Thursday, February 21, 2013

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

I’ve been a submissive to Katie for almost three years. Prior to 2010 I had no idea there were such people who would call themselves submissive or dominant and I would dare say Katie felt the same way. When I first learned that men (or women) wanted to live lives in submission to their partner it peeked my interest in profound ways. It was as if some magical door opened in my life and I found myself sprinting through it. I gulped down everything I could find. I filled my brain with the thoughts and ideas of websites and blogs, most of which were the stereotypical sites of whip welding women dressed in leather with bodies to die for.

Even then, there was something that I wanted and to make a long story short I told Katie all about my research as I was certain that she had a little of this personality buried deep within her genteel nature.
All of that happened a long time ago. In some ways it seems like forever ago and at other times it seems like only yesterday since we agreed to try an experiment and see how we liked it.  For us the experiment worked – and we are so glad we were ambitious enough to try something different.  If you look back in my posts you will see that there are posts written here and there that reveal that desire I had to fulfill that kinky side of D/s. I wanted to try this, or do that. But as time passed I know that the tone of this blog has changed. It has become more about ‘relationship’ than about kink. Maybe it’s because those things that Katie insisted on and that I interpreted as kink are now the norm.

When she first told me she wasn’t a woman that liked body hair and told me to shave everything from the beltline to the legline I took it as being kinky and an expression of her dominance.  In a way it was kinky but realy she just wanted my body to be more to her liking. Now when I shower and shave to stay smooth for her it is nothing more than something that has become part of my morning hygiene. It’s what I do. When Katie and I decided together that chastity would be the best thing for me to curb my masturbation and teach me that my penis was for her enjoyment rather than my own, I took that too as being kinky. I would agree that wearing a device is not the norm. I only know if a few men that wear them and I know that only because of the blogs I read. I’ve never met a man like me. But now locking up has become more of the norm. It’s not normal yet and it may never be normal but it sure isn’t the kinky thing to do like it was when I first locked for her.  I could say the same for being denied, for becoming her service submissive, for looking first to her needs rather than my own and a myriad of other changes that have happened since we began living this way.

Maybe in hindsight, all of the above wasn't kinky at all. Maybe all it was were a few changes Katie wanted to make to make me more enjoyable, more focused on her, less self-focused, less selfish, and more disciplined.  Now she may not have gone about making these changes the way a 'vanilla' married woman might have with her man but what she did worked and she is pleased with the changes.

I guess what I am getting at is that the focus of my writing has changed. Back then it was about us but it was also a lot about me and how submissive I was or how dominant she was. I don’t know that Katie was ever really ‘that’ dominant. It’s not her. Now I find myself writing more about my love for her and how living as her submissive has enhanced our love for one another. One might argue that those feelings have nothing to do with D/s and everything to do with a new relationship that has not been battle tested.  That may be true but I am certain that moving from a relationship of equality to one where she runs the show has done nothing but help us become very close.

Part of my desire is to open the eyes of others that stumble, as I did, onto this blog. I hope that they will read and learn as I did when I first learned of men submitting to a wise and loving woman. I hope that couples, but especially women, will see that they can live quite normally. I want them to know that a dominant woman doesn’t need to be like the leather clad women that probably come to mind when they think of the word dominant. I would hope that they can see that they have so much to gain and that the primary gain from a woman’s perspective is intimacy. It’s what (I think) women crave. They want a relationship. They want conversation. They want touch without feeling the pressure to perform. They want to cuddle. They want to know that they are wanted. They want to feel once more that their husband looks at them with the same idyllic feelings he had when they first fell in love.  All of that is possible (and all of that is more likely to happen) if a couple decides to embrace a femdom relationship.

So that’s where my head is right now. This and similar topics are where my mind wants to go – at least for now. I’m not saying that my way is the only way. What I am saying is that Katie’s way works for us and I see no reason why our way, or a variation of it, won’t work for other women.

I have but one regret, and that is that I never knew about this life years ago. If this lifestyle is of interest to you, I invite you to read other similar blogs. I invite you to stop back often. I invite you to email me using the email on the right sidebar. I would love to engage others. I am a normal guy with a normal life and if you decide to initiate a conversation and don’t like what I have to offer, I hope we will part as friends.   Have a wonderful day.

I’m Hers

4 comments:

  1. I loved the whole post but this part really resonated with me:

    "I would hope that they can see that they have so much to gain and that the primary gain from a woman’s perspective is intimacy. It’s what (I think) women crave. They want a relationship. They want conversation. They want touch without feeling the pressure to perform. They want to cuddle. They want to know that they are wanted. They want to feel once more that their husband looks at them with the same idyllic feelings he had when they first fell in love. All of that is possible (and all of that is more likely to happen) if a couple decides to embrace a femdom relationship."

    I love the intimate part of the M/s I have with Jay. I may be an ultra kinky woman, but I am also a dominant woman, I love to be in control, but I am also just a woman too. I don't just want a slave, I want a lover, a friend, a companion, and a slave. I want to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world to him, not because I can yield a whip or crop quite well, or because of the myriad of kinky activities I will explore with him, or just because I control his cock, but because of the whole package, the kink, the Mistress and the woman I am.

    I have to agree too that what starts out as a kinky rule, or ritual may remain kinky but not feel as kinky later on as it becomes more normal. This is the case with many of Jay's rules too, but even though the newness wore off and they do become the norm, they still do mean a lot to me still even if it doesn't quite have the same affect.

    And while I can say I am truly dominant, I wouldn't be with just anyone. And there are times I don't want to have to be as dominant, where i just want to be cuddled up with the man i love. I am not the type of dominant who wants to play with a ton of people as I only play with those I care about, and really only truly would control the one I love. When we play with our friends Mistress Sherry and her hubby (sub) we do swap subs for a little while and that is different as it is a play scene, but I also would not touch her husband until I knew him better and had grown to care about him.

    I think it takes the right chemistry and openness between a special couple to rise above the stereotype and have the full meaningful D/s, M/s, WLM etc relationship. For me while I do have a more dominant personality, I cannot embrace it or fulfill it without the right person. When you put two people together who can grow in their roles and merge them into a strong foundation then you have a really beautiful D/s dynamic and relationship, and it doesn't matter how kinky or non kinky it is, what matters is the trust, commitment, devotion, dedication and love. And I think when you can settle into a good routine together that works then you really have it all. Many weekends even if I don't feel like getting as kinky it does not matter, I am still firmly in control whether I am zapping his worthless balls with the bug zapper or cuddled up in his arms, either way he is mine. :) Loved your post.

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    1. Miss Christina,
      You had a lot on you mind and I am glad you took the time to share it. Intimacy is a complex emotion. What appeals to one, doesnt at all appeal to another. What one couple find so bonding may have no connecting energy with another. I am so glad that you have found one that you can be open with and honest; one you can share your heart with and with whom he can share is deepest feelings with you.

      Thanks so much for posting. I too, enjoyed what you had to say.

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  2. I liked your post so much I had my wife read it. A very impressive path you two have traveled and succeeded in the orgasm denial journey. It is awesome good people like you share with the rest of us.

    Shades

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  3. Shadesofme, you and your wife must be one of those wonderful couples as well and my guess is that you shared what I had to say with your wife because she is probably much like Katie - a not so very dominant woman who just wants you to love her but also wants things done her way (and there is where her dominance comes into my life). I'm glad you've written and have written in the past. It's good to get to know others, even if it is just via a blog where we write and share short snipits from our lives. Stop by again.

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