Thursday, August 16, 2012
Submission is the Only Possible Solution
A couple of months ago I happened to walk in and see my beautiful daughter who is in her 20's sitting with tears running down her cheeks. She was texting her boyfriend. I asked what was wrong and she just shook her head then proceeded to explain how her boyfriend 'doesn't have a romantic bone is his body'. "He is so in your face with his answers" she went on to say.
My heart melted as I thought back to when she was a little girl. She was the one that would greet me when I came home from work with a hug. She was the one that would walk to the front of the yard on a hot day with a full glass of ice tea when she saw me out mowing the yard and sweating. She was the one that just loved to he hugged and held and told how much she was loved. That was my little girl then and it's still my 'little' girl now. She's just all grown up but still has that same need to be loved. Unfortunately she's fallen in love with a man that has a hard time expressing his love for her in ways that meets her needs.
I was on the phone with my other daughter today and asked how her sister was doing with respect to her relationship with her beau. She told me that she thinks it's over but that her sister just can't bring herself to break it off. She told me that this guy keeps telling her that 'he's going to change' but never does. Oh how I could identify with those words.
I wrote in earlier posts that I am one that came from a failed marriage. I too heard those same words from my ex-wife. Words that expressed frustration for me not expressing romance, for not taking time to just sit and cuddle, or taking time to talk and share, or taking the initiative to do this or that - all things that she wanted from me - all things that would have made her feel loved. And I too expressed those same feelings. It was as if neither of us could really do the things the other wanted, nor be the person the other hoped of their spouse and so our marriage deteriorated and then failed.
One of the driving forces that caused me to ask Katie if I could submit to her authority was because I knew that submission was a way for me to be the man that Katie wanted. It was the only way to help me learn to put her first and me a distant second. When I submitted to her rule our relationship deepened. Submission forced me to think of her first, look to her first, consider her first, and be the person she both wanted and now expects.
There is only only one way that the relationship my daughter is struggling with has any hope of surviving. It's only going to work and thrive if her man offers his unconditional submission to her - something that I know won't happen. I find it sad that he just can't see that. I find it sad that he doesn't know, nor even understand that yielding to the young lady that he is trying to love is the only way - it's is only hope. If only he could put his own desires aside and make her the center of his world, he might have a chance - they might have a chance. If only he would deny himself in lieu of her wants, her needs, her dreams their relationship might reverse course and deepen. If only he opened up his heart to share his hidden secrets, his hurts and seek to understand her as the woman she will there be hope that they will grow close once again and allow time for past hurts to heal.
I wish he could see all of this but I know that he can't. I wish I could help him see but I don't know him well enough to help and he isn't near me where we can talk face to face. I've wondered about extending help via email but don't know if it's appropriate of if it's best to let the two of them work things out and cut the cords that are already strained.
I've been in a wonderful email conversation with another sub that is so excited about his submission. He asked his wife to be the authority figure in their home and asked if she would allow him to be in chastity as a way to make her feel less stressed about sex. Since then, she's controlled their sex life, She now decides if and when they will make love. He has submitted to her and now she is the authority figure in their home. He gets it. He understands how submitting to her energized their relationship. He wrote me today and told me this, "I told her the other day that I am so excited just to be waiting on her again and told her all the things I did while she was away such as laundry, vacuuming the pool, watering plants, trimming bushes, vacuuming in the house, getting meals ready for the boys, picking up and dropping them off as needed,took them to the movies, washing her clothes, changing the bed sheets and leaving her clean clothes on the chair for her for when she arrives plus new towels and wash clothes, plus folded her lingerie and put it on her pillow so she can change for bed without having to open and close drawers. I am so exited she is home and can't wait till I get home from work to start waiting on her again."
If you are one reading this and are considering submitting to your wife, or if you are a man that has no desire to submit to your wife as the dominant figure in the home, at least consider the value of putting her first as you promised when you married her. I submitted. But you could also say I simply put her first. I changed my relationship so that my thoughts, my actions, my efforts, now revolve around Katie. Yes she locked up my cock and did so because she thought that was best for her. Some might think that is a bit overboard and I would agree that it isn't the norm, but my point is - it's what she wanted and so I obeyed. She wants me to make her life easier by doing more around the home and so I do. She wants me to cuddle with her and so I do. She wants me to leave the remote in her hands and so I let her choose what we watch. She wants to control our finances and so I give her all of my earnings. She wants me to let her decide when we make love and so I do. She wants me to talk with her and share about my day, and about what I'm thinking and so I do.
You might say that she's selfish, but so what if she is. Putting her first has put a smile on her face. Putting her first has put a smile on MY face too. Making her the focus of my life has brought so much joy to both of us. Changing my focus from a me-first to a her-first perspective has taught me so much and enriched both of our lives in so many ways. I am now the man I never knew I could be. I'm still growing. I still have my faults. I still struggle with being selfish and self-seeking but I see life from a different perspective. I'm a better partner and she loves the change in me as well as the assurance that she doesn't have to fight me should we disagree.
I see now that love is not about getting but giving. My dear friend who I quoted above has found that to be so true as well. So many other men that blog also express that in various ways - they want what is best for the woman that is at the head of their home.