Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Submissive Change: Obedience - it supersedes all

During the past few posts I've been writing about changes that have occurred in my life since I acknowledged to Katie that I had submissive needs and asked her to become the dominant partner in our relationship.  I wrote about changes that both she wanted of me and of ways I could practically show my submission to her.  I debated incorporating all into a single post on obedience but decided to break down the various changes I underwent into more specific categories.  However, all can be summed up by the word obedience.
Since I've submitted to Katie I've come to realize that the life of a submissive is about obedience.  Yes there is, or can be, kink and fun, and discipline, and all of the other stereotypical aspects to D/s but even they revolve around the concept of obedience.  When a woman decides to paddle, discipline, demand, expect, or otherwise lead, it can only occur if her submissive partner complies with her wishes.  Complying means to obey. The sub willingly lets the woman tell him what to do or lets her use him in whatever way she deems appropriate at the time.  It can only work if he obeys her wishes. 
I've learned how to better obey Katie.  I am not perfect by any means.  I still can be lazy. I can still be selfish. I still want to do what I want at times. I still have that 'old life tendency' of wanting to be a couch potato and be served rather than serve, but so much of me has changed.  I look at life different.  I expect different. I want different.  It's that last sentence that is so profound.  I actually want to be told what to do. How odd is that?  I have kidded with Katie in the past about her asking rather than telling me what she wants by responding to her question sarcastically with, "Is that a question?"  Meaning, are you asking or telling me you want this or that? In reality, I want to be told so that I can obey.
Obedience is the hallmark characteristic of D/s relationships that work.  Read any blog written by a dominant woman. It oozes with the expectation that their sub will obey. The bigger question and one that I feel a need to address at some point is ‘why do grown men want to be told what to do’?  Just today on a morning TV show Wendy Williams had actress Jennifer Love Hewitt on.  Jennifer commented that she felt like she was becoming more of a bitch with guys because 'guys seem to like being told what to do'.  I found the comment fascinating.  Men, the leaders of society now want to be led.  Why is that? 
I love learning to obey. I don't always love the work expected of me but even in that aspect I am learning to enjoy it more BECAUSE I am obeying the woman that loves me like no other.  I find the paradox so fascinating - being the stronger of the two sexes and yet wanting 'weakness', wanting discipline, wanting to be told and ordered and used.  Do you find this same trait in the one you dominate or if you are a submissive, do you see this in you?  I'd love to hear your 'why' thoughts as to why you believe this is becoming such a prevalent quality in men today.
I'm Hers


  1. I noticed you said you're a Christian. How do you reconcile a FLR with your Christian beliefs when the Bible states the wife should be submissive. Just curious because my wife and I dabble in FLR from time to time, but we are Christians so we have mixed feelings about it.

    1. Great question. The answer to your question it two-fold. First, if you've read this blog you've learned I went through a divorce. During that separation and subsequent time alone I did a lot of self evaluation. One of the things I understood about myself was my tendency to control. It's the primary trait that led me to desire a FLR. However the one question I wrestled with more than anything else is the question you posed. I wrote a post on this after giving it much thought. I ask that before you read it, you put aside your Christian upbringing and read it with an open mind. You may not agree and that is fine. I grew up in a conservative home and attended a conservative church for many many years. I still have quite conservative beliefs. I don't know about you but I grew up believing God made all that's around us in six 24-hour days. I later learned there were others that believed in other thoughts about creation. I say that only to highlight that just because one church teaches X, doesn't mean that X is an absolute. OK, enough of a preface. I'll let you read - and if you care to chat further via email, feel free to do so. It's posted in the upper right of the blog page. Again, thanks for the question.