Friday, September 14, 2012

Cuckholding and the Bible

I’ve always heard to stay away from discussing politics, religion, and money but I’m stubborn and am going to ‘go there’ in this post. Happy reading ….. OK… deep breath.

I grew up in a conservative Christian home. My parents are Christians. Over the years I’ve attended several different protestant churches. I was taught that men were to serve as the head of the home, decision makers, leaders in community and leaders of the church. I grew up with lots of good Bible teaching throughout my youth and adult life. I attended a Christian College and even took several courses in Bible and Religion.
At home I lived with a mother that took care of us kids. She didn’t work outside of the home as she felt as if her place was in the home even though she was way smarter than my dad. I found out as an adult that mom had a full scholarship to an Ivy League University that she turned down for reasons I will not go into here, but leave it to say that she is quite bright and is still sharp as a tack. Dad on the other hand was a high school drop-out, only having finished 9th grade. It’s amazing the two found attraction with one another but they did and are still married, now almost 60 years later.

So that’s where I come from. That’s my background. That is the framework from which my world revolved with respect to God, values, relationships, and right and wrong. I grew up in a ‘Happy Days’ family, if you are old enough to remember the TV series from some years ago. But my conservative thinking changed when I went to college and graduate school. I was taught to question. I was taught that there were other perspectives, other possibilities.
In the end, I left school with a somewhat broadened perspective but still lived a conservative life and feel as if I do so even today. Yet, as I age, I realize there is never just one way to do things. I remember hearing a man speak and telling the audience “not to try and prove yourself right, but to try and prove yourself wrong”. What a profound statement. As you read this critically, consider that statement as you consider what is written. I also believe that God is consistent. That, as Scripture says, he is the same yesterday, today and forever. I also realize that the Bible is a book about God, about sin, about redemption, and about eternity and that it is not an all inclusive book that discusses all issues clearly. That’s not its purpose.

I believe that God, at length spoke about order, about rules, about ‘his way’ (eg. The narrow vs. wide road). He also gives us some instruction for marriage and order and it is there that I want to focus and discuss a few of the ‘elephants in the room’ regarding marital relationships and D/s marriage with the woman functioning as the dominant partner. The current elephant is cuckholding. Here's some thoughts to consider:
Disclaimer :) Know that I do not claim to be an authority. I know that readers will have different perspectives and understand that. You can take or leave what I have to say but regardless I’d love to have your feedback on this ‘hot’ topic.

Consider: Scripture is filled with references about marriage. The Bible, at the time of the Old, and New Testament was a male-dominated society. I wonder, why did God allow polygamy in the Old Testament? Why did Solomon, the wisest of all men have 1000 wives and another 300 concubines (wives of a lower status)? If God gave Solomon the gift of wisdom then why on earth did Solomon not have the sense to limit himself to one woman and God not condemn this act if it was wrong? I struggled with that thought for years. I realize now that life then was brutal. Men were killed all the time. Life then was like the Wild West on steroids. There were many more women alive then men. If you were a woman and not attached to a man, what did you do to survive? The answer, in most cases was you became a slave to someone else or lived the life of a prostitute. Maybe, that’s why God permitted this multi-female to male marital relationship to exist. Maybe, just maybe this was an act of love on his part to provide a home for all. I don’t know the answer but I do know that he didn’t condemn it.
Another question to consider is this: Although Scripture states that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one, does that disallow polygamy? Can’t Steve leave mom and dad and be united to Debbie? Can Steve also leave mom and dad and be united to Karen too a month later? In both cases he left and was united. I wonder? Yes scripture speaks to men that want to be elders in the church to be married to one (singular) wife, but does it ever state that having two is sinful? I can’t find reference to that and furthermore that very verse implies that men in the New Testament were married to two or more women. Yet I know that Jesus said, render to Caesar what is Caesars, meaning – obey the law of the land, and our law in our current time does not allow polygamy.

Scripture does say that man is to be married and that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Scripture does say to have sex outside of marriage is sinful – Scripture calls that adultery – Jesus extends that in Matthew by stating that not only is the act of sex outside of marriage sinful but lust is as well.
Scripture speaks in the OT of God’s loathing of men having sex with men (see Sodom and Gomorrah). Paul reiterates that in Romans 1: 26-7 “Women exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural, and in the same way also the men, giving up natural intercourse with women, were consumed with passion for one another" (1:26-27). The Roman’s passage is linked to idolatry which is also deemed sinful by God.

So to address the elephant in the room, where does Cuckholding fit in with scripture? Is it wrong for a woman to have sex with an unmarried man? It happens all the time in our society. It’s becoming the norm. Very few grow and marry as virgins. But just because it’s the norm, does that make it right? We justify these things as ‘progressive’ but does that make it right? Is right and wrong decided by a popularity vote?  Even though sex outside of marriage is common, is it ok for a married couple to add a third to their bedroom? I can’t find passages in scripture to promote or advocate this practice. Now if both men were married to the woman I might think differently but that’s not the case and even if it was, our society does not permit such relationships. So where does that leave us? I’ll let you answer that question.
It seems that in the old days, at least in the Christian faith that a Man could have more than one wife. Scripture does not say that being married to more than one partner is sinful, although it does state that one needs to obey the law of the land. Our laws in the USA do permit gay marriage in some states, yet how does that fit in with the Old Testament story of Sodom &Gomorrah? In my mind it doesn’t, since Scripture quite clearly states that God does not approve of same sex relationships with respect to sexual intimacy. If this is indeed the case then how does one reconcile a husband being asked by his wife to prepare a stud for his wife to enjoy or lick his cock clean after he has finished making love with her? I wonder.

So if you have no faith, this is not an issue for you. If you do have a faith, then you have to wrestle with the issues and come to some kind of conclusion that fits solidly with Scripture. And if you aren’t sure where it fits then you risk crossing the right/wrong line if you act inappropriately.
I will leave you with a few thoughts in that regard: The last verse in James 4 states: “if you know the right thing to do, and don’t do it, it’s sin”. I like that verse. It makes decisions personal. Second is the passage in Galatians 5 that speaks of the fruits of the spirit…. They are listed and then there is this phrase: “against such things there is no law”. What a freeing thought to know that with respect to peace, love, kindness, gentleness, there is no law as to how far once can take those kinds of acts.

I’m Hers


  1. Well, the New Testament says so many things:

    You are not allowed to divorce and marry another. (e.g.Luke 16.18 , 1st corinthians 7)
    And it seems that you are not allowed to have sex with someone to whom you are not married.

    So, I guess, you yourself don't take all of the rules that seriously, do you?

  2. To be bluntly honest with you I feel as if I am running from God. I hear what you say and know that what you say is true. There is an exception provided for divorce and so you only tell part of the story on that topic but the adultry part - I am guilty of and I know that. Thanks for being so direct. It is me that needs to to reconcile with my actions - as I'm sure we all need in one way or another.

  3. As a former Catholic turned devout agnostic, I wouldn't tend to spend time agonizing over "chapter and verse". The bible is rife with contradictions, but the overarching lesson in the new testament is to lead a life where you help others when you can, and never do any harm. You put this well in the last paragraph of your post.

    With so many diverse religions around the world, I always thought it a little arrogant for any individual to declare that only theirs is the one true faith. If there is a supreme being, when we go to meet him, he won't care if we were backing the wrong religion while we were on earth. All he'll care about is if we obeyed the golden rule or not. It seems to me that that transcends all religions.



    1. thanks for sharing Jake. I appreciate your thoughts. I don't profess to have the answers and i know fully how often I fail being 'right' in my life. for me the issue with cucking is risk a couple takes in fracturing their relationship all with the intent of making it more intimate. thats a personal choice they have to make but within the Christian faith there seems to be a statement on the part of the biblical authors indicating that this act doesn't coincide with scripture.

      On a separate note, I am enjoying your story and plan on reading it all as you allow it to unfold.

  4. The bible is so full of contradictions that it should never, never be used as guide for living your life. You'd be forever spinning in circles if you followed the "rules" laid out in it.

    And remember, god didn't write the rules, mortal men wrote about the morals of their time, and you now call them rules. Not a good move, in my mind.

    If one lives by the words of Confucius - "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself." (sometimes phrased differently and called the "Golden Rule"), you can't go wrong. It allows for everyone's level of comfort in any situation.

    1. I agree with you. As I stated at the forfront, this is a hot topic and probably more than anyting I wrote it to make me think - as well as you the reader. I've thought about this more because of Romney running for office and doing some reading on the mormon faith. Polygamy led me to think about cucking and so I put some thoughts into words. the last thing i wanted to come across was being judgmental but rather try to state truths as I saw them from the perspective of the biblical writers. sure have no intention of offending others - that was not my intent.

  5. Is cuckolding something you or Katie are actively thnking about or considering? Have you discussed it? What would be your reaction if your Domme said she is taking a lover - despite what Scripture may or may not say?

  6. No, it's not something we ever intend to do. Katie has told me flat out -"No" and and agree. We are a couple in love. We don't need another. The risk of it ruining all we have is the risk. I view cuckholding as a consensual affair and anytime you have an affair you risk one's love leaving her lover and focusing on her cuck. It's just not worth it for us. And then there is what Scripture says.... if you believe in the bible, how can one separate one's desires from what the bible says? It creates a dilemma that one has to struggle to resolve.