Sunday, February 17, 2013

Decisions Decisions

OK, I'm done with the lighthearted 'picture posts.  To be honest, I was just tired of writing and needed a break and use those pictures as a way to put something up on the blog without doing much work.  I need breaks from writing as it takes effort, thought and time and to be honest with myself, I am sometimes too lazy to put forth that effort.  So, on to the post.....

Katie and I are making a long trip to see my family this weekend. An elderly family member – my favorite Aunt passed suddenly. She lived a long life and was an incredible woman. She was old, her joints hurt, her body ached constantly and she died in her sleep. She is finally at peace and finally rejoined with her husband whom she loves dearly. 
For Katie, this is her first meeting of my family since distance makes it quite difficult to see one another. I spoke to my boss and got a day off of work to allow us time to travel and attend the funeral.  We had choices to leave on Saturday or Sunday. We had choices to return on Monday or Tuesday. We had choices to make the drive and stay with my folks or in a hotel part way there. We had choices to stay with my parents while up for the funeral or in a nearby hotel. We had choices about visiting extended relatives or making the visit shorter and meeting fewer members of my family.  So many choices. Katie kept asking me what we should do and I kept answering her with vague responses and telling her that it was her decision, rather than mine. 
We are apart tonight. I am away with work for the evening and she is at home. I texted her and made the comment that I thought this trip was good for us as newly married couple in a femdom relationship. She agreed but told me it was difficult. I asked why and she told me she would explain later. I called her an hour or so later and we talked. Her difficulty had to do with knowing how to best allow me to see and spend time with family members that I don’t see often. I commented that she has choices. We could spend a shorter time there by leaving a day later or coming home earlier. She is considering the latter. I only asked that we not leave the impression with my folks that we are leaving because we are not interested in them.
I know Katie will decide wisely. I haven’t asked much about what is expected as I pretty much know what she wants. My only question had to do with me being locked while we travel and I was told “yes” in a text response.  I thought for sure she’d allow me to remain free but apparently I will be kept with the screw securely fixed in place. I guess I better bring a screw driver when I pack my bags.
On a related note, I read Kathy’s recent posts on obedience and being a Mistress wife. I sent the below comments she wrote to Katie because I felt they were so appropriate for where she is mentally. She is my Domme. She enjoys being my Domme, but she will admit that sometimes she forgets that she is one. Often she will be just Katie, my best friend and interact with me at times as if we are peers when I think she should be acting alone. Tonight was one of those times. 
Here is what I sent:
"Becoming a man's mistress is not something that happens over night. You need to first learn to want it. Unless a wife really learns to understand the joys and pleasures of being her man's mistress, she will never be successful at it. Once a wife learns to want to be the mistress, it takes a while to grow in the confidence that it takes to really rule her man. Always remember that real femdom relationships are first about love."
"In a femdom living arrangement a man needs to learn to trust in the decision making ability of his mistress. If he does not, the marriage will eventually fail. None of us are perfect. However, if I make a decision, right or wrong I expect John to obey."
So, I will wait and see what is in store for me this weekend when I get to show off my dominant wife to the fam. I wonder what they will think. I wonder what they will observe. I wonder if Katie will let me wait on her and pamper her as she usually lets me do when at home. I wonder what the subsequent phone conversations with Mom will be like. I guess I will have to wait and see what “Katie” shows up when we arrive in a day or so.
I’m Hers

PS. I wrote the above post a week ago. Katie ended up making most all of the decisions that presented us. We arrived earlier rather than later. We did stop on the way but she chose the hotel and paid for the two of us while I brought our belongings inside and up to the room.  She told me to remain unlocked and I so I did. She allowed me to wait on her and I did. There was no telling me what to do. I didn't think she needed to tell me what she wanted as I pretty much could anticipate her needs and tried to stay a step ahead of her. All in all, we had a wonderful time. My family loved her as I knew they would. I had a really nice time seeing relatives I haven't seen in years.  It's interesting how we can 'make' the time to be together if we want. Funerals and weddings seem to do that. They force us to make time in our busy schedule for the simple reason that 'we are family'.  In the end, I would dare say that most traveling home were all glad they did.


  1. I-H,

    I'm usually always in your corner, but this time I have to disagree with the way you handled this. Katie, being the wise lady she is, realized that this was YOUR family and she preferred you to make the decisions on travel and stay arrangements. You sort of ignored her request and threw it all on her. What you might have done following her request was to let her know what your preference was in travel and stay arrangements and asked her approval of your choices. This would have taken the burden off of her and made her life easier. Isn't this was it's all about? I suspect when this is all over, she will sit you down and express her disapproval of the way you handled it. I realize you want her to make decisions and grow her experience as your Domme, but I suspect she was not completely comfortable doing so in affairs that impact your family. Maybe I'm seeing this all wrong, but that's the way it looks from the outsider's viewpoint.

  2. I'm-Hers,

    First of all, my condolences on the loss of your aunt.

    Secondly: Maybe I misread you, but to me it seems that you contradict yourself. In the top paragraphs you say that Katie wanted you to be locked, and in the last one you say: "She told me to remain unlocked."

    Thirdly: Just like Wishful4, I too, got the impression that you were forcing/urging Katie to take decisions she would have rather left to you. You say. "Often she will be just Katie, my best friend and interact with me at times as if we are peers when I think she should be acting alone." - Well, if she wants to interact with you as if you were peers, shouldn't you respect that? If she doesn't want to act alone it is not for you to urge her to do so anyway, is it? If she wants you to make a decision, shouldn't you do just that?

    I agree that, as the submissive partner in your relationship, you should let her decide - but you shouldn't make her decide. That would be topping from the bottom.

    Having said that, I may just have misunderstood your text. Maybe I just got the wrong impression and you are not pressing her, after all.

  3. Wishful4 and Tamara,
    Again, thanks for stopping by. Yes, Katie did express her frustration with me not answering her questions regarding when we should leave, and whether we should make the trip in one vs two days. We had a short discussion. She told me exactly what you two pointed out - that she didn't want to decide because this was my family and she wanted me to do what I thought best. I in turn, expressed my thought that this was a great time for her to make decisions because it indeed was my family. I thought that she needed to feel free to express herself and act freely, even in front of my family. We never act kinky but I thought she should surely feel comfortable to decide if we were going to leave to run an errand, go to bed, or if she wanted me to get her something and instruct me to do that even if others were in ear-shot.

    As for being locked, I was locked during the drive up but on the morning after, when we were to finally arrive, she told me to put the Jailbird away and keep it hidden until we returned home.

    All in all, I don't think she felt very dominant, nor I very submissive but the underlying respect for one another was there always. I never overstepped my bounds and she didn't need to correct me for a mis-step.
    Love you guys commenting.

  4. It always makes me feel special when someone quotes from my blog. You can not blame a man for looking toward his wife for a decison. This is instinct for a man in the same way that a retiver goes after fallen ducks.

    What works for me when I am not ready to answer John is a term from the urban dictionary, 'We'll See". The dictionary says this is a term used by parents toward children when they are not ready to make a decison. It, however, is also a very good term for a wife to use when she is not ready to give her guy an answer.

    If someone form the family asked when you are coming or leaving, the simple answer from the husband is 'Katie has not yet decided'.

    Once again thank you for making feel specail.

    Love, Kathy

  5. "We'll see," Kathy, I can't tell you how many times I have heard her say that to me. I laughed when I read your comment as I know exactly how those words sound coming from you to John because I have heard them myself so many times. Thanks for sharing.