Sunday, July 29, 2012

Completely Comfortable

The other day Katie and  worked hard. We moved furniture around in the house - heavy stuff, we worked outside in the humid summer heat and worked up a healthy sweat in the process.  Later that evening we shared a meal and watched some TV.  At one point Katie had a hot flash and the sweat just started poring off her.  I told her to take off her top, bra and jeans but she resisted. I said again, if you want to cool off, take off your clothes so the air can cool your body.  She did but told me to do the same as she didn't want to be more undressed than I.  So there we sat on the sofa, side by side, topless, with our pants pulled down to our knees.  Eventually the jeans came all the way off and we sipped some cool water in our undies.

Sometime later I lay back on the sofa and pulled Katie on top of me, her back resting on my chest. We laid there for over an hour talking. Her body felt so nice on mine - strong, petite, soft, and incredibly sexy.  Almost without thought I stroked her hair, touched her face and caressed her breasts and body while we conversed.  I felt completely comfortable with her.  We talked about the day, about her desire for where all of this stuff was to eventually end up, about future projects she had in mind for me/us to do.  As we talked laying so close how completely comfortable I felt with her. I felt as if being here with her could not be more natural. It's hard to describe in words but emotionally I bonded as one with her. I felt as if my mind, emotions, spirit and energy were intertwined with hers and it was a beautiful feeling. It was a pieceful feeling.

That evening was a beautiful evening. It was not one of eroticism. It was not one of sex and kink. It wasn't even one as me submitting to her dominance although I know that my touch while we talked touched her inwardly as an affectionate act of love. No, our time that evening was simply one of two people feeling completely comfortable with the other.  We were undressed because it felt good to wear less rather than more.  We lay close, her on me, not as a precursor to something more intimate, but just because it felt like the thing to do.  It was spontaneous. It was just a simple act of love we shared quietly together.

I love her so much and wanted to share in some way that evening with you the reader.

I am so Hers!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The time in denial ends at 105 days

A few weeks ago Katie gave me permission to orgasm after being denied 3 1/2 months. She never keeps track of the time she denies me.  The previous interval was 102 days so she was pretty consistent in these two.  Now I am at 17 days and counting.  I commented to her when I checked my cell phone calendar where I keep a record of such events and her comment was "it's only been 17 days?" indicating that she thought it was longer than that.

I've been in a wonderful conversation via email with another submissive guy for the past few months.  He is hoping his wife will deny him longer and asked if I thought Katie might do the same for me (as in 6-12 months), so I asked her.  She only told me that anything is possible, so who knows, it may be til Christmas or maybe this time next year when she gives me the OK once again. I will just have to wait and see.

The emotional roller coaster of being denied puzzles me.  I think much of the desire to want to orgasm is dependent on the attention that she gives me by teasing.  I left her for 20 days and found that I ached for her during the first half of my trip but during the latter part things 'just were'.  I think the ache had to do with me missing her, missing her touch, missing our closeness, missing our times of intimacy.  When reality finally settled in, I accepted that I wouldn't have access to her and my mind finally calmed and in fact I hardly had an erection that final week we were apart.

So the days will mount again.  I may not post much during the next few weeks as life will become exceedingly busy for me but may try to write a few posts and delay their postings during this period.

Till next time
I'm Hers

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Value of a Role Model

I've spent many years working with athletes and coaches.  I have dealt with thousands of athletes and worked under and/or interacted with hundreds of coaches over the years.  One of the things I find so interesting as I watch coaches work to bring out the best in their players is the difference in approach the veteran coaches use when compared to the novice.  Yes the x's and o'x are an important part of getting a win vs experiencing a defeat but x's and o'x really are a secondary factor in developing winning teams and the experienced coach knows that. The next time you are at an event, watch the coaching staff instead of the players.  If you have the chance to get within ear-shot of a team, listen to the conversations that take place with the coach and how they interact with their players.  Watch a high quality game on TV and pay attention to the camera when it pans to the coach.  I think you will find what you see quite different than what you see when watching a coach that is new to their job.

Veteran coaches know how to motivate. They know when to push and when to rest. They realize that winning starts in the brain of their players and not solely with their skills. They use a variety of teaching methods to get their points across. They focus on doing the little things perfectly rather than focusing on scoring.  They shorten practices as the season ends and the important games approach rather than lengthening practice. They realize the importance of rest.  They plan out road trips so that every minute is thought through so their players have no need to worry about how their day is to be used. They coach during practice days and remain relatively quiet during games. They analyze game situations rather than screaming at their players to do this or that. They think ahead rather than live in the moment. They are good users of the clock. They know how to work an official. 

I have often commented to athletic directors how important a mentoring program would be for new coaches.  Pairing young and old coaches together so the younger can learn from the older would be time well spent.  Bouncing off ideas, airing frustrations, getting advice as to how to handle off the court/field personal issues of a player are topics a young coach could discuss with an older one to get their perspective.

So what's all this have to do with dominance and submission?  It has everything to do with it.  Domme's are no different than coaches.  It takes time to learn their craft. They need time to learn, to grow, to understand their their sub so they can effectively lead.  They would benefit so much from the advice and wisdom of one that has walked that road before them. I find reading blogs from women that have lived the life of the dominant for years to be such a valuable source of wisdom.  Domination isn't about how to tease, or how to humiliate.  Any moron can do that.  Domination is about understanding the heart and soul of their sub. It's about knowing what they need and want most, how to motivate them, and how to best develop their talents to meet the dominant's needs.  But being at the top can be a lonely place and for that reason I see mentorship as an invaluable tool.  Mr SH commented in his last post about how his wife was able to talked to a girlfriend regarding thoughts that apparently had to do with their D/s life.  Kathy on Femdom 101 receives comments all the time and shares advice as one that has lived this life for years.  Most of her posts is advice given to others. Ms Rika  penned a wonderful text on loving dominance. 

There are experienced Dommes that have so much to share with those interested or new to the life of a female domination.  How wonderful it would be if a woman could find another that they could fully trust and share intimately.  Their submissives would benefit. Relationships between partners might deepen. Women might gain confidence and know they had a resource during times of trouble or uncertainty. 

No one is a rock or an island, as Simon and Garfunkle penned.  Rather it takes a village and it takes time to learn and develop ones' skills.  What better way to augment that development than to team with others who share similar views and who have the resource of others that can offer sound advice. I don't know if domme/domme mentorship will ever catch on but I do think it would help to promote the D/s lifestyle and help those who would benefit most from it flourish.

I'm Hers

Friday, July 6, 2012

Better Orgasms, Increased Staying Power and a bit of Science

I have a bit of knowledge in the area of health and medicine. Since I’ve been locked so long in chastity recently I’ve noticed that I am becoming more sensitive to her touch. For years I was always the guy that could never last as long as the woman and only made it if I masturbated before intercourse.  But about five years ago something changed.  Within a matter of months I could last for 15, 20, maybe 30 minutes.  During that time I was really deliberate in doing Kegal exercises but I can’t be certain that was the sole reason for this sudden change.  For the past few days I’ve been perusing the web to learn more about the pelvic floor muscles (known as the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles) and for the past week I’ve been quite diligent in doing these exercises several times a day.  Here’s what I’ve learned:

1.   Pelvic floor muscles run between the pubic bone and coccyx (the tail bone), forming a sling or hammock of muscles between these two bones.

2.   These muscles can be contracted by trying to stop the flow of urine when voiding.

3.   They are responsible for bladder control in both genders.

4.   During contraction/straining activities the coccyx swings away from the pubic bone (backward) due to the pull of the strong back muscles.  This increases the distance between the pelvis and tailbone thus opening up the vaginal/urethral canal.  Because the PC muscles run front to back from coccyx to pubic bone they provide a counter force thus keeping the urethra closed and preventing leakage of urine.

5.   These muscles are stronger when we are younger and weaken with age because we are more active and fit in our youth.

6.   They are responsible for a significant amount of pleasure when we orgasm since strong muscles increase the amount of blood flow to the area of the sensitive genital regions.

7.   Strong muscles will increase a man’s staying power in the same way that it prevents urine leakage. The PC muscles can keep the urethra closed more efficiently.

8.   They contract to expel semen during ejaculation.

9.   The PC muscles are composed of approximately 30% fast twitch muscle fibers and 70% slow twitch muscle fibers. 
What is important to understand with regard to fiber composition of these muscles is this: ST fibers are designed to contract for a long time without tiring but do not have the ability to generate much force.  During daily life, the activities that typically make up our day (walking, doing easy chores, etc) are ST fiber dominant. Every muscle in the body has some ST fibers, especially the ones responsible for posture and basic movements (sitting, standing, walking bending).  Exercises that focus on cardiovascular endurance also stress these muscles but to a greater degree. Swimming, jogging, cross country skiing, are all excellent ways of developing ST fiber fitness.  The key is moderate exercise with many reps.

When intense contractions are desired FT fibers are recruited to supplement ST fiber activity. These fibers generate strong contractions but tire quickly. Lifting heavy weights, sprinting, and intense movements stimulate FT fibers to perform those actions.

Understanding the function of the pubococcygeal muscles (pelvic floor muscles) is important as we age due to their role in bladder and bowel control. Additionally they intensify sexual pleasure when they are strong, both by increasing the pleasure at orgasm as well as allowing men to last longer (and thereby increase the pleasure of the woman they serve).

I mention the fiber composition because by understanding fiber composition it helps one understand how to train muscles effectively to get desired results. Because PC muscles are predominantly ST fibers longer easier contractions will increase ST fiber fitness.  Trying to stop your pee and holding that for longer periods without squeezing hard will work these fibers.  But you need to do this often so consider doing these all the time.  The entire time I’ve been typing this post I’ve been gently activating mine and to be honest it feels really good down there. J My contractions have been strong enough so that I feel the muscle working yet not so hard that I can’t keep the muscle firing for 5-10 minutes at a time.

To develop FT fibers you need to contract hard, like as hard as you can.  Try to hold the contractions for 3-10 seconds and rest an equal amount of time between.  See if you can get 3 sets of 10-15 contractions in a workout. These will help with ejaculation strength as well as urine leakage when you cough, sneeze, or lift something heavy.

Now there is a difference between being strong and using the strength you have.  It’s one thing to have strong PC muscles but you need to use them if you have issues. For example if you have bladder control issues tighten them before coughing or before lifting something heavy. When your cock is being used by your Domme, contract them as you start to feel the urge to cum. Learn how to activate these muscles to help/hinder what you are trying to accomplish. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t get it right immediately. Skills take time to learn and practice makes perfect.

Literature states one can expect to see changes in about 4-6 weeks with more significant changes as time increases.  This only makes sense. It takes time to get into shape so be patient.

Try doing these in different positions: sitting, standing, while in line, at meals, while at work, etc.  If you have an erection you can work these muscles by intentionally making your penis move toward your head.  Some suggest draping a small towel over the erect cock to add resistance to that movement.

Finally, work to fatigue. If you don’t do these exercises until you can’t do anymore you didn’t work hard enough.  If you only run a mile don’t expect to get very fit. If you only do one push up a day, don’t expect to get very strong.  The same is true with developing both endurance and strength of these muscles.  Don’t be a wimp.  How bad do you want to please her? That alone should be your motivation to work hard.

This was a fun post to write.  Love to hear your thoughts. Here are some links to two webpages that had some good info. Enjoy. Link 1    Link 2

I’m Hers

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Katie is Irritated

 A few weeks ago Katie was flipping channels and she paused to watch a basketball game.  One thing led to another and at some point I said, “do you know that girls basketballs are actually smaller and lighter than boys basketballs?”  At first she thought I was joking but I assured her I wasn’t.  I then told her that this isn’t the only sport where sports cater to women’s teams. By the time I was done talking she was actually pissed off. She couldn’t believe the inequality.  Maybe it was because she felt like there shouldn’t be any difference between the genders.  So to all my femdom friends, do the following changes piss you off as well or are you cool with it? If you are one of those female supremacist then maybe I think you need to address this and not just blow it off as stupid and whimsical.  After all, you are better than the male gender so why should the sport world cater to you ‘unfairly’?  Here’s some of what I mentioned to Katie:

·         Women’s basketballs are smaller and lighter than men’s basketballs

·         Women’s softball fences are at least 100 if not 150 feet closer to home plate than baseball fences

·         Women’s softballs are larger than baseballs making them easier to hit (Note: she was surprised to hear of these things.)

·         Women aren’t permitted to pitch a ball overhand

·         Women’s softballs are high visibility, neon yellow-green. Baseballs are a white

·         Girls lacrosse players are not allowed to use their stick to hit an opponent to alter their path in any way.  Boys can. (Note: now she was getting upset.)

·         Field hockey sticks force a woman to play right-handed while guys hockey players can use both sides of their sticks

·         Girls hurdles are lower than boys and that even applies to the intermediate hurdles. In fact, the the girls high hurdle height is shorter than the boys intermediate (low hurdle) height.

·         Girls discus’ are lighter

·         Girls shot puts are lighter (like 4kg vs 8kg) (Note: Oh, my gosh, now she's fuming.)

·         Girls javelins are shorter and lighter by 25%

·         Girls hammer throw ‘balls’ are 50% lighter than a guys hammer – a shot put tied to a cable

·         Weight bars are made out of aluminum just so women can ‘look’ like they are lifting more than the heavier solid-steel men’s Olympic bar

·         Girls volleyball nets are lower than boys nets (Note: She told me this is so wrong. 'This is unbelieveable' she gasped.)

·         Girls don’t have to compete in the parallel bars, the still-rings or pommel horse as required by men

·         Girls never lift boys in competition cheer while boys are always asked to do so

·         Girls soccer balls are smaller and lighter

·         Girls only have to run 5000 meters in a typical college track meet while guys run both 5000 and 10000 meter events

·         Women tee-off in golf closer to the hole than do men (I couldn't even tell her about these last few. Her BP and heart rate were teatering on becoming unstable :)
OK, I’m tired of thinking. The list is long. The inequality absurd. The disparity evident. And Katie is beyond rationale with trying to wrap her brain around all of these passes that were given to the 'stronger, smarter' gender. So what are your feelings?  Mr. SH, what is going on here? What’s the deal? I’m confused. I’m a sub, I thought that women were superior, better, and definitely able to handle equally difficult or even more difficult obsticles. So why the opposite? 

Please don’t give me the ‘we aren’t as strong, fast or agile as men’ arguement cause that doesn't hold water.   There is no legitimate rhyme nor reason everyone shouldn’t tee-off at the same place. I mean they design golf courses so you can’t get hole-in-one. Girls use to use the same size basketball as girls in the ‘old’ days. Why the change? Women run marathons so why aren’t they required to run a 10K along with the men? Why can’t girls be aggressive in lacrosse like they can in basketball or soccer? Why do they pay this patsy non-contact game? Isn’t this degrading to women?  Isn’t all of this degrading?

I’m confused. I’m just a lowly sub and this is way ‘above my pay grade’ (to put it as a not so smart leader once commented about when life begins but then decided to advocate late-term abortion of life). I need help. Please help. Katie is pissed and I think justifiably so.  What say you? J
I’m Hers