Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Mentors

I was asked to be a part of a committee to choose a new coach for a local high school team. One of the questions that were asked of each candidate was “Who were those that influenced you most as a coach over the years?  Most commented on previous coaches that either coached them or were a part of their staff in the years previous. One man however noted his father was the primary influencer in his life.
I want this post to focus on mentors – those people that serve as role models for others. Role models are so important. Parents, teachers, school and civic leaders, coaches and relatives all can serve important roles as one grows and matures. 
As a child I attended a church that invited missionaries to come once a year to share their lives and stories with us. They spoke, showed slides and spent a week attending the usual Sunday and Midweek services before disappearing and never returning again.  Their message and life they lived interested me. I thought of pursuing missions as a career but made the decision as I grew older to choose another path.  I think the fact that we rarely saw a missionary, and never ever got to know one was a major factor in that decision. I don’t know of anyone in my congregation that choose missions as a career. Seeing them impressed me. But it was such for such a short time that I never got to know them for the people they were and only knew them superficially and from a distance.
Fast forward 25 years.  As a man in my late 30’s I attended a small church of about 150 members. In that group were three adults that had been missionaries to Japan for years. There were two families that were missionary doctors at a small medical facility in the African bush. There were three other families that had served as missionaries in other parts of Africa as well. There was a family that had just returned from ministering to Muslims in London for the past 15 years. There was a single woman that was a librarian at a missionary school in Africa. There was a retired couple that had run a Christian children’s camp and another retired couple that had pastored a church in the States.  Leave it to say that in this tiny church there were many individuals that had made a life of full-time Christian service in missions.  While attending that church I got to know those people. I loved listening to the older men and women share their stories, their theology and their lives. They were so interesting. They were real people. Yes they had their faults and short coming and they were even open in letting others see their hurts and pains at times. I drank coffee, shared conversation over a meal, played softball and knew them for the people they were.  During the years that I was there several others made decisions to become missionaries and I believe it had everything to do with those older men and women that went before them and served as role models.
So why am I telling you about this part of my past? I mention this as an example of the power that experience, integrity, role-modeling and time spent sharing one’s story can have on others. I have had role-models in my past. They were always people that I respected and spent time with. I’m sure you can say the same about those that have influenced you as well. In the D/s community I have found others that helped me as I came to understand submission as a way of interacting with women. I’ve learned from those that have lived this life for a time longer than I. I learned so much from a particular dominant woman whom I emailed several times over a few week period shortly after discovering D/s. I asked her question after question on what it meant to be a submissive. I owe her in ways I could never repay for the knowledge and perspective she shared with me that I was completely unaware of at the time.

But there have been others as well. I continually seek out those that have lived this life for many years. For example, I never miss a post by Kathy on Femdom 101. I wish that Lady Grey would write more on her blog. Rika had a profound influence on me after I read her book Uniquely Rika. That book changed my life.  I have interacted on brief occasions with Dual Purpose, a gentleman in his 60’s who’s served a woman for over 40 years. Mark Remond has had a strong influence on me. His writings and values helped me to understand what real obedience is all about. I think I’ve read every archived post on his webpage.
I love meeting people like this.  These folk have so much to offer. There may be others of like kind that I just don’t know and forgive me for not mentioning you if you fall into that category.  There is no teacher like experience. There is no wisdom such as what only age can season.  There is a reason we why there is an age requirement for positions of power and influence. Age, not intellect is one of the greatest of gifts. Those that I’ve mentioned are not young. A young man or woman that has lived the D/s life has something to offer but they will have so much more as they gain even more experience and live to a more ripened age.
I encourage those of you that are our elder stateswomen and statesmen to share from the well of your life. Don’t keep what you have learned hidden. Your influence is so powerful. Help those of us to learn the proper way to serve as submissives and lead as Mistresses. Share your life stories with us. Express your opinions. Challenge us when we misstep Mentors are an invaluable part of all of our lives and we need those of you with the graying and balding heads to help those behind you learn the lessons you’ve learned.
I’m Hers

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

I’ve been a submissive to Katie for almost three years. Prior to 2010 I had no idea there were such people who would call themselves submissive or dominant and I would dare say Katie felt the same way. When I first learned that men (or women) wanted to live lives in submission to their partner it peeked my interest in profound ways. It was as if some magical door opened in my life and I found myself sprinting through it. I gulped down everything I could find. I filled my brain with the thoughts and ideas of websites and blogs, most of which were the stereotypical sites of whip welding women dressed in leather with bodies to die for.

Even then, there was something that I wanted and to make a long story short I told Katie all about my research as I was certain that she had a little of this personality buried deep within her genteel nature.
All of that happened a long time ago. In some ways it seems like forever ago and at other times it seems like only yesterday since we agreed to try an experiment and see how we liked it.  For us the experiment worked – and we are so glad we were ambitious enough to try something different.  If you look back in my posts you will see that there are posts written here and there that reveal that desire I had to fulfill that kinky side of D/s. I wanted to try this, or do that. But as time passed I know that the tone of this blog has changed. It has become more about ‘relationship’ than about kink. Maybe it’s because those things that Katie insisted on and that I interpreted as kink are now the norm.

When she first told me she wasn’t a woman that liked body hair and told me to shave everything from the beltline to the legline I took it as being kinky and an expression of her dominance.  In a way it was kinky but realy she just wanted my body to be more to her liking. Now when I shower and shave to stay smooth for her it is nothing more than something that has become part of my morning hygiene. It’s what I do. When Katie and I decided together that chastity would be the best thing for me to curb my masturbation and teach me that my penis was for her enjoyment rather than my own, I took that too as being kinky. I would agree that wearing a device is not the norm. I only know if a few men that wear them and I know that only because of the blogs I read. I’ve never met a man like me. But now locking up has become more of the norm. It’s not normal yet and it may never be normal but it sure isn’t the kinky thing to do like it was when I first locked for her.  I could say the same for being denied, for becoming her service submissive, for looking first to her needs rather than my own and a myriad of other changes that have happened since we began living this way.

Maybe in hindsight, all of the above wasn't kinky at all. Maybe all it was were a few changes Katie wanted to make to make me more enjoyable, more focused on her, less self-focused, less selfish, and more disciplined.  Now she may not have gone about making these changes the way a 'vanilla' married woman might have with her man but what she did worked and she is pleased with the changes.

I guess what I am getting at is that the focus of my writing has changed. Back then it was about us but it was also a lot about me and how submissive I was or how dominant she was. I don’t know that Katie was ever really ‘that’ dominant. It’s not her. Now I find myself writing more about my love for her and how living as her submissive has enhanced our love for one another. One might argue that those feelings have nothing to do with D/s and everything to do with a new relationship that has not been battle tested.  That may be true but I am certain that moving from a relationship of equality to one where she runs the show has done nothing but help us become very close.

Part of my desire is to open the eyes of others that stumble, as I did, onto this blog. I hope that they will read and learn as I did when I first learned of men submitting to a wise and loving woman. I hope that couples, but especially women, will see that they can live quite normally. I want them to know that a dominant woman doesn’t need to be like the leather clad women that probably come to mind when they think of the word dominant. I would hope that they can see that they have so much to gain and that the primary gain from a woman’s perspective is intimacy. It’s what (I think) women crave. They want a relationship. They want conversation. They want touch without feeling the pressure to perform. They want to cuddle. They want to know that they are wanted. They want to feel once more that their husband looks at them with the same idyllic feelings he had when they first fell in love.  All of that is possible (and all of that is more likely to happen) if a couple decides to embrace a femdom relationship.

So that’s where my head is right now. This and similar topics are where my mind wants to go – at least for now. I’m not saying that my way is the only way. What I am saying is that Katie’s way works for us and I see no reason why our way, or a variation of it, won’t work for other women.

I have but one regret, and that is that I never knew about this life years ago. If this lifestyle is of interest to you, I invite you to read other similar blogs. I invite you to stop back often. I invite you to email me using the email on the right sidebar. I would love to engage others. I am a normal guy with a normal life and if you decide to initiate a conversation and don’t like what I have to offer, I hope we will part as friends.   Have a wonderful day.

I’m Hers

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Decisions Decisions

OK, I'm done with the lighthearted 'picture posts.  To be honest, I was just tired of writing and needed a break and use those pictures as a way to put something up on the blog without doing much work.  I need breaks from writing as it takes effort, thought and time and to be honest with myself, I am sometimes too lazy to put forth that effort.  So, on to the post.....

Katie and I are making a long trip to see my family this weekend. An elderly family member – my favorite Aunt passed suddenly. She lived a long life and was an incredible woman. She was old, her joints hurt, her body ached constantly and she died in her sleep. She is finally at peace and finally rejoined with her husband whom she loves dearly. 
For Katie, this is her first meeting of my family since distance makes it quite difficult to see one another. I spoke to my boss and got a day off of work to allow us time to travel and attend the funeral.  We had choices to leave on Saturday or Sunday. We had choices to return on Monday or Tuesday. We had choices to make the drive and stay with my folks or in a hotel part way there. We had choices to stay with my parents while up for the funeral or in a nearby hotel. We had choices about visiting extended relatives or making the visit shorter and meeting fewer members of my family.  So many choices. Katie kept asking me what we should do and I kept answering her with vague responses and telling her that it was her decision, rather than mine. 
We are apart tonight. I am away with work for the evening and she is at home. I texted her and made the comment that I thought this trip was good for us as newly married couple in a femdom relationship. She agreed but told me it was difficult. I asked why and she told me she would explain later. I called her an hour or so later and we talked. Her difficulty had to do with knowing how to best allow me to see and spend time with family members that I don’t see often. I commented that she has choices. We could spend a shorter time there by leaving a day later or coming home earlier. She is considering the latter. I only asked that we not leave the impression with my folks that we are leaving because we are not interested in them.
I know Katie will decide wisely. I haven’t asked much about what is expected as I pretty much know what she wants. My only question had to do with me being locked while we travel and I was told “yes” in a text response.  I thought for sure she’d allow me to remain free but apparently I will be kept with the screw securely fixed in place. I guess I better bring a screw driver when I pack my bags.
On a related note, I read Kathy’s recent posts on obedience and being a Mistress wife. I sent the below comments she wrote to Katie because I felt they were so appropriate for where she is mentally. She is my Domme. She enjoys being my Domme, but she will admit that sometimes she forgets that she is one. Often she will be just Katie, my best friend and interact with me at times as if we are peers when I think she should be acting alone. Tonight was one of those times. 
Here is what I sent:
"Becoming a man's mistress is not something that happens over night. You need to first learn to want it. Unless a wife really learns to understand the joys and pleasures of being her man's mistress, she will never be successful at it. Once a wife learns to want to be the mistress, it takes a while to grow in the confidence that it takes to really rule her man. Always remember that real femdom relationships are first about love."
"In a femdom living arrangement a man needs to learn to trust in the decision making ability of his mistress. If he does not, the marriage will eventually fail. None of us are perfect. However, if I make a decision, right or wrong I expect John to obey."
So, I will wait and see what is in store for me this weekend when I get to show off my dominant wife to the fam. I wonder what they will think. I wonder what they will observe. I wonder if Katie will let me wait on her and pamper her as she usually lets me do when at home. I wonder what the subsequent phone conversations with Mom will be like. I guess I will have to wait and see what “Katie” shows up when we arrive in a day or so.
I’m Hers

PS. I wrote the above post a week ago. Katie ended up making most all of the decisions that presented us. We arrived earlier rather than later. We did stop on the way but she chose the hotel and paid for the two of us while I brought our belongings inside and up to the room.  She told me to remain unlocked and I so I did. She allowed me to wait on her and I did. There was no telling me what to do. I didn't think she needed to tell me what she wanted as I pretty much could anticipate her needs and tried to stay a step ahead of her. All in all, we had a wonderful time. My family loved her as I knew they would. I had a really nice time seeing relatives I haven't seen in years.  It's interesting how we can 'make' the time to be together if we want. Funerals and weddings seem to do that. They force us to make time in our busy schedule for the simple reason that 'we are family'.  In the end, I would dare say that most traveling home were all glad they did.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Yikes!

Some time ago, Katie and I made a trip along the I-95 corridor. During the dead of night we passed this sign and the two of us burst out laughing. Our response was spontaneous. We both thought the same thing in a matter of a second or two after passing the sign at 60mph.

We made a point to stop on the way back and get a picture of this wonderful road somewhere in the Maryland countryside.  Only in the northeast can one find roads named like this. Do you think there is a house along here with the #2 on the mailbox or next to the front door?  I just wonder.  If so, I feel so bad for the men and boys in that home :)

I'm Hers

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I Tried to be Discrete

I've not told anyone other than those of you that read this blog that I am a submissive. That fact has been limited to just Katie with the possibility that a few of her girlfriends may be aware that there is something different in how we relate as a couple.

But I never would have thought that the government would be spying on me.  Never had that thought entered my little brain until I modified some personal information on a government loan. As soon as I had done so, the following message appeared. Note the bold print that I copied and pasted from the web :)  That Barak, he sees all, knows all, and is now making it known that he does. The world is a scary place.

I'm Hers


Friday, February 8, 2013

This, That, and the Other

The other day I was listening to the radio when someone discussed the results of a study regarding frequency of sex and male/female work roles.  My ears peeked to the conversation and later that day I went looking for the article. I found the following studies interesting. They aren't about D/s per se, they don't all align themselves the the D/s community, and like any study - one can find results that either agree or disagree with one's own perspectives on life. All you have to do is read enough studies to find those that present conclusions that mesh with your philosophy. One needs to remember as well, that one study doesn't proove anything. Yet, with that in mind here are some interesting articles I read in the past week. I hope you find these studies as stimulating as I did. As for my opinion..... I'm not sure I have one but it does make me think and that is always a good thing for my aging brain to spend time doing.
 
Housework Trends over a 30 year period
 
I found this interesting. Over a thirty year time period a study done by the Institute for Social Research found that single women do less housework now than before, that single men do about the same as in the mid 70's, but that married men help more around the home while married women do a little less.
 
This study had nothing to do with D/s, femdom or anything else related to alternative lifestyles. All it noted was the change in the amount of work men seem to be doing now compared to a period some 30 years previous. You can read the full article here
 
Weekly hours of basic housework by gender and marital status. (Credit: UM Institute for Social Research)
 
 
Roles of Fathers and Mothers in Quebec
 
Another study examining the changing roles of mothers and fathers in Quebec found the following: 60% of Quebecers agreed it was fine for the father to stay at home and care for children. However the rest of Canada felt pretty much the opposite with 65% believing mothers should decrease their professional activities when children are born. The article notes in Quebec, relationships between men and women are on more of an equal footing than anywhere else in North America. Between 2001 and 2006, the number of fathers demanding paternity leave upon the birth or adoption of their child quadrupled. There have been significant changes in the last 15 years yet the changes seen in Quebec are the exception rather than the norm.
The full article can be found here
 
Husbands Who Do More Traditionally Female Housework Have Less Sex
 
Married men and women who divide household chores in traditional ways report having more sex than couples who share so-called men's and women's work, according to a new study co-authored by sociologists at the University of Washington.
 
The researchers found that husbands, average age 46, and wives, average age 44, spent a combined 34 hours a week on traditionally female chores. Couples spent an additional 17 hours a week on chores usually thought of as men's work. Husbands performed about one-fifth of traditionally female tasks and a little more than half of the male-type work suggesting that wives help out with men's chores more often than husbands help with female tasks.
 
Men and women reported having sex about an average of five times per month. Marriages in which the wife does all of the raditionally female tasks reported having had sex about 6.6 times per month compared to the 5 times/month in marriages in which the husband does all of the "female" chores.
 
Read the full article here

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What girl wouldn't love that!

I happened to find this picture on Katie's desktop. It is a picture from one of her favorite movies - Gone with the Wind. I asked Katie why she had saved it and she told me how she much she loved that part of the movie. I asked why and she said, "What girl wouldn't love being Scarlett in that scene," she said pointing to the gathering of men around here.
 
For those of you that aren't familiar with the movie, I believe Scarlett was a hotty and several young men were interested in her taking one of them as her beau. At the Twelve Oaks picnic (she lived at the Twelve Oaks Plantation) she is enjoying herself while the potential suitors gather round her, all hoping she will ask one of them to fetch her dessert. Scarlett chooses Charles Hamilton, making him fall even more in love with her. Ahh, the life of a woman with many men at her beckon. I guess in that thought lies the essence of male submission and female dominance - the desire of increasingly more women is to have a man to serve and adore her. The desire of a growing number of men is to do just that - serve the lady and have her show her approval of his service, devotion and affection. Katie is one such woman and I am sure that many other women have similar desires and/or expectations.
 
The comment by Katie, "What girl wouldn't love to be Scarlett," is further evidence of what I have come to learn about her. She loves being waited on. She loves being the center of a man's world. She loves being the one in control. She loves knowing that the man whom she has taken, has one role and that is to serve her. I'm glad that she is this way since her desires fit my passions perfectly.
 
I'm Hers