Thursday, June 28, 2012

Desexualizing Sex

I came across an article that I found interesting - fascinating actually. I found it on the Dreamloverlab website which is a site dedicated to male transformation so that they eventually become completely compliant and submissive to the dominant woman they serve. This article focuses on an aspect of that transformation discussing the desexualization of intercourse to one in which the male no longer desires to get a woman to bed for his pleasure but rather desires to give his body as a source of pleasure for her enjoyment and not his. Take a moment to read the article. I'll make a comment or two as to how I have been changed in the past two years.

Desexualization of intercourse - Male chastity as a doorway to female sexual liberation

More and more women are discovering the benefits of male chastity. Increased work output, willingness to perform basic domestic duties, compliance and attentiveness can often be observed after a non-ejaculatory period of as little as 48 hours. Additionally, facilitation of any subsequent training effort makes acceptance of chastity a mandatory first step in male training.

Research shows that at least 7-12 days of chastity are necessary before the male's sperm sacs become full, testosterone level spikes and courtship kicks into high gear (the male enters the Maximum Courtship Investment period). The necessity to extend this favorable state of arousal for the longest possible time inevitably leads to a need for the woman to seek sexual satisfaction in other ways or outside of the relationship.
As soon as the male advances into the phase of "willful participation" (either through observing a much improved relationship with his partner, or through the sexualization of his deference typical of this training philosophy) the couple usually experiences a "period of adjustment". Their relationship evolves, aided by the chemical cocktail produced in the male by his own state of arousal. The male is persuaded to let go of his culturally learned possessiveness, in the interest of the relationship and of continuing his training, with the final goal of obtaining his woman's approval and praise.
Many young women are enthusiastic about this state of affairs and see their complete sexual liberation as an ulterior benefit of male chastity. They are able to have the perfect husband obediently waiting at home.
At times, however, some women are tempted to unduly and prematurely interrupt their male's chastity regimen in order to have a sexual intercourse with their partner (and allowing him to ejaculate). By so doing, they fail to reap the benefits of this Maximal Courtship Investment phase fully.

Desexualization

Training your male through chastity does not mean having to give up intercourse with him altogether. Desexualization is a technique whereby one engages in sexual intercourse with a male in order to obtain satisfaction, while at the same time denying the male the possibility to achieve an orgasm. This is useful when you needto have intercourse with your partner but do not want to sabotage his chastity, or for purely psychological reasons that are part of his training.

Psychological effects

When the male is made to experience intercourse without arousal,

  • The male learns that he is the object of sex, not the subject (the ensuing loss of agency is typical of Identity Reframing training)
  • This leads to a spontaneous shift in his self image from aggressively sexual (predatory) to passively sexual (submissive) - his sexuality is reframed in terms of giving pleasure rather than obtaining it
  • The self image change is incompatible with sexual possessiveness as he can no longer claim any "ownership" of the female body
  • If the male learns to completely dissociate intercourse from sexual arousal, sexual arousal may be more effectively reframed in terms of worshipping you and seeking your praise through diligent service
These factors contribute to greatly enhancing the male's obedience and allowing him to let go of any possessiveness and accepting your sexual freedom at a deep level.

My thoughts:

Again, the purpose of this article specifically and the Dreamloverlab website in general is male transformation. This article discusses an aspect of male transformation in which the denied male (in chastity) is mentally reprogrammed so that he views himself not as one who views (and desires) women as a source of sexual pleasure but instead views himself as one that a woman can use for her own personal enjoyment. The author refers to altering a males 'cultural possessiveness' meaning, to change his psyche from that of the alpha to that of the beta male who desires to submit to 'her'.
When Katie assumed the alpha role, she wanted to be served. Yet her background was that of a submissive, conservative, gentle and quiet woman who lived in an unfulfilled marriage for many years. She is not by nature a dominant woman and to this day she does not convey that attitude. All she wants is my love and obedience. Over the months since she became my Domme she has accepted her role as the dominant one but has done so without losing a touch of that loving and caring woman that attracted me initially.

What hit me like a bullet was the author’s description of changes that result psychologically when a woman intentionally desires male transformation from that of an aggressive alpha male to one that is a passive submissive male.

Katie never led with an intention to change me! Let she has.

  • No longer is she the object of sex, I am. I never initiate sex. She does. I play. I touch. I tempt. But I never force myself on her. That decision is hers. Her body lures me. It fills my mind with lust but that lust is now controlled and it is a lust of admiration and appreciation – not one that I act on to use her to satisfy myself. I haven’t thought that way in months and months. That’s not who I am anymore.
  • No longer do I view her as a source of pleasure for me but rather one whose body is there for her pleasure (and in doing so I receive pleasure beyond compare). That's why I keep doing Kagel exercises wile I am away for this three-week period. I want to last as long as I can for her when I return. I want her to enjoy me.
  • I never view Katie as mine. I sometimes tell her that 'you are my girl' yet in my mind I am thinking 'you are my girl to please'. I view her as the person in my life that I am there to care for and please as much and as often as I can.
  • I view her now as one that owns me and implicit it that 'new' feeling of ownership is a changing view of my perception of her as a person. She has always been a woman I view as beautiful. I have always admired her but I have been feeling more than that recently. I wonder (I'm not sure yet) if my view of her is more of worship. I feel owned. To be owned means to not be equal. Submission is about inequality, but to be owned? That implies a significant disparity in one's equality with another. Does that imply worship? I don't know but I wonder.
My point is this: Chastity has changed me. Katie never intended to change me. She only wanted my obedience and service. She only wanted my cock hard and responsive when she wanted to enjoy me. But what happened was so much more than what she wanted. She changed me inwardly. These changes caused me, in part, to see that we are indeed not equal. These changes helped me view my body as one to be enjoyed. Being locked has caused me view her body as one that I am to please rather than used. Long term denial has resulted in me viewing her as being high on a pedestal.

Yet she never intentionally desired to change me in so many ways. All she wanted was for me to not touch my cock, and to keep it safe for her to enjoy rather than allow me to self pleasure. I find the changes powerful and significant. I'd love to know if those of you that have locked another, or are locked respond. Do you see the same changes?

I'm Hers!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Eighteen Days of Nothing Ain't a Good Feeling

I’ve been gone for almost three weeks. Katie has had me locked the entire time in a Jailbird cage.  This morning I texted her and asked if I could have a day of freedom so I could let an abrasion down there heal. I promised to be good and not touch. What’s been so interesting to me is that I don’t have a desire to touch, rub or stimulate myself.  That desire is so different from how I felt for the first several days after I left home.  During that initial time away I must have written five posts and scheduled them to go up on the blog every few days.  I was so horny. I was hard all the time.  I couldn't get her off my mind. All I could think about was sex and pleasing her sexually. I wanted her; wanted sex; wanted her to touch and use me. 

Now, those feelings are gone.  Today as I reflected on the change I couldn’t help but think of a post by Subservient Husband from a week or two ago.  He posted this graph that addresses the very feelings I am experiencing.  How weird!  I don’t like feeling like this.  I don't want to feel this way. I love the feeling of being aroused all the time. I love the heightened sexual tension I feel after Katie teases me. I love her telling me she wants me inside her while all the while knowing I won't be orgasming with her. I love that feeling and I hate this feeling.  Right now I feel bla sexually. I feel no desire to be the usual aggressive me that wants her.  I do want to be with her. I do want to serve her. I do want to take care of her. I do want to see that smile and feel that hug and kiss those soft lips. But I wish I was feeling all of that along with the usual hightened sex drive.  I’m feeling like a eunuch and I don’t like it.  I’m biding my time. I’m being good. I’m resisting the temptation to do the very thing that will reverse this (because I promised to not masturbate).

For those of you that have been ‘here’, is this how you feel? Do you enjoy this sense of not having those male desires but rather feel like the compliant submissive husband whose role is to serve only?  I can see how this feeling could make one think of asking the Domme to take on another. I don’t like thinking that thought. In fact I am refusing to think those thoughts because I don’t want ‘others’ to be a part of what we have. I can’t wait to get home. I know that Katie is reved and ready to go. I know she wants my body. I know she wants her hands all over me. I know she wants me inside her. I know she wants to be intimate once more. We’ve been a part far too long.

Comments? Thoughts? Reactions?

I’m Hers

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Changes in Katie

Mr SH in a recent post spoke of the neurochemistry of denial. In his post he referenced a site I had never visited: Dreamloverlabs.com. It is a femdom site that is filled with information on ‘training’ a male to serve and turning him into the perfect service sub thus freeing the woman to enjoy life as well as other men (something I don’t advocate). Much of what is written there is not my cup of tea but I did find a few resources to be quite interesting. For example there is a webpage entitled “the perfect husband” and in it is a short listing of a woman’s view of how a perfect husband should be. I pasted the page here, modifying it a bit to reflect exactly how I read it to Katie. I asked her if this is how she felt I should respond as well. What surprised me were her answers. She agreed with each and every statement, only making two comments which I noted parenthetically below.
  • Make every evening hers. (Correct)
  • Never complain if she comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. (If I am out alone and you wished you could come, then I want you to tell me but if I am out, don’t complain about when I will return.)
  • Your goal: try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your wife can renew herself in body and spirit. (Correct)
  • Don't greet her with complaints and problems. (Correct)
  • Don't complain if she's late home for dinner or even if she stays out all night. (Correct)
  • Make her comfortable. Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or have her lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her. (Correct)
  • Arrange her pillows and offer to take off her shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. (Correct)
  • Don't ask her questions about her actions or question her judgment. (I expect you to voice your opinion, especially if you think I am going to make a poor decision. In the end I will make the decision but I don’t mind hearing your opinion if you have a concern.)
  • Never question her integrity. (Correct)
  • Remember, she is the master of the house and as such will always exercise her will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question her. (Correct)
What struck me after she shared her views with me on the above statements was just how far she as moved in her comfort level of both expecting me to submit to her as well as her comfort level with respect to enjoying her status as the alpha female. Personally, I find her views to be quite enticing, sexy and downright hot. As I’ve said before, there is nothing more appealing for me than to serve a beautiful and confident woman. Her change is not only helping her to enjoy me more but to help me become even more comfortable in submitting to her in ways I didn’t think I could initially.
I’m Hers

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Chastity and Denial: What every woman should know

When I first talked to Katie about putting me in chastity I really had no idea what I was getting in to.  I had read lots of blogs and did some research and it all sounded quite kinky and fun.  Once she did lock me I had a whole different attitude.  It changed how I lived to some degree. I sat when using the toilet. I made sure that I didn’t touch another with my midsection. I found that it irritated me if left on, especially when seated.

However as she insisted that I remain chaste for longer periods, as the novelty of being locked dissipated, and as I accepted my life as her submissive, my views on chastity have changed.  It’s still a bit kinky. I mean how many men actually have a chunk of plastic or steel beneath their trousers with a lock of some type keeping them from touching their cock?  I’m certain there aren’t many.  How many men are subsequently used to please their dominant partner and either remain locked or has their cock used to provide her with enjoyment without ever being permitted orgasm?  Again, I don’t think many. So there is a bit of kink and adventure that chastity brings to a relationship. It’s a lifestyle change for sure, but it also can be fun and quite controlling for her as well.

There is so much more that happens psychologically as well as physiologically.  Chastity changes a man. It changed me and the longer I am locked the more pronounced the change is becoming.  For these reasons I think every woman should be aware of the power of denial. Denial without chastity is possible but denial with chastity certainly accentuates the power differential between her and the man she controls as it adds a visual example as well as absolute denial on a body part that men hold in high regard – their penis. 

I think I can state, in a broad sense, that men love women. They love their attention; they love getting a woman to be theirs; they love having sex with a woman and getting them to yield their body completely when making love.  Men love showing off their woman. There is a reason the term ‘trophy wife’ exists.  Elderly men love having a young beautiful woman that is theirs to tout and parade in front of other jealous men. 

Unfortunately, too many men have wandering eyes and cheat.  Once they have been married many men desire more adventure and cultivate relationships with other women often leaving the one they are with and a trail of pain and ruined lives in their wake.  In a way I think I can say that the majority of men are self-seeking, pleasure-seeking, selfish, and at least a tad arrogant – whether they want to admit it or not.

Enter chastity and denial as a part of a D/s relationship…….

When Katie and I fell in love I promised her my all. I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I told her that I wanted her like no other. I loved everything about her. She was beautiful outwardly and just as beautiful inwardly. She loved me and made me feel complete. I loved being with her and was proud to walk with her in public knowing that she was ‘mine’. 

Fortunately for me we discovered D/s as a lifestyle and we chose to embrace this.  A few short months later she opted to incorporate chastity into our relationship. She had reservations about long-term denial wondering if it was unhealthy. I researched the topic on Google scholar and found nothing that substantiated that worry.  She was concerned about me being discovered but that fear also waned with time.  She curbed my desire to secretly masturbate by keeping me locked whenever we were apart – especially when apart for an overnight period.  She later learned that denial, affected a man hormonally.  She learned that when a man ejaculates his sex drive suddenly diminishes and it takes several days for it to ramp back up. 

Katie loves touch and loves to be adored so denying me proved to be an effective way of keeping me close to her emotionally and physically since my desire to be near her increased the longer I was denied.  I became mildly horny all the time, and she loved it (and still does!).  Life for her was getting better and better. Old habits of self pleasure were disappearing. Cultivating a man that wanted her continually was increasing.  Having a cock that was super responsive to her touch or even the thought of her touch was now the norm.  She enjoyed each and every change that resulted. 

Later she learned that by adding tease to our relationship she could add even more sexual frustration and sexual tension to my life. Spending time stroking and fondling my cock felt wonderful but she never continued to touch to the point of release.  She simply stopped after a period and continued on with her day.  I was left charged and wanting more, wanting her. Mission accomplished!  Her style of tease is a highlight of my day. I wish she’d do it more and do it longer but I’ll take what I can get.

Beyond the increased sexual drive created when unable to there are many more benefits to living a chaste life of submission.  First and foremost it teaches a man that he is not in charge, that he is not the head of his home, that he doesn’t wear the pants in the relationship and that the role of his wife or partner is not about pleasing him. So much of a man’s life as well as his perspective on life completely changes then the click of the lock is heard.  Everything in his world is reversed. He learns about giving rather than getting. He soon realizes that his world revolves around her rather than she revolving around him. He has to deal with her wearing the pants, her making decisions, especially when it comes to bedroom expectations and conduct. He sees that this whole D/s stuff is really serious and that he WILL conform to her wishes.  Chastity teaches a man all about selflessness. Chastity teaches a man that he is indeed the submissive one, the subservient one, the lesser of the two, or whatever other terms you wish to use that deals with a power exchange in the relationship.

Chastity develops discipline and fidelity in ways I could have never understood while a free man.  A man’s mind revolves around sex. It is visually driven by the sight of beautiful women, the female body, the smell of her perfume and the sound of her voice. Chastity forces a man to realize that the blonde over there, or the tall brunette that just walked by or that babe over there are no longer options to flirt with in the hope of attracting their admiration. Being locked means you are owned. Your cock is no longer yours. It’s hers. And because it’s hers no other will ever have access to it.

Adding to the understanding that your body is hers and any interaction with another enticing woman will never amount to anything sexual because your organ isn’t accessible, is the fact that your mind can’t help but to be more genitally focused.  Every time an erection occurs you feel the control she has on you. When you sit, you feel the pull of the cage as your cock lifts away from the chair on which you are sitting. A man in chastity feels the squeeze of the cage throughout the day. His mind is continually drawn to the fact that a woman has control over him. He realizes that although his primary source of pleasure is his genitalia a woman can be quite satisfied without ever unlocking his prized possession. She can simply have him please her orally. Yes, she may desire penetration, but even then she can enjoy him while still mandating that he not release. Further, she can enjoy him for days at a time orally and never unlock him just to make clear that she is the greater and he the lesser. And the longer he is denied, the greater his desire to please her grows. She may want his affection but she may not be in the mood for sex for a week or month. Regardless of his wants he is forced to wait and wait he will.  Waiting produces frustration but if incorporated as part of a loving relationship it ultimately produces a patient and disciplined man.  

In that light, the loss of self control helps him to become more submissive.  For me that feeling has moved from feeling submissive to realizing I am owned.  It has taught me to be dependent on her; to rely on her and to serve her knowing that this is the life I have chosen and one that she intends to keep.

The sexual frustration of denial increases my desire for her. I can’t help to touch her affectionately. I can’t help but admire her beauty. I can’t help but envision her naked and close to me.  Kissing her, holding her, touching her, and cuddling become more frequent and pleasurable.  The desire for ejaculation no longer becomes a goal because the option just isn’t there. The focus becomes on enjoying what is possible. I call it softer sex and it’s exactly what most woman miss most from men – cuddling, holding, kissing, loving, caressing. The fact that I am denied as helped me see how much this kind of intimacy bonds us and makes sexual intimacy even more enjoyable and close when it happens.

In summary, chastity teaches selflessness and discipline. It increases sexual tension, it promotes the desire for a man to express appropriate affection; it develops submissive tendencies. It increases his dependency on her. It curbs any desire to masturbate; it significantly deters a husband from being flirtatious or looking to greener pastures. It makes him more genitally focused yet unable to resolve his heightened desire to release. It increases her control over both him and their relationship. It helps him see that his life is now about service rather than serving.  What woman wouldn’t want this life? I can’t imagine there are very many. I can’t imagine a woman not wanting to bond with a man whose energies are ‘her’ focused. I can’t imagine a woman not enjoying romantic intimacy without feeling the pressure to go all the way, all the time. I can’t imagine a woman not enjoying increasing freedom and independence while at the same time having a husband that now depends on her. I can’t imagine a woman not becoming more self-confident and having a husband that admires and adores having a woman control him who is strong, self-confident and self-assured.  So to those women that happen upon this blog, take a chance and take control of your man. I think you will find that it is a win-win situation for both of you.

I’m Hers

Note: I don't know why, but this post is read more than any other post on this  blog. I would love for you to stop by again and comment often. It's the comments of others that add to the richness of any blog and also give me ideas to write further posts. Please consider.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Thoughts while apart

At the time of this posting it will have been about one week in complete (rather than intermittent) chastity and about 12 weeks since my last release.  I am finding my behavior interesting. I don’t think that the change I notice has anything to do with the 80+ days since I’ve last orgasmed. I’ve been down that road before and I think what I am feeling inside is different.  Now if I was at day 180 I might think differently but this is not new territory for me – yet. However, the prolonged 24/7 locking is. I mean, Katie wants me locked completely and not even unlock to shave. She wants her cock untouched for nearly a month. Last night she told me I am to unlock the morning I return and then only to shave so my cock is baby-skin smooth for her enjoyment.  This is what’s new. This is what’s different. This is what’s changing me.

What changes am I referring to? First, I can’t get my mind off of her. I think of her all the time, even when working with others during the day in pretty intense and busy social situations with the groups I am working. I find myself slipping away to text her all the time even when I am in areas with poor cell reception. Second, during the evenings I find myself touching what I can’t access. I find myself focusing more genitally. I find myself thinking about how ‘owned’ and ‘controlled’ I am as an adult man.  I spend more time thinking and coming to the realization that although submission is a physical act of surrender  it is even more of a psychological realization that I am controlled and even owned. Yes, she owns me and the evidence of that is easily seen. She tells me what she wants and I obey without question. I serve her and she never serves me.  She readily shows her love to me but she never serves. The difference is significant. Yes, I’m feeling ‘owned’ much more than I am feeling ‘submissive’ these last few months. I have come to the conclusion that she has altered me both mentally and emotionally.  I have become her property and although I live independently of her while away at work I feel so much more hers.  I feel her control. I want her control.  Every time I feel my cock harden inside its cage I think of her. Every time I role over at night and feel the pressure of the steel pressing against my body I realize I am an owned man. Every time I ask the rhetorical question to her on the phone “do you really want me to not unlock for almost a month?” I realize that the answer that I know she is going to give is the very answer that I want most to hear. Why? Because I want her to remind me of what is; that I’m hers and that I no longer live an independent life. My life is in her hands and under her guidance.

I find myself doing Kagel exercises all the time. I know that I will be extremely sensitive to her touch when I return home.  I know that she will want to enjoy me. I know she will want me inside her. I can’t wait for that day but I want that time of intimacy to last. I don’t want to have to tell her I need to stop or need to slip out of her in fear that I will cum.  I want my body to last so that she can enjoy me for a long time.

Wow. What a change in my thinking. Before it was all about me and how good she could make me feel.  Now it’s the polar opposite. It’s not about getting. It’s about giving. It’s about pleasing rather than being pleased. It’s about serving and not being served.  So much has changed deep within me.

I write this post with a hardened cock just thinking of what all I have gained. I have gained a life filled with purpose. I have gained a life that is more than just being about me. I have gained the privilege of making another woman’s life more enjoyable in so many ways. I have gained the ability to please another and to have my body be used for her pleasure. 

Prolonged chastity is making me feel so different these days. It continues to change and mold me into a man of her liking; to a man that exhibits those qualities that please and excite her most.  I can’t wait to get home and set free so she can enjoy my cock, and enjoy me as her lover. I am indeed hers. I find the word ‘owned’ becoming more of how I view myself, much more than the word ‘submissive’ which I previously felt. I think the word ‘owned’ is indeed more accurate as it more accurately depicts who I really am and what my purpose in life is – to please – to serve – to obey - her only. Yes I am a submissive man, but I am now more than that. I am an owned man and one that has become increasingly dependent on the one who dictates how I live in large measure.

I’m Hers.

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Realization That I am Owned

I could have titled this post “the realization that I am hers” but owned seemed a bit more catchy and it is indeed quite true.  I am owned, and I am Hers.  I’m writing this post, thinking back on the past two years. Yes, it’s now been about two years since Katie assumed control of me and of us.  What an adventure it has been! We had no idea what we were getting in to. I wanted that kinky domination like I had seen on the web while Katie simply wanted to be quietly in charge to enjoy my service while she assumed the head of our home.  During those early days it was me more than her that fumbled through what our roles were to be. I eventually stopped acting like some low-life not worthy to look into my girlfriends eyes to just being me - a guy that loved her but now was not equal in power and status with her. 


Katie, struggled through the unknown of being the head of a relationship and home for the first time in her life.  She was no longer living the vanilla life but to live as a dominant woman. She worked through the emotions and feelings associated with assuming power. She wasn’t sure what she could expect. She didn’t know what life as a dominant woman was supposed to be like.  She started slowly, almost apprehensively but in time became comfortable with her position and my submission.  Slowly she enjoyed separating us with respect to our respective hierarchies. It wasn’t long before she decided to purchase a CB6000 and keep me locked periodically.  But this was new. She didn’t know if denial was healthy for me or not and she didn’t know if time spent in the tube was hygienic long term. She played with denial, at first because I suggested it but later because she realized it increased my responsiveness when she wanted to enjoy my cock. She also learned that denial increased my affectionate side which she loves to see – meaning she loves it when I act as if I want her all the time. She accepted my list of chores that I agreed to do for her but it was hard for her to let go of old habits and let me do what she had always done for most of her adult life. She struggled with letting me deal with the majority of the menial stuff that made up our lives.

Over time we evolved almost without realizing it. She became comfortable telling me what she wanted. She completely left anything that had to do with meal prep in my hands. She told me when it was time to go to bed and when she wanted a massage and when she wanted sex and in what position she wanted me in when we did make love. She told me that I was to go down on her after I orgasmed and ingest any ejaculate I spilled. She increased my time in denial. I went over a hundred days during my last stint and now am at 79 with no end in sight. I texted her today, having just left on a three week business trip, asking her if she has an end-date in mind for me.  Her answer was a terse ‘no’. 

Our life has moved from one in which we didn’t understand what domination and submission meant to one in which we are now completely comfortable with where we are and who we are as individuals. Katie loves her leadership role and I love pleasing her.  It’s easy to see how she has benefited from my service but I had no idea of the fulfillment that I’d receive by serving and attending to her.  I had no idea how much personal reward I’d feel deep within knowing that I am her sub; that I am  not in charge; that I am there at her beckon; that I am there for her pleasure affectionately and passionately.  It’s a paradox that I never thought possible, nor could exist in a relationship.  But the fact remains that it does. And the more I embrace and enjoy who I am and what all I can do to please her, the more fulfilled I become as a man. Living a life as her submissive is so incredibly sexy and powerful in developing intimacy.  And I am not alone. Read the thoughts and expressions of other service-loving subs. Their blogs echo those same feelings.

Scripture says ‘it is better to give than to receive’.  How true those words are. It’s easy to see how that applies to a sub but it also applies to Katie as the dominant one. She provides us with leadership and stability. She seeks my opinion but decides alone. She gives direction. She gives to me by permitting me to serve her in a myriad of ways.  She controls our finances and makes decisions with our retirement money and how it is invested. She decides what upkeep we will do on our home and if I am to do it or if others will be hired to do it professionally. It’s taken me some time to realize just how much Katie gives by leading.  It is a beautiful thing to see and an even more beautiful thing to be under the leadership of a woman whose confidence continues to grow. I don’t think she would be as confident and secure if I hadn’t offered to submit to her authority. By submitting it's given her an avenue to grow and mature as a woman.

I don’t know where our relationship is headed. I’m sure we will live out our days this way relationally.  I can’t ever see us changing. I fully expect her to keep me in chastity as a way to maintain control over my sexual urges. I am certain that I will continue to serve her in all that I am doing now. What I don’t know is how much we will change in the future. Our life is still far from settled as my work demands as well as trying to get caught up on so many things in her home that have been let go for far too long occupies most of our time. But once life settles down I wonder about further changes relationally.  Is this as far as we will move the power exchange in her favor? Will she want to assume even more control over me? Will she ask me to do more? Will she extend my periods of denial indefinitely over time? Will she take the time to tease and frustrate me sexually? Will she limit my financial means as a means to increase my dependency on her? Will she allow me to continue blogging? Will she ever have us share our lifestyle with others for the purpose of helping them develop clarity and intimacy in a FLR? There are so many unknowns.

What I do know is this: I love her and she loves me.  We have an open relationship in which we have no secrets. She knows all of my passwords. She can check on anything I’ve charged on plastic since all credit cards I own are hers. I am just an ‘additional’ card owner. Openness and trust have been one of the hallmarks of our D/s relationship.  Vulnerability to her has increased my dependency on her. I am incomplete without her. Yes I am owned. Yes I am hers and together we love one another more now than we did two years ago when we lived as equals.  I don’t ever want to be her equal. I only want to be known as 'Hers'.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Three weeks without so much as a touch of her hand

I’m off on a three week business trip in which I will be traveling extensively. Katie has me locked of course – an expectation she has whenever we are apart.  Actually I’m really not locked but secured with a Philips head screw, so locked is really a figurative word. In reality I am encased in a steel chastity cage that I keep securely shut but I am on an honor system to not free myself. In some ways this method of ‘self-chastity is more difficult than being locked since there is always the temptation to get out.

Staying locked has not been a problem for me.  Katie broke my desire to masturbate quite some time ago after she kept me locked in a CB6000 for several months.  Even then she would allow me time to masturbate for a few minutes just to keep my sexual energy high as long as I didn’t get close to orgasm but now that is not an option. Her new policy, for months now, has been lock and stay locked without exception.

So for the next 21 days I’m relegated to the cage.  To be honest, it’s going to be difficult. One thing I look forward to each evening at bedtime is taking the chastity cage off and climbing in bed next to a woman that desires to cuddle up tight against me and enjoy my body. It never takes much time before her hand wanders down and grasps hold of my manhood and she begins to massage it making it hard in just a few seconds time.  Often she will want to enjoy the feeling of what she is holding deep inside her but even if not, she always will play with me until I am shaking or highly reactive to her touch. She never gets me close but always gets me aroused.

I’m going to miss her touch lots. It’s going to be difficult to resist the temptation to free myself. I hope I succeed in staying true to my word. If I don’t I’ll confess my wrong but I hope I stay strong and never ‘go’ there.  It will be 98 days since I last orgasmed when I see her next. I can’t imagine how bad I’ll want to be intimate with her when I return but I’ll let her lead the way. Oh, I’m sure she will realize what I want – her body – but ultimately it’s her decision as to when she will take and enjoy me while denying me yet again.

I’m loving this life of submission and denial!

I’m Hers!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Double Meanings

I was with a group of guys the other day, one of which was a high school English teacher and a published writer.  I asked about what he had written and he told me that his book was on Birding and why people take up this hobby.  In his book he apparently gives information on various birds of interest to him.  One of the other guys listening in on our conversation that knew him well commented, “you may have talked about all the birds I know but I bet you haven’t mentioned anything about the ‘jailbird’”.  I smiled inside as his comment had an entirely different meaning to me as a man often locked n a Jailbird.  I happened to be with Katie on this outing so she had me unlocked but my thoughts with respect to that illusive ‘jailbird’ were very different than theirs.  In fact I am almost certain that they have never seen the Jailbird that I’m familiar with! Too bad for them. They are missing out on a great part of life that few men ever experience. 

Happy birding to all!


I’m Hers 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Competitive sayings

Some time ago I ventured into the bowels of a stadium and happened upon a hallway filled with 'motivational' plaques lining the wall as far as the eye could see.  I stopped, took out my cell phone and began to take pictures of several signs and later copied the writings. I have listed some of them below.

The signs' purpose was to motivate that schools' athletes to do better, push harder, to not be satisfied with mediocrity,  to give more, etc.  The signs were posted to note how one wins which only comes from persistence, hard work and execution.

I thought of these signs as I walked the halls locked in chastity. I took the time to remember them, not because I wanted to motivate some athletic team but because they reminded me of what it takes to be a sub - hard work, persistence, diligence and seeking perfection just as much as it speaks to Dommes that must exhibit those same qualities while supervising the sub they love.  It takes much of the same qualities to be a Domme and submissive as it takes to excel in sport.

I hope that one of two of these sayings may resonate with you as a sub - or as the owner of a sub.  There is much that applies to competition that also applies to the D/s lifestyle.  Enjoy the day.
I'm Hers

Sayings that speak to subs
  • Excuses are the monuments of nothingness.
  • No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up
  • Chase perfection, catch excellence.
  • Take ownership
  • The only good excuse is that you have none
  • The winner is the person who gets the most out of themselves
  • Pain is inevitable suffering is optional.
  • No one understands you have given everything. You must give more.
  • The price of success is hard work, dedication and determination
  • No one understands you have given everything. You must give more. 
Sayings that speak to Dommes and/or subs
  • Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
  • The greater the obstacle the greater the glory in overcoming it
  • When your work speaks for itself, don’t interrupt
  • Nobody who ever gave his best ever regretted it
  • When you feel like giving up remember why you held on in the first place
  • The one who can drive themselves further once the effort gets painful is the one who will win
  • Practice does not make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.
  • Stand up to the obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they don’t have half the strength you think they do.
  • Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true
  • Pursue your dreams.