Thursday, January 17, 2013
The Unpredictable Katie
I can't quite figure Katie out. We have had a few informal discussions via text and a few others while talking together on the topic of my prostate health and her denying me an orgasm. By the time I get this post up I will be somewhere between 170-180 days since my last release date - July 31 if I remember correctly. What puzzles me is Katie's lack of desire to tease me. Knowing her personality and playfulness I can't understand why she hasn't told me go to bed, lay on my back and lay there while she applies a lubricating oil and strokes me just because she knows it will get me worked up and sexually charged. Everything about her tells me she would love the power of the act. Everything about her tells me she would enjoy getting me to the very edge that causes me to leak semen and then have me ingest it and then repeat the process another time or two. And yet, she's never gone there. It's something she's never done but it's something that I think she would love doing.
Touch is one of her love languages. She touches me often. She often grabs me during the day and just gives me a squeeze. She often strokes me at night or in the morning while we are in bed. She enjoys the feel of a hard cock in her hand. She likes knowing that she has the ability to give me an erection. I know when we make love that she likes hearing the change in my breathing or the onset of my groans when I am getting close. She loves the feel of me pulling her even tighter against me when I near the edge, yet she has never intentionally teased me and ruined an orgasm and I just don't know why. And so I am puzzled.
With respect to her allowing me release, she told me the morning after we married, that today was going to be the day. However, later in the afternoon she fell ill and so nothing happened that night. I remember dreaming about cumming. I wanted to so badly. January 2 came and went as did January 3,4,5 and so on. She apparently has changed her mind which is not unusual for her. I had a strong suspicion that 1/1/13 was to be the day but now I have no clue and I can tell it is a non issue for her. Personally I think she'd be fine if I never came and I would too in some respects - but then again - it would sure be nice to be drained periodically - even if it was via a milk or ruining mechanism that kept me from going through that refractory period afterward.
Denial is a mental struggle more than a physical one. It's those numbers - they seem big in my mind and when I pass over a hurdle - from 99-100, from 149 to 150, from December to January, from the last day of Autumn to the first day of Winter, from the end of a year to the beginning of another - I tend to dwell on the fact that she is still denying me. I find it unbelievable in some respects. I find it incredibly sexy that she has the will do to so every time we make love and she knows a single word on her part would change it all - yet she consciously chooses to not say, "I want you to cum". It's a real reminder of who is in charge.
I love her. She is one complex woman that I am yet to figure out.