Wednesday, October 17, 2012
"Remember, you're my sub"
Kathy recently posted about the necessity of the dominant partner reminding her sub or slave that he is indeed that. How true her statement is. She makes me think. I enjoy reading her posts because there is wisdom in what she says. She's not into kink but service and respect. She expects her husband to serve her and rules him with an iron hand but in a loving way. I only had one trouble with her post and that was the use of the word 'humiliation'. I hate that word. I hate it because I see a disconnect between humiliation and dominant love. I don't know if that is how she intended to use the word but it's one that I don't find positive in any way. But I digress.
I started to write a comment on her blog before my computer lost all that I wrote and decided to write my thoughts here rather than there. I drove to work thinking about what she had said and how I view 'purposeful reminders' by Katie to constantly instill the fact that I belong to her - both has her sub and her property - meaning that she owns me.
A few thoughts came to mind. First: men are visually oriented. Second: words speak volumes. Third: sacrificial actions teach more than those not involving sacrifice. Given the above premises here are some things that I find effective in reinforcing the fact that Katie is in charge and I am there to serve her.
1. Daily locking myself up in a chastity device after showering and not removing it unless I am going to lay in bed with Katie. If I am away for the day, it stays on. The reason that it promotes submission for me is because the daily locking myself up is a visual and time consuming act that reminds me I am owned. Kathy tweeks what I am told to do by Katie by having her husband wear women's underwear or remaining naked. In both cases, the visual sense is stimulated and the fact that 'I am different than most others' is a thought that comes to mind and can't be ignored.
2. When I am told to do something or when it is evident that Katie is waiting (impatiently) for me to do something or help her in some way I am reminded that I am there to serve. For example, when she tells me to make her a meal or clean the cat litter while she goes off to do whatever I feel those feelings of submission. It's interesting that the act of getting down on one's knees to do a chore adds to that fact. Cleaning cat litter, picking up trash that the dog left on the floor are humbling tasks that I do and she never does. When we leave a store with items in hand and she opens the trunk for me to put them away but then stands by the car door waiting for me to open the door for her, I am given a choice between being practical or being respectful. I now open the door for her even if I have a load of items in my hands. Declarative sentences, with a bit of 'matter-of-factness' added to the tone of the command speaks volumes.
3. "Massage my body," is a statement I often here. When she tells me it's time to massage her I know I'll probably be up for another hour or so. When my desire is to lay under the warm covers cuddled together I find the thought of massaging her, not high on my "desire-to-do-now" list. Massage is work. Massage requires giving but it's also quite visual with a faint light on in the room - one just bright enough for me to see her body. The work of massaging along with the visual stimuli that conjures up the thought that 'you are serving me and touching my beautiful body' is powerful indeed. She has not told me to massage her feet or legs while she watches TV but that would be another powerful reinforcer. She would continue to enjoy while I would have my back turned away from the TV and although able to hear the show, my focus would be on pleasing her with the touch of my hands.
There are many ways to reinforce. This is such an important topic because without reinforcement the mind will wander and effort will wane. I know enough to know that one only does as little as is required. A Domme that is not demanding or corrective will lose the passion she loves so much from a sub that is devoted. If she slacks in her ways, so will he. It's inevitable as we are lazy creatures by nature. (As an aside, read this post by a Queen and her Knight to see firsthand exactly what I mean by this.)
I love being told I'm hers, or that I'm owned. I love her telling me to do something. I love that she leaves things for me to do when I get home. I love working on her behalf. Why, because it all feeds my desire to submit to her authority. It's who I am and I hope that she continues to grow in her comfort as the authoritative figure in our home.