Friday, June 15, 2012

The Realization That I am Owned

I could have titled this post “the realization that I am hers” but owned seemed a bit more catchy and it is indeed quite true.  I am owned, and I am Hers.  I’m writing this post, thinking back on the past two years. Yes, it’s now been about two years since Katie assumed control of me and of us.  What an adventure it has been! We had no idea what we were getting in to. I wanted that kinky domination like I had seen on the web while Katie simply wanted to be quietly in charge to enjoy my service while she assumed the head of our home.  During those early days it was me more than her that fumbled through what our roles were to be. I eventually stopped acting like some low-life not worthy to look into my girlfriends eyes to just being me - a guy that loved her but now was not equal in power and status with her. 


Katie, struggled through the unknown of being the head of a relationship and home for the first time in her life.  She was no longer living the vanilla life but to live as a dominant woman. She worked through the emotions and feelings associated with assuming power. She wasn’t sure what she could expect. She didn’t know what life as a dominant woman was supposed to be like.  She started slowly, almost apprehensively but in time became comfortable with her position and my submission.  Slowly she enjoyed separating us with respect to our respective hierarchies. It wasn’t long before she decided to purchase a CB6000 and keep me locked periodically.  But this was new. She didn’t know if denial was healthy for me or not and she didn’t know if time spent in the tube was hygienic long term. She played with denial, at first because I suggested it but later because she realized it increased my responsiveness when she wanted to enjoy my cock. She also learned that denial increased my affectionate side which she loves to see – meaning she loves it when I act as if I want her all the time. She accepted my list of chores that I agreed to do for her but it was hard for her to let go of old habits and let me do what she had always done for most of her adult life. She struggled with letting me deal with the majority of the menial stuff that made up our lives.

Over time we evolved almost without realizing it. She became comfortable telling me what she wanted. She completely left anything that had to do with meal prep in my hands. She told me when it was time to go to bed and when she wanted a massage and when she wanted sex and in what position she wanted me in when we did make love. She told me that I was to go down on her after I orgasmed and ingest any ejaculate I spilled. She increased my time in denial. I went over a hundred days during my last stint and now am at 79 with no end in sight. I texted her today, having just left on a three week business trip, asking her if she has an end-date in mind for me.  Her answer was a terse ‘no’. 

Our life has moved from one in which we didn’t understand what domination and submission meant to one in which we are now completely comfortable with where we are and who we are as individuals. Katie loves her leadership role and I love pleasing her.  It’s easy to see how she has benefited from my service but I had no idea of the fulfillment that I’d receive by serving and attending to her.  I had no idea how much personal reward I’d feel deep within knowing that I am her sub; that I am  not in charge; that I am there at her beckon; that I am there for her pleasure affectionately and passionately.  It’s a paradox that I never thought possible, nor could exist in a relationship.  But the fact remains that it does. And the more I embrace and enjoy who I am and what all I can do to please her, the more fulfilled I become as a man. Living a life as her submissive is so incredibly sexy and powerful in developing intimacy.  And I am not alone. Read the thoughts and expressions of other service-loving subs. Their blogs echo those same feelings.

Scripture says ‘it is better to give than to receive’.  How true those words are. It’s easy to see how that applies to a sub but it also applies to Katie as the dominant one. She provides us with leadership and stability. She seeks my opinion but decides alone. She gives direction. She gives to me by permitting me to serve her in a myriad of ways.  She controls our finances and makes decisions with our retirement money and how it is invested. She decides what upkeep we will do on our home and if I am to do it or if others will be hired to do it professionally. It’s taken me some time to realize just how much Katie gives by leading.  It is a beautiful thing to see and an even more beautiful thing to be under the leadership of a woman whose confidence continues to grow. I don’t think she would be as confident and secure if I hadn’t offered to submit to her authority. By submitting it's given her an avenue to grow and mature as a woman.

I don’t know where our relationship is headed. I’m sure we will live out our days this way relationally.  I can’t ever see us changing. I fully expect her to keep me in chastity as a way to maintain control over my sexual urges. I am certain that I will continue to serve her in all that I am doing now. What I don’t know is how much we will change in the future. Our life is still far from settled as my work demands as well as trying to get caught up on so many things in her home that have been let go for far too long occupies most of our time. But once life settles down I wonder about further changes relationally.  Is this as far as we will move the power exchange in her favor? Will she want to assume even more control over me? Will she ask me to do more? Will she extend my periods of denial indefinitely over time? Will she take the time to tease and frustrate me sexually? Will she limit my financial means as a means to increase my dependency on her? Will she allow me to continue blogging? Will she ever have us share our lifestyle with others for the purpose of helping them develop clarity and intimacy in a FLR? There are so many unknowns.

What I do know is this: I love her and she loves me.  We have an open relationship in which we have no secrets. She knows all of my passwords. She can check on anything I’ve charged on plastic since all credit cards I own are hers. I am just an ‘additional’ card owner. Openness and trust have been one of the hallmarks of our D/s relationship.  Vulnerability to her has increased my dependency on her. I am incomplete without her. Yes I am owned. Yes I am hers and together we love one another more now than we did two years ago when we lived as equals.  I don’t ever want to be her equal. I only want to be known as 'Hers'.

I’m Hers

10 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have everything that most of "us" have ever wanted. I am pleased that it has worked out for you both and that you contiune to enjoy each other in this way.

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    1. Thanks AAT. I know that your life is not where you want it and may never get there. Although I don't often comment I read all you post and have been following your journey closely. I indeed do feel lucky. To me honest I would hope that she would push me into submission rather than me just becoming submissive (if that makes sense). She is quiet. She tells me but she is still so mellow with respect to how we relate. I love her and hope she will become even more comfi in her role as the head of our home.

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  2. Mr. IH,

    I too can say your feelings are validated. I feel the same. It is a privilege to live as a 24/7 service submissive. A women accepting this gift gives in return as you so eloquently write.

    I have come to the conclusion that this form of non-equal dynamic has been the norm through the vast majority of human history. It is only a brief space in time where the concept of equality was practiced. Instead of D/s relationships being called ‘kink’ I consider them a return to a tried and true form of relationship which in my own opinion, is superior in most cases to a couple attempting to maintain independent egalitarian score cards, which invariably lead to disagreements since each score card is biased from that person’s subjectivity. Much better is the way people have been doing it for all of time where one person is the leader and the other willingly acknowledges living under the authority as a subordinate. Although it is called ‘kink’ in today’s society to do so, I find it natural and a path to contented life experiences much more so then two people attempting to live on equal footing. This does require on occasion the person in authority to demonstrate their authority. Perhaps through physical punishments with infliction of pain. Perhaps enforced chastity. Perhaps routinely enjoying one-sided sexual encounters. The list can go on, but the lifestyle of D/s is one I fully embrace.

    Thank for the post. I enjoyed reading it.

    Sincerely,

    -SH

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    1. Thanks for taking the time to write. You know, when I first became submissive and read your posts, I enjoyed much of what you wrote but was still reading them from the perspective of a 'dominant' man that really hadn't changed inwardly in my thinking. Some of your views on female superiority and unconditional submission just grated on me and rubbed me the wrong way. I use to refer to you, not as SH but as sh** h*@d lol. Look how far I've come. Now I am echoing your words in so many ways.

      Yes, there is a real need for leadership and for one to submit. In older societies it has always been the woman to do so. Those of us that have tried the reverse realize that there are many many benefits for us men who function best serving rather than leading. Have a pleasant day.



      Sincerely
      Philip Head :)

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  3. It's nice to see that you are so content in your relationship. It gives me hope that someday (sooner rather than later) my Knight and I will find the same balance and contentment.

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    1. Thanks Miss Angelique,
      Hang in there. Stay strong. Realize that your knight will only do what you ask. Should you allow him to miss a chore without making him complete what he forgot, that habit will continue. Know that your husband is submissive. I have no doubt about that but he also is a bit lazy and stubborn (said with all due respect to the man you love :). He doesn't do things and then has excuses that are not valid. He tells you he can't relate to his feelings and yet he is a writer..... that just doesn't compute. Writing is so reflective, so introspective. And he talks when you give him ultiimatums. All that to say is that there is a light at the end of your tunnel but the burdon of leadership, molding, and making him conform to your will as you know he can (remember, if he exhibits quality 'x' once he can do it a million times) then he will change if you train him and lean on him to do so. Thanks so much for chatting and as SH and I have offered, if you want him to talk to other subs I am open to having that conversation with him.

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  4. Mr. IH,

    Thx for the kind words. If I may take a moment to explain why I went off on a female superiority tangent over the last year on my blog.

    After I gave my wife my gift of submission and she accepted it, over a period of a year or so, I really began to have developed an acute sense of empathy to her view, as I was always striving to anticipate her wants/needs. This being 24/7 I began to see that our society and religion were very unfairly skewed to men. Much more so in past generations, but still too today. As a man, the degree this exists was of never a concern to me. It was a cold revelation when I realized the injustice. Couple this with my fervent desire to protect, guard, and serve my wife I became a self studied disciple of the feminist movement, as I saw a clear injustice which cried out for remedy. I can say after extensive study on the subject that it is clear our society is shifting with women gaining the upper hand quickly. This is a change I not only welcome and encourage, but when I see steps occurring in that direction, I find I feel a cry of victory inside me now.

    Just yesterday, there was a front page story on MSNBC talking about men who work and also have to do housework since their wives are breadwinners. These are “second-shift” dads. I love reading the story.

    ;-}

    Anyway, that is the truthful reason. I do know it comes across as a lunatic fringe on my blog sometimes, but I blog not for public consumption. I blog as a form of mental yoga for myself. If others enjoy, that is find, but not a motivation for me in what I author.

    Take care.

    -SH

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    1. I understand where you are coming from now. Maybe it was the speaking in absolutes that drove me nots. There are some real nuts out there - men and women alike (albiet more men) and I would often think of the exceptions and then call into question your entire arguement.I guess I don't look at what Katie and I have with respect to society in general. Yes, I want women to be treated respectfully (equally) but know that not all will want to dominate a man and enjoy the gifts that you and I can give to our respective woman. They are missing out but I realize it's not for all.
      Chow

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  5. My Wife is very vanilla, but after she discovered how much more attentive I am when she keeps me locked it eventually led to her requiring and demanding that I be kept locked all the time.
    This led to my penis becoming very sensitive and come in just a few strokes. She often laughs when I come so quickly or makes a comment such as, "What are you? A little boy?" or "Can't you last long enough to get me off like a real man?"
    All this makes me believe that I should allow her to have another man just for sexual intercourse so that she can have great sex like I can't give her. Perhaps I;m a future cuckold.

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    1. Anonymous, Your post is quite interesting. You should check out the dreamloverlabs.com site and read the articles listed in the drop down tab. I think it's listed as training theory or similar on the top leftish side of the page. I browsed through every article and what interested me was where these women wanted to take their man - to be just as you described. They wanted an affectionate, loving man to please them orally but mostly to take care of their home. They also want the freedom to have an open marriage and enjoy men outside their marriage while keeping their husband locked and denied. I will admit, there is an appeal to me psychologically at some level but I cant imagine the feeling of rejection to the person I love most. I hope your wife never takes you there. Maybe using a desensitizing cream would be the way to go. YOu might want to give it a try. Thanks for writing.

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