Sunday, August 5, 2012

A New Reality

During the past several months I am realizing that this venture of living 'unequally yoked' is becoming an ever present reality.  Katie and I entered in to the idea of me submitting to her authority as an idea that we would try but one that we might leave at some point.  I've come to realize that leaving is not an option anymore.  She loves the control and freedom her position entitles her to, and frankly I love (for who knows what reason) living under that control and serving her as she wishes me to serve her.

Way back when she hoped that she wouldn't end up becoming Katie the bitch but rather remain Katie the one who loves me.  Now, that is not a worry.  No, she has not become a bitch during this transition of power but she has definitely changed in the way that she views us.

We have a few pets and she will feed the dog leftover cat food that she just loves to lick, even if there are only a few morsels on the paper plate she gives her.  Sometimes the plate is left tattered and torn into many pieces.  My role of course is to clean up after the dog the next time I pass by that plate.  When I am gone for a day or two, those plates pile up. Katie use to pick them up but now leaves them for me.  Why? Just because she can.

She spends less time asking me this or that, and has begun to tell me more what she wants of me.  This has even extended into our sleep time. When she rolls my way she has been waking me to tell me to roll away as well so she can cuddle behind me.  A few times she has turned way and told me to roll to hold her.  It's just a little thing, yet it's 'another' thing that has changed.

I use to have a separate credit card but no longer own one in my name only.  The two cards I have list my name but she is the primary owner of the account.  I still have a separate bank account but even that may change soon. I don't know when she will want me to inform my employer to automatically deposit my earnings into her account but I'm fairly certain the time is getting near.

I overheard Katie talking to one of her girlfriends. During their conversation she mentioned that I was preparing dinner for us. It was a small thing but she is much more comfortable letting her friends know that I am the cook in the home - something that she use to do all the time.

Katie's adult daughter often comes over to visit.  She knows too that I am the one that fixes meals, that will fetch her drinks, that offers her food or waits on the two of them while the ladies chat.  Again, these are just small things yet the list continues to grow as Katie continues to change.

This morning she ruined my orgasm, looked at the cum on my abdomen and quietly said, "that's for you to clean up and eat." It use to be awkward for her to tell me that but now it seems so natural for her to remind me what is expected of me when she allows me to orgasm.

I read two posts today on the topics of female authority.  Kathy from Femdom 101 spoke about altering Wills that would impact her husband even after she died (if she passed on before him).  Think about that if you are a sub. That is a profound thing - that Kathy has the right to rule her husband even in her eternal absence!  We have yet to write our wills but I wonder how Katie will approach that when we finally do.

The second post was from the Worshiping your Wife blog. The topic was men changing their names to their wives upon marriage. I don't think Katie will tell me she wants to do that, but if she did, it would be a hard thing for me to do.  Why? Because it's so contrary to how things are done.  The cat would be out of the bag with friends and family that we indeed are living a life that is different than theirs.  I'm sure that once the changes were made and some time for the new norm to settle in, it would be fine but initially that would be a hard thing to do.

I'm digressing a bit but the point of the post is that our relationship is not stagnant.  At times it appears to me that it is, that we adopted a D/s lifestyle made several changes in how we live and now live that way.  But that is not so. Yes we made lots of changes initially but changes continue to be made. Katie continues to change.  She is becoming the woman that I kept telling her I wanted her to become but one in which I had no idea what she would actually be like should she change.  But changing she is.  I think I like the change but there are times when I think she's just going to make me do things, or tell me to do things I am not going to like, approve of or enjoy. I wonder how I will feel about her when those times come - and coming they are. They always do.  I guess I'm just going to have to deal with it and take it like a man :)

Til next time,

I'm Hers


  1. You bring out the aspect of being a sub in a D/s relationship - you cannot tell where the relationship will go and it may not be to your liking. It is more than taking your lumps when you become the person she envisions in the relationship. Good luck!

  2. Katie seems to be a progressively dominant woman. I suspect there is no turning back and that you will likely be dealing with some rules/changes you may not like. This is something that bothers me at times...fear of changes J may want that I do not.

  3. Dave94015 and LH,
    I agree with you both that our relationship isn't stagnant - that it is heading 'somewhere', although I know not where that place is. My kids had a music teacher that always told them 'you are either getting better or getting worse' as he encouraged them to practice (to get better) rather than take a summer off (and get worse). Because we live this life on a daily basis we are moving ever so slowly where she is becoming more comfi in her dominance and I in my submission. All D/s relationships probably hit a wall somewhere. All don't progress to slavery or super kinky but I'm sure they do progress beyond where either ever thought they'd end up.

    LH, I would only encourage you and J to keep the communication channels open. I know that Katie has a love for me as the basis of our relationship and I would hope that J has that for you as well. If so, then maybe you need to just trust her and see where she leads you if indeed she does walk you down an unknown path.

    The other topic you touched upon is the word 'fear'. It might make for a good blog topic do write about. I don't have a fear of Katie. I just don't. Sometimes I wish I did but she's never ever acted in a way that really instilled fear in me that makes me revere her as a result. Personally I think a heavy hand of expectation would only cultivate our relationship and further express the power exchange we live by. I may live to regret that desire but then again, it may cultivate our love for one another too. I really don't know.

  4. As for changing your surname to Katie's. Do you really think it would be such a great deal?
    I don't know the statistics in your country, and there are no nation-wide statistics in my country either, but statistics published by some municipalities suggest that about 3 percent of the couples choose the woman's name as their shared married name. In approximately another 8-10 percent of the couples each partner keeps their old name.
    I know several couples where the man took his wife's surname. There are so many reasons for that: Wanting to break with one's family, wanting to have a less common surname, wanting to have a less "exotic" (easier to spell/pronounce) surname, wanting to choose the name that sounds "nicer",. - In none of the cases I know I suspect any FLR dynamics as the reason for the decision.

  5. Tamara, I do think it would be a big deal. A real big deal. I don't know of one man that has changed his last name upon marriage. I don't even know if any of my friends or relatives have ever even considered the idea - so for me it would be a big deal. However, with that said, the idea does appeal to me at some level. Thanks for stopping by Tamara.

  6. Well, it seems your society is more partriarchal than mine - at least in this respect. Wikipedia says: "In the United States, only seven states allow a man to change his family name after marriage without the formal legal process and associated fees mandated for any name change, which are not required of women."
    This would be considered a violation of gender equality in my country. All couples are asked before marriage which of the two names they want as their "married name" (this isn't an opt-out regulation in favour of the man's name but a real choice), and if they don't agree on a common name, each partner will keep their birth name. - So every couple has to at least consider the option.
    Isn't it interesting how small legal differences can have a significant impact on how we view things? For you, it is a big deal with a femdom aspect to it, for me, it is still unusual, but something perfectly normal in an egalitarian society.