Sunday, December 30, 2012

Pouting and pushing away

I made a promise to Katie prior to marrying her that I would always obey her. Not only did I make that promise but I also told her that I would ‘embrace’ her decisions, even if they were not mine.  All I can say is that talk is cheap. The truth of a promise comes when it is tested and I failed miserably on mine.  Here’s my story.
As background, both Katie and I are products of previous marriages. We both have adult children. A week before we were to marry, Katie’s children told her that they worry for her. Their worry is in the statistics of second marriages – that there is a higher divorce rate than with first time marriages.  They feared that if our marriage failed she could lose her home and encouraged her to do a pre-nup in which we agreed that should we divorce the house would be her.
Katie told me a day or so later about this conversation. I felt sick when she told me. It was as if we were planning for an end rather than looking forward to a new beginning. Katie felt that this was a non-issue since we weren’t going to divorce so there was no problem doing it in her mine.  I felt hurt. I felt pissed that her kids felt like they had the right to intrude into our marriage. I wanted them to sign similar contracts with their spouses that would guarantee that the woman would get the house should they divorce. I wanted them to do that just so they would feel the same sense of hurt and awkwardness that I felt. In short, I pouted.
I shut down. I didn’t want to hold her hand. I wanted space. Those feelings of closeness with her vanished. But I got over it in a few hours. Then a few days later while lying in bed she told me that she needed to get this thing done tomorrow. The same feelings returned. I pulled away, just like I did before. I didn’t want to snuggle up to her. I didn’t want to hold her as I usually do. I wanted to punish her while I pouted once more. And I did. I turned away and fell asleep. Six hours later I woke and used the bathroom and then lay in bed for the next hour just stewing before sleep took hold of me.
Later that morning Katie wrote the agreement and signed it. I didn’t read it but I signed it. I guess she is going to give it to one of her kids to hold on to. I got over it once more an hour or so later. We talked. I told her about my feelings. I told her how I don’t fully understand why it is that I shut down when these kind of things happen and how I felt she needs to take control in not letting me get away with it.
As to my promise to obey and embrace….. well it didn’t happen as I know it should have. I did obey but only after acting like a 10 year old brat and I surely didn’t embrace. Just thinking about what I signed, even now, makes me sick. I don’t like what I did, but I did obey. I also understood what Katie was saying – that the document is a non issue since we aren’t going to ‘go there’. We aren’t going to divorce – and even if we did, I wouldn’t want the house anyway. I didn’t want the last house I left and know I’d feel the same way should we ever have a complete failure of our marriage. Yet I didn’t want to do what she told me to do – not this time.
The issue here as I reflect on this is not the document but my resistance to trusting her. The issue here is also my response. I pushed the one I love most away. For a time I didn’t want to be with her. I didn’t want to love her. I didn’t want to work through my feelings with her. I just wanted to push her away and punish her in the process.
As you can see, I have baggage. I’m not perfect. We don’t have a perfect – stress free – relationship. I sure hope that I understand the reason for the way I react so next time I don’t repeat the same unacceptable behavior. I know it has something to do with feelings of rejection but beyond that I am not sure how to deal with them to avoid subsequent screw ups.
I’m Hers

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Fine Wine

When I first met Katie she was like no one I’ve ever met before.  I can still remember the first time I saw her. I remember saying to myself, “oh my God, she’s beautiful!” And indeed she is. Just check out the I’m Hers icon and see for yourself.  But it was more than my physical attraction that lured me.  She was quiet, yet expressive; gentle yet in control. She told me on one of the first days I met her that ‘I always get what I want’.  It wasn’t said in an arrogant way yet I understood it to mean that when she she set her mind to accomplishing certain goals she achieved them.

Katie is what a Yankee would call a typical southern gal. She’s pretty, well mannered, classy, well spoken and carries herself with grace and dignity. Yet there is this other aspect to her personality that lured me like few I’ve ever been attracted to. It was this attitude of quiet self confidence. It was this sense of me feeling, almost from the start, that she looked at me as being hers.  She let me go a few times when we first started dating. I was unsure about getting into a relationship with a woman that lived too far away. Yet it was me, not her, who kept coming back, wanting to rekindle our relationship.  Maybe she me go those times after we first met knowing I’d be back. Maybe she knew that if it wasn’t to be, then it wasn’t and she’d just move on.  Fortunately for me I came to my senses and took the risk. Stepping out in faith to get to know her was the best choice I ever made.

If you ever met her Katie you’d never in your wildest dreams know she was my dominant partner and desires me to liver under her authority within a WLM. Yes you’d see her enjoying herself while I did small things for her. Yes it would be evident that we loved one another. Yes you’d see me making sure she was in the middle of a conversation rather than me. And yes, you’d hear her tell the host or others that it was time for us to leave.  If you watched us walk away you’d notice that I opened the driver’s-side door for her and that she drove .  Unless I did something really stupid while out with her, you’d never know she had this thing about control. Even if you did observe all of this I doubt very much that your mind would conjure up the word “dominant” as one characterizing Katie.
Fast forward to last night:  I was cleaning up Katie’s desktop and asked if I could move all of her desktop pictures into a folder by that same.  I have this thing about a cluttered desktop and hers was pretty much out of control. She gave me permission to do so and I did some laptop-housekeeping.  While moving these I realized that she had saved several pictures from the web and so I opened each one asking if she wanted me to save or trash these web pictures. One such picture is the one you see here. When I opened it I just smiled and when Katie saw it she laughed as well.
When I see that these kinds of comments amuse her it makes me both chuckle and smile. I smile because that is the real Katie. On the exterior, all others see is this attractive woman that could be anyone’s next door neighbor or any woman you’d pass while doing your Christmas shopping. What I mean is that she blends in with the crowd. She’s a normal woman. But on the inside she’s not the same as every other lady and the lady I know is surely not like most neighborly women. She has an understanding that men, including myself, need to be trained, molded and matured until they become worthy of being one of her better friends.  She believes that the ideal man is one that will also let go of his control, his desires, his wants, in lieu of the wants and needs of a woman. Yes, she will tolerate most any man as long they aren’t offensive but won’t desire to interact with a man frequently unless they are a gentleman. It’s the Domme in her coming through. It’s hard to see most of the time but every so often that side peaks its head out for others to see if they look close. 
I love that part of Katie. It was that part of her that I could sense when we were just friends. I wonder even back at the beginning if that attitude of ‘I get what I want’ came through and made me want to conform to her wants even though I had no idea she viewed things in this way. But that gracious yet unyielding attitude that told me in so many unspoken ways, “if you want to please me, you will do it my way” kept showing itself. I now wonder if that quiet self-confidence and gracious-selfishness on her part helped me realize that there was a submissive man hiding inside me all along.  That ‘I get what I want’ mentality was the domme inside her, even though she never put a name to that personality trait. 
Disguised within our own vanilla relationship was D/s. When I learned that there actually were dominants and submissives I immediately identified me as a submissive man and felt comfortable enough with her to bring this topic up initially. I never associated her as being dominant yet I believed she’d be open to at least discussing the possibilities of us being such opposites. It was she that helped me to find my way and I don’t know that either of us ever saw it coming. It just happened and is still happening to me most every day. Now I know what to look for. Now I know what to expect. Katie no longer has to hope she gets what she wants because now she just tells me and now I want nothing more than to cater to her. Doing so fills my heart with love for her. Doing so fills my life with richness and a sense of self-identity. It’s a win-win life for us both and that is what makes loving her so easy and yet so incredible.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Gag me with a Spoon!

Don't tell me you are one that writes those annual Christmas letters which say things like:

"My husband was just promoted and is now the CEO of company X. My wife just won most influential woman of the year and is recruited to be a part of the Obama task force for femdom and world reconciliation. Our oldest child returned from London this year with three gold medals at the tender age 11. Our middle child, who is in second grade has a 4.0 GPA and will graduate in 7 years as the valedictorian of her class. She's already been accepted into MIT's nanotechnology engineering program and is the schools beauty queen. Finally, our youngest recently played piano compositions by Bach and Mozart while appearing as a guest pianist at a gala in Bucharest Hungary. She will turn three next month."

I hate those letters when they show up in the mail. I mean really? Is your life really that good? Geez, not even a little dirt to share? Yes, I understand you don't want to reveal your family faults but rather cast the best light on your kids and family, but, let’s be real. We all know your oldest has ADHD, your middle child isn't potty trained and your youngest has only spoken three words and the two of you are on the verge of a divorce :)  We all know it so why not just tell us yourself. :)

I was thinking about those letters on Christmas day and wanted to write on that topic.  I hope that when I share about my life with Katie you don't get that same impression because we don't live a dream life.  We have issues. We have stresses. We have our faults. We have baggage that we've accumulated over the years. We have kids that are not perfect. We have insecurities and a myriad of other things that are far from ideal. 

Yet it is easy to push those faults under the rug and write about only the good stuff and, in the process, present to you the reader, that our life is perfect, and so much better than yours.  If you ever felt that, I do apologize because it isn't. That is not my intent although I would never present Katie to you in a way that is not positive. But know that we are just two normal people. We dress like you. We have full-time jobs that occupy much of our time. We worry about the economy. We worry about our kids and their relationships. We talk about vacations we may never ever experience. We get in ruts of eating the same foods and spending too much time in front of the TV and all the other things that are probably a part of your life as well.

Yes, Katie is beautiful - even more on the inside than out. Yes she is smart. Yes she chose me of all people to settle down with. Yes she is the sweetest dominant woman I will ever meet but she is also a normal middle-aged southern gal.  And me, well who in the world knows why she chose me and loves me.  I will be forever grateful and do my best this coming year to show her my gratitude.  I hope you do the same with the one/ones you love as well.

Happy New Year to all that stop by - and feel free to post your annual family letter here for all to read J

I’m Hers

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Financially Dependent

I did it. I went to the payroll department a few weeks ago and completed the necessary form to have my pay deposited into Katie’s checking account.  On the 15th I received a check for the previous pay period which I gave to Katie and Katie noticed she had a deposit for $0.00 into her account as well from my employer. On the 30th the money will be sent to Katie’s checking account. My account will remain active but will most likely not be used. I expect her to tell me to close it at some point as it really has no reason to remain open.  I am also beginning another part time job on the side doing some teaching and will, of course, give them Katie’s routing and account information so those funds are sent to her as well. I have one other employer that I do some per diem work for that I need to contact and will do that within a day or two so that my income finds its way to Katie’s account and not mine.

On December 15th she gave me my $20 of spending money that she now does twice monthly. Now that money doesn’t include gas, which she has instructed me put on the credit card, but it does limit my ability to spend money extensively. Basically I am without money to spend freely.  I use it to grab a snack here and there but otherwise, have nothing. To be honest, it’s really not a big deal to give her this control.  She is the one paying the bills so she needs to know how much money we have. She’s the one that decides what we spend and how we spend it and I understand that.  It all makes perfectly logical sense. The only time I struggle with this is when a friend asks me out to do something. If I have enough of my allowance left to share a meal or get a drink I’m OK. Otherwise I have to call Katie and see if I can use the credit card and if not, I decline the offer.

So, I marry on the 31st of the month and she will have her first of my forever deposits beginning the day before on the 30th.  She has my submission. She’s about to legalize it. She has me in chastity. She denies me….. it will be day 152 since I’ve last orgasmed when we marry, so she is firm control of our sex life, and now she has financial control. You may think I’m nuts to give her all this power but there is a sense of structure, and peace in doing so.  I feel completely free inside even though I own nothing. It’s all hers, yet she is all mine to care for and love. What more could a man want or need? 

Merry Christmas to each of you that have stopped by to read and contribute to this blog in 2012.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Rules, Part 2

As our marriage approaches, the significance of its permanency increases for me.  Yet I am frightened. What I have seems too perfect; she is too perfect; everything about her is too good to be true and I don't want to screw up anything of what we have and leave this nirvana life I now have.  I am living every submissive man's dream.  I have found a woman who wants to not only love me but own me as her submissive. She has embraced this position as the head of our dating relationship and has told me she now wants to marry me.  What more could I ever wish to desire or experience?

I have always been a person that likes to make lists and cross things off once they are done.  I have always been a person that, although I can lead others, prefers to be given a job to do and be given free rein to complete that task.  For me specifics work better than abstracts. Routines are better than change.  Knowing exactly what is expected of me or what I am to do is how my brain functions best.

So I came to Katie a few weeks ago to discuss rules and asked her if she wanted to establish any for me.  Her initial reaction was not to. Rather she just told me that what she wanted was my obedience. "But what about my mind," I countered. Obedience is more than just completing tasks and doing what she tells me.  What about my time?  We talked and I asked if I could write others that I knew that have mentioned that they have rules in place for their husbands.  I wrote out a draft of rules for myself and then compared my list with a response I got from another. I found the similarity stunningly close.

My desire in having rules is to construct a hedge around my marriage with Katie.  I remember reading a book by that same title years ago and looked it up today on Amazon.  Here is what Amazon says about the book: "With the divorce rate steadily climbing and infidelity creeping into even the happiest marriages, in a society that trivializes adultery and its devastating effects, with temptation and opportunity coming at you from all directions, how can you keep your marriage from becoming a statistic? ......the author's advice is this: plant preventative hedges around your marriage. These hedges are practical ways to avoid compromising situations and giving temptation a foothold in your life."

That is what I am seeking, a way to prevent the outside world or internal desires or wants from ruining what Katie and I have.  I want to always remain deeply in love with her. I want to always submit to her authority. I want to obey her always. I want to never look elsewhere for another woman's love to fill a need or want. I want to completely fill my life with 'Katie' and leave room in it for nothing else. I want to build a hedge to protect what we have.

So I am going to pass this draft by Katie with a list of my rules that I would like to live by.  If she agrees that these are the rules that I am to live by and does nothing more, I don't know if that will work.  If she however takes ownership of them, and forces me to take ownership of them by confronting me when I fail to live up to a standard; if she demands that I memorize these and recite them to her weekly or periodically; if she sits me down and tells me to explain which of these rules I am having the most difficulty with; if she keeps them in the forefront of my mind, then they will take on meaning.  Otherwise they will be pushed under the heap of stuff called life and diminish in significance.  It's up to me as the submissive to abide by her dictates but it is up to her as the dominant to enforce any policy or requirement she deems as important.

The rules I came up with are listed below.

I'm Hers 

Rule #1: - PRIORITIES     I will always put you first and make you my #1 priority.
Rule #2: - OBEDIENCE - I will obey you always. I will never question your decisions.
Rule #3: - WOMEN - I will never desire, flirt with, or lust after another woman.
Rule #4: - OPENNESS - I will truthfully and completely reveal all thoughts whenever asked.
Rule #5: - SEX - You are charge of my sex life. My genitals belong to you.
Rule #6  - FINANCES - All my money is yours. You make all financial decisions.
Rule #7: - TIME - You will determine how I spend my time outside of my work obligations.
Rule #8: - GUIDANCE - I will come to you for guidance when I am confronted with decisions I need to make.
Rule #9: - DISCIPLINE - I will accept your correction and discipline without question or resistance.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Cleaning up after the Lady of the House

I arrived home this afternoon after being away for a few days.  Soon after I walked in the door, Katie told me we were going to go out for an early dinner afterwhich we would run some errands and get a gift or two for Christmas.  Katie drove of course. It's what she's been doing for the past several weeks, even when she drives the car I use.  She always gives me the car keys to hold, has me fetch her purse from the back seat whenever we get out, and always waits for me to open the car door for her when we return to the vehicle and drive to the next store on her agenda. While I was away, she told me to 'add this and that to our to-do list'  which I did on my cell phone. Well, we went to about five stores and got what she needed. When we finally returned home several hours later. I unloaded the car, and carted a few items up to the bedroom.  Happening to walk into the bathroom, I found this (see picture).  I smiled, then laughed to myself when I saw the hamper.  There it sat, partially collapsed with a heap of dirty clothes laying on top of it rather than inside.  Apparently the support that keeps the hamper holding its shape wasn't secured (by me) and it collapsed while I was gone. Katie, rather than opening it up, decided to pile her dirty laundry on top, leaving it for me to fix.  How wonderful.  I wasn't upset but rather said to myself "this is the life I am living and I'm loving it."  Yes, keeping things tidy is what I do.  Making her life easier pleases me, and Katie, in turn, finds ways of reminding me that she is in charge and I am there to do those things she wishes not to do. 

It's just a small thing that I wanted to share.
Have a wonderful weekend.

I'm Hers


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Rules

I have read numerous times that Kathy from Femdom 101 has a list of rules that her husband has memorized and is expected to recall on demand when told to do so. I recently read on another blog that Queen and her Knight has a list of 12 rules that she is considering posting for her husband to see daily.  I have been thinking about those two women and the reason why they both have the rules as well as expect their husbands to know the rules.

There is so much psychology to the Domme/sub dynamic. Personally I view this as one aspect of behavioral modification. They desire certain behaviors and are doing specific things to make sure those behaviors are present (or changed in the case of an undesired one). 
Tonight I happened to catch WBZ out of Boston, 1040 on the AM band. They tout that their signal can be picked up in 38 states and they have some interesting discussions on a program entitled Nightside.  Tonight they had a world renowned mind-body healer, Deepak Chopra. I know little about alternative medicine but I do know that the power of the mind can be quite incredible. I only heard the discussion for a few minutes but he mentioned in one of his comments ‘you are what you think about’.

In the Bible, there is a verse that states, where you heart is, there will your treasure be also.
All of these examples, the rules, the comment by Chopra, the Bible statement, speak to the power of dwelling on a topic, rule, idea or thought and the power that thought has in affecting behavior, values, and in the end, the person as a whole. Christian leaders talk about the importance of daily devotion. Deepak has a ‘three week renewal’ program on his website, Kathy has John programmed to spit out rule #4 or any other rule on demand, and I’m sure he follows each and every one exactly. A Queen and her knight wants to post her 12 rules so her knight sees them daily as a means of gaining his conformity to what she desires of him.  All of this is psychology 101. It’s behavior modification. It’s understanding the working of the mind and spirit to mold one to the desire of another.

As I anticipate marriage and know that I will become Katie’s, I wonder if it would be helpful for me to know her rules.  She has never spelled out for me ‘her rules to live by’. I know that she has expectations but for the most part she’s pretty lenient when it comes to when those things get done, just as long as they do get done. I mean, I know that I have chores x, y, and z to do. I know that she wants me to act ‘this’ way or not do ‘that’, but she’s never given me rules to follow.  Should she? Would that be a good thing or a bad thing? Would having rules help her? If not, then why give them to me?
I know that a rule provides a framework to live by. Kids need rules, employees have rules, society has rules, so should a sub have rules?  The answer is most likely yes, now that I think about it. I will have Katie approve this post. I wonder what she will say. I wonder if she will want to bother coming up with rules.  What rules do you follow as a sub? What rules have you given to your sub if you are a Domme?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Slave or Submissive?

I will kneel before Katie and pledge both my love and obedience to her when she and I marry.  In anticipation of this significant life changing event I have been thinking about Miss Kathy's husband who sometimes comments on posts. He always signs it 'slave john'. It's that word - slave. I don't know about that word. It sounds so ominous but still I wondered, "If I make a promise to obey, to follow, to submit to her as the head of our home and promise to let her lead, then do I then become a slave as opposed to a sub?" I mean, this is different than making a commitment that is not tied to marriage. This is my marriage vow. This is the promise of promises. This promise will include both an expression of my love as well as an expression of my decision to submit to her authority. I will make a promise to obey her, and then listen to her promises which I assume will be, in part, an acceptance of my decision to let her lead as well as statements informing me of her promise to lead, to take control of our relationship in all of is aspects and to love me as her submissive husband.
 
If I do all of that, if she does all that, then haven't I entered into a binding contract that has no 'out' in it? Isn't that a decision to become a slave? I really don't know but it sure makes me wonder. I happened upon this quote the other day too. I couldn't believe it as I have been thinking about slavery and submission when I saw this. "A slave is someone who makes an agreement to do what they are told without question or argument. You don't need to be a submissive to accomplish this, you just need to be able to make and uphold the agreement of being a slave. A slave has no choice while a submissive does." Contrasted with that statement was this one. "A submissive is someone who by their nature yields to someone of stronger will. Being submissive is more of a personality trait, whereas being a slave is a choice. Not all submissives make good slaves. Some submissives are not willing or able to make the agreements needed to be a true slave, or they are not willing to uphold those agreements once made."
 
So I wonder, are these statements accurate? I am making a choice - a very conscious one. I am agreeing to follow her, even if my own choice in a particular situation would have been different. I do believe she will always want to hear my perspective so does that mean I am not her slave? Joseph in the Old Testament was sold into slavery yet held a high position in the home of his Master. He had freedoms within the boundaries that his Master insisted upon. Yet he was a slave. I too will have many freedoms, but also expectations and obligations that are non-negotiable. Does that make me a slave?
 
I'm struggling with the semantics of these two terms. Katie tells me she does 'own me'. That makes me think 'slave'. But I believe it is my personality to yield to women and defer to them and that sounds like a submissive trait. Katie also changes the rules at times. She's not rigid with me about when I do certain chores like vacuuming, or getting items on her to-do list done. Does that freedom tend to make one think that she views me as her submissive rather than a slave? I know for certain that she .doesn't like thinking of me as a slave. It removes one's freedom to choose and I know she loves the fact that I am choosing to put her first. I love consciously making the choice to give up power and defer to her. I enjoy doing things for her just because I know she loves it – even when those ‘things’ are expectations she has of me. Isn't that desire to serve a submissive trait rather than a slave trait? But then there is slave john. I know he loves Kathy. I am pretty sure that Kathy gives him freedoms like going golfing with friends and enjoying a good football game and that they have an open honest relationship. That sounds like Katie and me. But John is a slave. I'm not getting this or is it that John has used the wrong terminology of him self when he refers to himself as a slave? (Follow up note: Just the other day I read this phrase in Kathy's blog: "In the house there are rules by which John lives by. The rules have the affect of maintaining a mistress slave type relationship in our family home." Kathy views her relationship as a Mistress slave one even though she dearly loves her husband.) Maybe John isn't misusing the term slave after all.
 
Maybe this is all semantics and doesn’t matter a bit but I am confused. After writing all that and thinking some more, I'd probably call myself a slave but I don't want to think of me as that. But the fact that I have these obligations; the fact that I have no power; the fact that I am committing to obey and serve - well it sure makes me think of the word 'slave' moreso than 'submissive'. I know I have submissive qualities but am I more than that?  I'd love some insight and perspective. What do you think of all this? Can you describe the differences clearly and succinctly? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
 
I'm Hers

Monday, December 3, 2012

Getting Married

Katie and I picked a date - well she picked the date but I wasn't gonna argue. December 31, 2012. It will be short, sweet, but oh so nice. We're going to be married by the local magistrate where we will say those 'canned' vows. Prior to that appointment we will have a quiet time to say our own vows at home where we will pledge our love, commmitment, and me to obey and submit and her to lead us in a wife led marriage.  I will gladly tell her I will obey and follow her, which is really not a changefrom the way we interact now. What is significant is that I will say this as part of my marriage vow which I deem as sacred.

Afterward we'll share a dinner with friends and then have a party as we ring in the new year.

Only 28 more days!

I'm Hers - FOREVER!!

PS. I've added an email contact for those that would like to chat or share a thought on the right side of the blog page. I won't check it every day but will periodically.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

I Thought Tonight was the Night

The other night we were laying in bed talking, me naked, and Katie in her panties and nighty. Eventually she turned off the TV and started paying me some sexual attention, touching and enjoying my cock and generally getting me riled up. Her touches were soft, gentle, slow yet deliberate. They felt wonderful in the dark of the night. It has been over 120 days since I last orgasmed. My responses now to her touch are immediate and pronounced. It doesn’t take long to harden and tonight was no exception. After some time I could sense her reaching for something on the night stand with one hand while she fondled me with the other.
“Hmm, I wonder if she’s trying to find the lubricating oil?”I thought. “Maybe she’s really going to do this for awhile. Wouldn’t that be nice.” I relished in the thought that I would be paid the attention tonight rather than being told to give her a massage. But the thought was shourt lived as a moment later she stopped her fondling and went into the bathroom to take a pill. She came back with two bottles of oil. “Which is which?” she asked. I still had hope. Yes!
I told her the massage oil had the flip cap. She set that one aside on the bed and opened the other. “Yes, “this is going to a fun night after all.”
She applied some lubricant and rubbed once more, making me feel oh so good. “What’s your intention here, Katie?” I asked.
“I’m going to make you feel good,”she whispered.
“Am I allowed to cum?” I asked hopefully.
“No,” she said quite matter-of-factly and with that she gently touched me again, slowly heightening my arousal. I was in heaven as there’s nothing as nice as feeling Katie’s touch, even if I know it will end without me experiencing a release. I thought, “Maybe it will end with me experiencing a ruined one,” We had briefly talked about that very thing a few weeks ago. Maybe this was to be the night she experimented with this. Those thoughts were brief flashes in time. Mostly I just laid back and enjoyed the attention knowing she was going to take good care of me. But within a few minutes Katie’s hips started moving and I heard that familiar “mmmm” in her voice. I knew what was coming. The touches stopped. She rolled on her back and slipped out of her panties and pulled me on top of her. It was Katie time. Apparently the feeling of what she had in her hand had changed her mind for the evening’s activities and pleasuring her took sudden precedence over pleasing and teasing me.
It wasn’t that I minded making love with her. I love making love with Katie, but I sure was looking forward to that personal attention. In the end, she was true to her word. I did feel good, I did get close, and I didn’t release. I was left wanting when she stopped, used the bathroom and returned telling me she wanted a massage. I obeyed and rubbed her body with oil until she fell asleep and then rubbed it for another twenty minutes just because I knew in her subconscious she could feel my touches and was enjoying it.
When I was certain she was asleep, I pulled the sheet and quilt up and quietly slipped under the sheet next to her. I love her. She is becoming such a wonderful Domme.