In fact when I wrote this post I really was not thinking about being dominated in the bedroom but in general. I too want to live a life as you do where 'she' is in charge. I guess I was looking for other ways that a woman exerts her power or authority rather than doing scene play or other types of play. I didn't specify that and probably should. For example, the other day your wife commented that she makes you periodically recite the rules of the home. To me, that is a way that she reminds you that she's in charge and you aren't. As an aside, I'd love to know what they are.

    Thanks for writing as I think you said quite clearly what life really should be like from a male subs perspective.

  8. Tamara,
    Thanks again for commenting. You know when I wrote the post I was really just looking for ideas from others as to how they might either dominate (female) or want to be dominated (male). As I responded to John, my intent was not so much to suggest scene play - something Katie isn't interested in but just general ideas that one might use throughout the day.

    I wasn't hoping that others would suggest items I have in mind as I really do discuss all with Katie. She's sitting beside me now as I write you. I commented that you asked if she wrote or wanted to interact with others and it just isn't her cup of tea. Nothing personal but it's something she shies away from. Thanks again for taking the time to write.

  9. Thanks for you answer. I wasn't thinking of scenes, either (my question to Giles English was completely unrelated to my comment to you).
    So, you don't feel the need to keep the ideas you have to yourself. Then I can ask in public: Do you have any ideas? Can you describe them? Or are you at a complete loss as to what those things might be?

    As for the misunderstanding some of the others had: I think it was caused by the fact that you were talking about "a few hours once a month or once every other month". That makes people think in terms of sessions and not of little things to do during the day. [Actually I was ignoring this part and was rather thinking of little reminders here and there.] So, you were talking about general things to use throughout the day, but not many little ones here and there, but rather one really big, time-consuming thing? - Sorry, but I have no idea what that might be, either.

  10. Tamara,
    Kathy of Femdom 101 made a comment not so long ago that she makes her husband 'recite the rules of the house' every so often. She has indicated that the slightest move of her finger or nod of her head (can't remember which) that he will kneel or bow before her. Those are strong submissive reminders that come to mind. They may not be for everyone but they do convey a power discrepancy. Rika in her book talks about dealing with issues that the woman finds less then ideal. Her solution is a sit-down direct talk to her sub spelling out what she expects, what he's been doing, and what needs to change. Things spoken such as we are leaving now (where the sub needs to stop immediately what he is doing), planning a social and telling the sub that she expects him to do specific things that reveal the power loss on his part - such as serving, cleaning up, keeping drinks or snacks handy and full, etc could all be ways.

    I am writing spontaneously. These weren't well thought out items I'd like Katie to do per se but they are things that come to mind that illustrate the intent to what I am referring to. I'm sure there are many more.

  11. Kathy believes that a femdom marriage is about give and take. She gives orders and i take them. LOL There are rules of the house. Kathy, like Miss Rika tells me what she expects. She is very clear, very direct about the rules i am to follow. Each rule has a number. From time to time she will have me write them out on paper. Kathy beleives in relationship building exercises. In a way these are like sessions, but they serve a purpose.
    She will throw a ball, and have me fetch it in my mouth. The idea is that i become accustomed to taking orders. If i hurry, return the ball quickly as Kathy likes, i am given a smile with a 'good boy'. If i am too slow in returning the ball, i get a frown. It may seem very strange to most people, but i love fetching the ball. If in the next life if i come back as a dog, i hope it is as a retiever. It is very difficult to describe the thrill of fetching on command. In a instant, when mistress gives the order, i try as hard as i can to please by returning the ball as quickly as possible. This type of exercise translates into every day life. john