Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Eighteen Days of Nothing Ain't a Good Feeling

I’ve been gone for almost three weeks. Katie has had me locked the entire time in a Jailbird cage.  This morning I texted her and asked if I could have a day of freedom so I could let an abrasion down there heal. I promised to be good and not touch. What’s been so interesting to me is that I don’t have a desire to touch, rub or stimulate myself.  That desire is so different from how I felt for the first several days after I left home.  During that initial time away I must have written five posts and scheduled them to go up on the blog every few days.  I was so horny. I was hard all the time.  I couldn't get her off my mind. All I could think about was sex and pleasing her sexually. I wanted her; wanted sex; wanted her to touch and use me. 

Now, those feelings are gone.  Today as I reflected on the change I couldn’t help but think of a post by Subservient Husband from a week or two ago.  He posted this graph that addresses the very feelings I am experiencing.  How weird!  I don’t like feeling like this.  I don't want to feel this way. I love the feeling of being aroused all the time. I love the heightened sexual tension I feel after Katie teases me. I love her telling me she wants me inside her while all the while knowing I won't be orgasming with her. I love that feeling and I hate this feeling.  Right now I feel bla sexually. I feel no desire to be the usual aggressive me that wants her.  I do want to be with her. I do want to serve her. I do want to take care of her. I do want to see that smile and feel that hug and kiss those soft lips. But I wish I was feeling all of that along with the usual hightened sex drive.  I’m feeling like a eunuch and I don’t like it.  I’m biding my time. I’m being good. I’m resisting the temptation to do the very thing that will reverse this (because I promised to not masturbate).

For those of you that have been ‘here’, is this how you feel? Do you enjoy this sense of not having those male desires but rather feel like the compliant submissive husband whose role is to serve only?  I can see how this feeling could make one think of asking the Domme to take on another. I don’t like thinking that thought. In fact I am refusing to think those thoughts because I don’t want ‘others’ to be a part of what we have. I can’t wait to get home. I know that Katie is reved and ready to go. I know she wants my body. I know she wants her hands all over me. I know she wants me inside her. I know she wants to be intimate once more. We’ve been a part far too long.

Comments? Thoughts? Reactions?

I’m Hers

3 comments:

  1. I regularly go a month between orgasms now. I also experience the post-orgasm hornies - about three days worth of spontaneous erections and sex-preoccupied thoughts. After that, the hunger moves a bit deeper, so that I am not constantly thinking about it. But it can be brought out at a moment's notice. I'm willing to bet that if you read at day fifteen what you wrote at day two that you would be rock hard and aching.

    I'm not sure about this part: "Do you enjoy this sense of not having those male desires but rather feel like the compliant submissive husband whose role is to serve only?"

    I am obeying, and I take pleasure in that. But I still have "those male desires." I am simply putting them out of my mind so that I can focus on the task at hand (so to speak).

    I don't understand why this would naturally lead one to want their Domme to take another sub. I like being the only one who serves Mistress Delila. What we have is not simply a physical kink, but an emotional connection. It is to be treasured; not trifled.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tomio, thanks so much for commenting and I do hope you stop back again at times. I am writing you the morning before I return home to Katie. I have rarely been hard the past several days. This is so odd. I've been denied now about three months and have gotten hard every morning and many times during the day up until this three week departure. The only thing that has changed is the lack of teasing and being apart from her. It's not like I don't want to see her and it sure isn't like I don't want to be free of the cage so she can enjoy me and so I can once again feel that magical touch of her hand. I want it badly, so much so that I didn't sleep well last night yet never even had one erection.

    So I don't understand this at all. IT was the post that subservient husband wrote that caught my eye because it seemed so applicable to what I was feeling. He always talks about getting through a period where he just 'resigns' himself to being hers. He writes how he gets through a period of grumpiness and resistance and then settles in to serving. If you read his post he too, would love his wife to take on another - to be her cuck. Me, NEVER!! I don't ever want to go there but my comment, like the one from mr SH as well as from the article alludes to the fact that chastity without teasing can have an affect on a man to introduce that concept more easily. I can now see how it is possible yet I know I'd resist the thought if Katie ever went there (which I know she never would).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't have any opinion at all about the cuckolding. For people who enjoy it, I'm glad they have what they want. The closest I can come to this is to say that I want Mistress Delila to have the freedom to do that if She wishes; but I could not take it as anything other than a failure on my part if She did so. I'm honestly not sure how I would react to such a reality. I fear it would be badly.

      With regards to the problems with erection, I can say only that it is something that I have experienced without the need for a chastity device. Erections are fickle things. Sometimes when I want one the most; it eludes me completely. But when I have no use for it, I am ready to split diamonds with it. This interaction of psychology and physiology baffles me. To some extent, ED has contributed to the failure of two marriages...causing a lot of hurt to a lot of people who had nothing to do with it.

      I realize that this is travelling a bit far afield of your topic, and I apologize for that, but I think there is a bit to contribute that will bring it back around. Mistress Delila has always made me feel wonderful no matter if erections happened or not, and She has questioned me why it bothers me still when I can't get hard. In part, it's because it just feels good to have one. Of course, I mean that physically, but it feels good in ways that are not so easy to express, too. I think that is what you are trying to articulate. You miss that...whatever it is called that we experience psychologically from having an erection.

      I would hazard a guess that, if the day you are consumed with returning to Her is the first you have any difficulty; then it is likely that part of the problem is stress and performance anxiety (this is a term that has taken me years to unravel). It may or may not help to frame it as such.

      Delete