Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Katie's Gifts to Me

I think I sometimes give the impression that all I do is work for Katie and all she does is sit around and enjoy the fruits of my labor. That is not completely true. It got me thinking about all that Katie does for me; you know, all those things that make me feel loved and secure and complete. Well, last weekend I was in an all day meeting and this topic came to mind so I started writing down a list. Here is what I came up with. I'm sure there is more but this is a good start:

Katie's gifts to me:

1. My chief love language, like Katie's, is touch and we do lots of it. She is very affectionate. She holds me, loves me, cuddles and touches me, fondles me, etc. My 'touch tank' is completely full due to the affection she expresses daily.

2. I've lived a life mostly functioning from paycheck to another. Katie now is the one responsible for our finances. I've transferred my employment funds so that they go directly into her account. Many write how 'submissive' it is to do that but for me it is an immense relief. She pays all the bills. She takes care of our budget. She decides what we spend our money on. She handles all that. Me, I just work and get my $40/month allowance.  The rest is all hers to manage.  I love that gift! I have no more worries. I know she is capably in charge of our finances. What a wonderful thing it is to just let go and trust.

3. Katie handles our social life. She tells me when we will be ging out for meals and when she wants to just stay home and crash. She decides if we will be getting together with another couple, or with a girlfriend of hers for a drink. Setting up social functions, planning outings, going to a movie, concert, etc is her primary responsibility. It's not that I don't have a part in this aspect of life and it's not that I don't suggest, but the majority of what we do outside the home is hers to manage. She does a great job balancing time with others with ample alone time for just the two of us. She is the one that now says 'no' when our schedules get overbooked or conflicts arise. Me, all I now do when offers to go here or there are made by friends is to let them know I will ask Katie and see if she wants to take part.

4. Katie does most of the shopping. On weekends we will shop together but during the week she will pick up miscellaneous food items, prescriptions, gifts, cards, or other things we need.

5. As a man, I am visually stimulated and Katie is quite attractive. She takes care of her body. She exercises several times a week and the dividends from her exercise program are all mine to enjoy. I love her body. Her body overwhelms me. It is a treasure to hold, cuddle, and embrace her. She feels wonderful.

6. Katie has accepted her position as the domiant partner. As her sub she gives me the gift of allowing me to serve her. I can sugar coat this but won't. What that means is that I do those tasks around the house that she doesn't enjoy doing. I cook, vacuum, and do the laundry. I open doors, I carry items when shopping, I clean the cat litter daily (and hairball vomits :), etc. We live unequally. It's how we both want to live. It's satisfying when she tells me what she wants (and it's frustrating when she goes ahead and does things that I could easily do for her). Those times are becoming less frequent as she is slooooowly getting use to speaking her mind and letting me know what she wants.

7. Katie let's me watch professional football games! She is not a football fan. She really doesn't understand the game. She doesn't know the strategy of the game, yet she will sit with me and watch a game on a Sunday afternoon.  Now we aren't tied to the TV every Sunday but if we are home and I ask, she will most always turn on the TV and watch a game with me.

8. In my last post I commented that Katie denied me yet another day, even when I asked if I could cum. Yet I am satisfied sexually because we both enjoy sex. We are close often. Everytime we are it fills me. It draws me close. It reinforces to me that I satisfy her sexually. I now enjoy sex both for the feelings that I feel but also because our times of intimacy satisfy her.  They are mutual gifts we give to one another but she has given me the gift of learning that I can receive fulfillment by pleasuring her, even when I don't get to feel that momentary elation that comes with ejaculation.

9. I am an outdoor kind of a guy and Katie is too. We aren't hardcore and I've definitely softened as I've aged but we enjoy walking. We love to camp. Someday I'm hoping to convince her to try a backpacking trip with me. I need to find a trail that has flush toilets and showers as that would make selling this venture more appealing to her. :)  I know that if I can get Katie in the backcountry to see sights that few ever see that she will be sold on this. It's a hope and it would be an incredible gift for her to give me and one that I think she would really enjoy doing.

10. Katie admires what I do prefessionally and she is very supportive in that regard. She often compliments me and reminds me of how good I am with what I do. I know those comments are sincere and I do appreciate knowing that she views my skills and talents with admiration.

11. Katie is my best friend. She is my partner, my love, and she takes time to be with me lots - like all the time. Often I need to take long trips and Katie will talk to me on the phone for hours at a time if she is free. Once I had a 15 hour drive home after working all day and she stayed up the entire night talking to me until I arrived. If she is free, she enjoys joining me on trips, even if it means that she has nothing to do and has to find things to occupy her time for the majority of the day. I love her company. We've always enjoyed being connected at the hip, so to speak, as we get lots of time to talk, share and just enjoy one anothers' company.

I'm sure there are other gifts but those came after just a few minutes of thinking about her. As you can see, I have it pretty easy as a submissive man.

I'm Hers

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Step Forward or Three Giant Steps Back?

The weekend after my son game home from Iraq we took a long drive. He started talking and continued to share story after story with me that made me so sad as I listened and talked with him.  He left the states as a boy; he came back as a man. He left with a healthy brain; he came back with PTSD that haunted him for months. His sleep life was routinely interrupted with him screaming as one nightmare after another possessed him during times when his brain should be at peace.  His experience came to the forefront of my mind after hearing something on the radio recently while driving to work. The news kept coming back to mind after several days as I thought about my changing views of women, now that I am married to a dominant wife. I view women differently than I did years ago.  I respect them more. I make more of an effort to honor them, look out for them and value them as special.

Let me share some of what my son told me while we drove. He talked mostly. I listened mostly. His words were spoken several years ago, yet this particular drive remains so vivid in my mind, probably because of the subject matter.  Here are a few brief recollections from that drive

Story 1. A few weeks after he arrived in Iraq he was on patrol. He entered a house and encountered an insurgent. He was too close to fire his weapon and so pulled his K-bar and instinctively thrust it into the guys gut and yanked it upward, gutting the man. He looked to his left and saw the man’s wife and children cowering in the corner, horrified at what they had just witnessed.  He left and went to the next home.

Story 2. A fellow soldier standing a few feet from him was hit by an RPG – a rocket propelled grenade. Both legs were blown off on impact. He and a medic applied pressure as blood poured from the wound and all over them. The medic told the marine manning the 50 caliber gun on the Humvee to ‘burn the barrel’. He continued to fire until the barrel overheated. They removed it and cauterized the man’s legs with the glowing hot piece of steel. The marine later died. My son stripped out of all his clothes and burnt them in the trash when they returned to base.  He called his sister and sobbed on the phone. Not able to tell her the whole story, he told her enough to know that something terrible happened. He begged her again and again to not tell mom and dad.  She didn’t.

Story 3. While on patrol he found a IED - an improvised explosive device. He took the detonator and wire and kept it with him. Later he found a package of C4 (plastic explosive) when he was on base. Actually he stole the C4. He kept it with him as well. One day on patrol his fire team entered a home. They could hear movement on the second floor. Knowing that whoever attempted to go up the stairs was going to be shot, he pointed to the C4 and detonator he had and then to the ceiling. His Fire-team leader nodded with approval.  He stuck the C4 to the ceiling, having never done this before, nor been trained with this material, attached wires, left the house, curled up and detonated it. He had used way more than he needed. He told me the house literally went ‘straight up’. They found body parts, twisted and mangled weapons everywhere.  No US soldier was killed yet he had to view the destruction he caused.

Story 4: In a fire fight he shot and killed several insurgents. After the battle they investigated the house where the shooting was coming from. There he found a still-alive but dying man. Knowing he had fought valiantly he put two bullets into his chest at close range to quicken his death and ease his pain.

Story 5: While on patrol they spotted an enemy soldier setting up an IED. They turned their Humvee in his direction and chased him until they caught him and ran him over. They backed up and crushed his body.

Story 6: A week or so before he returned home I attended a briefing with Marine officers. The purpose of the meeting was to talk to parents, family, and friends about what to expect from their loved ones. I distinctly remember them telling us that they didn’t expect much of an adjustment since they were not involved in any of the surges where combat and stress was quite high.

Story 7: Several months after he had come home, we shared a drink together in a bar. Sitting at a corner table he told me that anytime he came to this bar, he sat here and had a knife hidden under both legs, and two more on his body elsewhere. He said that a month after he had come home he realized that ‘nobody here wants to kill me’ and afterward never brought weapons with him when he went to town. How sad that he still felt that level of stress back in a place he had beforehand felt so safe.

I could go on and on but will stop here. I mention this because of the news of women now being permitted to perform combat duty on the front lines. This is what the US military is allowing people like my daughter, or your daughter, or your wife to now experience. The ACLU pushed for the honor of allowing women to be right up front and close so they can gut others, kill others, see the gruesome aspect of war up close and in person.  War is a horrible thing. Killing is senseless. My son came home with nightmares. He came home a different person. He killed A LOT of people. He saw a fellow soldier die. He had his blood all over him. He smelled burning flesh. I wonder if the eyes of the wife whose husband he gutted haunt him. I wonder if he lost the desire to preserve life at all costs after killing so many men at close range. I wonder if he cowers when he hears firecrackers on the 4th of July. He was 19 years old when he took so many lives.  `

And we call this progress? We now believe that we’ve taken a step forward as a nation to allow not only our sons to kill and be killed but now our daughters? It’s easy to say from afar, without knowing the reality of the horror of war, to believe this is a great day for women.  I would question that belief.  For me, this is a sad day. I wish for no one to experience the few things my son experienced. I would never wish for your wife or daughter to have a similar experience.  This is not exalting women. This is not recognizing them as superior. This is not honoring them. This is so wrong.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Value of a Woman

For many years I worked in higher education. Every October, usually during the weekend where the fall foliage was in peak color, the university scheduled their annual Homecoming weekend.  I particularly remember a female friend who was a stay at home mom. She was the Head Volleyball coach but hated homecoming. She hated it because of the same questions that were asked again and again when old friends were reacquainted. The question was “So, what do you do for a living”. Irene hated that because her friends that were working for a living didn’t respect her decision to stay at home and raise her children.  And so she typically was absent from campus that weekend.
My position within the university was that of a professor.  I was a teacher. I taught people ‘stuff’ that I knew. One of my frustrations was the shunning that some faculty had toward the employed staff. You know the maintenance guys, the custodians, the IT department, the dining hall cooks and even some of the students themselves. I couldn’t make sense of that kind of attitude. Some were arrogant. Most not. Yes, the faculty was paid more but they were no more important to the day to day function of the University than anyone else. Yes, they were the ones most directly associated with why students paid to attend that school but without the others, the school couldn’t exist. We all served a necessary role.
I mention this because I sometimes posts that presume that in order for a woman to be viewed as important they need to work in the workforce. They need to get up at 6:30, dress in nice clothes, drive into the city or wherever their employment is and work until 6 pm daily. By doing so they gain importance. Really? Are you kidding me? Are we that shallow in our thinking? Are we that ignorant in the D/s community that is so acutely sensitive to elevating a woman’s status as one that is loved and valued by the man that loves them?  I can’t believe the posts I read that equate income with equality. They assume that making money makes a woman more valuable and more valued. They assume that if there were more women working in this field or that profession then women would be viewed more highly. Well, what if they don't want do work? What if that is not their life goal?
It maybe that the writer fails to qualify their real point, which I hope is that there is a need (in their mind) to have more women working, more women in administrative positions, more women running companies, more women in political office. I don't know if I even agree with that since my position is that it depends on the desire of the woman rather than the need of the woman to do 'this' or 'that.  But I digress......
A greater income may be a pathway to an easier life with more ‘things’ that make life easier.  It may allow one to own a home or a bigger home, or get stainless steel appliances rather than enamel ones; it may allow them to purchase more stuff or more expensive stuff. I would hope that they would feel blessed to be employed but feeling blessed is different than feeling more important. Employment is a job. It's work. It's something to do that leads to a paycheck. It may lead to a purposeful life but so do a million other things.
I understand that women have not, and still do not, have all of the rights and status that men have in many professional fields. But that is a separate point. My friend Irene hated Homecoming because her friends fell into the same trap of so many and looked at Irene as ‘less’ of a woman because she didn’t earn an income. My friend Floyd who was a custodian could tell you stories all day long of how faculty disrespected him because he cleaned the floors rather than taught Sociology or Math.
I get frustrated when we place such importance on something so trivial – work. Irene raised beautiful, well-behaved children who are now adults. They are neat people to be around. They are well mannered, well spoken, and honorable. And, Irene worked to raise those kids. She worked hard. My friend Floyd was a really cool guy. He made a fraction of what I made yet, he was my dear friend. So were Gary and Don, two plumbers that I loved sharing a lunch with. Those guys were real. They laughed and interacted honestly and spoke from their hearts. Compare them with a few hundred faculty members together in a faculty meeting and it won’t take but ten minutes to see real from ‘facade’ - and snobby Profs come in both genders. Snobbery isn't predicated on whether or not the person has a penis. Both men and women can have this demon at times.
I hope that you value your wife or girlfriend for the person that she is (and I know you do) rather than the job she holds. If she is the CEO of a major corporation, a genius with an IQ of 160, a stay at home mom, or an empty nest woman that would rather dig in the garden and get her hands in warm soil, they are all equally important.  I hold Katie in the highest regard. I know that you hold your Domme there too. I doubt that you will love her more because she gets a job and now brings home a pay check. I’m sure you’d be proud of her if that was her choice but I would think you’d hurt for her if she had to do it out of necessity rather than choice.
I am not knocking the working woman. I am knocking those that equate employment with status.  I once went before the Faculty Review Committee, which all Faculty were required to do every five years. We were required to write some paper on some topic and self-assess our abilities in a few areas. Our peers then asked questions about how we were improving professionally.  At the time I had a Master’s degree. I had been assessed by those that I taught as one of the best teachers they’ve ever had, but I only had a Master’s degree even though I taught upper level courses. I remember the Academic Dean looking me in the eye and asking if I had intentions of pursuing a doctorate. I told her I didn’t and explained my reasons why. She told me that I would never be promoted beyond that of an Assistant Professor, nor would I be viewed by my peers with the same respect without that terminal degree. I remember replying without hesitation, how ashamed I would be of THEM, if they treated me that way. Yet I realized that she too viewed importance with ‘the degree’.
I love Katie. I make more money than Katie. I have a higher degree than Katie. I’ve been more successful in athletics than Katie. But you know what. It doesn’t matter one bit when it comes to our relationship. I work because I have to but I happen to work because I love what I am doing. Katie works part-time. She loves what she does as well but the fact that her job pays less than mine has no bearing on the value she holds with me or with anyone else. She has value for one reason only. She is a person. Period. The last thing I would want would be for her to equate self-worth, value, and significance with her job. Although she enjoys what she does, it isn't what defines her. If she were to fall into that pit, I would fear for the day she lost her job, or decided to retire from it for when that day came, so would be the end of her feeling valued and important as a woman.  Can you see what I'm driving at?
Let’s get over this pettiness that importance comes with income and ‘worldly’ status and focus our energies on what is really important – caring for and loving the woman in our life - irrespective of what they do during their waking hours.
 I'm Hers

Monday, January 21, 2013

I Asked

This morning Katie and I made love. It was so nice - close, intimate, passionate and long. Katie came four, five, maybe six times. As we lay entangled on our sides, I asked,

"Martin Luther King would be so happy to have you tell me to come today", I said facetiously.

I waited.

Katie giggled.

Her hips moved some more then stopped.

She gave me her answer loud and clear.

And I am happy. I feel so satisfied after times like these. Yet the clock continues to turn. The days continue to mount.  MLK day is day 174.

Have a wonderful MLK day yourself. Maybe your women will treat you likewise.

I'm Hers.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Unpredictable Katie

I can't quite figure Katie out. We have had a few informal discussions via text and a few others while talking together on the topic of my prostate health and her denying me an orgasm. By the time I get this post up I will be somewhere between 170-180 days since my last release date - July 31 if I remember correctly.  What puzzles me is Katie's lack of desire to tease me. Knowing her personality and playfulness I can't understand why she hasn't told me go to bed, lay on my back and lay there while she applies a lubricating oil and strokes me just because she knows it will get me worked up and sexually charged. Everything about her tells me she would love the power of the act. Everything about her tells me she would enjoy getting me to the very edge that causes me to leak semen and then have me ingest it and then repeat the process another time or two. And yet, she's never gone there. It's something she's never done but it's something that I think she would love doing.
Touch is one of her love languages. She touches me often. She often grabs me during the day and just gives me a squeeze. She often strokes me at night or in the morning while we are in bed. She enjoys the feel of a hard cock in her hand. She likes knowing that she has the ability to give me an erection. I know when we make love that she likes hearing the change in my breathing or the onset of my groans when I am getting close. She loves the feel of me pulling her even tighter against me when I near the edge, yet she has never intentionally teased me and ruined an orgasm and I just don't know why.  And so I am puzzled.
With respect to her allowing me release, she told me the morning after we married, that today was going to be the day. However, later in the afternoon she fell ill and so nothing happened that night. I remember dreaming about cumming. I wanted to so badly. January 2 came and went as did January 3,4,5 and so on.  She apparently has changed her mind which is not unusual for her.  I had a strong suspicion that 1/1/13 was to be the day but now I have no clue and I can tell it is a non issue for her. Personally I think she'd be fine if I never came and I would too in some respects - but then again - it would sure be nice to be drained periodically - even if it was via a milk or ruining mechanism that kept me from going through that refractory period afterward.
Denial is a mental struggle more than a physical one. It's those numbers - they seem big in my mind and when I  pass over a hurdle - from 99-100, from 149 to 150, from December to January, from the last day of Autumn to the first day of Winter, from the end of a year to the beginning of another - I tend to dwell on the fact that she is still denying me. I find it unbelievable in some respects. I find it incredibly sexy that she has the will do to so every time we make love and she knows a single word on her part would change it all - yet she consciously chooses to not say, "I want you to cum".  It's a real reminder of who is in charge.
I love her. She is one complex woman that I am yet to figure out.

I'm Hers

Monday, January 14, 2013

The View From Behind

This weekend the weather was absolutely gorgeous and Katie and I decided to venture into the great outdoors for a day-hike. Hiking is something we said we both loved to do but it was an activity we've never made time for. In preparation, I put together a list of items I thought we should take and also suggested a hiking route which Katie tentatively approved. On my list were the obvious: lunch foods. some extra clothing, water, camera, binoculars, rain gear, tarp and first aid bag.
 
On Saturday morning I loaded it all in my favorite 9 oz pack while Katie put her camera and water and her essentials - mirror and lipstick - in her pack and off we went.  Katie drove of course and before long we arrived at the State Park. Katie noticed there was a talk that peaked her interest at 2pm. I kind of swallowed hard knowing we'd only have four hours of hiking before she would have us back at the lodge. In my mind I had a route planned out where we'd hike to a favorite overlook, making a climb of about 6-700 feet and then walk the ridge line to the end of the trail where there were at least three nice overlooks on the way.  The total distance would have been about 8+ miles. I had even wondered if Katie might want to venture on an additional 4.2 mile loop that would take us up to a fire tower where there were some excellent views.
 
But this talk at 2pm was throwing a wrench into my hopes and plans.  Oh well. Off we went, climbing up to a rocky ledge 700 feet above our starting point. We made the climb fairly easy, sometimes walking side by side and with her setting the pace whenever the trail narrowed.  The views from the top were beautiful, even though it was a bit overcast. The temps were in the 60's and the weather was fantastic for a January day.
 
After taking in all we wanted, we headed down the trail and along the ridge line. Now, when Katie walks. She walks. A few months ago she was walking at Lowes doing some shopping when a man stopped her and told  her the speed limit in here was 5 mph!  He was joking but he too noticed that she has an overdrive gear.  We chatted about pace and  the pros and cons (there are no pros) to walking so fast that it forces one to stop and rest.  I don't know if it made any difference but we walked on to the next overlook where we stopped and had lunch around noon. Katie whipped out her mirror and lipstick before we headed on and eventually go to the intersection where we'd either walk the entire ridge or turn off and make ouw way back to the trailhead.  All I said was 'it's decision time Katie'. Katie chose to veer right and head down into the valley instead of continuing on to the end of the trail.
 
I said nothing but followed as she led the way.  We made it back to the car in plenty of time for the Ranger's talk. At some point along the way she mentioned how much she enjoyed hiking with me. Asking her why she told me she thought most men would have said, 'c'mon, you can go faster', or 'you can go further'. I told her that those kinds of comments were no longer my place to utter with her as the dominant. Did I want to go faster? No. Did I want to go further? I sure did. Did I enjoy the ranger talk? Absolutely. In the end, we had a nice 6+ mile hike on a beautiful Sunday. We got a chance to walk together and exercise our bodies. We found that neither were sore at the end or the next day.
 
Next time, maybe we will go a bit further. Maybe next time we will climb a bit higher. Maybe we will walk an easy flat trail. I don't know but the time in the wood with her was fun and something I know we will both want to do again. 
 
On the way home I told her I had a name for my book, should I ever decide to write one. Asking what it was I said I'm going to call it "The View From Behind".  Now don't go stealing my title. That one is mine to use.  And btw, the view from behind is delicious indeed.
 
I'm Hers

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The NBA and Femdom

While driving into work I was listening to the Dan Patrick show (good radio show if you enjoy sports talk radio). Dan was interviewing former NBA coach Stan Van Gundy regarding teammates Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard. To catch the non sports followers up on these two players, Kobe may be one of the top five players in the world and is now in his 17th season playing ball for the Lakers. New to the Lakers this year is Dwight, who has been one of the most dominant 'big man' in the league for the last 3-4 years. The conversation between host and guest focused on Kobe's ego and whether or not his ego had any room for his new superstar’s ego to share the spotlight with. Without pause Van Gundy replied, "Absolutely not." He commented that for as long as Kobe is playing he will demand the attention and want to be known as the only star on the team. He went on to say that most all of the starting players in the league have egos that are constantly fed by fan support, media attention and personal achievement.

So this ego topic got me thinking: Doesn’t the 'lady in charge of her house and her submissive also have an ego? Isn't her ego being constantly fed by the daily submission of her husband/boyfriend she assumes dominance? I think it is. I think there are times in a dominant woman's day when she can't help but smile knowing ‘he’ is hers. What ego wouldn’t be filled with that sense of control and power? If this is true then isn't there a viciously wonderful cycle that exists between Domme and sub that feed one another’s respective roles. He obeys. He serves. He takes direction from her. He asks permission. She maintains absolute control of his life. His life revolves around her. That dynamic both reinforces his submission as well as her dominance. Once the D/s dynamic as been established it becomes a self-fulfilling lifestyle. 

Film stars, professional athletes, politicians, CEO's, virtually anyone who lives the privileged life, who has power, influence, attention, and star-power all develop egos unless they are continuously checked at the door. Humility at that level is a rarity. Why then wouldn’t the woman who controls her man and has similar power and control over his finances, sex life, duties and his service, similarly not  develop the same ego found in the rich and famous? I mean most of the rich and famous weren't always that way. Their change in status or position changed them. Why would this not be so with her?

In my own situation, Katie has changed. She hasn’t always been this way and she sure has come to enjoy her life as the one in charge. I’ve seen changes in her and they have been quite apparent. The way she relates to me now is different and I think she knew that change would come if she chose to accept my submission. In fact, her fear from the beginning was that she might become a bitch, as she stated a few years back. Katie is becoming a bitch, but one in which I would term a good bitch. She speaks her mind more. She tells me what she needs and wants. She doesn't beat around the topic so much. She is more direct. She also expects more from me. She knows she has ownership and control of me. She still loves my spontaneity, my impulsiveness, my creativeness and the rest of my personality that makes me me. She just loves that she owns me and has absolute control of me. 

That's why I titled this blog as I did. I'm hers, I really am. If what I am trying to make a case for is actually true, then don't dominant women become more self assured, more secure and have a greater understanding of the dominance they truly hold over their man? Conversely, don't submissive men that understand that their place in life is beneath that of the woman they serve become more resigned and at peace in their submissiveness to the woman they serve?

It's just a hunch. I am not a behavioral scientist and so I am simply making an observation and parallel to what I see in others.


I'm Hers

 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Peace, Security, Structure, Intimacy

When I was looking for a picture for an earlier post I typed the phrase “Men are like…” and up came several suggestions including “Men are life waffles”. After finding what I was looking for I went back, pulled up the "Men are like waffles" link and found that this was a book title. I read the description then went looking for a book summary. Reading it, I learned that this book is akin to the other male/female books that describe the differences between the genders. The waffles part had to do with the authors opinion that men like to put their life into different cubicles or 'waffles' that they deal with one at a time. The reviewer also posted the following excerpts from the book which I found interesting.

Questions women ask:

1. Am I more important than our money?
2. Are you being sincere?
3. Do you notice me?
4. Am I more important than your sleep?
5. Do you notice other women?

Questions men ask:

1. Is life with you going to be filled with admiration?
2. Is life with you going to be free from complications?
3. Is life with you going to be sexual?
4. Is life with you going to be cooperative?
5. Is life with you going to be lived in the present?

What do these questions reveal? When I read them I sense worry and insecurity on the part of the woman, I sensed selfishness on the part of the man especially since he was the one that most likely pursued her in the first place. They both screamed insecurity. Isn’t that sad? Yet I am certain that the author is basing this on valid information. Personally I think that being raised amongst other insecure people such as schiool, athletics, clubs and other organizations kids typically take part in serve as breeding grounds where we all develop at least some degree of insecurity and a self image that is less than healthy. We all end up trying to fit in. We all want to conform to whatever  happens to be popular. Most end up as followers with very few of us developing good leadership skills.  Guys become defensive, girls become frustrated they aren't accepted and we end up growing up and hanging on to all this baggage that hampers our experiencing life’s' fullness the way we were intended to live life.
I read this to Katie and commented how well the D/s lifestyle remedies all of this. She agreed completely and I think you would to. Here’s why.
The question the man here is really asking is, “If I marry you are you going to get in my way, make my life miserable or deny me sex?” The wife, however asks, “Are you going to love me and put me first in your life?” I’m wonder if the author was referring to working dads. You know, the ones that believe that when dad gets home, he deserves a shower, a moment to eat in peace, and then a chance to sit and read the paper and relax in front of the TV without the kids (or his wife) bothering him all evening. I know that was how I was taught to respect and honor my dad as the homes’ breadwinner. All the while the wife, who’s been home all day, or busy at work, is wondering if he will take the time to interact with her; if he will tell her how good the meal she prepared tasted; if he is attracted to her and if he will tell her how much he loves and appreciates her.
In a WLM a man’s world is flipped topsy-turvy. Life is no longer male-centric but rather wife-centric. If he agrees to submit to her authority he soon understands that he is capable of doing so much more than they ever thought possible. He realizes he can indeed have a full-time job as well as help around the home, complete most of the domestic chores that need doing and make this wife the focus of his life.
Men, don't tell me you can't because you can. Every single male living alone does it all. They cook, clean, keep the house/apartment clean, shop and maintain a budget. It can be done and it can be done quite easily with a little organization of one’s' life.
But why would a man want to do this? Why help around the home when sitting in front of the TV is the other option? Why play with the kids or shut the tube off and share about life and your thoughts with your wife instead of watching football games all day Saturday and Sunday? The answer is short and simple. It develops intimacy. Your kids will love you like they did when they were six and thought you were the coolest dad in the world. Your wife will look forward to talking and sharing knowing she has a listening ear. Your life will become more worthwhile than filling it with three hours of a ball game, or a night of watching murder mysteries.
Any man can do this. Even the vanilla man can. But if he submits, if he gives up his power, if he decides to follow her and live under her rule his reward increases several fold. He learns what it means to love more deeply. He experiences unconditional love. He learns firsthand what it means to live selflessly. He witnesses his wife transition from an insecure, unsure, average woman to one who is self-assured, confident and radiates with the knowledge that she is loved and feels secure. He sees her true beauty revealed. He sees her insecurities surface less and less. She now speaks more honestly and openly, now telling rather than asking. She shares more deeply knowing she won’t be criticized for what she has to say. He gets to experience life with her. They both can now communicate more often. They get to know each other’s hearts. He can learn about her aspirations and dreams with respect to their marriage, her life, her desires and where she intends to direct them from henceforth. He realizes there is so much more to her. She becomes more attractive to him. He longs to please her because she becomes the center of his world. She feels free to share and live as she wishes. He admires her directness and wisdom. She lovingly leads and guides them through the daily issues of life. He gets to live his life with her back in the center of his mind where she belonged from the very beginning.
He can still life as a waffle, with all those little compartments in his life that are filled with individual tasks and duties, but those compartments are no longer filled with work, golf, TV, sleep, and friends but rather with items that she wants him to fill his life with. Outside of work his life is filled with caring for her, pleasing her, pampering her, looking out for her, helping her and loving her. Yes that means she may require him to cook, clean, run errands, vacuum and such, but is that really so hard to do given the benefits those tasks bring?
 Female dominance and male submission makes total sense. Living under her rule rekindles their love relationship. Living a life meeting all of her needs ends up filling his own emotional tank. Arguments stop. Life becomes organized. Structure within the relationship is defined. The questions he has about her are answered. When he submits, she admires him. Life isn't filled with complications. Sex happens but it's on her terms. There are no longer any pressures when it comes to life in the bedroom because she controls it all. They work as a team only now with her directing and him following. Consequently her life’s' baggage can be resolved. She controls the finances and frees him from doing so. When he focuses on her she can feel his sincerity. She feels important. She feels loved. She knows she is in the center of his world and that is where she wants to always remain. D/s works and it is beautiful.
I hope that if you are a man or woman struggling with your own relationship that you will at least explore this way of living. It does not need to be filled with kink. It needs to be practical. It needs to make sense. It needs to be fun and adding a bit of sexual fun can’t hurt, but female dominance primarily needs to focus on a couple’s intimacy and cultivating their love relationship. Its purpose is helping two people stay intimately connected.
To make this happen, she needs to take control of him and the relationship. Taking charge requires him to submit. Taking charge requires him agree that he needs to do more. She needs to do less. She needs to let him know what she wants of him. She needs to convey how he can help ease her stress and make her life more enjoyable. She may need to teach him how he can best do this. He needs to be willing to learn to do things her way. He needs to push those feelings of 'I'm doing more than her' aside because it's not about who is doing more. It's about falling in love. It's about him giving of himself, his time, his energy, and his desires to her. It's about loving the woman like he did when he first courted her and acted like the Knight she fell so deeply in love with. She would love for that knight to return once again. Men were born to be knights. Men are good at being Knights. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to view her as your Queen once again?
Ladies, take your man back. Bring him back to you. Learn to lead like you were born to lead. Stop feeling so shy about telling him what you want, when you want it and how you want it. Speak your mind. But do so in a way that lets him know just how much you love him. Men are insecure. Fill him with the understanding that by living under your loving care, you will provide him with all the love and security he desires. I can't imagine a woman not loving a life living like this. I can’t imagine a man not wanting this. This is my life. This is Katie’s life. It is the life of so many others that have found loving female dominance and service male submission as a way to maintain the love for one another never want to lose.
Think about it. Talk about it. If you feel it is worth exploring then take that step and see where it leads. It may be the best choice you've ever made.
I'm Hers