Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I have read numerous times that Kathy from Femdom 101 has a list of rules that her husband has memorized and is expected to recall on demand when told to do so. I recently read on another blog that Queen and her Knight has a list of 12 rules that she is considering posting for her husband to see daily.  I have been thinking about those two women and the reason why they both have the rules as well as expect their husbands to know the rules.

There is so much psychology to the Domme/sub dynamic. Personally I view this as one aspect of behavioral modification. They desire certain behaviors and are doing specific things to make sure those behaviors are present (or changed in the case of an undesired one). 
Tonight I happened to catch WBZ out of Boston, 1040 on the AM band. They tout that their signal can be picked up in 38 states and they have some interesting discussions on a program entitled Nightside.  Tonight they had a world renowned mind-body healer, Deepak Chopra. I know little about alternative medicine but I do know that the power of the mind can be quite incredible. I only heard the discussion for a few minutes but he mentioned in one of his comments ‘you are what you think about’.

In the Bible, there is a verse that states, where you heart is, there will your treasure be also.
All of these examples, the rules, the comment by Chopra, the Bible statement, speak to the power of dwelling on a topic, rule, idea or thought and the power that thought has in affecting behavior, values, and in the end, the person as a whole. Christian leaders talk about the importance of daily devotion. Deepak has a ‘three week renewal’ program on his website, Kathy has John programmed to spit out rule #4 or any other rule on demand, and I’m sure he follows each and every one exactly. A Queen and her knight wants to post her 12 rules so her knight sees them daily as a means of gaining his conformity to what she desires of him.  All of this is psychology 101. It’s behavior modification. It’s understanding the working of the mind and spirit to mold one to the desire of another.

As I anticipate marriage and know that I will become Katie’s, I wonder if it would be helpful for me to know her rules.  She has never spelled out for me ‘her rules to live by’. I know that she has expectations but for the most part she’s pretty lenient when it comes to when those things get done, just as long as they do get done. I mean, I know that I have chores x, y, and z to do. I know that she wants me to act ‘this’ way or not do ‘that’, but she’s never given me rules to follow.  Should she? Would that be a good thing or a bad thing? Would having rules help her? If not, then why give them to me?
I know that a rule provides a framework to live by. Kids need rules, employees have rules, society has rules, so should a sub have rules?  The answer is most likely yes, now that I think about it. I will have Katie approve this post. I wonder what she will say. I wonder if she will want to bother coming up with rules.  What rules do you follow as a sub? What rules have you given to your sub if you are a Domme?


  1. I have seen where one domme had only one rule;

    There are no rules except what I want at the time. Any attempt to form rules will be punished. Instead, the sub is required to do whatever I what at the moment.


  2. I created our rules because they help my Knight. Without a solid framework of my expectations for him, my Knight becomes anxious wondering what will "make me happy" at every given moment. I've come to understand that lack of clear expectations was a big part of our problems before FLR. Without rules, my Knight is in an almost constant state of worry about what he should do at any given time, and whether or not he has met my expectations.

    You've read our rules. One of them states very specifically that when my Knight has completed his daily task list, that he is done for the day, and has done a good job meeting my expectations. That rule is in there specifically to ease his anxiety about whether or not he is doing a good enough job of meeting expectations. (My Knight's words).

  3. Although I have not read any of Katies' opinions, I sense some ambivalence about the rules thing. For her, I might respectfully suggest she check this blog post written by a woman top regarding how she would like to see her male bottom.

    Some couples have a list of rules, some don't seem to have any. Many fall in the middle such as tasks: she does these things, he does those things, unless one partner cannot do them, etc.

    I would not like to jump into a rigid set of rules until I had spent a lot of time with my partner and we both agreed the rules were "do-able".

    1. Forgot the link to the blog post. Here it is:

  4. I like rules but I can not see my wife instituting rules and punishments.

    I suspect we may be moving to something where she will ask me what I want to achieve and then she will punish me for being weak. For example, I want to loose weight and I have little self control when it comes to eating. We have discussed briefly once that I should only have one piece of cake or biscuit or dessert. I have no self control and when such things are on offer I just pig out. I think we may be getting to the point where if I do that then she will whip me or cane me. This will provide the boundary or reminder or whatever you call it for me to break that habbit.

  5. Mr, IH,

    I agree with Mr. Dave Smith. I would say though that in respect to a marriage contract, specific obligations are needed in order to make it a contract. A contract, by definition, spells out each party's obligations. Their signature makes it a binding agreement between the two of them. Traditionally, this is a spiritual event as well as a legal. However, the spiritual aspect seems to have faded with respect to entering into a contract with another person in modern times. Traditionally that was the more important aspect and more heavily binding aspect of contracts.

    Now, with respect to a D/s marriage contract I do suggest obligations be explicitly spelled out. In my case, my wife and I signed a contract which defines our new D/s marriage. My obligation is to find my life's enjoyment in my service to her. Her obligation is to use my service to her to follow her life's enjoyment. There were some specifics surrounding these two points, but those were the two principle obligations.



  6. Thanks to all for your comments. Whether I spell them out or not or whether she spells them out for me, we both function under certain understandings. You can call them just that or you can label them rules. They may change to one degree or another but basically they are the same. Mr SH, I liked your comment about the overriding theme of the rules you set up with your wife - you to find enjoyment and she to enjoy - I like that lots. Angelique, I can see from the rules you sent that they are spelled out in detail for the benefit of your Knight. I take that he needs that detail, that specificness. I find peace and security in having a framework to live within and maybe that is why, for me, I think rules would be helpful. Yes there is the double edged sword that they are limiting but submission is all about that in one sense and yet in the other it's about me finding freedom to enjoy life within that framework my Katie provides. Mr. Subhub, I may be reading your comment wrong but I take it that you might enjoy the punishment of over eating when you have a momentary weakness. If so I would hope your wife would see through that and punish you in other ways - like maybe going into the back yard and digging a six foot hole and then filling it back in :) Or drop you off a specific distance from home that is equal to the number of calories you 'over consumed'. Oh, to be the Domme. I could have such fun with that power. lol

    Dave, I did enjoy reading the rules you provided the link to. That person writes well! Katie is leaning toward not having specific rules and maybe that will change but at this point she is not embracing this idea. I will let her have her way in this.

    Thanks to all for writing.

  7. Like you and Ms Katie, my spouse and I are new to the D/s dynamic. I think we are both in sort of uncharted territory. The difference is, we know each other probably much better than the two of you do. But in this situation, I'm not sure that gives us any advantage. In fact, it may be a disadvantage in that we have been doing things a certain way for a long time and it will be harder for both of us to change. For me, being given rules and knowing her expectations would be a great help. But, I feel she is trying to discover her role in this, as well. So, in a way, she may not know exactly what she wants yet. At this point, I am ready to move farther along and she is not moving nearly as fast so the hardest thing for me to do is to be patient as her learning curve happens. We often have setbacks and I think if she established rules, it would prevent her (and I) from falling back to our old ways.

    1. Wishful4,
      You are in company with most men I would think. Most men dwell on this and advance in their desire to submit much faster than their counterpart. My one advice is to keep your communication lines open. Talk about everything. Share from your heart.... I'm sure you know this already. Feel free to write me via email - imhersblog@ya...... com I'd love to chat if and hear your thoughts in more detail if that would help.