Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Vanilla Side of D/s

I wanted to write this post because much of my life is spent living ‘vanilla’. Although I have my chores to do, and though there is the underlying premise that I am to live my life with Katie’s interest to always be put ahead of mine and that I am to love, adore and serve to the best of my ability, there are many times when we just live as traditional couples. Let me give a few examples to see this other side of our relationship.
1. Competition: Katie enjoys computer games. One of the things we love to do is compete against one another and FreeCell is one such game. What’s great about this card game is that every game is numbered so even if we are apart for the evening we can be on the phone and play game 105 or 33549 together. A few evenings each week she will open up her laptop and tell me to do the same and we will go head to head and see how we do for 20-30 minutes. I show no mercy when we play – and neither does she and we both win and lose. Bowling would be another example. It's a game where I am yet to beat her - even once. I hate to lose. I just hate it and she of course loves winning every time we play and enjoys reminding me afterward who won and who loss.

2. Communication: It’s the key to our relationship. It’s what keeps the closets free from secrets. It’s one of the joys of our love. We talk all the time. I mean all the time. We talk in bed with the lights out before falling asleep. We talk over meals. We talk while we run errands together. We talk while I travel to and from work. We talk, talk, talk and it comes so easy and is so important in keeping us close. When we chat, it’s informal. It’s not “Miss Katie”, or “My Domme” or “Yes Ma’am”. It’s normal conversation that you’d expect to hear from best friends. Now in the course of our conversation I remain her sub and she continues to hold absolute power. When we discuss ideas, projects, plans or things that need doing Katie always has final say even though I have the freedom to express thoughts honestly and openly. Now that we've lived this way for quite some time, the fact that she makes the final decision doesn't even seem abnormal. We have established a new norm and it's just how we function now.
3. Projects: This year has been one filled with projects. We’ve painted several rooms, added a large flower bed to the back yard, trimmed trees, dug ditches, rebuilt a pond from the ground up, planted grass seed and spent hours organizing and sorting through household items. We work together. We work as a team. We sweat together. We get dirty together. We do things as a couple. Again, although we work as a vanilla couple, we remain a D/s one as well. The D/s reveals itself with respect to when we start or stop, what project we tackle, when she wants to take a break, what I'm to prepare a meal, what she wants modified or changed and anything else that requires decision making. I have free reign to express my thoughts. She just has final say. Our times spent working have bonded us and I have grown to appreciate Katie’s energy and insight as well as seeing how classy and tasteful she is with respect to decorating rooms and making a house become a home. Our home is indeed beautiful and much of that has to do with the choices she has made in how she decorates - kind of a quiet/casual elegance.

4. Aspirations: Like others we both have dreams. We enjoy doing things. We have no children to worry about - only pets. We share about places we'd like to go camping and what foods we want to cook while outdoors. We talk about dreams of traveling and taking one another to places where we dream of going. Home improvement ideas abound and we banter back and forth about what color to paint this room, or what furniture should go here are there. We discuss our budget and our finances as we can see retirement on the horizon - something I never thought of ten years ago. In all we do, we share like other vanilla couples. I want Katie to make final decisions and even though we sometimes make them together I always make sure that I am not assuming a decision making role and that she has either made a final decision or is comfortable with the suggestions (that is the key word) I make.
5. Intimacy: Although I am kept in a chastity device from dawn till dusk and although I am not permitted an orgasm, our sex life is like that of a normal vanilla couple. We cuddle (tons). We kiss. We make out. We make love. The only difference is that she orgasms and I don't. She decides when we make love and when it's time to stop. Yes I still paw at her body, Yes I often touch her to see if I can get a sexual response. Yes I almost always sleep with my hands clutching her breasts and yes I sometimes assume control sexually and take the lead when I think she will enjoy me in such a role. I just know my limits and my purpose when sharing sexually - meaning I know that my role is to please her, to last, and to stop if I feel that I am getting close to ejaculation. In the end, we both feel loved and both end with feelings of satisfaction.

So we are very much vanilla in many of the actual things that make up our day. What most never see that makes us different is the understanding of the power structure we function under. We live as you live. We function as most all healthy couples function. We just live knowing that Katie is the authoritative, decision making partner and I am the servant partner there to care for her at all times.

I'm Hers


  1. Mr. IH,

    Wonderful post!!! I could find myself relating to your examples.

    I too find that a D/s F/m WLM is pretty much the same as any other. I can make a case that there is a higher level of trust in a D/s relationship though. This is a nuance that is hard to quantify. I do find it is the case since both partners are more aware of the inner core of the other to what I believe to be a deeper level.

    This then spans out into conversation and other things. D/s is mostly a head game. The day in and day out actual activities are pretty much the same as any other busy couple though. It is just their bond is a loving D/s bond instead of some other.



    1. Thank you Mr SH, I appreciate your compliment. I think you should write a post on your thought of D/s increases a couples mutual trust in one another. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

      Tonight we sit side by side, laptops on both laps. World series game on (Katie's choice of course) me naked and locked, she not. We're just enjoying a quiet evening together very much vanilla yet very D/s symultaneously. I would wish for nothing else.