Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dominant Dress

I read a blog a few weeks ago by submissive husband.  A part of his post read as follows:
“Another random thought, have you heard the phrase "she dresses like a prostitute"? Now not having met a prostitute, I cannot verify how they dress but I take that phrase to mean that "she" is dressing in a way to attract men. I like that. I would like that women would dress to attract men. Dress sexy. To me dressing dowdy is demeaning to the woman.”
Submissive Husband is advocating that women intentionally dress to attract a man’s eye and goes so far to say that dressing to not impress is demeaning. That thought made me wonder, “should a dominant woman, or any woman for that matter, intentionally (and that’s the key word) dress to show her body off to other men?”
I don’t know if I will answer the question or not but the thought immediately conjured up two thoughts. The first is me walking with my two beautiful (and they are very attractive) daughters in the local shopping mall.  If there is one thing I can’t stand it is seeing other boys or (even more pathetic) men starring at my daughter’s ass or cleavage.  I can’t stand it. When I see someone walking in the opposite direction I match their stair. I catch their eye. I want them to know that I am looking at them in a way that indicates I don’t approve of what they are gawking at.  I’ve even gone so far as to tell a guy to look somewhere else. It pisses me off when boys and men do that.
The other day Katie and I were out shopping in one of the big-box hardware/lumber stores and the same thing occurred. A man walking in the opposite direction cast his gaze far too long at Katie and his eyes were not centered on her face. I noticed this, put my arm around her and met his star. He turned away when his eye happened to see mine.  At that moment I wanted him to know ‘she’s mine’. I didn’t want him to stare at her cleavage. Yet after he passed by I told Katie what I noticed. She just smiled, said nothing and we continued shopping.
When I am with Katie in public I am proud to be by her side. I love being with her. Outwardly she is a beautiful woman and I love knowing that others see me as ‘connected’ to her. I’m hers and I am happy for others to see and recognize that.  Katie does not dress to impress but she sure is impressive when she dresses and what I described above happens all the time. Ugh, I hate men staring at her!! But I digress.  Typically she’s in jeans and a top. She just happens to be freaking gorgeous regardless of what clothing happens to be covering her body. I love that she’s attractive. I tell her often how nice she looks. When walking behind her at home I’ll comment what a nice ass she has. When massaging her body at night I tell her how sexy her legs feel.  Yes, she knows I am very attracted to her physically.  I love that she looks great dressed up or dressed casual. I love that others notice her but I don’t love when they stare at her as ‘a possibility’.  I don’t like that when they look too long at her and I sure don’t like it when they do that with my girls – one of whom was raped as a teenager.  I don’t like it at all.
So, how should women dress? When I dress I just dress. I really don’t care what over’s feel of my color choice. I throw on a shirt and some pants (or shorts in hot weather) and head out the door.  Is that how a dominant woman should ‘think’ as well when they dress or should they dress to impress? Or, should they dress like a prostitute – meaning – should they dress to be ‘eye candy’ to a man. Should they dress to turn him on, to attract him, to make him drool, to rev his internal sexual motor, just because they can?  How would Katie feel if there were breasts hanging out to gawk over everywhere? Would she want me looking? (Can you say the phrase “punishment when I get home” cause that’s what would happen for sure!) But maybe you feel differently. I’d be curious as to your thoughts. Personally I think they should dress the way they feel most comfortable but that is just me. I’ve kidded Katie that she ought to dress in some shorter skirts just to show off her shapely legs but that’s not going to happen – never. Why? Because that’s not who Katie is. She dresses the way she wants and isn’t going to conform to anyone else desires. (And yes, I know that someone will make the comment that I shouldn’t want her to dress that way anyway for the very reasons I stated above. I realize that but I would love to see her legs. I just don't want 'you' staring at them as if you can have a piece of them.)
What say you dominant woman? What say you submissive man? What say you vanilla guy perusing this blog page?  Should confident dominant women dress any particular way? Should skimpy tops, ass-revealing shorts, and lots of breast bared for all to see be the norm for them? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
 I'm Hers


  1. I read that post, but because I wanted to maintain some semblance of decorum I did not answer that post. However I did show it to my friend Juanita. She suggested I write a post on how men should dress:

    No cargo shorts.
    No skinny jeans.
    Thongs only, or for formal occasions, a bow tie.
    Nudity preferred.
    In the office, a thong would be more professional, maybe with a necktie.
    Mandatory gym participation, because men are not allowed to be fat.

    Men should always dress to be sexually attractive to women. Appropriateness does not matter at all.

  2. MsNaydi,
    You've left me speechless. I don't know what to say or how to respond. I agree with the cargo shorts and skinny jeans but you can't be serious about the rest.... do you want a school teacher to dress in a thong and bow tie? Hmmmm, you've left me paralyzed - a position I'm not use to being in :)

  3. Dominance is a state of mind not a state of dress

  4. I always try to dress conservatively, but attractively.
    I wear new clothes that fit right and I stay groomed and fit.
    I do not want to project an image of sloth.
    Nor do I want to project an image of 'trying too hard to look sexy'.
    Neither of these images would make my Wife proud that she owns me.
    The image I try for is one that might want other women to want me IF they didn't know that I was 'off the market'.

    Surrendered hubby

  5. Miss Tilly,
    I agree completely, but the question I posed is, should dress be an extension of that state of mind. The author of the blog I quoted seemed to suggest it should. Katie would say otherwise - that it is a non-factor.

    Surrendered Husband, thanks for posting. Husband/boyfriend dress is a different topic I have honestly never thought about. I just 'dress'. I don't think anything of it, I just try to look nice or dress appropriately for what is ahead of me in my day (work, play, event, etc). Thanks for stopping by

  6. I was just responding to Ms. Naydi's comments about how men should dress, and frankly it is an area where I have some level of control in my own life.

    As far as a Ladies attire is concerned, well it's really up to her isn't it?

    But I think that a lady who projects an image of power is often one who dresses in a reserved and professional looking fashion.

    If she wishes to troll for new pets, then she should dress based upon her desire to attract. But other than that, I would think that she would want to dress to project an image that says: "I suggest that you take me seriously. Failure to do so could lead to negative consequences for you."

    Surrendered hubby

  7. Some general thoughts...

    ALL of us, no matter what sex, want to be looked upon favorably by those around us. This goes for looks as well as personality and intelligence.

    When a woman (or man for that matter), dresses in a sexual way, they're acttivlly trolling for such attention to feed their egos, despite their sometimes mock indignation at being eyed over constantly.

    If one "has it"( as both our women do), they'll get the looks ranging from appreciative to outright gauking. That's not going to change, and so long as men just look her way as they pass on the street, I'd take it as a compliment.

    I won't pass judgment here on how anyone "should" dress. My only point is that people present themselves to the world the way they do for their own reasons.



  8. In egalitarian / vanilla relationships, I've often seen the man exert control on the way his partner dresses. In a possessive sort of way. "You're mine now, so don't dress too sexy." This is often effective, because society generally smiles on this sentiment. So perhaps, in a femdom relationship, a woman dressing overtly sexy is a show of dominance. "I will not be controlled by my man," or "I will not bow to society's expectations". Perhaps when the man gets asked "You let your wife go out dressed like that?" he will be reminded that he has no say in the matter.

  9. I should have known that for some people irony goes completely over their heads. My point was that if women should dress as hookers to please men, then it naturally follows that men should dress as hookers to please women.

  10. MsNaydi,
    I can be so thick-headed. Your comment sure didn't seem to match what all you wrote but then again you told me you spoke with another woman. My apologies for being so stupid :)

  11. Mr. Elle,
    I thought you guys had vanished. I ended up taking you off my list of blogs I follow after you guys hadn't written in so long. Glad to see you are back posting. I'll continue to read and will do some catching up as I read the past several months since I last read your blog.

    As to the dress...... how does Ms Elle dress? The way she wants I'm certain but does she dress to be comfi or dress to make a statement? As I mentioned about Katie, she just dresses to look nice and be comfortable - casually classy would be how I would categorize it. But to dress like a prostitute as was suggested by the author I mentioned - never. It's just not her.

    Glad you wrote. Stop back again!

    1. Elle dresses well. Fashionable with a hint of preppy. The occasional short skirt, or high heel--but she pulls it of fantastically. We don't have a lot of pictures on our blog, but one of our early posts has a favorite shot of her heels.

  12. How about a dominant woman dresses however she wants to dress. Men generally could use to put a little bit more effort in the dress to impress department. Me thinks that a submissive man should dress in a way that is appealing to his dominant. To me that would include the first two things on MsNyadi's list... cargo shorts, skinny jeans. Additionally golf shirts. Hitting the gym a bit more often wouldn't hurt some either.

    Also consider that women (dominant or otherwise) might be dressing in a way that feels good to them and NOT necessarily to attract the attention of men. That's right fellas, it might not always be about us. Shocking!

    BTW, I'm a queer identified male keyholder.

  13. Paksen,
    I didn't advocate any thing but posed the question for others to comment. In a D/s relationship the Domme has the power. She can dress how she wants. The question I posed was should she dress as a prostitute - eg. to attract the sexual attention of others. Personally I don't think she should but that is my opinion and my opinion really doesn't carry a whole lot of weight in my relationship. Katie dresses as she wants - as you suggested she should. How a sub should dress is the topic for another post but since you 'went there' I don't disagree. I think it be nice for a man to dress nice and to stay in shape. Of course, what you call in shape may not be what I call in shape. I find 'good' somewhat amusing to be frank. You might think you are 'good' at something, but who are you comparing yourself to. Likewise, you might consider yourself in shape but then again,... to whose standards? But I"m just having fun with you. In the end, a good physique is always an admirable trait to have if you have the ability and time to work on it. Thanks for commenting and the BTW comment.?........ OK, but what does it have to do with the post topic. Nothing as far as I can see.

    1. The "BTW" was in response to the last paragraph of your post. I don't fall into the 3 categories you list (dominant woman, sub. male nor vanilla guy). You've a diverse readership.
      As to 'good' shape (or appealing attire) - the only yardstick that really matters is that of your dominant.

  14. Looking good does not always mean it is "hooker" and what one outfit on one woman may be perceived as just hot and on another as trashy. Then again I have noted that some men perceive all women as "meat" to put it nicely. I would prefer to see my Mistress as the goddess she is and have the daily opportunity to see her dressed to kill more often than not (which may not entail more than just looking good in jeans and a T) rather than dumpy as this is not goddess like to me. I need to see My Mistress as a higher than thou rather than a lower gutter piece. Work out gear is amazing on her and that makes my day when she gets ready for her run or spinning.

    The best thing is how well Mistress feels when she looks good to herself and me. It is nice how she enjoys cat calls sometimes lately since she has lost weight. It is nice to hear her pride when she knows people look at her for her good looks.

  15. Hi,
    I agree with MsNaydi that men should not be fat. Mind you neither should women.

    A couple of thoughts come to mind when it comes to men.
    Firstly better over dressed rather than underdressed. Now that does not refer to the amount of clothing but the style. ie better to be slightly over dressed than underdressed. Dress smartly.

    I would like to emphasise that in my original post, I was in no way attempting to demean women.