Wednesday, February 27, 2013


I was asked to be a part of a committee to choose a new coach for a local high school team. One of the questions that were asked of each candidate was “Who were those that influenced you most as a coach over the years?  Most commented on previous coaches that either coached them or were a part of their staff in the years previous. One man however noted his father was the primary influencer in his life.
I want this post to focus on mentors – those people that serve as role models for others. Role models are so important. Parents, teachers, school and civic leaders, coaches and relatives all can serve important roles as one grows and matures. 
As a child I attended a church that invited missionaries to come once a year to share their lives and stories with us. They spoke, showed slides and spent a week attending the usual Sunday and Midweek services before disappearing and never returning again.  Their message and life they lived interested me. I thought of pursuing missions as a career but made the decision as I grew older to choose another path.  I think the fact that we rarely saw a missionary, and never ever got to know one was a major factor in that decision. I don’t know of anyone in my congregation that choose missions as a career. Seeing them impressed me. But it was such for such a short time that I never got to know them for the people they were and only knew them superficially and from a distance.
Fast forward 25 years.  As a man in my late 30’s I attended a small church of about 150 members. In that group were three adults that had been missionaries to Japan for years. There were two families that were missionary doctors at a small medical facility in the African bush. There were three other families that had served as missionaries in other parts of Africa as well. There was a family that had just returned from ministering to Muslims in London for the past 15 years. There was a single woman that was a librarian at a missionary school in Africa. There was a retired couple that had run a Christian children’s camp and another retired couple that had pastored a church in the States.  Leave it to say that in this tiny church there were many individuals that had made a life of full-time Christian service in missions.  While attending that church I got to know those people. I loved listening to the older men and women share their stories, their theology and their lives. They were so interesting. They were real people. Yes they had their faults and short coming and they were even open in letting others see their hurts and pains at times. I drank coffee, shared conversation over a meal, played softball and knew them for the people they were.  During the years that I was there several others made decisions to become missionaries and I believe it had everything to do with those older men and women that went before them and served as role models.
So why am I telling you about this part of my past? I mention this as an example of the power that experience, integrity, role-modeling and time spent sharing one’s story can have on others. I have had role-models in my past. They were always people that I respected and spent time with. I’m sure you can say the same about those that have influenced you as well. In the D/s community I have found others that helped me as I came to understand submission as a way of interacting with women. I’ve learned from those that have lived this life for a time longer than I. I learned so much from a particular dominant woman whom I emailed several times over a few week period shortly after discovering D/s. I asked her question after question on what it meant to be a submissive. I owe her in ways I could never repay for the knowledge and perspective she shared with me that I was completely unaware of at the time.

But there have been others as well. I continually seek out those that have lived this life for many years. For example, I never miss a post by Kathy on Femdom 101. I wish that Lady Grey would write more on her blog. Rika had a profound influence on me after I read her book Uniquely Rika. That book changed my life.  I have interacted on brief occasions with Dual Purpose, a gentleman in his 60’s who’s served a woman for over 40 years. Mark Remond has had a strong influence on me. His writings and values helped me to understand what real obedience is all about. I think I’ve read every archived post on his webpage.
I love meeting people like this.  These folk have so much to offer. There may be others of like kind that I just don’t know and forgive me for not mentioning you if you fall into that category.  There is no teacher like experience. There is no wisdom such as what only age can season.  There is a reason we why there is an age requirement for positions of power and influence. Age, not intellect is one of the greatest of gifts. Those that I’ve mentioned are not young. A young man or woman that has lived the D/s life has something to offer but they will have so much more as they gain even more experience and live to a more ripened age.
I encourage those of you that are our elder stateswomen and statesmen to share from the well of your life. Don’t keep what you have learned hidden. Your influence is so powerful. Help those of us to learn the proper way to serve as submissives and lead as Mistresses. Share your life stories with us. Express your opinions. Challenge us when we misstep Mentors are an invaluable part of all of our lives and we need those of you with the graying and balding heads to help those behind you learn the lessons you’ve learned.
I’m Hers

1 comment:

  1. There is a great need for mentors for new couples experiencing the D/s, FLR and/or chastity lifestyle. I have always wished my wife, and even me, could have a mentor or confidant to just chat with about this type of a relationship dynamic. There are times when just airing something out and having someone to listen to you without judgment is invaluable. It seems like many couples after many years of marriage may take some beginning steps with a new dynamic but they are surrounded by vanilla family and friends that are off limits to discussing certain "kinky" things. It takes a lot of courage to seek out others in the lifestyle and I am not sure what is a good or best approach. Thoughts anyone?