Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A Perfect Day

Today couldn’t get much better. Our postponed trip to the beach finally came to be and began with lunch on the ocean after the noon rush came and went. To sit and watch the waves, the gulls, and enjoy fresh fish was a real treat. We made our way to the hotel, a place that Katie has frequented often and taken me to but once before. Our room overlooked the ocean, and from the deck outside we watched brown pelicans diving for fish and red throated loons floating everywhere. A bit further out from the breaking waves gulls flew overhead and a pod of buffleheads who summer in the arctic graced us with their appearance in the south.  Sitting on the small balcony sipping wine with the waves crashing in the background, the smell of salt water I couldn't imagine it getting any better?

But it did for while we were enjoying a glass of wine I was informed I’d be giving Katie a body massage later that evening.  Rika, in her book talks of men serving and then after having served their Mistress to say ‘thank you’.  I never understood why a man would want to say thank you after providing a service until sometime after I read the book.  An hour or so after massaging my wife to complete an utter relaxation in a warm bedroom with the sound of the ocean off in the distance, I couldn’t help but tell Katie, "thank you for letting me massage you".  Those words came so naturally and now quite frequently anymore when I serve her for it is indeed a treat to serve her in ways that both please and bring her joy.  After her massage we made love.  We made love the way she loves it most - long and slow and intimate – with me completely devoted to pleasing her. It was the best! Afterward we relaxed in bed, watched a little TV and slept soundly for many hours until morning

To add to my joy, I received an email from a friend. He informed me his Mistress wife got him an apron for Christmas. Another woman from California wrote and told me that she was about to assume control of a very masculine man – hopefully permanently. Last week Willow Fae, a woman I had some contact several months earlier via email, wrote letting me know she was once again going to take charge of her marriage.    Yesterday I read the blog from a Queen and her Knight. The take away point was that living in a 50/50 relationship wasn’t working and she needed to assume control – why? Because their marriage functioned better that way; he was a better father to his children when made to submit and their love life flourished when she assumed the role of Mistress.

One can only hope that even more women will see the value of assuming leadership. One can only hope that by reading blogs written by ordinary women such as you – blogs like such as Femdom 101, To be his Queen, a Queen and her Knight or Woman in Control,  that ordinary women can benefit so much personally, relationally, emotionally, and intimately by becoming their man’s Mistress. By the term mistress I mean – the one that holds the power and decision making for the family unit.  Ladies, Femdom works. It isn’t hard. It need not be kinky. It only needs you to assume your rightful role as head of your home. Men want and need your leadership. Men everywhere are coming to understand the benefits to submitting to a woman. There is security in that for him but there is security in that for you too for by assuming control you keep him close. You claim him as yours. You get to experience the very best of him. You protect him from his own vices. You get to enjoy the man you fell in love with the way you’ve always wanted. For him, there is more lure, more enticement when loved by ‘that’ kind of a woman than you could ever imagine.  What better New Year’s resolution than to consider taking charge of your man once and for all. Ladies, I do hope you will consider the possibilities.

I’m Hers

Friday, December 27, 2013

Insecure but Loved

I wrote this post a month or so ago and never posted it. I'm cleaning out my old drafts and using the time to take a break from writing over the Christmas holiday while still keeping the blog fresh with new posts. Hope you enjoy the read.

Laying in bed last night, Katie and I still both very much awake, I cuddled up behind her as I do every night with one hand under her neck clasping her hand and the other around her body pulling myself tight behind her.  We fall asleep in that position most every night. But while we were still awake we talked some. Our conversation sporadic sometimes chatting, sometimes silent. At one point I kissed her on the back of her shoulder and said, "You make me feel secure."

"Why is that?" Katie asked.

"Because I think I am an insecure guy deep down."

Katie disagreed with my self assessment but I know that without her I'd be one lonely man. I mean I was a lonely man before I found her. I filled my day with work and just existed. I didn't live. I didn't laugh. I didn't smile lots. I just did my job, came home late at night and made a quick dinner and either sat here as I am now writing, reading sports on the web, watching TV or sleeping. That was my life.

But with Katie it's different. I don't live to work. I work to live and can't wait until the day comes when I can quit my job and retire - or at least work part-time as I choose.  I smile now. I have a person that overwhelms me. I told Katie last night that sometimes when I am laying next to her in bed, or sitting beside her while she drives, or holding her hand while we walk that I actually feel it is a privilege to be with her. I am just that taken by her.  She laughed when I told her but it is so true. She is so much more than my spouse. She fills me with joy and an understanding that I am loved. In turn I want nothing more than to do all I can to please her.

In that line, I don't know that I would make a very good sub to a woman that just wanted a man to do her bidding, slave away and not be rewarded at all emotionally. Oh, I might work hard for her for awhile, but I need more than a woman that is able to tell me what she wants done and in doing so make me understand that I am her submissive, there to serve as she deems. Yes, I do believe that I thrive when I have the understanding that I am not my wife's equal, that she decides, that I am there to serve, that we live with two different responsibilities as partners. She understands she is the Mistress wife, the one with all the power, the one that is responsible for me and making sure I remain close to her and serve her as she needs my help.  I in turn understand that my primary responsibility is focusing on Katie, to do what I can do for her to make her happy, loved and cared for.  Yes, I need a woman that is both strong and demanding (to satisfy that submissive side of me) but I also need one that I know loves me.  I don't mind being told. In fact I like that but I need those instructions tempered with the realization that my efforts are appreciated by the woman I have pledged my obedience.  The two need not follow one another right away but if I were to do several hours of work for Katie during a weekend, it is so nice to hear a simple, "I appreciated you getting that done".  It's not much but it is much all the same.

I was reading a blog recently in which a statement was made about women stating they would never ask their husband permission for anything but would rather tell them what they were going to do.  It rubbed me the wrong way. Then while I was working outside this weekend I thought about that statement and realized that Katie does that same thing. The difference however, is that she tells me those kinds of things when I am at work and we are apart.  For example I might get a text stating, "Meeting Rachel for a glass of wine tomorrow at 6. Remind me at 5", or "Meeting Susan on Friday. Remind me before you go to work".  The "declarative statements" are more for me to free Katie from having to keep her planner out than it is a statement telling me I'm going out and you aren't.  The two are very different.

In fact, I very much enjoy those kinds of texts or emails.  I feel needed. I'm being helpful. I'm also a part of her day even when we are apart.  And I love it when she socializes with her friends. I know she isn't alone. I know she is taking time to spend with ladies she has known for many years and whose company she thoroughly enjoys. But Katie would never make a statement to the effect of, "See ya, I'm going out, don't know when I'll be back. Bye." when I am home with her. Of what purpose does that type of comment serve?  Why would a woman do that? Where is the love? Where is the consideration?  Say what you will but there isn't any. 

Maybe those kinds of in-your-face comments unearth my deep seated insecurity. If Katie made such a statement, I'd probably swallow hard, look surprised, try to act cool but inside feel hurt. I'd want to say, "but, but, but can't I come too? When will you be home?"  You see, I am married to a woman with whom I want to spend all of my time with and do so most all of my time.  It's why I married her. We love one another and enjoy being together.  Katie fills me. She is my better half - more like my better three-quarters.  She brings out my better side - my laugh, my smile, my sense of humor, my patience, the things about me that I'd most likely bury deep inside if I were alone. I'm glad I'm not alone.  I don't ever wish to be in that position again.  I much rather feel a woman's love - that genuine 'I appreciate you more than I can express' kind of love.

I'm Hers

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

New Blog

I learned of a new blog that I wanted to let others be aware of. This one is written by a woman, a sensible woman. I hope others find it helpful to where ever they are in life living as the dominant partner, submissive, or one seeking information regarding this lifestyle.
Enjoy
http://tobehisqueen.blogspot.com/

Monday, December 23, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Another year has almost past. For Katie and I it has been one of many fond memories.  I took some time to write down a list of those things we did that came to mind over the past months.  There were the big things of course, the trips to see family and to vacation, but mostly the list was filled with the little things that made up our daily lives Things like working in the gardens, watching a movie that we saw as kids in the 60's, snuggle times, watching birds, sitting out back with a glass of wine, those kinds of things. Normal things. 

What makes all of the items on our list special is that we have spent each and every one of those times together.  The fact that I could make an extensive list recounting all of those shared moments is special indeed.  I love my wife and I love sharing our life with you - if it helps you to understand better the value of a wife led marriage and the intimacy associated with such a relationship.

Christmas is a time to be with family and friends.  It's another item to add to the list. I hope you have a special Christmas day, a special welcoming in of the new year, and if you happen to be a man, that you dedicate 2014 to lovingly serve your wife, or significant other.

Blessings to all.

Katie and I'm Hers

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Why Enjoy Submission



Katie and I ran our usual weekend shopping route picking up groceries, home improvement items and a few other miscellaneous purchases.  When we returned she dropped me off at the street to get the mail while she drove the car up and parked it near the house.  She of course went inside and left me to carry in the several bags and a few boxes of goods while she did whatever a woman does when they get home. As I was putting things away I reflected on how I was feeling – really good.  I was enjoying doing the work of clearing the purchased clutter from the counter, helping her remount a string of Christmas lights to a length of greenery because the old lights had stopped working. I also tended to the wash since it is the weekend.  I subconsciously asked myself, “Why are you enjoying this?”

I think I have AN answer. I don’t know if it is THE answer but for me I believe it is an answer.  My mind went to the title of a book that I never read but remember hearing something about years ago.  I believe it was called The Purpose Driven Life.  I don’t know why but that title popped into my mind and that, I felt was the answer to the question I had asked.  Purpose.  People need a purpose in life and men especially need a purpose.  Women are more relational. Men are more ‘doing’ and ‘thing’ oriented. Women tend to think more globally, conceptually, big picture. Men are more practical, problem solvers, doers.  (Those are generalities of course).

But what came to me was that in doing all this stuff, you know, that ‘stuff’ a writer from a few posts told me ‘this sucks’ stuff, is that in doing this ‘stuff’ I have a purpose.  My purpose is caring for my wife. I opened the car door for her each time we returned to it.  I kept her dry on a rainy Saturday while we shopped making sure the umbrella was open and over her when she got out of the car and while we walked in the rain. I pushed the shopping carts inside. I took bags and items from her hands, offering to carry them for her, I got the mail, I unloaded the car, I put all that stuff away. I did the wash. I did the dishes. And now I’m writing about all that stuff I did.  I have a purpose.  All of those tasks except for taking a moment to write this post had to do with easing her burden. It all had to do with letting her know that I was thinking of her by being considerate and helpful.  I didn’t just run an errand for myself.  I did it with her and for her.  I supported her. When she asked about this or that we talked but the reason we talked, or the reason that I shared thoughts, was because she wanted to know my opinion on an item that she had an interest.  Purpose.

I’m Hers

PS. Last evening we went to a party. Soon after arriving a single woman asked me to help her set time food items out before the crowd of people arrived. When she asked for my assistance I responded with a phrase that has become so natural to say I don’t even think about it anymore, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do,” I responded. Katie happened to step into our conversation at that moment.  The woman turned to me and then to Katie and commented seemingly quite surprised to hear those words, “I’m looking for a man that is willing to say those words.” Her tone was one of excitement as if to say, "wow, he really meant that."

What I find so interesting is how many women want a man to be at their call, their beckon.  So many men would love to have their men submit to them and just give them the power to decide and be trusted to lead as they wish, knowing they have a man next to them that loves them more than anything else. A man willing to do anything that needs done.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Getting Older isn't all Bad

I’ve been reading a book series by Jim Butcher called the Codex Alera. It’s a fantasy and one I’d put in the same category as Tolkien’s books. There’s good guys, bad guys, animal like people that talk, etc.  There is a struggle between good and evil with evil often so close to prevailing over good but it never does.  At one point in the story the First Lord makes a comment to a younger Lord regarding a battle decision.  The First Lord exerted supernatural power temporarily putting the enemy back on their heels and then gives the order to retreat. The younger Lord begs that they press the attack.  The First Lord holds his ground while the younger states the idiocy of the decision.  At that point the First Lord makes a profound statement and says, “If I was younger I would have agreed.”

Later in the book the reader realizes that the First Lord retreated not once but many times in order to draw the enemy out and away from their resources, their supplies and their source of strength before launching a counter-attack.  I haven’t read the final chapter to know the outcome but I do know there is one more book so the good guys must have won in the end :) The First Lord exhibited foresight and patience, even when an opportunity presented itself immediately.

I thought of the person I am now, a man approaching ‘old age’.  I realize more now that my perspective as an older man is one significantly wiser than when I was younger.  I am not condemning youth. Don’t take this as a put-down to being young.  I can’t dunk a basketball anymore and miss that feeling.  Geeze, I can barely touch the rim, even on a good day. But I am less impulsive. Way less insecure. I don't feel the pressure to dress like everyone else or worry what others think about me nearly as acutely as when I was in my youth. I can make love so much better.  I realize that making love is not akin to a sprint but more like enjoying a meal - only in our situation she gets to enjoy the desert while I don't. It isn't a 3 minute romp but rather a half hour of becoming one in body mind and soul, all of which unites us as a single entity while physically and emotionally intertwined.  At age 20 or 30 I didn’t have a clue making love was anything more than a quick pleasurable act to satisfy some basic need I had - most likely lust.
When young life was all about getting. Getting the girl; getting the job; getting more stuff and more things; climbing up the various ladders of success that others told me I needed to climb. My focus was on fitness, looking good and being the best.  Now all of that has merits but I realize that real joy is not in stuff but in people and relationships.  Real joy is not in the prestige of the job but in the love of the work and people I work with regardless of how others view the value of the company I work for. Life is not about making money, although having enough sure makes life easier in many ways, but about spending time with others. I realize now that there is so much joy in giving and so much less in getting, whether it’s taking time to talk to a person that is hurting to laying prone and building a Lego fort with a boy or sitting cross-legged with a bow in my  hair while sipping pretend tea with a five year old girl that feels completely loved merely by my attendance to her special event.

As Katie’s submissive I find joy in giving her a massage late at night, holding her tight until I hear her breathing deepen and know she is asleep for the night in my arms or surprising her in some small way that produces that genuine smile I love so much. 

Now that I’m older I’ve slowed down. My weight hasn’t changed much since school but my son doesn’t hesitate to tell me that my six-pack is now a small keg and I have more aches in the morning than I did at any time previously. My mind is failing too. For the life of me I sometimes can’t remember where I parked only minutes before and have to intentionally think where I’m parking before I head  inside to shop just so I can find the car when I leave without hitting the key fob again and again. I’m falling apart but I have so many years of experience that has taught me many life lessons. 
I think, I hope, I’m a better man as a result.  I love to cuddle so much more now. And could do it for hours. I love touching Katie - her hair, touching her back, massaging her feet, without having the slightest intent of hoping for more (in the bedroom). I don’t mind being told what to do. I love feeling her control. I love obeying. I have learned to give up the whole 'control freek' lifestyle and it is so freeing. Freeing beyond words. I love making Katie smile. I love hearing her giggle even more. I am more respectful, and more understanding of others. I have learned that the grays in life are ok. That it doesn't always have to be black and white. I've learned to pick and choose my battles and realize that friendships are more important than saving face. I am more confident as a man, less insecure over little things like keeping up with the neighbors. I listen better even though my hearing is worse. I love life’s little things like grand kids, flower gardens, a walk on the beach, a warm evening rocking outback with a glass of wine and Katie snuggled in tight.  I have realized that ‘being’ is as much, if not more significant than ‘doing’.  I love being told what to do rather than cringe at another order from my spouse.  I understand that denial while making love has served to bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  
I understand the significance of the first Lord’s comment in the book I’m reading now and the wisdom of such a comment.  I love being a part of discussions with the ‘old timers’ because I know that they have years upon years of wisdom that they share all the time if the young would only be patient enough to really hear what it is they have to say.  It took me until I was in my forties to realize that. I love watching old coaches coach. They tend not to scream and yell like the young ones but they know how to coach. They realize the game is more than about x's and o's but about creating a team and getting their constituents to realize a team is greater than the individual.  

I've learned from the wise ones. I listen to them now more carefully, especially the ones that are successful and innovative. They sometimes utter true pearls of wisdom like, ‘don’t try to prove yourself right but try to prove yourself wrong’ or ‘absolute consistency is a sign of a small brain' or 'rules without a relationship lead to rebellion' all came from older men. I won't try to expound upon them but will let you chew on them for awhile. Enjoy.

I’m Hers

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Getting There

I received an email a few weeks ago from a man I’ve been writing.  One of his emails contained this comment: …. "anyway, does Katie always tell you when to do things? Often I just do things of my own accord because I can see the laundry needs doing, and ‘her’ closet is a mess so I should straighten it up, and this, and that, etc. Which doesn't necessarily make me feel submissive even though I know I am. It is at these times I think that I think "this sucks". But I know that when ‘she’ gives me a direct request it gives me those sub feelings and I am happy doing whatever she needs. Maybe that's the key - somehow finding the balance of maintaining the feelings. I just guess at times I feel like I'm half in and half out. Like maybe we aren't doing it "right" even though there isn't necessarily a right or wrong way."
Today I spent a weekend day pretty much alone.  Katie left for work after I made her breakfast and didn’t return for another ten hours.  Before she left I asked if there was anything she wanted me to do and she couldn’t think of anything.  I enjoyed a day to myself.  I did do the wash for the week and just got the last of things returned to the closet and dresser. I also decided it was time to make chicken soup. I love chicken and turkey soup.  I mean I love it. Katie enjoys it too but doesn’t particularly enjoy the smell of poultry cooking. So today was the perfect day to make a pot and cook to my hearts’ content.  So I went to the grocery store and loaded up with what we didn’t have at home and chopped onions, celery, carrots, and added other veges and spices while I boiled that bird for hours. 
I spent the rest of my day working on a writing project that I’ve been toying with and just relaxed.  It felt good to have nothing pressing and do nothing for a few hours. It felt really good.  Once the soup was ready, I filled several quart containers of it to be frozen – six to be exact - and still had plenty for us to enjoy for a few meals. When the cooking was finished I washed pots and pans and scrubbed the stove top clean.  It was then that I thought of the above paragraph, specifically the sentences referring to doing things that sucked and the comment on not feeling submissive all the time.  I remember those days and from what I know of the writer (above) he has only recently submitted to his wife – and is a younger man.
While scrubbing the stove I realized that I was taking pride in cleaning it.  I wanted it spotless, and then I attacked the counter making sure there was no sign of my project left when Katie got home.  I didn’t purposely clean because I felt submissive.  I did it just because. No other reason, just because.  It didn’t suck and I didn’t feel any submissive thoughts. Those thoughts, for the most part, have long since past. It’s like being a parent for the first time. It’s new, and it remains new for awhile.  But after a few years and after the second or third come along, it’s just who one is – a parent.  The excitement is gone and the adult just does what a mom or dad does – care for and love their child.  Submission is that way for me, and I am realizing dominance is pretty much that way for Katie too.  We are who we are and each simply does what we do as an extension of our respective positions as submissive and dominant.
Have you been where the man that wrote me is? Have you experienced my feelings – or maybe better put, the lack of feelings while still remaining just as obedient to the one that owns you as you were when you first gave her your all?  Elizabeth Kubler Ross is the one credited with categorizing the stages of grief.  I think she would put ‘this sucks’ in the depression – stage 4 – category.  If so, there is only one more stage for my new friend to pass through before he gets to the final, and healthy place in life – acceptance of who he is – a submissive man.  If you have submitted but feel that life sucks at times or isn’t fair or should be different, hang in there.  Hopefully you will realize it is who you are and if you internalize that fact, you will come out the other side a better person, a better man, and a more loving and caring submissive husband. 
I’m Hers

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A Personal Observation of my 'Financial Attitude'

The other day we were out running errands. Katie asked if I wanted to have lunch out or make lunch at home.  My response, "That's a financial decision. I can't make that call." 

Today Katie asked if I would like an item we saw at a hardware store.  I deferred the question as it was quite expensive and although I 'could' use it, it wasn't like I needed it. 

The above are but two examples of times in which she is asking for my opinion on something that entails me making a financial decision.  Because I don't handle the money and because I am her submissive, I struggle with answers to such questions.  I struggle, in part, because I don't know our financial situation.  To say, let's eat out every day this week might be nice but that doesn't mean it is a wise choice nor one we can afford.  I feel like I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle in my mind to answer. Of course, I'd like to eat out when the other option is me making a meal, but then again, if we did it all the time, eating out wouldn't remain a special event.

When asked about purchasing larger ticket items, like the example given in the hardware store - in this case the item was several hundred dollars, I feel guilty in saying, "yes, get that for me."  I don't need it. I don't deserve it. I can live without it. Those are the types of thoughts I feel when confronted with such a situation.  Yet if I were given permission to purchase Katie something that was more expensive, or if she were to tell me that she was seriously considering purchasing a larger item for the home or for us I have no issues at all embracing her choice to do so. 

I assume that by considering the purchase she knows that we can afford it. I also know that this is something that she wants and my immediate reaction is to affirm her thoughts because I know she'd be pleased by not having a husband that challenges her all the time.  Yet, going back to the hardware store option where Katie wanted to get me a fancy workbench, I told her today I didn't need it.  I heard her make a comment in fun (yet I know there was a bit of seriousness to it as well) that I was a Grinch when it came to getting gifts at Christmas. But the truth is, I really don't.  I've lived without it so far and can see myself making due without one in the future.

Where I am going with all this is this: now that I have not had financial control of my life for quite some time, and because my tendency is naturally to spend less rather than more, I find that treating myself to items is getting harder and harder to do.  I will not tell her that I want things unless I feel that I really need an item.  Generally I don't walk through stores anymore and see an article of clothing, a tool, a sporting goods item, etc and think, "I'd really like that.".  I wonder if that is mostly due to the fact that I have lived without spending money for so long now and because I do not handle the budget that the desire has simply waned.

As I look back on the last year or two living with less - meaning that I've seen something, thought that I'd like to have that, but decided not to purchase or ask for it, has not made me less happy.  Having just a little less has not created a hardship that has negatively impacted me.  I am happier now than I have probably ever been and have all that I could ever have wanted - most all of which has nothing to do with something that can be purchased with money.

I would be really interested to hear the perspectives of others in a similar situation (limited financial freedom) to see if, you now feel less deserving or desiring of personal items above and beyond the basics since you gave your income to your wife to hold and distribute as she feels the need to do so. 2) If your desires/needs/wants/cravings for the nonessentials has grown less over time simply because you do not have the funds to self purchase.

Love to hear others thoughts and views.

I'm Hers

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Together Time

Today when we woke, Katie told me what we would be doing for the day. She wanted to work in the yard and so we did.  It was a beautiful cool day here and a great day to work outside.  While I raked leaves into piles, Katie ran the push mower over them, mulching them into tiny pieces which we then bagged and I piled bag after bag on the various flower gardens - partly to protect some of the more tender plants that we hope will survive the winter, but mostly so they will rot down and fertilize the soil for next years growth.

We cleaned out the pond, picked up sticks, ran the mower dry before putting it up for the winter, put the Christmas tree up while we listened to Christmas music(while I did laundry) and got the lights and bows up on the outside porch. We got a lot done in a fairly short amount of time.  At one point in the afternoon Katie told me to fix her a late lunch which I did.  Later I happened to turn on the Auburn Alabama football game  while I worked and later we watched the second half together.  Now Katie is not a football fan but she will watch a game with me because she knows I enjoy it.  If you missed that game, you missed a good, no, a great game with a fantastic ending.

I kept thinking about our day together.  Just an ordinary day yet it was one that I loved. I loved it because we could work together. We helped one another and shared experiences. We did pretty much all that she wanted to and we had fun doing it because we were together.  Spending a long weekend together is a real treat.  We had planned on going to the beach for the weekend but ended up staying home because Katie was feeling tired. She felt bad for not going but I wanted her to understand that I didn't mind the sudden change of plans. Whether at the beach or at home, what I most wanted was to spend uninterrupted time with my best friend. And we did just that.

Tomorrow there has been talk that she's going to take me to a local sports bar/restaurant where I can watch my favorite NFL team game. It won't be televised here but will be on the NFL network at the sports bar. Katie has taken me there twice before just so I can watch my old 'home' team play.  I can't believe she's doing this but I'm not going to complain - and if we don't we may take a nice walk at a nearby lake to do some birding as the ducks have since migrated south and are on the lake. Whatever she chooses to do, I will enjoy it all the same as it's not about the game or the ducks but about time together. 

I hope you can take some time to just enjoy your better half as well.  Have a relaxing rest of the weekend.

I'm Hers

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Financial Dependence – Part 2

When Katie and I exchanged vows to one another one of the promises I made was to forever remain financially dependent. Since that time, that is how I have lived. I am loved, cared for, have my basic needs met far beyond what I need, but I do not spend money without first asking and for the most part do not spend money at all unless it is to put gas in my car. I am given $40/month to spend as I wish and other than that, I do not see any of the income I earn. It is deposited into Katie’s account and she uses it to pay bills, purchase needed items, enjoy a meal with friends or treat the two of us as she wishes. I mentioned in the previous post that now that I have lived this way for the past year I have come to understand that I am powerless in certain respects given the financial constraints that limit my freedom to spend money at my leisure.  Quite honestly, I rarely make a purchase more than $5 other than filling my vehicle with gas.

The question that begs to be answered is ‘why?’ Why not let a husband spend as he wishes and then discuss any issues with how either party has chosen to spend ‘their’ money later if there is disagreement?  The fact that Katie controls our finances completely eliminates such needs for discussions to ever take place. Because I have been told not to spend without asking first she doesn’t ever have to worry about me making frivolous purchases. Like submitting to her as the Mistress she is, she decides, I obey. Period.  That marital hierarchy creates an atmosphere for peace in our marriage because we both understand the power structure and the limits placed on me as her submissive husband. My role is to obey. My role is not to be her slave, but we do have a marriage in which I have pledged to serve her continually.

With respect to our finances, the financial control she has is in many ways no different than controlling our sex life, our social life or any other aspect of our relationship.  Control is just that – control.  Controls can be established for many reasons – punishment, immaturity, dependency or fidelity.  Personally I believe that Katie wants to continually remind me of the latter two. I know for a fact that she loves knowing that I am dependent on her – that I need her; that I am required to talk with her about most everything because if the limits placed on my freedom. By virtue of my dependence she has created a relationship style in which I am needy for her. That makes me want her and Katie loves to feel wanted, loved, and in control.

Financial dependency as well as all other dependency controls goes a long way to ensure marital fidelity. Because Katie has created rules to keep me dependent on her I am less likely to wander emotionally, psychologically or relationally. My thoughts continually dwell on her. She is never far from me. We communicate constantly. On most days I would dare say that the longest I go without contacting her is four or five hours, and most days it is often every hour or so, at least via text or a short phone call. A Worshipping Your Wife post from Nancy addressed the topic of wives keeping track of husbands advocating it’s a wife’s prerogative to do what is needed to know where he is at all times.  I agree.  Trust is foundational to intimacy. Knowing where he is and what he is up to keeps marriages from developing those ‘hidden closets’ that can do nothing but harm a couples love and closeness.

 In many ways the two intertwine seamlessly.  Dependency and fidelity work together as a team to keep one partner close to the other.  Because so many men have difficulty remaining close to their spouse without falling to the temptation of online relationships, pornography, affairs or inappropriate flirting with women, the use of rules and limiting a husbands’ freedoms, thereby keeping him dependent, are really acts of love.  Financial dependence is one such way.  Personally I love knowing that Katie cares enough to make me feel, and let me know that I am hers – her husband, her property and her obedient husband that has promised to live a life of loving dependency to my mistress wife.

I’m Hers

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Impact of Financial Dependence

Twice a month I get a small allowance. In my wallet I have a debit card to 'my bank account but it only contains $25 and I do not use that card. I do have a credit card but do not use it except to fuel my car for work and when Katie tells me to purchase something on her behalf. The most common reason I use the card is to purchase a meal when I have to work late.  Otherwise, I don't spend money. I don't know how much money we have. I don't know all that she spends her money on. I really don't have a clue how she budgets our finances. I don't pay the bills. I really have nothing to do with our finances. It is how she wants it and so I abide.


My employment salary is deposited directly into her checking account and any checks I receive I give to her when I get home. It is an arrangement that I really enjoy personally. I enjoy being free of having to pay the bills, worrying about what to do with excess funds etc.  As Katie's sub, she has taken that responsibility from me and takes care of all of our bills and makes most all decisions financial. I like that.


What is different however has come the understanding that I have no deciding power. I don't decide if we will drive through the night to get home or stay at a hotel.  I don't decide if we will go here or there for a vacation.  I don't decide if we will go to this concert or that ballgame or that outing.  I don't do that because I have no funds from which to pull from.  In a way it creates a feeling of helplessness. In a big way it creates a feeling of dependence.  I don't have decision power to give money to kids in need. I don't have funds to buy this big item or that smaller item.  If I want something I need to ask first and that is what Katie has told me I am open to do.  Me, I tend to not want to do that.  Much of me would rather do without than ask.
 
Yet Katie takes care of me.  I have a home that is more than comfortable. I have a vehicle that runs well and is well kept. I have plenty to eat. I have more clothes than I will probably ever wear. I have a AAA card in case I brake down and a credit card in case I find myself suddenly in need.  I am cared for. All I need to do is make a call to my wife and ask.

It's a different way to live from the way I grew up and lived for much of my adult life.  As the primary breadwinner and holder of the purse, I purchased items when I wanted. Now I don't. Now I can't. Now the decision is not mine.  I mean I have no purchasing power outside of transportation fuel and a little spending money that doesnt' last very long unless I am quite careful.  As Katie's submissive I have learned to depend on her. I've learned to make suggestions that impact us financially. I have learned to do without the unnecessary frills unless I ask permission.  It's a different way to live. I wouldn't trade it for my old life but it is different.

If I could change one thing it would be having permission to treat Katie more often to little expressions of love and kindness. Other than that, I am a content yet very dependent husband on my Mistress wife.

I'm Hers

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Women's Intimate Apparel

Men wearing women’s clothing – panties to be specific -  is a topic that I’ve delayed writing about for some time.  Three years ago, I just didn’t get it. Why would a man dress in women’s undergarments? Two years ago I didn’t get it. Last year I didn’t understand the ‘why’ behind the kink. Then came this year. I’ve been emailing a fellow sub for the better part of the year and doing so three to six times a week. We’ve become friends. He is married like me. He is married to a classy woman (like me), he’s a normal guy who love life, sports, is successful at what he does, and has a wonderful sense of humor. He is locked in the same appliance as I am. What is different is the level of oversight and strictness his wife maintains. She physically disciplines him and he knows that the discipline she provides benefits their relationship. She also keeps him locked for longer periods of time than Katie does me. She also makes him wear panties.

He and I corresponded many times on this topic.  I didn’t condemn him for being a panty wearer but I also didn’t get it either. His wife, I believe puts him in panties because she enjoys the fact that she can and even goes out of her way to purchase him purple flower ones, lace ones, pretty pink ones, etc. – you name it, if it is feminine and he would look ridiculous in them then he’s got it in his panty drawer. She sets them out daily for him to wear and enjoys keeping him in them rather than in men’s underwear and he’s been quite the advocate for Katie putting me in them too. 
Well, that’s good for him – but I just didn’t want to go there.  Then one day he wrote telling me that the panties provide an ‘extra layer of protection that keeps him safe’. He spoke about how careful he is to make sure that others don’t see him wearing them. He referred to them as his ‘extra layer of protection' and when he used that phrase, the light went on and I understood.  His wife didn’t put him in panties to humiliate him. She loves him. She cares for him. It’s very evident that they have a healthy loving relationship. But she also wants to keep him safe and she wants to remind him daily who is the boss. That’s why she keeps him locked and that’s why she puts him in women’s underwear. For that matter that is why she disciplines him when he talks back or cracks a wise comment or ignores her.  She cares enough to confront and in doing so keeps him on the straight and narrow.

When the light bulb went on and I finally understood I looked at this from a different perspective.  For example, have you ever worn your wife’s dark socks because you thought that they were yours? Did that bother you? How about a scarf of hers in the dead of winter? I have.  What about wearing women’s gloves if they were available and fit your hand – any problem with that?  Well what about women’s underwear? I mean, who would know?  That’s the process I went through in finally letting the possibility exist in my mind.  Call it rationalization or a coping mechanism if you want but those were my thoughts. 

Now, I’m not interested in anyone knowing if I put a pair on, just like I don’t care to let others know I’m locked. It’s none of their business. That extra care in keeping what is hidden under my jeans, shorts or slacks is the extra guard that my friend referred to. That is partly what protects me from succumbing to the lure of another woman. But as Katie reminded me this morning, the real guard is my thought life. But with respect to panties, they serve as another ‘kink’ that keeps a man from doing what too many other guys do and it got me to thinking.  Should I wear panties because it adds another layer of protection to keeping my marriage safe?

I talked to Katie about this. Actually the conversation occurred over several weeks, if not months, as I would read the emails I received from my friend to her. I think she understood as well. At first she conceded to allowing me to wear one of hers (our waists are about the same so I can wear her size panty). Then she gave me permission to purchase panties but I never found the kind she wants me in – bikinis. Then she allowed me to wear them on weekends. Then she started putting them out for me to wear. Then she told me that anytime I was in them I was to always be locked. Now, every time I step out of the shower there is a folded panty sitting on the counter just waiting for me slip into.  I haven’t worn a pair of my underwear in a few weeks.

My thoughts on this change? …. Personally I think they are more comfortable than men’s underwear because the material is thinner which means there is less material in the crotch area and it’s less likely to bunch up down there. But mostly I have found it to be fun. My duty ever since I submitted formally to her several years ago has always been to set a panty on the counter for Katie to wear  after she showers each morning in addition to the towel and washcloth that I always set out. I still do that but now when I walk in to shower there is a panty of her choosing set there for me to wear! We both enjoy the play back and forth. I get to choose what she wears and she now does the same for me.  When I use a public stall I am extra careful to keep the panty hidden inside my pants but I have never felt humiliated or feminine wearing them. They are just fun to wear and I do think about her most every time I have to go. Today I am in plain baby blue ones, yesterday it was purple ones with white, pink and red poke-a-dots, the day before it was a medium green with lace trim, tomorrow? …. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. 

My attitude regarding men wearing women’s underwear has changed. Personally I view it as a fun, playful addition to our marriage. It’s just another way to share playfully with one another.  I love reaching into the underwear basket in the bathroom and searching for a something pretty and sexy for Katie to wear.  I wonder what she thinks. I don’t know but I hope her thoughts are similar. I am thankful she has put me in bikinis as I am not likely to expose myself when bending over should my shirt rise up in the back and though my pants don’t fall down like some do when they reveal their plumbers butt position, I am glad that I don’t have to worry about wearing the high rise panty that is easier for others to see.  Never has Katie tried to humiliate me. She may in time want me sleep in them but she has not asked me to do so yet. If she does, I will obey her as I have promised to do.

I don’t have any panties of my own but Christmas is only a little over a month away!

I’m Hers

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Gentle ler men vs. Feminization of men

An interesting comment was written on the previous post in which I suggested if we put all men into chastity, it would curb the sexual "misconduct" so common among the male population.  The comment suggested that in addition to a chastity appliance men should also be feminized. Feminized according to the commenter meant all men should also wear women's clothing and makeup (and I assume heels as well).

I disagree.  The issue with so many men abusing women, becoming sex addicts, etc is a problem with the mind and how they perceive their right to use them regardless of what the woman wants.  Now I do agree that putting a man into chastity changes a man's mind - somewhat, but only in a limited way. It doesn't really change who he is.  I am not so sure that putting a man into a skirt, hose, heels and make-up will somehow prevent a man from spending hours looking at porn on the web, feeling like he has the right to stare at a woman's ass or breasts as she passes him in the mall shopping or feeling like he can go squeeze any woman he wants in a crowded bar.  I also don't think cross dressing would curb his desire to commit violent crimes either. If a man feels that he has the right to treat a woman as a piece of meat, then he is more likely to reveal that attitude in his life.

Personally I think there is something special about the male spirit - that wild rough grizzled side.  That side of him can do so much good. That side of him  takes chances, pushes limits, is adventurous, stands his ground, sweats and toils, protects others, goes into combat in service to one's country, is aggressive and passionate in bed, etc. The issue with any personality trait is that when taken to an extreme it can create problems.

I wish I had an answer to curbing sexual misconduct but don't. I know that the previous post on universal chastity is simply a wish of mine and not one that I would ever fathom coming true - and maybe it's best if it doesn't. Somehow the penalty for crossing that societal line, when it comes to men disrespecting women, needs to be so harsh that even the impulsive ones are afraid to cross it.  For example what if the penalty was immediate penectomy and castration if proven guilty - no questions asked. You are found guilty, you leave the courtroom and enter a back office where a simple whack and chop is performed followed by cauterization after which you either pay a fine or head to the penetentary to serve your sentence. I don't know too many macho men that would be willing to assume that risk and I also doubt there are any victimized women that would have one ounce of sympathy for that type of consequence.  But if we simply slap wrists nothing will change.  The fear of a consequence is a powerful deterrent.  As I said, I don't have the solution to the problem but it seems quite evident our judicial system, at least in the US, doesn't have one either.

I'm Hers

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Chastity and the Media

I opened my email today to write a friend that I keep in touch with often. To my surprise and to my delight I received an email. I've cut and pasted it below (deleting contact info and last name of the writer). 
 
I will let you read it first.......
 
Hello, 

I hope this email finds you well. My name is Katrina and I'm a producer at HuffPost Live - an online news network from The Huffington Post. 

We are producing a segment about male chastity and we're looking for guests to be on the show. This will be a panel discussion and we will focus on male chastity and some of its misconceptions. We are looking for guests who are open to talking about chastity and/or their own personal experiences. 

Participation is via google hangout. All that is needed is a webcam and a good internet connection and I can walk you through the simple set up process. Please let me know if this is something that interests you and feel free to reach out with any questions. 

Thank you and I look forward to hearing back. 

All the best, 

Katrina

Katrina ......
Associate Producer | HuffPost Live
 
Wow, Can you believe I was contacted? Now I am sure Katrina sent this email out to many who have blogs that indicate that the writer is an advocate or user of a chastity appliance.  I haven't talked to Katie about this but I am pretty certain that I will not be approved to get on a webcam and take part in this discussion.
 
Part of me would love to, part of me is afraid when I look honestly at my deepest emotions.  The fear is that others I know will happen to view whatever is published and remain on line until time ends. 
 
But if Katie wants me to do this then I will obey. If she tells me not to, I will obey that as well. Regardless, of what Katie desides what I find most interesting is the fact that chastity is catching the attention of the media.  If any of you wish to partake of such a conversation in my stead, write me at imhersblog@yahoo.com and I will pass on the contact info to you so you can take part.  Any takers? 
 
I'm Hers

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Making Love


There is nothing like it in all the world. Nothing. I mean absolutely nothing.  It doesn’t matter what position Katie desires to be, it is always fantastic. But why?  I am a ‘why guy’. I am always asking questions – mostly to myself. I want to know the reasons, the motives, and the rationale behind why things are done or why a person feels or acts as they do. I’m just a curious guy.  In the situation with me overstepping my bounds as I wrote in my last post I have asked myself the question many times, “what need is being filled by me going online to talk with others, whether they be men or women?”  Why do I desire that interaction?  I don’t have the answers to that yet but I am still mulling it around in my cerebral cortex in the hopes of finding an answer.  But I digress. I was discussing the good stuff – love making. Why are those few minutes so delicious?

 I do believe I have some answers to that question.  The act of two becoming one is the most intimate, the most tender and the most vulnerable of all expressions of love. When Katie tells me in one of many ways that she wants to be intimate, she expresses all of those attitudes. When she cuddles in close, presses or grinds her hips against the side of my leg, pulls me in close with more force and vigor, runs her hands over my body or squeezes my cock saying ‘Mmmm!" as she does; when she kisses me passionately while crawling on top of my body, or takes her top off revealing those voluptuous breasts. Yes, all of those actions convey her desire to take me. They communicate her appreciation, desire and love for me. It conveys her pleasure with the body she is with, but more importantly all of this attention conveys her desire, her love, of me the person inside the body so much more than enjoying my body alone.  She acknowledges the connection of two souls and the desire she expresses is simply and extension of that connection. As her sub, I find it incredibly sexy and seducing to have a woman become the aggressor. To be taken by her is incredible. To be told that she wants me is like nothing else. To have her come to me because she wants me; she desires me; she intends to enjoy me; she intends to use and tease and toy with my mind is mind-blowing.  Add on top of that the fact that she is drop-dead gorgeous makes her all the more intoxicating and powerful as my Domme. So before we have ever united she has already seduced me. I would – and do – anything she desires.  Her power; the power of that moment is so strong.

But, have you ever had sex with a person you could care less for?  Have you ever pushed yourself onto another and forced intimacy when there was no reciprocation on your partner? I have. Only once and it made for some of the worse sex I have ever had. Why? (ahh, the why question creeps once more to the forefront of the issue :).  Sex stinks in that situation because there is no melding of the minds with the body, with the act. To have great sex takes so much more than getting down and doing it the way it’s done on the big screen. It takes for two people to become one before they ever hop into bed. It takes two people to be in love. Only then, only after there is an established connection, an unbreakable bond, can love be fully and totally expressed via intercourse.


When Katie and I had our confrontation (see previous blog) we went to bed. We talked for quite some time in the dark of the room. I reassured her that I loved her and she said the same.  We held. We cuddled, but we did not make love. There was a wall of hurt invisibly barring our ability to ‘go there’. I had hurt Katie by my action. She loved me dearly. She wanted me cuddled tight behind her. She wanted to feel my hand against her breast and have me kiss the nape of her neck. She wanted to hear me breathe as I lay so close behind, but she was not open to deeper expressions of the love we shared.  If I had pushed a desire to make love with her it would have felt empty. I am so glad we just fell asleep in one another’s arms.  Uniting in love can only be shared when the minds have melded.  The woman I spoke with online was looking for that love. She so badly wants to experience that passionate connection with another man.  As we conversed I told her that the feelings she desires can never be fully met with a man that is not completely hers.  If they are not committed relationally, the times of love can be great, but the feelings afterward…… ?  I’ve been there and done that. It’s empty. One wants more. One knows that there should be more. And in the end those feelings o closeness, the fact of knowing deep within that one is loved unconditionally and with all of their faults, can never be fully experienced until there is a complete uniting of the minds through trust and commitment.  

I have never experienced the closeness I have with Katie with another woman. Part of that has to do with her desire to be with me – as a man, as two committed people, as her sub, but also as two that physically desire the other. It’s the total package that makes sex so meaningful and wonderful to experience. She really does complete me. When our naked bodies intertwine, when our lips meet, when she takes me within, it is the absolute best. And when it happens again and again and again, it is beyond compare.

Thank goodness she wants me out of my steel cage at night!!

I’m Hers.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Chastity - Universally?

I’m coming to the conclusion that most, if not all men need to be locked in chastity.  Before you pass judgment on that statement consider the following. Most, if not all crimes are committed by men. Most if not all molestations, rapes, and other sexual crimes are instigated by men rather than women. It’s not that women don’t do wrongs but they sure seem to do a whole lot less than their male counterparts.

The other day I heard of a high school teacher that resigned.  What I later learned was that this man typed out a text, called up a female student, showed the written (but not sent text) to her, waited for her reaction and then deleted it.  That act, led to him being confronted by his boss – the principal, and either resigning or being let go. 

What did he write? We will never know for certain but the female student told the principal that he offered her a good grade in return for sexual favors.  What blew me away was the fact that I once met this man. I met his wife. He is young (meaning in his 20’s). His wife is beautiful. I mean stunningly attractive.  Yet he wanted more. He wanted something that he should have never asked for, something he should have never even thought of considering. Yet he did. And now he is unemployed.

I wonder what goes through the mind of a man sometimes.  I think too that if he had been locked, he would have never even thought of asking what he did because it would have been impossible for her to pleasure him.  

If you have read blogs in the past, you know that my security is on the honor system.  I could unlock at any time simply by unscrewing a screw that keeps me secure.  After hearing the above story I realized I am not as secure as I’d like to be.  The incident at that school bothered me lots.  It really disturbed me.  I want Katie to know without a doubt that her man and her property (my genitals) will only be enjoyed by her.  I addressed this several days afterward, asking if she would prefer me to attach a numbered security tag that couldn’t be removed unless the lock chastity appliance was removed.  She didn’t deem it necessary but I told her that I wanted the walls and protective measures strong and secure around our relationship that I feel is exceptionally special.  It would be my privilege to have a security tag that she knows the number of and is only removed when she wants me to unlock for her enjoyment. Furthermore, I think society in general would benefit by all men keeping similarly locked.

I’m Hers